Best. Poem. Evar!

[oracle]

I know some people here probably visit SA, but fo those who don't, I stumbled across this poem in the forum by the user Hammer and just had to share it with you. ROFLMAO!

--
Coat


That's right.
I see you, looking at my coat.
Stop it, you're staring at my coat.
I can read your mind--
"Damn, that is a dope fucking coat."

I know, because I'm wearing the coat.
I was waiting, waiting for the weather to grow cold,
So I could show off my badass coat.
It affects everyone, the coat.
I can see it when I walk by and men and women alike
Grab their crotches when they see my coat.

It's wool and has enough pockets to hold
All the prophylactics I'll be needing
Now that people have seen the coat.

What's that, baby?
Why yes, it is a J. Crew coat.
Yes, I can leave it on
While we're doing the hibbity-dibbity,
But only if you promise not to touch it
And to call me "Daddy" with my balls in your mouth. Coat.

Watch the coat, Asshole!
What did you say?
Oh, you're sorry you spilled coffee on my coat?
Well, I'm sorry, too.
Sorry you just changed your name to "dead motherfucker"
When you touched my new coat.

I'm moving to Alaska
So I can wear my coat every day
And get all the Alaskan pussy
But I still won't remove the coat.

Coat.
Coat.
New coat.
Wool coat.
Badass motherfuckin' coat.
Coat.
--


Source: Stolen from the SA Forums (http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=617116)

[iaidoka]

.... so i take it.. it is a good coat ?

[Wolfette13]

hhhhmmmm.....I've never written a poem about a coat, could be a new topic for one of my poems. I'll have to think on that one.
hhhhmmmm.....
a new coat for my new boat
I hope it doesn't make me look like an old goat
if it does I don't care the purchase of the coat was simply a dare I'll wear it daily just to see
if someone else has a newer coat than me.

So really tell me what you think!!!

[DumHed]

OMG new winnar!

[Cassa]

I present my haiku on the subject of a nice coat.


Coat coat coat coat coat
Coat coat coat coat coat coat coat
It is a nice coat.

[Princess]

Originally posted by Cassa
I present my haiku on the subject of a nice coat.


Coat coat coat coat coat
Coat coat coat coat coat coat coat
It is a nice coat.

i remember haiku poems..... painfullly

[BlueBoy]

Originally posted by Princess
i remember haiku poems..... painfullly

I spent a whole day at work sending email in haiku once.
It made requesting stuff from IT and the higher ups interesting :)

[Bifrost]

Being that I am just so damn hip-hop, I have taken a sample of the poem in question and created my own work of utter genius! Hahaaa! I win! Point those record contract at me! word! :D

Condom


That's right.
I see you, looking at my condom.
Stop it, you're staring at my condom.
I can read your mind--
"Damn, that is a dope fucking condom."

I know, because I'm wearing the condom.
I was waiting, waiting for the weather to grow cold,
So I could show off my badass condom. (brrr)
It affects everyone, the condom.
I can see it when I walk by and men and women alike
Grab their crotches when they see my condom.

It's rubber and has enough pockets to hold
All the coats I'll be needing
Now that people have seen the condom.

What's that, baby?
Why yes, it is a J. Crew condom.
Yes, I can leave it on
While we're doing the hibbity-dibbity,
But only if you promise not to touch it (?)
And to call me "Daddy" with my balls in your mouth. Condom.

Watch the condom, Asshole!
What did you say?
Oh, you're sorry you spilled coffee on my condom? (ouch)
Well, I'm sorry, too.
Sorry you just changed your name to "dead motherfucker"
When you touched my new condom.

I'm moving to Alaska
So I can wear my condom every day
And get all the Alaskan pussy
But I still won't remove the condom. (yuk)

Condom.
Condom.
New condom.
Rubber condom.
Badass motherfuckin' condom.
Condom.
--

[jacko]

"I washed your favorite coat today", She said with a smile on her face,
"I was tired of that stinky brown thing stinkin' up the place".
She said she'd drug it outside togive it shake,
Then the telephone rang it was the E.P.A. complainin' of toxic waste.


She emptied the pockets and what did she find, thirty-two feet of balin' twine,
A mouse nest, a can of old chew, sandwich wrappers, a hypo for doctorin' time,
And enough grass, hay and grain to make two large round bales.
Then she started in on the outside, she said it was filthy as hell.


It was covered in stains of all shades and hues,
And the smell of that coat sure was bad news.
She said there was green stuff, and browns and old calvin' slime,
Mixed with left over paint, coffee and old turpintine.


Down the front was some mustard from yesterdays lunch,
And to what some of it was she hadn't a hunch.
There was Diesel and hydraulic from changin' the P.T.O. hose,
And a slick coat of slime from me wipin' my nose.


There was cheat grass imbedded in the cuffs of the sleeves,
With thistles and burrs and an assortment of weeds.
It was covered in dog hair from when she rode in the front,
And smellin' of beer from the last time you got drunk.


So, she soaked it in pre-wash and run it through twice,
Now, It's in the dryer all clean and smellin' nice.
The buzzer just sound my coat's dry and done,
As she opened the door, The fun had begun.


A sleeve was the first she grabbed, it came out unattached,
The other one next, together a perfect match.
She found the cuffs and the zipper all in a knot tied,
They wouldn't untangle, no matter how hard she tried.


The lint trap was plugged with what was left of the lining,
Then she smiled at me and told me to quit whinning.
Out came the rest of what was left of my favorite coat,
I'd had that fne coat since I started to vote.


She put the remains of that coat in a trash sack,
Then told me to take it to the burn barrel out back.
Now, I'm wearin' a new coat as I start feeding tonight,
But, it's just not the same, it doesn't feel right.




Maybe in twenty plus years it will start to break in,
Then she'll find it and wash it and I'll be startin' all over again!

[kré]

cray's CS remix.


That's right.
I C U, looking at my colt.
Stop it n00b, you're staring at my colt.
I can wallhax your mind--
"Damn, that is a dope fucking colt."

I know, because I'm carrying the colt.
I was waiting, waiting for the money,
So I could show off my badass colt.
It pwns everyone, the colt.
I can see it when I walk by and men and women alike
Grab their crotches when they see my colt.

What's that, ph00l?
Why no, it ain't a L33t Crew colt.
Ts can't buy colts you stupid fucking n00b
Go back to your AWP, you camping fag0t.

Watch the colt, Asshole!
What did you say?
You wanna kill me and take my colt?
You just changed your name to "owned motherfucker"
When you mentioned my new colt.

I'm moving to a new server
So I can pimp my colt every round
And get all the aces
But I still won't use anything other than the colt.

Colt.
Colt.
New colt.
Metal colt.
Badass motherfuckin' colt.
Colt.
--

[druid]

Siisti pitää aina olla,
sanoi kissa hietikolla.
Ja raapi päälle tarpeenteon,
pienen sievän santakeon.

[Asmodeus]

Omg Wtf Lol?