Women troubles

[Al]

My gf broke up with me on Saturday and after suffering through a full 24 hours we decided to get back together.

We didn't tell our friends coz they would've killed us. Now two days after we got back together she didn't seem too interested in keeping up contact. Today she tells me she's decided to end it again.

Was I a complete retard for getting back with her?

I'm totally confused as to what I should be doing right now aside from being depressed.

At least my last ex-gf and I are friends, so she's providing moral support. Funny who your best friends end up being eh?

[RASPUTIN]

Tough call, if you really really love her keep trying. Sounds to me like the EX seems like a better choice. Then again it is a very personal thing so good luck what ever you decide. Failing everything just go out and get pissed, usually helps.

[CMYK]

Go for the clean break.

Rearrange all the furniture in your house. It will symbolise renewal. Cut your hair. Shave. Buy a new shirt.

Forget about her.

Then shag your old ex.

[Al]

Nice one guys, the old ex is taken and even so we're just friends...

I think a clean break is for the best, but she's the best damn chick I've found. I don't know if fighting for her would work. I'm going to give it a red hot go and if it doesn't work then i'll just have to walk away.

I love it how the shit always seems to hit the fan when I'm in the middle of a big project at work. *sigh*

[Peasant]

From a girl's perspective, she sounds like a mole.

Make a clean break, and like RASPUTIN said, go out and get pissed and pash some randoms, and remember...

The person who is worth your tears, would never make you cry.

[Chocoholic]

Girls are insane, Do your self a favor became gay

[imp]

Originally posted by Chocoholic
Girls are insane, Do your self a favor became gay

Gee yeah and all men are wonderful and completely mentally stable. :rolleyes:

Basically mate I don't think you were wrong by getting back with her. You shouldn't feel bad for caring for someone and wanting to make it work. My folks have been together for 25 yrs and have had a lot of problems. People give up way too easily these days.

Sometimes, however, it's just not meant to be. I ended a 4yr relationship last year and as much as I wanted it to work and kept going back I knew it wouldn't.

Go with CMYKs suggestion and change stuff round, have some fun, get a funky haircut. Make yourself feel good about who you are. :D

[Buffy]

Originally posted by Chocoholic
Girls are insane, Do your self a favor became gay

lol, good call chocoholic! :D

[Pirate]

Originally posted by big al
My gf broke up with me on Saturday and after suffering through a full 24 hours we decided to get back together.

We didn't tell our friends coz they would've killed us. Now two days after we got back together she didn't seem too interested in keeping up contact. Today she tells me she's decided to end it again.

Was I a complete retard for getting back with her?

I'm totally confused as to what I should be doing right now aside from being depressed.

At least my last ex-gf and I are friends, so she's providing moral support. Funny who your best friends end up being eh? Man, I had a girlfriend who did that exact thing to me and it fucked with my head. So yeah, clean break.. go out and do crazy stuff. I though my gf was the best thing ever and I would never find another like her. But better does happen and happiness will return *points to above post as proof*

[t101]

Originally posted by Chocoholic
Girls are insane, Do your self a favor became gay

Trust me, that doesn't help one little bit.

(Nicely timed thread, really...)

[StygiaN]

On personal experience I wouldn't take choco's advice.

[Al]

Thanks for the advice, I think I'll need a few days of abject depression first. That always works wonders.

It was really bad breaking up the first time and then when she said she'd take me back I was stoked. Now once again with the depression...

Ah well, onto better things I hope. :grr:

[scathing]

If you really like / love your current (ex-)girlfriend, a bunch of retards on the Internet aren't going to talk you out of sticking with her. If you're not, then you may as well walk away. You're looking for validation for something you've already decided

In the end, that's what it boils down to. You need to decide if she's worth it. Is she worth fighting for, and possibly putting up with a lot of emotional stress over.

In my limited experience, once you have that first / second breakup in such a short period its going to be pretty rocky from here to the end. I can't say how bad its going to get before the end, but there is a fair chance you'll look back and think, "Why the fuck didn't I just clean break it at that first point, instead of the both of us getting fucked around for x months".

Personally, the cognitive part of me says to clean break. You're either committed to someone or you're not. If you are, the effort of working out those issues are worth it. Nothing compares to a rewarding and fulfilling relationship when it comes to bringing peace of mind. If you're not, then don't be with them. Don't demean the principle of what it means when you commit to someone by making it a sham.

This is, of course, unless you're a shallow person who's got a politician's concept of promises, and / or when you refer to someone special, it has the same connotations as those items labelled as such in the bins at the local Reject Shop.

Be strong. If she is the type to mess with your head, if you capitulate she'll just keep pushing and pushing to see what she can get away with. If she's not, she's floundering and has no idea what she's doing. A clueless person blundering along causes more collateral than someone who out damaging things intentionally.

[hazza]

get back with her again, then pump her and dump her

[t101]

Originally posted by hazza
get back with her again, then pump her and dump her

Ah, the call of a true lady's man :)

[technomage500]

Hey big al, sorry to hear about your breakup. It can be a good thing though. The get - back - together - sex is pretty hot.
The timing of the breakup seems suspect. You said it happened on Saturday. Any chance she wanted to do someone on Saturday night and then was bored on Sunday and called you up ? It sounds like she has you on a string and is making you jump through hoops.
Peasant said
The person who is worth your tears, would never make you cry.
Good advice at any time.

[Sambellina]

Sounds like she's fucking with your mind so therefore not worth fighting for because then you just give her the green light to fuck with you more. She'll be going "oh goody, I am SO walking over Al and it feels SO goooooooooooood!!".

But on the other hand you have to be true to yourself and not us retards (as Scathing puts it).

[Cassa]

I don't know so much that she's fucking with your mind. I have friends that this has happened to (they think the girl they're with is 'the one', only to have her say she wants out). I guess it depends on how she's dealing with it...if she's forthcoming about it not working for her, at least give her credit for not trying to string you along. The shock of such a big change for her may have temporarily made her think she made a mistake. Consider realistically if it's likely to last if you get back together...I mean, you didn't break up just for fun.

[Buffy]

Originally posted by Cassa
I don't know so much that she's fucking with your mind. I have friends that this has happened to (they think the girl they're with is 'the one', only to have her say she wants out). I guess it depends on how she's dealing with it...if she's forthcoming about it not working for her, at least give her credit for not trying to string you along. The shock of such a big change for her may have temporarily made her think she made a mistake. Consider realistically if it's likely to last if you get back together...I mean, you didn't break up just for fun.

werd :cool:

you wouldn't be with her if she was one to fuck with your mind to begin with.. its a damn hard situation if she loves you but is not in love with you. You don't want to hurt and break up with someone in that situation, but you know its not working for you and you want out, what else can you do but be honest with them? Like cassa said, I would lean more towards the fact that breaking up a long or good relationship would give you doubts, and you would wonder if you'd made the right choice.
In my mind though, the minute you start having serious doubts about a relationship, so much so that you do break up, its not the best sign that things will go on to work out.
The only thing you gotta look out for is that it doesn't turn into an on again off again rollercoaster, because that ain't fair on anyone, and rarely ends politely. :( :)

[Al]

Cassa, you're pretty much right on I think. Unlike what scathing said, the main reason I posted was to try and understand this situation. I'm notoriously BAD at understanding somethings that other people find really easy.

I can read people back to front and sideways, but am unable to determine motives...

Realistically she did the right thing when she broke up with me the first time. She must've thought she made a mistake and took me back. Stringing me along for a few days hoping things would work is what pisses me off.

She hasn't been forthcoming with any attention for the last few days and tells me she realised Tuesday she made a mistake. I would've appreciated a call then...

I guess as Cassa says, she's struggling with it too.

Isn't it funny how breaking up for the right reasons hurts more than the wrong ones?

In my last relationship we'd pretty much fallen out of love when it was over. No such luck this time!

[Al]

Thanks everyone for your comments and advice, it all makes a difference. I'm catching up with her tonight and I'm getting 'reasons' and a 'letter' which I'm sure will contain more 'reasons'.

I have no idea how to deal with the whole breakup thing, this is the second time I've been single in 6 years. I was single for about 3 weeks in btwn...

I suspect that may be part of the problem as apparently I'm too possesive/clingy among other things. I guess I never had that alone time to get my shit together.

Too late now, and in hindsight I guess it's for the best. This relationship was tough as she's pretty crazy and independant.

I'm just rambling now... :confused:

[durus]

This may come too late. But whatever choice you make just make sure it's not one you regret. The on again off again thing rarely works out and is usually a pain at the end, but you have peace of mind knowing that there was just no way it was going to work.
What ever you do you may be sad about it, just don't find yourself wishing you didn't do it.

[nosedog]

Kill the bitch and dump the body. I've got access to a 5000m³ tank of sulphuric acid which might come in handy. Send me a PM.

[SamBo]

nothing worse than a chick who does the whole "I want you back" one day, then the next day does the whole "i don't want you" shit
Any chick that does that shit aint worth chasing.
my 2c

[dozer]

watch titanic a few times over. the message is that leo would rather freeze to death than continue a relationship with some crazy chick, good advice. the soundtrack will also assist in necking lots of bourbon as you throw the empties at the screen.

[Al]

durus, thanks that's good advice. I don't think I have a choice in this. She's not the sort of girl you can talk into something...

nosedog, that's the best advice I've had all day.

Here she is, gotta run!

[Cassa]

I didn't win 'best advice' in SAMBZA for nothing you know :D I don't know much about relationships but I know a hell of a lot about human nature.


Seriously though, good luck man. If you need to talk you can ICQ me any time.

[scathing]

I didn't say she was definitely a manipulative bitch, but just that she might be.

Anyway, if she's not sure and making mistakes, I'd break it off. Cleanly. Otherwise it'll be on again, off again, and that will fuck with both of your heads and hearts.

There's nothing wrong with being friends after, but especially now since you haven't fallen out of love (yet), getting well away and having both of you sort your feelings out first will be better.

The temptation to "give it one more shot, for love" is always too great, and it'll just end up messy.

[Al]

Originally posted by Cassa
I don't know much about relationships but I know a hell of a lot about human nature.

I can predict it but not understand it...

Thanks for the advice anyways, once I understand something I can deal with it much better.

Well last night went as expected, for some reason I'm nowhere near as depressed as I was last Saturday! Strange, eh?

Scathing; I didn't mean to imply that's what you meant, sorry 'bout that.

I'm going for the clean break, but I'm going to keep catching up with her. It's easier that way. We can talk and be in each other's company making it a bit easier to deal with the whole situation. I have no intension of getting back with her again. Once is a mistake, twice is stupidity.

One of my workmates lives with her, so I've got a constant reminder anyway.

[rosamund]

hang on she was going to meet you to talk, then give you a letter explaining how she feels?

I knew a girl who tried to pull something like that, so I told her I'd take either the talk or the letter.

She gave me neither, and I'm now much happier than I think I would have been if I'd given her the opportunity to fuck with my mind one more time.

The girl in question recently started going out with one of my friends. He's a lovely guy, charming and considerate, and she's sure to fuck him up just about as badly as she can.

Nosedog, is that acid tank still available?

[hazza]

only tip i have, dont ask bout her personal life. if you havent moved on completely and shes talking bout some guy she met last nite... it kinda hurts.

[tikdoph]

Al, you're an honest to god fuckin' legend and if she's too stupid to realise that, then she doesn't deserve you. Take a breather, look after Number One for a while, and then find yourself a woman who is actually worthy of you. Then sit back and bask in the bliss of supreme happiness. :D

[King_Crud]

enjoy being single, it's a very enjoyable life. I'm almost 27 and i've got my first serious girlfriend (10 months so far) and it's all good but i do miss my single life sometimes. Go out and do some random shagging when you feel like it and party until late, play playstation when you want and drink milk out of the carton. It's a fun lifestyle

[Al]

Thanks I'm feeling heaps better this last week. I think I'm reasonably over it, at least to the point where I'm happy the relationship is over and I can deal with it.

I'm enjoying being single and I'm catching up with a hot chick for a few drinks tonight.

Going out friday with the crew and we're doing a boyz night saturday.

The ex is missing me and she's the one sending me messages stating such. I now consider myself to be the winner. What can I say but: "The chicks dig it".

ps. I'm taking the piss with that last statement, I like saying it to stir up my mates. They give me looks like :rolleyes:

[Al]

I almost got sex last night. If only I'd had a condom...

I'm really hungover today, but at least my date went well. I had all of an hours sleep. I'm pretty happy with myself too. :D

[sperm]

Originally posted by Peasant
From a girl's perspective, she sounds like a mole.

Make a clean break, and like RASPUTIN said, go out and get pissed and pash some randoms, and remember...

The person who is worth your tears, would never make you cry.

are thread like this current one, and this (http://forums.zgeek.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=235985#post235985) one the only times you pipe up ? :cool:

[sperm]

btw - nosedog is probably not kidding about that tank ....


Originally posted by big al
I almost got sex last night. If only I'd had a condom...

I'm really hungover today, but at least my date went well. I had all of an hours sleep. I'm pretty happy with myself too. :D

ahem

Originally posted by big al
this is the second time I've been single in 6 years. I was single for about 3 weeks in btwn...

I suspect that may be part of the problem as apparently I'm too possesive/clingy among other things. I guess I never had that alone time to get my shit together.


:confused:

[Al]

Originally posted by sperm
ahem

No relationship, I was just expecting to catch up with this chick and see if there was any chance of getting some...

The opportunity for sex on the first date came out of the blue. No way I'm heading back into a relationship. Couldn't even if I wanted to... My housemates have told me they'll sabotage any relationship I try and start for about 2 or 3 months. That's what friends are for!