Trust

[Glompbot]

I don't know how people can do it.

How do you trust people?

How do you know what rumours to believe?

How do you know that the same situation isn't going to happen again?

How do you know that you're not going to just believe what you want to believe?

How do you know you really said what they said you said?

I don't know, once you've been hurt, and then had pretty much the same situation happen AGAIN after you were so sure you wouldn't get yourself involved in something that messed up again... how do you go back to trusting people?

[t101]

Trust is one of those things that builds up with time. Its based purely on past events. Some people seem to build it up faster, and some people seem to extend it to everybody. These people are often brought up in an environment in which it is safe to assume that everybody is trustworthy. That environment hasn't existed in a very long time....

As for your questions, the answer is the same for all of them - you don't. Trusting people is never a good idea. You learn to trust individuals. Hopefully the number of individuals grows to a number you're comfortable with. :)

[Glompbot]

Well, assume I'm trying to trust whomever I happen to be enamored with at the time.


(ps, i just made my 1337th post)

[kré]

i trust people too easily.

i have been hurt many a time because of this.

[BtrFly]

i trust too easily too... i can relate cray. inevitably you end up getting burnt. you just have to make sure you dont get burnt too badly, or too often...

i am only now starting to trust people again. its a long road. i have to make sure i dont get burnt on this path again...

also apparently i am guarded with my emotions... i suppose that helps...

[durus]

I know how you feel Sapia.
The weird thing for me is I feel like I trust people, but people tell me that I behave like I don't trust them.

In hind sight now that I have broken up I suppose that in some ways we did not trust each other. Ultimately this appeared in anytime something happened one of us would get angry/pissy untill we had a fight and then the other person explained it all. Funny thing is I think I started out trusting her, but all her mistrust of me resulted in me mistrusting her.
My ex kept telling me I need to resolve my shit with my mother, which I suppose is true, but then it's really fucked up and I don't quite know how to approach it.

With regard to your exes. Perhaps it's time to start looking for BFs in different places, or change your behaviour? What specifically did you not trust in them? You need to find the root cause of your inability to trust and address that.

[Al]

Ha, trust no one. That way it's easier... I don't even try to trust people anymore, no more than I have to anyway.

If you don't trust people they can't fuck you over. Sure I end up trusting people eventually, never more than necessary, and usually only after several years.

[Asmodeus]

trust is a long time thing to build up, and a short time thing to completely dismantle.

its something often too freely handed out, and too often taken for granted

[Bostonmess]

Your eyes can deceive you, don't trust them.

[SOC]

Trust is so easy to betray, yet impossible to get back. I've had a very recent experience of this. It will be a while before I am able to trust people again.

[Nandragon]

Best advice EVAR

Believe NONE of what you hear
Half of what you see

Reality is the minds paintbrush
Everyone is of a different mind

It's NEVER one persons fault

Then there's YOUR side
THEIR side
and the TRUTH.


And as for TRUST...well NEVER tell ANYONE secrets. Even your spouse will tell on you...(after the divorce, everyone will know about your sexual deviations)

[badpauly]

Trusting someone will always be dangerous. The more trust, the more danger. Do you believe what the person says, or don't you. More importantly, is what the person said and what you hear actually the same thing?

I still trust people, and some people I trust a lot, even though I have bumped heads with some of the biggest mind-fuck in town. It just means that I think a little more before I hand over that trust, and I keep an eye on what's happening around me.

Those of you that know about my relationship will understand that trust is a damn important thing. Open communication that isn't padded with lies and mis-truthes is a must.

[durus]

agree badpauly.

I think you need 3 things for a relationship.
Trust, Communication and Love.
If you're missing one you're screwed.

Also it's worth the effort and risk to trust others. If you REALLY don't trust anyone at all you'll end up sad and lonely. Humans are fundamentally social creatures and not trusting others reduces your social interaction badly and affects you badly.

[tikdoph]

If you always tell the truth yourself, regardless of the consequences (that is not to say "be a tactless asshole"), you will develop a reputation for honesty and people will soon learn that you are trustworthy. This, in turn, over time will often rub off on others. Surely you'd acknowledge the effect you can have on others when you're a dishonest person. So why not acknowledge the affect you can have on others when you're an honest person?

Many people seem to have this pathological fear of telling the truth... as if they are a five year old again and if they admit to stealing the cookie, mummy will spank them. Pffft. Be an adult. Take responsibility for yourself and remember that honesty IS the best policy. You can't have trust without it, and without trust you can't have a successful, enduring relationship.

As far as I know, all of my friends are honest with me. Why? Because I'm always honest with them. I'll tell them the truth, even if I think they don't want to hear it, and they respect that. In turn, they will tell me the truth, even if they think I don't want to hear it, so it works both ways. As a result, I'm surrounded by friends that I respect. On the other hand, if you lie, you'll only end up surrounding yourself with other people who lie.

Basically, if you want people to be honest with you, lead by example.

[lostreality]

trust sux.

thats why i dont bother with it, i treat everybody with suspicion always think the worst of something/someone that way you will be pleasently surprised if they dont do it, if not at least you knew you was right.

[kleph]

Maria: Did you mean it? Would you marry me?
Matthew: Yes.
Maria: Why?
Matthew: Because I want to.
Maria: Not because you love me or anything like that, huh?
Matthew: I respect and admire you.
Maria: Isn't that love?
Matthew: No, that's respect and admiration. I think that's better than love.
Maria: How?
Matthew: When people are in love they do all sorts of crazy things. They get jealous, they lie, they cheat. They kill themselves. They kill each other.
Maria: It doesn't have to be that way.
Matthew: Maybe.
Maria: You'd be the father of a child you know isn't yours.
Matthew: Kids are kids, what does it matter?
Maria: Do you trust me?
Matthew: Do you trust me first?
Maria: I trust you.
Matthew: You sure?
Maria: Yes.
Matthew: Then marry me.
Maria: I'll marry you if you admit that respect, admiration, and trust equals love.
Matthew: OK. They equal love.

Hal Hartley - Trust (http://drumz.best.vwh.net/Hartley/Films/trust.html), 1990

[abelgold]

I'm a bit of a puppy when it comes to trust.. i give it out to way too many people and i often get megadisappointed. Unfortunately, once that trust in someone is burned it takes so much time to rebuild it, you might as well write it off.

Sometimes i feel the only way to trust someone is to hold some leverage over them... like a knife at the ribs or a banana up the bum or something.

[tikdoph]

Sometimes i feel the only way to trust someone is to hold some leverage over them... like... a banana up the bum...
I think you're confusing 'trust' with 'good clean fun'.

[Springer]

Trust sucks... dont't do it. Being casual about everything works fine for me :)

[Glompbot]

Even with being 'casual' there has to be a degree of trust involved...

*sigh*

Anyway, the thing I worry most about trust and relationships of any sort are... am I hearing only what I want to believe is true? or am I hearing the truth?

[Springer]

Even with being 'casual' there has to be a degree of trust involved...

*sigh*

Anyway, the thing I worry most about trust and relationships of any sort are... am I hearing only what I want to believe is true? or am I hearing the truth?

Not really, I mean, I keep it casual and fun until the other person trusts me, and if someone is willing to trust you, I think you can trust 'em back.

Thats the way I do it anyway....

[Salted_Chipmunk]

i trust people too easily.

i have been hurt many a time because of this.

Quoted for the truth. I tend to let people walk over me, but im mending my ways.

As said in in an earlier post, its something that must be built up over time. To me its one of the biggest parts to a relationship, saying that though trust can be broken and in most instances, will never be the same as it was before as there will always be hesitation as to how it was broken in the first place.

And you can guarentee that if an argument occurs along the line, its going to be brought up.

[Drakin]

Trust is a matter of common sense.
First, trust yourself. This isnt as easy as it sounds, somepeople after having their trust abused never trust themselves again. If you have trust in yourself then you will make decisions easier, but you will also show a more confident aura about what your doing, this in turn will help people trust you.

Second, Dont give more trust to anyone than you are comfortable.
Trust is not an all or nothing experience, trust can be given in degrees. Asking someone to do more than you would trust of them is asking for hurt.

Thirdly, Learn from when your trust is broken, but dont hide. Hiding from the world is no fun. All the cool, interesting people are in it, dont hide from them cause you met an arsehole. Oh and dont keep trusting an arsehole, the only thing you can trust in an arsehole, is that given the chance, they will be one.

[hazza]

whats that hip hop song called trust, thats badass..

i dont trust people, they are smacktards, take things on face value and never depend on no one

[Aardvark]

You can't be sure of anything. Just take a chance and be prepared to get up and try again incase you're hurt. Trust me

[Chocoholic]

Here here Drakin
Easier said then done.

[Aardvark]

For the most part, people are only smacktards if you're being a total fuckwit yourself. You get what you give, most of the time

[timace]

I've trusted too easily in the past, gotten hurt so severely, and since then I've tried to not make it so easy to trust... and give it time. I eventually end up getting hurt, no matter.

Sometimes I ask myself, "why trust? i can't even be trusted myself". My girlfriend trusts me to remain truthful, and I know she won't. I don't know if that's trust or not.

I'm a very lost little man :(

[BtrFly]

at the moment i am not trusting of anyone. i am being fucked around by everyone i speak to?
i am sick and tired of waiting for people to ring me. i am sick and tired of being the one to make the fucking moves. screw this.

[SamBo]

Sometimes I ask myself, "why trust? i can't even be trusted myself". My girlfriend trusts me to remain truthful, and I know she won't. I don't know if that's trust or not.

erm, why are you with someone who you don't trust? doesn't seem smart to me....

[Afro88]

I tend to rely on karma for many decisions in life, so I probably trust to easily. But it's worked for the most part so far. Most people that I've trusted wholeheartedly have been so touched by the fact that I trust them that they trust me back. Not all though, I've learnt to really get to know someone first before trusting them. I'm definately not of the opinion that no one can be trusted, but that you have to truly understand the consequences of trusting someone before offering your trust to them.

[SmaSheD_CoW]

Trust is hardly something which can be "offered" to someone. Trust is something which is built up over time, over the course of a relationship (whether it be romantic, friendship, whatever).

Personally, about the only things I trust are my dogs. I trust that when I come home at night, they'll be jumping about, slobbering all over me, pleased to see me again :) People are far too self-obsessed to trusted.

[Thor5]

I don't know how people can do it.

How do you trust people?

How do you know what rumours to believe?

How do you know that the same situation isn't going to happen again?

How do you know that you're not going to just believe what you want to believe?

How do you know you really said what they said you said?

I don't know, once you've been hurt, and then had pretty much the same situation happen AGAIN after you were so sure you wouldn't get yourself involved in something that messed up again... how do you go back to trusting people?
Trust is a beautiful thing . So don't believe rumours and , you just have to have faith that there is someone who you can trust ,but you can never really
be sure if you can trust someone if you don't risk being stepped on a half dozen times or so.

[ewe2]

Anyway, the thing I worry most about trust and relationships of any sort are... am I hearing only what I want to believe is true? or am I hearing the truth?


What you're hearing is truth, how you interpret it is what you believe. With the best will in the world on both sides, you'll still hear it the way it suits you. Understanding what you want to hear and why that may be good or bad for you, that's the step to breaking your own self-conditioning. It's the difference between deciding that a discussion is really an argument, whether someone's silence is really about you or really about them, or the classic guy thing of thinking things are ok because you haven't said anything. And guys know better than to ask :)

Trust and honesty are hard for everyone, its dangerous to say what you really think/feel, and catastrophic if you don't. Actions do speak louder than words, but they can be for mistaken reasons. We're all muddling through, trying to strike a balance between our selfishness and our generosity.

[Glompbot]

I'm happy to announce that I am way less distrustful of people than I was a year ago.

[imp]

Trust is a beautiful thing. So don't believe rumours and , you just have to have faith that there is someone who you can trust ,but you can never really
be sure if you can trust someone if you don't risk being stepped on a half dozen times or so.

Good advice. :) It's always a rough road to gaining someone's trust but once you have it, it's a pretty comforting feeling. Relationships don't really work without a certain level of trust but we all know that. ;)

[johny_roberts]

get a dog if you want complete trust other than that its up in the air...

[Whiskers]

I don't think I am capable of ever trusting somebody completely and I hate myself for it.

[Aardvark]

Trust is:

Dismissing that feeling that they've mastered the One Inch Kidney Strike while spooning.

Letting an ex-scout chain you up for hardcore bondage sex.

Not installing that GPS locator in their mobile when given the opportunity

Sharing the location of your mountains of Pirate Booty

[Megabyte]

I tend to trust people from the word go, until given a reason not to. Once I'm given this reason I can never trust them again and usually spend my time worrying if they're doing that mistrustful deed again, or "Is what you're telling me the truth?".
I think my instant trust and faith in people has caused a bit of pain and hurt for me, so now I take most things with a grain of salt as they say and if something doesn't feel right I go with my gut instincts. I usually get a vibe about someone the day I meet them ...now I have to stop being an idiot and ignoring that feeling like I have before.
If I want a second opinion on a person or situation, I usually ask my brother because he's always honest with me. :) Sometimes my emotions cloud my perception of trustworthiness.

[Up_All_Night]

my way of dealing with the trust thing has developed over time, i honestly just dont care as much. Which i dont like, but thats how i am from going out with fucked up sluts.

[Kez]

I don't know how people can do it.

How do you trust people?

How do you know what rumours to believe?

How do you know that the same situation isn't going to happen again?

How do you know that you're not going to just believe what you want to believe?

How do you know you really said what they said you said?

I don't know, once you've been hurt, and then had pretty much the same situation happen AGAIN after you were so sure you wouldn't get yourself involved in something that messed up again... how do you go back to trusting people?

This might sound heartless, but dont trust at all. It works for me. (I "trust" very few people in my life)

The other thing that works extremely well for me, is don't give a shit if you can help it about people finding out what you say or do. If you're more open to people, and show you have nothing to hide, and that nothing get's to you, people wont even bother spreading roumours because they dont get the reaction of you finding out. :)

This is an infalible system and has worked all my life.

[Serpent_Girl]

Trust has to be earnt, simple as that. You break someone's trust, and you're going to have to work at getting it back again, the level of work depending on how badly you broke it. Some things...take a very, very long time to forgive, if you forgive them at all.

I trust people enough as they deserve I suppose. *shrug*

[scathing]

Trust is for masochists.

[ms edeity]

I don't think I am capable of ever trusting somebody completely and I hate myself for it.
You really shouldn't hate yourself for it.
The way I see it is that we all make a decision with risk factored in. If you make a decision to trust someone and it works out that's a great thing - if it doesn't work - what did you make your decision based on? you can still have positive outcomes from a decision that didn't work the way you hoped if you made the decision for your own right reasons.

[DAnube]

we have a choice to lie. for me, i try to be with people who are intelligent and will make the right choice.

[Aardvark]

Trust is like blackmail, but without an impending threat hanging over someone's head

[Something Fast]

Whenever I trust someone unconditionally that trust always ends up being broken. It's a bit depressing to tell you the truth. *Goes to Livejournal and starts angsting*

[Thyrd]

I only trust those who deserve it. My friends. Even my friends fuck me around sometimes though, in which case it is a very long time before they earn my trust back. While they are earning it back I'm very skeptical of their motives, always trying to guess where truth ends and lies begin.

[Aardvark]

The trustfall exercise is the most sadistic weapon in the entire school camp arsenal

[scathing]

I want to be able to trust, but I just can't do it. I will always find a reason to hold back. Instead of seeing trust as a beautiful thing, I see it as a loss of control. I think that is a pretty fucked up view to have. That I can see and analyse it so clearly makes me loathe myself.

Then perhaps you haven't met the "right" person. The right person will make you discard all your better judgement, all your fears, and draw you in so deeply that you'll willingly give up that "control".



Either that or you've met too many "right" people, and you've been hurt so many times that you know that right people are just as bad for your emotional state as the wrong ones.

[ms edeity]

Whiskers, step away from the emo....

You can't get a guarantee on trust. Sometimes stuff doesn't work, sometimes you get screwed, sometimes you win big.

It's life Jim.

[jasebert]

This is going to sound strange and weird, but... everybody lies. End of story. You can not trust anybody implicitly.
You are damned if you do, and damned if you dont.
Personally, I take the majority of things with a grain of salt. I figure, if somebody lies it will come back to bite them in the ass in the end. Kinda a karma effect.

[tikdoph]

If you had a better sense of self-worth, the violations perpetrated by others would be like water off a duck's back. I was recently omgwtfpwned in a relationship by somebody who lied through their teeth, and while a lesser being would have curled up into a foetal position and bleated to the world about how terrible it is that someone violated their trust, I just laugh about it. Because as bad as my own situation was, for someone to have violated my trust the way they did means that they must have been a metric fucking shitload worse off than I could ever be in my worst nightmares. Whether this makes me a bad person or not, I don't know, but that strikes me as seriously fucking funny.

My suggestion: Work on being happy with yourself before you work on trying to be happy with someone else, and if a mysterious guy ever phones you up and uses the code word "coo-coo cuchoo", invite him over for a wild night of hot, passionate sex and all your problems will be forgotten.

P.S. What's your phone number?