I farted
Yup, and I will do it again.
No one can stop me.
Not even a diet change. I am going to fart. I love farting. I love to go into the server room at work and farting. The mass of air conditioning and noise in there hides and disperses it. Unfortunately it sometimes brings the network down.
When I am home, I like to strategically place my bum muffins around the house so people can walk into them at their own leisure. I am also a big believer in fermentation. If I am going to visit a friend or relative I don’t like (which is all of them) I won’t fart for days before hand. Just so when I do take that massive dump into their suddenly non-flushing toilet, I can pop out a savory bum snack for whoever has to deal with it.
I also like to run into a room just after a turd and knock one out so people can get a true feeling of my bathroom experience.
When I am visiting people I make sure to fart loudly. Usually into a vase, urn or child’s face. This ensures not only do I experience relief, but I am not longer forced to waste my precious time at dinner parties.
So yeah. I farted and as soon as I figure out how to embed one on ZGeek. I am going to be king.
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Thread needs moar farts.
Pro tip: fart into a cup/mug and then serve someone a drink in it
The arsefarmer is harvesting
I’m waiting for the Extinction Level Event Pirate’s farts will cause one day.
Now that is a good idea
Maybe we could arrange some sort of interstate fart-in-a-bottle-swapping arrangement?
Tupperware might work also.
Fart into a resealable bag (bare arsed) put some pot like matter in the bottom first, close it, and leave it somewhere where it can be not so easily found. Then wait for lols.
i found that the anaesthetic room at work to be class A for holding farts….i’ve dropped a beauty or two and then walked into theatre only to have some poor victim get nailed soon after…hardest part is keeping a straight face when they come in looking green and gagging
hehehhe great thread!
I like to terraform any new area I go into with my farts.
if you don’t fart, eventually your guts will pop
I went to the bottle shop last night and as I hopped out I let loose a rumbler. A horrible thing.
I quickly shut the door lest it escape and ruin my paint job but little did I know what I had done. I had trapped it in the car. I left for work this morning, opened the door of my car, sat down and was immediately assaulted by a pungent and rather angry fart. He’d been in there all night. Stewing in his own filth. I gagged as I waved goodbye to my family and then drove to the bus station with all the windows down.
I think I may need an exorcism.
I once crept up to a friend who was sitting down on my couch, aimed my arse towards him, said his name and jumped, farted at the peak of my jump which just happened to be when he turned his head straight towards my arse.
Mid-air-face-farts are the funniest goddamn thing ever. I was laughing before I hit the ground, so hard infact i didnt even try and land properly and rolled my ankle.
Totally worth it.
All the money is in dick and fart jokes, wise words from Kevin Smith.
lol – another good one is a cupcake. Fart into your hand and stick it over someone’s mouth/nose while saying cupcake – works well on long work car trips (or so my brother tells me)
Remind me to never accept anything in a sealed contained from anyone on this site.
At least, not until I hire a homeless man to open the container for me, first.
I think that the window lock on my car is awesome. They are all electric windows and with one press I can disable them all.
That is how I share my gases with my passengers. Especially on freeways at 110 where there is no except.
and during peakhour when traffic is really slow!