being single

[midg3t]

fuck i'm sick of being single

just had to get that off my chest somewhere where i could say it with a minimal amount of guilt and still (maybe) get some supportive feedback.

about 9 months ago when i left school my life was in a bit of turmoil (teenage brain chemicals, apparently) so i decided to not ask anyone out for 2 years. i know everyone has bad past experiences... i thought maybe i could save myself some by staying single for a couple of years. i wasn't going to knock back being asked out by someone i was interested in, but just not going to initiate anything myself.

for that time i've kept to it. many hotties around, some that probably wouldn't be so attractive if i wasn't in such a state of loneliness.

i also realise now that i should be using my youth for what it offers, instead of restraining until i'm old and wrinkled.

maybe a manual override would help, but as Stephenson writes in Cryptonomicon; a manual override is not nearly as effective as the real thing. (in this case im referring to the real thing as "a girlfriend" instead of just "sex", as it is in the book)

discussion thread? maybe... but it was a rant to begin with,

[MisterBishi]

The grass is always greener on the other side.

[Cassa]

I know how you feel. I was single until I was 20, it got a bit trying sometimes. Try to think of it as saving yourself the trouble of crappy relationships because generally at that age things aren't built to last (not that that's always the case, but more often than not it is).

[midg3t]

it is times like this i wish i had a pipe and a stash of green.

[MoleTeaser]

Originally posted by midg3t
i wasn't going to knock back being asked out by someone i was interested in...


Yeah, like that ever happens anyway!

Originally posted by midg3t
i also realise now that i should be using my youth for what it offers, instead of restraining until i'm old and wrinkled.


Nonsense! You've got your whole life ahead of you to be in relationships and stuff. Now is the time to be single! And... all depressed about it n shit.

Well, that's probably the best advice I can offer. Bear in mind that this is Zgeek so there probably aren't too many guys here with heaps of experience with girlfriends (with the exception of utopian), but then again, that probably makes us more qualified to comment on this topic.

[MisterBishi]

I've moved this to discussions as there are lots of relationship experts on ZGeek who can give you the benefit of their experience.

[polite]

Midget, you really are fortunate. You have just left school, are single and hopefully all your hormones are up and running.Go Wild!.Have you considered that there are young women out there who are thinking the same as you?.You have just got keep trying them on till you find one that fits.;)
(Like a glove not epileptically:( )

[mysterious-dr-x]

Originally posted by polite
Midget, you really are fortunate. You have just left school, are single and hopefully all your hormones are up and running.Go Wild!.Have you considered that there are young women out there who are thinking the same as you?.You have just got keep trying them on till you find one that fits.;)
(Like a glove not epileptically:( )

hehe, i like that.

hey, im young free & single, not even mildly depressed about it. see, being single doesnt mean that you cant be close to someone & just happen to be, say, sleeping with them too. i mean, for example, 80% of the people i sleep/slept with are my friends, & we're not a bit commited to each other, its great :D

[dozer]

dont worry, the schoolgirl threads are getting everyone down

[RASPUTIN]

I did a similar thing. Did the 15yr old ooh have girl friend thing a few times. Decided that it was all too hard and barred relationships other than 1 nighters or friends. Then one day after a particularly lonely couple of years I went hmm might be time to try again. Then I ended up taking a very good friend out for a bit and ended up with wifey.

My only advice is only get serious with really good friends who you know pretty much everything about and have seen all sides of and have known them for a long time, years not months.

As to your current scenario I can only say enjoy it. Sometime (very rarely) I would love not to have the responsability.

[durus]

Well all I have to say is. If you're young act it. It's better to make your mistakes now and have your age as an excuse than to make them when you're older and then have to try and explain how you're a bit "innocent" as opposed to a dumbass with an eq of 0.000. Live life, have fun, make mistakes, learn. That's what it's all about. Oh and sex and relationships are not the be all and end all of life, that's just what the media wants us to believe (which is why they drown us in it).

[sperm]

someone once said:

"The best thing about being single, is that you get to have a wank in your own bed"

Think about it. :(

[durus]

I'm not single and i still do that. So you can nix that as an advantage of being single.

[scathing]

Originally posted by sperm
"The best thing about being single, is that you get to have a wank in your own bed"

The best thing about being in a relationship is that you can get someone else to wank you in your own bed.

[Cassa]

The best thing about a relationship is being able to share a part of yourself with someone else (and I don't just mean in a physical way).

That only happens in good relationships though. A bad relationship is much worse than none at all.

[scathing]

Originally posted by Cassa
The best thing about a relationship is being able to share a part of yourself with someone else (and I don't just mean in a physical way).

Absolutely. There's nothing quite like it that isn't drug induced. One of the best feelings I've ever had. :)

Of course, after the relationship, realising that you've made yourself so vulnerable and open to someone who, at best, doesn't care about you anymore and, at worst, wants to hurt you in any way they can, makes it kind of sucky.

I suppose if the positive relationship lasts forever there's no problem. In reality, however................

[pleed]

Be careful, it's harder to get from 'the other side' than it is to get to it!

[King_Crud]

Fuck man, you're young and single, enjoy it!! I was single for 26 years and although i now have a girlfriend and enjoy it i wasn't looking for it, i was happy with the single life.

I've travelled twice for a total of three years, slept with a few ladies along the way, stayed out late when i wanted, played playstation when i wanted, slept in when i wanted, basically did what i wanted, and it was great. If I'd had a girlfriend for those years i don't think i'd had half the adventures i did.

You don't need someone else. If you can't enjoy your own company then who else will. Enjoy what you have and the relationships will work themselves out

[astro]

Originally posted by scathing
The best thing about being in a relationship is that you can get someone else to wank you in your own bed.

Bastard ;)

Mah, being single isn't all that bad. I mean, sure, you're totally lonely all the time, don't have anyone to love, don't have anyone to go see movies with, don't have anyone to go away for weekends with, don't have anyone to... Oh God!

*breaks down in fits of crying*

Normal transmission will be resumed shortly.

[Al]

I'm currently 23 and for the last 6 years I've had 2 relationships, one for 5 years one for 7 months.

I'm currently presented with another girl that wants to be my gf. You know what? Getting a gf is easy, it's finding the right one that's hard.

My advice (crap as it may be) is to keep trying to find a gf but only if an opportunity presents itself. As a good friend of mine said to me:

"You always complained when you had a girlfriend that you shoulda spent more time being single, now your single and you want a girlfriend again wtf is wrong with you?"

So yeah, no gfs for me unless it's love at first sight, not for a while at least.

[Cassa]

Of my 22 years of existence I was single for the first 20. One horrible relationship taught me that being with someone is worthless if they're the wrong person for you. Fortunately the next person that came along was the right one :) *squeedles DumHed*

[Necron]

Let me just say that I Detest being single, being alone is the worst thing in the world and I would rather be dead than un-noticed by someone/unloved by someone. Furthermore I would like to say that the biggest hurts in my life were caused by relationships!. Still, I have to say that I love my Girl Sheli, she is me most loving, passionate and outwardly affectionate person that I have ever met. We have been going out for over 3 years and she will be moving in with me soon, although she basically lives with me anyway!. I love her and could not think of living without her. I know that we feel the same about each other and are totally comfortable with each other. I know that this will sound lame, but "it's like we were made for each other" and that is how we both feel about our relationship. We are very much in love, both physically and mentally.

But that is just me. If you want to be single it's your choice. being single could have some advantages but I just appreciate being able to love someone the way that they love you and sharing everything with them, including ups, downs and everything else.

[Al]

The problem I have is that after being with one girl for 5 years, I'm not that confident of anything working out anymore...

I still really like her (not in that way though) and neither of us really know why we broke up. She was pretty crazy, moody, manipulative and all that but it never really mattered coz she was really nice most of the time.

The last gf though I really fell for, didn't happen the same way for her I guess...

So now I'm pretty careful. This girl I'm sort of seeing at the moment has gotten all shitty about me not having time for a relationship, which she says is what she ultimately wants. I do have the time, but I just don't want one at the moment! I'm gonna have to have 'the talk' and I have no idea how she'll take it.

[nerdboy]

I was in a dysfunctional relationship for some time, probably 1 and a half of the 5 years we were together were really bad. I am single now and am thoroughly enjoying it. Sure it is great having someone who you can just hold at the end of the night and just be physically and more importantly emotionally close to but I think in my case I had to have the bad relationship to know what the good one is when it comes. If you are not happy being with no one I do not think you can be happy with someone else either. Enjoy life and what it brings you. If you are happy it reflects in most things about you and people will become more attracted to you because of the type of person you are. Who really wants to be with someone who is miserable. You are young, (queue cliche) the world is your oyster. Have fun and just let things happen.

[Al]

Originally posted by nerdboy
If you are not happy being with no one I do not think you can be happy with someone else either.

I don't totally agree, I think you can you just have to find the right person. I do agree somewhat; which is why I'm staying single. Until I sort my shit out I don't think I'm capable of finding the right girl for me.

No idea what I'm gonna tell this girl, but as long as I'm honest then I don't see the problem. I've got a 2 other girls that I'm sorta catching up with, I met them before there was really anything much going on with this girl. I don't feel right about it, so I'm gonna stick to one at a time from now on.

[nerdboy]

I guess things work differently for different people but I found with my ex that she placed most of her happiness upon my shoulders. A mighty difficult mantle to carry. If I was simply having a bad day the relationship would be in absolute turmoil. Most of the people I know who are in functional and rewarding relationships are people who do not have an absolute dependence upon the other party to attain happiness. They have found happiness within themselves and the relationship compliments and enhances an already strong sense of personal well being.

[Al]

My 5 yr relationship was a fairly dependant one. It was pretty mutual, and yeah we spend all of our time together really. We did heaps of stuff with other people tho... (but together)

My last gf didn't like that, and I didn't like her not liking it. When I have a girl I enjoy spending most of my time with them, so I have to be careful with that.

It's tough though, but that's life I guess...

[Necron]

*me being a Chauvinistic pig*

Sex is always good when you mutually love the person :D

[mysterious-dr-x]

you dont have to be in some kind of comited relationship with someone to be with someone, you know?

also, you dont have to be in some kind of romantic relationship with someone for them to stab you in the back (not necessarily literally)

[WiTT]

Single life = great

Relationships = great

just depends where u are at in your life,

also if you are looking for love, chances are you won't find it, these things just happen, hey but if u are desperate there's always a online dating service... you never know what your luck may be

[nerdboy]

I concurr.

[Al]

Originally posted by mysterious-dr-x
you dont have to be in some kind of comited relationship with someone to be with someone, you know?

also, you dont have to be in some kind of romantic relationship with someone for them to stab you in the back (not necessarily literally)

Ha, with the three chicks who've been interested they all want relationships... All I really want at the moment is some casual sex, I just keep getting 'nice' girls...

[catt]

Originally posted by big al
... All I really want at the moment is some casual sex, I just keep getting 'nice' girls...

don't be disheartened big al there apparently there are loads of chicks about who just want casual sex (if my girlfriends are anything like the norm)

[tikdoph]

Originally posted by catt
don't be disheartened big al there apparently there are loads of chicks about who just want casual sex (if my girlfriends are anything like the norm)
Yeah, but since when did what a woman wants match up with what she says she wants?

My experience is that a lot of the time, the two are diametrically opposed.

And why do you think that loads of chicks just want casual sex? Because they can't find a guy worth committing to/settling down with?

[Cassa]

Because they're all filthy skanks, duh :p



*above comment not to be taken seriously or internally

[midg3t]

Originally posted by WiTT
there's always a online dating service... you never know what your luck may be

Yeah, 150 kg smoker or 12 kg smoker. I can't wait to find out.

[BtrFly]

Looking back, being single can be fun. However I tend to enjoy being in a relationship more.

I started dating @ 17, and have had some large breaks between my realtionships. However now I have found a good one to play with, i wont be letting him get away easily...

/me handcuffs SamBo to the bed - there that'll fix ya!

but anyway... as i was saying... Being single can be fun, go out enjoy yourself, because you will attract more people to you if you are enjoying yourself, than if you are not... IMHO...

[Al]

Originally posted by catt
don't be disheartened big al there apparently there are loads of chicks about who just want casual sex (if my girlfriends are anything like the norm)

That was my last ex-gf. My friends called her and her friends the swingers club.

I guess I'm treading on thin ice with all this stuff... I'm just after a girl who's happy not to have a relationship, but is keen for a bit of sex every now and then.

It's difficult coz I don't like hurting ppl's feelings and when a girl turns around and says she wants a relationship what other choice do you have...

[RASPUTIN]

Maaate I think we need to have a bit of a talk. The first rule of being a bloke is to know how to lie properly to get what you want. Talk it up with the women say you are into long term relationships/whatever. Pretty much what ever it takes to get your dick wet.

As per usual, after a bit the yeah lets get serious crap will start happening. Do not panic. You being a nice bloke doesn't want to tell her to fuck off i'm only here for the sex so you do the next best thing and get her to break it off for you. Now getting a girl to break it off is easy. Whilst you are going the deed with her just start calling her another name. When she does the huh whats going on thing say i'm sorry "pick another name". By now she will be getting a little worried so just apologise and casually mention that you have another two chickies you do the deed with and just got a bit confused in the heat of the moment but it is her you want to marry. Then duck as she starts chucking stuff at you. When she finally screams at you to get out you can leave graciously as it was her that kicked you out. Your conscience is clear.

Failing that get an arguement happening and throw in the comment well at least your mother swallows, oops and bluff a back track. That usually works as well. PS obviously the last one will only work if her mother is alive. Find out this fact before hand. A sister can be used as a good substitute.

[Al]

Rasputin, it's all worked itself out. This last chick I was seeing got shirty because I "obviously didn't have time for a relationship" and ended things. Not too bad a resolution really.

The other chick I was sorta seeing is too much effort, so I'm gonna have a go with this girl I met the other night and see how that goes. She's only 19 (about 5yrs younger than me) but is a real cutie...

[Benwah]

Originally posted by RASPUTIN
casually mention that you have another two chickies you do the deed with and just got a bit confused in the heat of the moment but it is her you want to marry.

Gold!

24Karat gold plated solid golden snowmobile (goldmobile) making golden progress over a drift of gold dust ridden by a man made of gold with gold clothes and eating a golden fish finger and riding into a golden sunset of gold on gold day 2000 and gold.

[minorproblem]

The best bit of being in a relationship is that i can talk to my gf and say whatever i want and she understands, and she can do the same to me as well. Also you can tell each other your hates and desiers etc. and ther is nothing like cuddling up close for some smooching time lol.

If you are looking for love remember "Only those who are loving can ever recive love back"

[Necron]

Originally posted by RASPUTIN
get your dick wet.

I loath this statement for personal reasons. If I ever see a certain person who used this term to a very special person in my life, I will gut, skin and roast his scathing wretch of a body for his families dinner.

Scream with me
Bleed with me
Seethe with me



PS. this post is not aimed towards RASPUTIN, but I just needed to vent my anger when I saw the expression.

[Al]

Originally posted by minorproblem
The best bit of being in a relationship is that i can talk to my gf and say whatever i want and she understands, and she can do the same to me as well. Also you can tell each other your hates and desiers etc. and ther is nothing like cuddling up close for some smooching time lol.

If you are looking for love remember "Only those who are loving can ever recive love back"

Dude, I've had a 5yr relationship followed by one that lasted 7months. I know what they're about, I just don't want one at the moment.

Mind you I'm getting sick of not having a girly around so I might have a go and see what happens...

[RASPUTIN]

Originally posted by Necron
I loath this statement for personal reasons.

Common spill the beans. What is this personal reason??? My mind is whirling with potential reasons so I wont sleep tonight if I don't know ;)

[Necron]

Originally posted by RASPUTIN
Common spill the beans. What is this personal reason??? My mind is whirling with potential reasons so I wont sleep tonight if I don't know ;)

My Girlfriend slept with the bastard!. He is one of her ex friends. He is truely a fucking prick. He knew that she was going out with me (for over 3 years) and I just knew that he would try this but my gf thought he was just nice. He pressured her into sleeping with him when she was intoxicated at one of her friends parties (a girls). I love my gf and am working very hard to get through this with her. She has betrayed my trust... I can get over that because of the circumstances and the fact that I know that she is truely sorry for what happened and she has made so much effort to make me trust her again. But Him... I wouldnt hesitate to beat the living shit out of.

Not only did he take advantage of an intoxicated girl who had made it extremely obvious that she was not interested in, but he did it with full knowledge that he could break up our relationship.

I confronted him at his workplace and called him a "fucking cowardly bastard who I consider to be the lowest form of human scum that I have ever encountered in my life. If he ever touches or comes near my gf again I would spare no expense or time to hunt him down and chop off all appendages slowly. I said all of this right in front of his boss.

I will never forget what he has done to me and my girlfriend!.

[Al]

You're a bigger man than me then dude, if my gf (back when I had one) had slept with another guy I would never have spoken to her again. I don't care if she was paralletic!

Mind you I'm the jealous, unforgiving type so...

Anyway as someone who's messed about and regretted it (not to the sex stage tho) I can say that it's a fucking horrible feeling. It's definately something I'd never even get close to doing again. As someone who puts trust as one of the most important virtues I crossed one of my main principles, that really fucks you up.

The circumstances were pretty messed up at the time and there was a lot of wierd shit to partly blame, but I was at fault and you can't avoid that.

Good luck to you and congrats on having the strength of character to deal with it.

[Necron]

Originally posted by big al
You're a bigger man than me then dude, if my gf (back when I had one) had slept with another guy I would never have spoken to her again. I don't care if she was paralletic!

The circumstances were pretty messed up at the time and there was a lot of wierd shit to partly blame, but I was at fault and you can't avoid that.

Good luck to you and congrats on having the strength of character to deal with it.

I know my girl and she would never have wanted this to happen to her, nor would she have allowed this to happen if she was able!.

It's not as if we just went back to normal, took a while. When she told me what happened, I pretty much just walked out on her as she was crying, drove about 200 km straight to his workplace and almost beat him to within an inch of his life... After the second swing he was on the ground!. the building security guard had to come and stop me... That is when I gave him a piece of my mind in front of his boss.

I went back to my Gf's place and calmly talked about what happened all night with her... It has taken some time to even partially heal the wounds that she has inflicted on me. But we love each other and I feel that she atleast deserves a second chance as no-one is perfect.

[RASPUTIN]

ouch, sorry dude. Good on ya with your g/f. Dunno if I could but *shrugs* I don't know what I would do without my wifey so I quess I would put up with it.

[Al]

Originally posted by Necron
I went back to my Gf's place and calmly talked about what happened all night with her... It has taken some time to even partially heal the wounds that she has inflicted on me. But we love each other and I feel that she atleast deserves a second chance as no-one is perfect.

Nice work tiger, my gf just put me through 3 months of guilt with constant recriminations. I guess I deserved it, but I was already feeling shit enough!

We stayed together, but broke up a year and a half later (for other reasons).

[Necron]

Originally posted by RASPUTIN
ouch, sorry dude. Good on ya with your g/f. Dunno if I could but *shrugs* I don't know what I would do without my wifey so I quess I would put up with it.

I dont think it is so much to do with "putting up with it" as just caring about someone so much that you are willing to forgive what has happened, put it in the past tense bucket unless it happens again!. I know that this wont happen again and im not being Naive about it.

As I said before, I am not a perfect man and I dont expect her to be perfect, but I can only be pushed so far before I snap. I allowed my anger to pass (for her anyway, I would kill 'him' if I see him again) but would not take another hurt like this so easily.

[Snowball]

Originally posted by Necron
I know my girl and she would never have wanted this to happen to her, nor would she have allowed this to happen if she was able!.

It's not as if we just went back to normal, took a while. When she told me what happened, I pretty much just walked out on her as she was crying, drove about 200 km straight to his workplace and almost beat him to within an inch of his life... After the second swing he was on the ground!. the building security guard had to come and stop me... That is when I gave him a piece of my mind in front of his boss.

I went back to my Gf's place and calmly talked about what happened all night with her... It has taken some time to even partially heal the wounds that she has inflicted on me. But we love each other and I feel that she atleast deserves a second chance as no-one is perfect.


Make up your mind, are you saying it is rape or was she pressured into it. Your story is all over the place.

If she was pressured into it she made a choice and decided to do it.
If she was raped she had no choice what so ever.

You are not making it clear at all. One minute you talk about her not being perfect and the next you say he made her do it..... did she do it because she wanted to or was she forced?

[Necron]

Originally posted by Snowball
Make up your mind, are you saying it is rape or was she pressured into it. Your story is all over the place.

If she was pressured into it she made a choice and decided to do it.
If she was raped she had no choice what so ever.

You are not making it clear at all. One minute you talk about her not being perfect and the next you say he made her do it..... did she do it because she wanted to or was she forced?

Settle Down man, Fuck. She was totally intoxicated and she had said No but he 'practically forced her'... But I am not saying that she did not eventually consent to sex (she is not perfect comment). I cant express exactly what happened nor can I say that she was not unwilling to have sex with him, but from what I have heard and experienced of him, he is very persistant and is very good at getting what he wants. I also partially blame my girlfriend for this but I knew that he would try this. Hence why I am so angry at him... He WAS one of my friends as well.

Sorry if I dont totally make sense, I might be because I will never know the full story from both perspectives... Only what my girl has told me and she has NEVER lied to me before.

[dwarfthrower]

Necron... I think you've handled one of the most gut-wrenching experiences a person can endure with the greatest amount of maturity and practicality that anyone could expect. I wish you and your girlfriend all the best for the future.