Iron Man 2
This review is a bit of a departure for me. Because I pimp my reviews out to a number of sites, of which ZGeek is one, I do my best to keep them professional and free of site-specific references. Not this one. This one’s custom tailored for ZGeek. That’s right folks, you won’t read this review anywhere but on Australia’s greatest and most legendary geek site – ZGeek.
To begin, I enjoyed the original Iron Man. No, not in some twisted Johny Roberts enjoy way, otherwise I’d still be pulling steel shards out of my arse. It was a pure popcorn muncher (as opposed to pillow biter), and the sequel, ingeniously named Iron Man 2, is no exception.
There’s a problem, however, and it starts with the title and continues straight through to the closing credits. Whereas the Transformers sequel was titled Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, this one should have been titled Iron Man: Rise of the Douchebags.
Whereas the first film portrayed Tony Stark as a rapscallion (there’s a word you don’t see used much anymore – thank you, thank you) playboy, this installment sees him in full asshat mode, so much so that ZGeek’s Dwarfthrower should be launching a full frontal legal assault on Paramount Pictures for infringing on non-intellectual property. It’s all so sad, really, because instead of continuing with the character path laid down in the original, Director Jon Favreau and company have opted to turn Stark into a full blown tool, both for the Iron Man suit, and society in general.
Douchebag 1 (Stark), is rivaled only by Douchebag 2, Justin Hammer (Sam Rockwell), a rival military industrialist vying to hone in on Stark’s territory, and Douchebag 3 – Russian physicist turned multi-tatted, muscle-bound Ivan Vanko (Mickey Rourke, milking his legacy from The Wrestler for all it’s worth). It’s the veritable holy trinity of douchebags.
Sprinkled in is an assortment of nonsense about industrial espionage, Ayn Rand-ish ideals (purely by accident, as I doubt the mouth breathers who created this mess, or the ones who watch it, know it) and some shit about a bird that Rourke’s character is infatuated with (don’t ask).
Yes there’s much blown up, copious special effects, many scenes of Iron Man and War Machine punching each other out and later chumming it up, and wholesale destruction on a grand scale. What there isn’t, however, is much in the way of intelligence – and nobody in their right mind would believe Rourke as a physicist, unless they teach physics in a maximum security prison.
On the plus side, what I can say is that this film delivers more than you’ll ever see out of a Jonathan Nolan picture, and I’m not referring to the chap who has delivered the last couple of installments in the Batman franchise, but then again, that’s not saying much.
Now, aren’t you happy with this customized ZGeek review? What’s that? You’re not? Well I’m going to sue your sorry arse.
Directed by Jon Favreau
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Don Cheadle, Gwyneth Paltrow, Scarlett Johansson, Mickey Rourke, Sam Rockwell, Samuel L. Jackson
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+39: 
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Now that is a review. :8:
Nice one Haggisboy! You didn’t mention the eye-candy… I was sure this movie had eye candy to stop people worrying about things like _a plot_.
Not as good as the first Iron Man, but still worth the popcorn. Good review Haggis.
‘Was going to read this review, but after I read: ‘Australia’s greatest and most legendary geek site – ZGeek.’ I laughed too much to continue on reading.
Do vegans eat honey?
It’s ok, I found a website that says they shouldn’t.
No. Vegans that eat honey are considered betrayers of the cause and are slurred with the most significant insult vegans in their withered state can muster- ‘beegan’.
This is EXACTLY how I felt about Iron Man 2 (minus all the slurs against other zgeekers). It was fun and pretty, but lacked any of the substance of Iron Man, which says a lot when you consider, really, how little substance there was in that first installment.
Stark was a douchnozzle of grand scale, Hammer was a smarmy little shit, and even Pepper was a bit bitchy. I thought Rourke gave an excellent performance, no matter the implausibility of his character, I mean, come on, it’s Mickey Rourke
I dunno, six out of ten? The movie being saved by lots of pretty and smashy, and the fact that I’m an enormous comic book nerd.
screw the plot and reviews about silly shit like characters. give us the real stuff we’re really interested in.
Which chick gets naked, and does she have big tits?
Scarlette Johanssen. Yes.
I think what they tried to do is be a little more true to Tony Stark’s character in the comics. Try and show is battle with Alcoholism and substance abuse. His battles with his personal demons. I made him a lot more interesting in the comics. However, their attempt to stay true to the comics was ham-fisted, and just made him seem like an ass, rather than a human struggling with his own mortality and alcoholism.
You’d think battling with substance abuse is something that RDJ would be able to portray really well…