Huge news! Astronomers have announced they have found a planet orbiting one of the stars making up the most famous star in the sky: Alpha Centauri, the closest star system to our own! At 4.3 light years distant, this is far and away the closest exoplanet known… and of course, it has to be.
Sweet, I’m starting work on my spaceship this weekend. Once that’s done, I’m outta here!… oh wait. It’s fucking boiling on that planet and I’d be vaporised. Dog damnit.