Getting Back With An Ex? My latest fucked up situation..

[Up_All_Night]

I dont know if anyone ever pays attention, from now and then i post whatever shit i'm in for comments, advice on here. I am a bit of a background member on the board so i dunno if anyone even remembers me, but yeah its always good to know what people have to say.

Basically last year, i started going out with this chick, and it was just awesome, she was my best friend, best girlfriend i've ever had, i loved her so much, and it was the same for her. We got along so well, but it wasnt perfect but that didnt matter until after a bit, early this year when she had issues that had never come up and it was fucked and she needed to be alone, and we had the worst fucking break up. Really bad, we have been arguing fighting, and for last few months just stayed away from each other. Everyones like, well aware we both have been hostile, everyones like she fully hates you... But we have mutual friends and shit.
So thurs night i'm out, she's out, we get talking, and it was really good, really open, more open than when we were together, just feelings, about how much we meant to each other and about how because of that it fucked us up with our break up. We talked about this trip we went on and how good it was, and basically me and her still arent over what we felt. And we spoken, mind u drunk for hours and ended up kissing....
thing is this is really bad, and we're both like, it just feels so normal everything. We've been broken up since april so its been a while. Me and her are going to catch up in a couple days to talk sort things out, figure things out. But I just dont know. I still care for her, but i am well aware that is based on how it was when we went out months ago, and i know i've grown since then, but if me and her did get back together, or something, I just dont know whats good to do. I am so confused, i want to have something as good as it was with her. But i know there'd have to be a big starting over again thing, dont want it to just slip into how it was, have to work to make sure its better.
Is all you need is love? true? like its tearing at me, what i think i should do, logically i am like, no, but emotionally i want to be with her. And i know if i ask any of my friends, they'll tell me not to get back with her, her friends would tell her same about me. Everyone will be like what the fuck. because everyone knows how shit our break up was. But at same time, they dont know how our relationship was how we felt about each other..... So i wont listen... I dont know what she wants, but she was like, we have to figure out what this is.
We've just missed each other heaps. But do we become friends or, take it easy or what.

Of course with everything being fucked up with me, i currently have a girlfriend. of 3 weeks, seeing each other for 3/4 weeks before that. And i feel terrible. She knows i still had issues with my ex she was there the other night, left before i kissed my ex.. but she was like so cool, and all i felt so bad interupting you guys to get my wallet, because u both had tears in your eyes. Like she's so cool with it, and been telling me to call my ex. But thing is with my girlfriend, she's hot, she's nice she's sweet, i like her, spending time with her. Its no where near as strong as it was with my ex. Me and my ex instantly just were in love. And thats always on my mind, i have though of my girlfriend, somehting that will probably be a thing before i meet someone i really like. And i had worried, what if i meet someone i like as much as my ex while i'm with her.. not knowing it would end up being my ex... So i am going to break it off with my girlfriend. Will let her know basically its because my ex is still too much on my mind. I think she'll be cool. My ex did say, maybe dont say anything until we figure out what this is.

Anyone have any experience on getting back with ex's? does it ever work? advice? I dont know, chances are more me and her wont get back together.. but still something there then after other night, we have to talk. I just dont know. I dont think i can stay with my g/f even if nothing with my ex happens, its too, well i am seeing my g/f tonight, could have last night but didnt want to, got too much on my mind. Just keep thinking about my ex, and how itd be, would it be a good idea. I just dont know. We'd have to take it easy if anything did happen.. but the shit we'll both get from everyone........... not that i'd let that phase me.
anyone been in similar situations. sorry this is long, i am just confused as fuck

[FritzTheCat]

ok, i've never got back with an ex (ie started going out again), nor got with an ex after we've broken up. The only exception to this was when my current gf and I 'broke up' when I went overseas. We got back together when I got back..but yer, that's different. I myself feel that there's too much at stake. I'd rather count myself lucky that my ex and I are still talking and being friendly to eachother. I'd rather have that than risk another upsetting breakup thereby losing someone who's been close or still is close to me

but, each relationship is different.

I'd say really, it is up to you and your feelings. No-one can tell you how you feel about this person and no-one can tell your ex how they feel about you. In any relationship i've been in, I put my feelings towards the other person over how my friends etc feel. If I love them and they don't, fuck it, it's my relationship, not theirs. In that way, you and her should work out what you guys want, don't worry about any crap you'll get from friends etc, it's your relationship and if you guys are committed, whatever way, go for it.

Putting 2c forward though, don't get back with her if you guys are not committed to making it work. In the event of a breakup, *hoping it doesnt happen for you* you'll just feel more alone and confused because it didnt work out. Take it slow yeah, learn about her again, think of it as starting anew, I'd say there's more chance of it working this way.

re your current relationship, i'd say maybe it should end *shrugs*. if you're caught up in a previous relationship it'd be best to sort that one out first rather than drag yourself into seperate relationship or drag some-one else along. *shrugs*. if she's cool about it, talk it over with her yeah.

good luck mate.

[tikdoph]

Definitely break up with your current girlfriend. She's too good for you and you don't deserve her. Case in point: Any girl who sees you with an ex and doesn't immediately feel threatened, jealous, and paranoid, but instead says "go talk to her" is a classy, mature, understanding lady, and she'd be wasted on someone like you because you seriously fail to appreciate just how special (and rare) she really is. So break up with her so she can find someone who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated.

I hate to break this to you, but love isn't an instant thing you fall into. That's called infatuation. Love involves getting to really, really know someone... their good and bad sides, their strengths and weaknesses, and then loving them anyway. This takes time. Sure, you can be infatuated with someone and then fall in love as you get to know them better, but how can you love someone that you don't know inside and out? Love also involves putting the other person first. It doesn't sound like you've put either of these two girls first in either relationship.

If the two of you couldn't even stay together when the going got tough last time, what makes you think it'll be any different the next time something serious comes up?

My suggestion is to stay away from girls until you can gain some character and maturity. Otherwise any relationship you enter is probably doomed to fail from the start.

Good luck... you'll need it.

[Up_All_Night]

yeah i do think, we'd need to make an effort, start a new slow, because otherwise it'll just slip back exactly how it was and we have stuff we need to work on. when we first went out, it was so strong from the start we didnt take it slow which lef to the problems at the end. got settled in how it is too early.

my friends, i was thinking, it'll be great to walk into our local nighclub, we both know a hell of alot of people there, and just start making out and then just see everyones reactions haha

my current girlfriend, you know i think she'd totally understand. like she'd be pissed i wont tell her i kissed my ex of course.. but she'd understnad and be cool. She's really understanding. She has alot of issues with commitment, so yeah.... I dont know, i dont know how i'll feel when i see her tonight. I will wait until after i catch up with my ex again see how that is, it'll help me make a better decision, i may be there and like, yeah she's not the same and yeah.. or I dunno its just confusing. i feel bad for my g/f but i dunno i could even just tell her tonight, i dunno how itll go.

[Up_All_Night]

Definitely break up with your current girlfriend. She's too good for you and you don't deserve her. Case in point: Any girl who sees you with an ex and doesn't immediately feel threatened, jealous, and paranoid, but instead says "go talk to her" is a classy, mature, understanding lady, and she'd be wasted on someone like you because you seriously fail to appreciate just how special (and rare) she really is. So break up with her so she can find someone who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated.

I hate to break this to you, but love isn't an instant thing you fall into. That's called infatuation. Love involves getting to really, really know someone... their good and bad sides, their strengths and weaknesses, and then loving them anyway. This takes time. Sure, you can be infatuated with someone and then fall in love as you get to know them better, but how can you love someone that you don't know inside and out? Love is about putting the other person first. It doesn't sound like you've put either of these two girls first in either relationship.

If the two of you couldn't even stay together when the going got tough last time, what makes you think it'll be any different the next time something serious comes up?

My suggestion is to stay away from girls until you can gain some character and maturity. Otherwise any relationship you enter is probably doomed to fail from the start.

Good luck... you'll need it.


thanks dude! nah my current girlfriends cool, but its just not an intense thing, its very relaxed, and well howd u know if she's worth holding onto. Just because she doesnt get jealous or anything, she did tell me the other week that with her problems with commitment she always ends up cheating on people. she has her own issues.

my ex, we both liked each other heaps, more than either of us have a b/f g/f before, and there wee factors to our breaking up such as the fact, she moved to the country a month before we broke up. And she has issues with her family who she was living with there. So its not just as simple as it was going along then went crap while still the same.

fuck it, like i may not be the most mature 21 year old,, but i value feelings, and connecting with people and if me and my ex have had that really well, my current girlfriend, alot of it is based around, well here's somehing she said 4 weeks ago? "we're such a disgusting couple, all we do is make out and fuck." with my ex we'd speak on the phone all the time for a long time. me and my ex only ever really talk when we are together, i dunno, she's a cool chick, but not for me. Its a relaxed sort of thing, i think along the lines of, if with my ex it didnt happed the otehr night, i would go out with my girlfriend for a bit, nothing too much would come of it, it'd be fine, be happy but id want somehting more meaningful and shes already basically said she cant do that cause of her problems with relationships.

[Up_All_Night]

Weird, my girlfriend and i broke up last night. She ended it because of her commitment problems, she's like, i just cant do the girlfriend thing, i thought i could, i wanted to with you, but i am not ready. So yeah... I told her when we were talking about kissing my ex and she didnt care, she's like thats understandable.... but yeah this almost makes the thing with my ex easier. Its kind of like pointing i should give it a shot, if that makese sense, everything just clears up like that. But yeah I dont know.

[dilligaf]

I think it is a good thing that you decided to end it with your "current" girlfriend. If you were thinking that you were still in love with another woman, you should get out of the current relationship straight away. There is absolutly no reason why you should have held onto her for longer. I would have said, "the longer you leave it, the harder it is to break it off." However, you have already done what i was going to suggest.

As to how to deal with the current situation; how to get back with the ex. I think that this one is to be treated with caution. If you struggled through the hard times last time, and it ended in a break up, perhaps you need to step back and look at it. If there were hard times again, do you think that you could ge throught those hard times, together.

There is no way that you should be thinking along the lines of "How will i feel if we break up again." If you are thinking that, perhaps you already have doubts as to weather it can really last. Thinking about that sort of thing at this stage, is not a good thing.

You need to not only look back on the realtionship's nice situations. You said that you fought occasionally, i consider the occasional fight to be normal in any relationship. However, think about how you felt after the fight. Did this fighting actually help to resolve any issues at the time? You also need to ask yourself how you would feel if you fought again. Would this help resolve the issue that you were fighting about?

Ultimately, you should not be thinking about what may happen if the realtionship goes ahead. You cant control what is going to happen. The feelings that you currently have are what you should be looking at. that way you can decide if you want to enter the relatioship on what you feel, now. Not what you could possibly feel in a certain situation in a few weeks/months/years.

No one can make the decision for you, its something that you have to decide for yourself. If you are really still unsure, you should make a list of the feelings that you currently have for this girl. Not a list list, but get a bit of paper and start it something like this. The reason(s) that i love :name: are...... Then write another list, this one starting with The reason(s) that i sometimes feel as though i dont love :name: are......

Its your choice to make, hope i can be of some help to you.

[Aardvark]

Wing it. Just do whatever you want, damn the consequences. If it doesn't kill you or damn you to a lifetime of misery, you can send me a postcard. or ninja power. Or a postcard with ninja power that kicks me in the face and steals my kidneys as soon as I recieve it. Making it a Pirate ninja Postcard. Quite possibly one of total devastation, doom, destruction and icky little bits that float to the top of your tea and avoid all attempts to spoon 'em out.

[Up_All_Night]

yeah i'm just going to see how it goes ends up. she's coming over just to hang out in a few days. talked on the phone tonight, its very normal and its weird. Like its as if we never stopped talking. But yeah just want to see how i feel once seieng her hanging out.

[Deimos]

It sounds like you really do want to get back with your ex, but I would suggest that you make sure that you do somewhat start things afresh with her and really try to avoid bringing up the past. Having said that, I would suggest that you do talk with her and really try to figure out what caused the relationship to fail last time and try to prevent it from happening again.

[Up_All_Night]

yeah i am aware have to start fresh, take it slow, just hang out see where it goes. I am thinking though, i could see her, hang out a few times and realise, the time for us has passed and fully get over it, which would be super. But part of me would like it to just be great and then start a new. We talked about why it didnt work last time, she has issues, but if we make an effort should be better. Last time we went out, we were so close, so fast, developement of certain aspects didnt happen.

[durus]

It's a little late my my thoughts on this are DANGER!!! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!!
My most recent x I had 4 or 5 break up type arguments before it managed to stick and it was really messy. The fact that we both really cared about each other actually made it worse when we couldn't get along. When ever the going got tough we went our seperate ways instead of supporting each other. When times were good, they were great though. But the real measure of a relationship is what happens when the shit hits the fan. It sounds like that was where yours went wrong and I know that's where mine went wrong. When the shit hits the fan your first reactions should be compassion and consideration and so should hers, if they're not you're both in for hard times.
Anyway I think you should probably just get back with her. To be honest I'm doubtful it will work but what the fuck do i know really? The thing is you need to know for sure where things were going to go and how they were going to go. The fact that you're considering it all means you don't. So go ahead and find out. The worst that can happen is it'll fuck up again and then you can move on with your life.

[Up_All_Night]

yeah, see i'm thinking, shit might not work and not work quickly.. but then it'll get me past it. ANd well if it works for a good length of time before it fucks up, even if its bad, it'd still be worth it if we had a decent length of good time. But i dont know what she thinks, we're both just ver on the same page but dont know what to think. I think she's coming over tonight............. ooooooooo........ but we'll just hang out

[Lurgen]

Relationships always look better in retrospect - they are never as good when you're back in one. Plus people change, so you can't ever really go back to the "way it was".

I've tried, believe me. It's easy enough to do, the old habits kick in easily enough and you fall into the same groove you were in last time forgetting that it was what led to your breakup in the first place. Longer term though things end for a good reason.

Love isn't enough either. You can love someone but never be able to live with them. Some of my closest friends, one of which I'd lie down in traffic for, are people who I couldn't stand living with. I've had girlfriends who were great, who I loved deeply but couldn't find a way to stay with longer term. It's a sad fact of adult life, but we all have to deal with it eventually.

BTW, your current girlie sounds mature, sensible and comfortable with who she is, letting you speak to an ex. Girls who can demonstrate that much confidence not only in you, but in themselves, are the best kind. Tikdoph might not agree (does he ever agree with anybody? Penny-Arcade wrote a post about his kind today), but hang onto her.

[sperm]

Wing it. Just do whatever you want, damn the consequences. If it doesn't kill you or damn you to a lifetime of misery...

:swear:

(Sorry, I can't make more of a comment without seeming more of a bastard than I am... :fart: )

[BtrFly]

all i can say is be very careful. i know how the normal conversation can fool you, but there is usually a reason you break up... sure people change, but unless that problem changes, is it likely this relationship is to work out for a second time?

[rin]

i got back with one of my ex's several times... we thought we had changed, but the same problems came up again and again... it was too much of an effort to work out, particularly for me cos he was a lazy git... and he still is.

[Girl.]

I figure, if you broke up with someone, you broke up with them for a reason, and that reason will still be there if you try to get back together *shrugs*

[imp]

I think it depends on the break up as well. There's more than one reason to break up and sometimes it's not about the person, just bad timing.

Unless it's something huge I say if you can stay friends outside the relationship then I don't see why not giving it another go. :)

As I said it depends on the individual.

[Necron]

Definitely break up with your current girlfriend. She's too good for you and you don't deserve her. Case in point: Any girl who sees you with an ex and doesn't immediately feel threatened, jealous, and paranoid, but instead says "go talk to her" is a classy, mature, understanding lady, and she'd be wasted on someone like you because you seriously fail to appreciate just how special (and rare) she really is. So break up with her so she can find someone who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated.

Tikdoph is right, you have to treat them with respect and put them first above anything. One thing I have learned is that when you truely do love someone, you will be willing to do absolutely anything to keep that person.

On the other hand, I know what you mean, I have had experience with getting back together with an ex, in fact, im still with her. Going strong for over 3 years since breakup, 1 year before that. I can say that I do love her with all that makes me a man, but because of my arrogance and my selfish nature, I lost her to begin with. Im not saying give up everything for a woman, but if you do in fact love her and care for her, get her back and this time, treat her like there is nothing in the world more important to you. Flowers, gifts and 'loving' also help.

Love is a mutal feeling. Im sure it will work out for you if you just try.

[Al]

I figure, if you broke up with someone, you broke up with them for a reason, and that reason will still be there if you try to get back together *shrugs*
That's exactly it. Unless the reason for breaking up has changed or the problem solved it'll happen again. A couple of retarded friends of mine have gotten back together 3 times now I think... Oh and they're 25, so really they should be old enough to know better.

Hang on, by that reasoning so should I... Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[King_Crud]

did it once years ago, was a fucked idea but at least it confirmed that we shouldn't be together so now i don't have those thoughts of "what if"

[Glompbot]

I still have what-if thoughts about someone... but... i like not thinking, it helps a lot.

[Up_All_Night]

Well, me and her are sick at the moment, so havent caught up yet.

i appreciate everyones comments.
At the moment i am thinking, maybe all i need is to spend time with her and just get some closure, ya know? Like might be all i need, and i think could come easily, if we hang out and its gone.

Ok, about my break up with her, ok, when we were talking last week, we both were saying what we looked back to and it was a week we went away down the beach together. We both had a great time was really happy. Thing about this trip, it was just as she moved out of melbourne. And thats when she began. It was perfect except for problems that brought up. we were really close, then all of a sudden we werent seeing each other anywhere near as much. She had a computer there, so we talked on msn rather than phone. she had family problems pissing her off and stuff. We wouldnt have broken up if she didnt go home. On out aniversary she said she thought we'd be together in that many months times, then over the weekend shit happened and family issues fucked her up and people bringing up shit in her. So you see why i'm a bit... we didnt break up because it went into fighting while it was the same. A big change in situation happened which lead to shit. Maybe that proves we werent as strong, but maybe going through that might help, maybe we'll just be great friends again...

i dont know. we were smsing today and we're both just unsure hwat to think know and being sick isnt helping.

with my the ex i just ended with we went out today and she's doubting the break up, and we talked about shit.. i dont know what to think, but trust me from her understanding,.. she has issues i wong go in to. she's very ummm yeah.. she says she feels horrible how she treated me, and says its the first time she's ever felt bad after ending it with a guy.. so that wasnt good..

its all messing with my head. when i'm bette i will think of shit clearer... hopefully

[Up_All_Night]

well now the latest ex wants to get back with me, fuck! i dont know what to do, but we're giving it a few days

[Up_All_Night]

I'll keep this going for soap opera value at least.

TOld my latest ex today i didnt think it'd be ebst if we got back together, and we talked and it was all good. she's a cool chick, and yeah so thats all settled.
The ex this is about, me and her have hung out a few times, on sunday we talked a bit about wether whats going on means getting back together. And we just decided to hang out a bit and see how we feel doing that and if it leads anywhere. Which is cool. Last night we just hung out, talked and shit, not about us and was good. And yeah its good. So i dont know if in a few weeks will be like, yeah i want you, or if it'll be, yeah friends is good. But yeah, i know what i'm doing is the good thing to be doing. Not rushing anything. Just seeing how feelings are.
Its nice though me and her get along so well, and constantly happy and smiling both of us. Its harsh but its getting along much better than my recent ex, its much happeier and full of joy. I'm thinking differences between the two was probably good friend, compared to best friend sort of thing. But yeah its all cool. If it doesnt happen then its because we get past it which is cool.

[Al]

all i can say is be very careful. i know how the normal conversation can fool you, but there is usually a reason you break up... sure people change, but unless that problem changes, is it likely this relationship is to work out for a second time?
You said it.

My standard advice in this situation is run, run while you can. I had my heart ripped out by an ex, and then went back for more. Like BtrFly says, things screwed up for a reason.

Tell you what tho, when I started seeing (kinda) my ex again it was good while it lasted. In the end though, she wasn't willing to give it another shot. After that I cut all ties. Still think about her a lot, but I think I'm better for the lack of contact.

[imp]

Oh and I'm back with an ex ATM and I'm very happy. I think it helps if the break-up wasn't over something huge and was a clean break.

We remained friends for about 8 - 9 months afterwards before getting back together. It helped us get to know each other better too without all the relationship stuff there to make it complicated.

I'm happy and to the best of my knowledge he is too. :)

[Tintin]

Oh and I'm back with an ex ATMYou're back with an ex Automatic Teller Machine??? I know you said you wanted a suga daddy but this is ridiculous!

w00t my 1000th post! Going strong since 2000. :borg:

[imp]

Smart ass. I'll tell astro you said that ;)

[SamBo]

You're back with an ex Automatic Teller Machine??? I know you said you wanted a suga daddy but this is ridiculous!

that's the funniest thing I've read all day! +rep!

[tikdoph]

my advice might be a bit late, but anyways:)

i wouldnt go out with someone else, if im not sure whether i still love someone. need some time to work it out, maybe a year or two, or even longer:) and enjoy one's single life:)
Quoted for archival purposes before it's deleted.

[Up_All_Night]

yeah, well i wont go out with someone else but my ex this is about for a while. or until tis sorted whether than means i end up with her or not.


but whats bad, my recent ex, just msged me saying how she's really not happy about loosing me and yeah, i dont know what to do. I saw her today and it did feel kind of gone. i care for her but yeah. I feel so bad because, form what she's said i was the first guy to ever treat her well, or first guy in a long time, not just wanting to use her and stuff. But then she broke up with me in the first place. its gay and i feel so so so bad

[Up_All_Night]

we kissed tonight again, things seeming cool but we have to work on shit. i think we'll both give ti a shot, nothing to loose style

[Up_All_Night]

Now its been a couple weeks, and its an itneresting situation, when I hang out with her, its great, we're all friendly and its good. She seems all interested and yeah its good. But when we aint together it really seems, like i get no feeling at all she likes me or anything. Its me intiating anything we do, calling, smsing, and when we see each otehr which aint been that often really. Now we're taking it slow, she's been sick, but its odd it seems she can make time to go out socially with her house mates, people she see's every day, but yet tells me, oh im taking it easy cause i'm sick. its frustrating as hell, cause i only have limited time at the moment before i really need to buckle down and study for exams, finsih assignments where i cant go out much.

So i dont know whether i am just being too, I dont know, needy, or what, and its part of taking it easy, or if she is just interested or happy anough in a 1 or 2 day a week b/f or what. But I dont know, you'd think she'd be wanting to see me when she can.. I dunno i got to have a word with her, but then i dont know whether to leave it for now, seeing starting end of this week i cant go out much for a couple weeks so it'll fit in well... or what, I dunno.
just lame cause we hang out its great, but then when she's not there i feel like she doesnt want to see me, speak to me.

[darns]

I'm sorry to have to break this to you, but females have a tendency to string-you-along, giving false promises. Granted, I don't mean ALL females do that. But again I'll have to say a lot of them are addicted to attention. So addicted in fact, they string along some poor bloke (sometimes, a few of those), feeding them just enough for them to come back for more, but never really put down their intentions. If she is that kind of woman, she will be feeding you alot of false promises, and enticing you with vague answers. Actually, you will know a female is interested, when they are really interested. In fact, the female species are so advanced nowadays, if they are interested in you, they will ensure that you know they are. It is no longer a game, but survival and evolution.

Though it is not all doom and gloom. Give yourself a chance at bachelorhood. Enjoy being single and go out and meet other women. At the same time, continue going out with her, but do not be fooled and do not put in any amount of expectation for any ending. Just take it easy. In the worse case scenario when she breaks it to you, it might not hit you that hard.

After being in a failed 6 yrs relationship, I know how lost it feels to be suddenly single again. What am I to do with all those free time ?!?! But now, looking back, it was a bit foolish. Always keep a ton of backup plans (as in other females, a bunch of close buddies or even an online game/any other stuff you can get addicted to). I don't suggest drugs though :).

[Up_All_Night]

5 bucks says i will be single this time tomorrow


i was going to not mention y issues i mentioned above until after my exams, no needed worry, but fuck her, she stood me up on friday night, claims she forgot, and i basically told her how shitty i was and that its annoying how unreliable it is. Tomorrow night she's comign over cause we need to talk, I'm just going to tell her what pisses me off and saying how if this is how itd be i dont want it. I want someone who'll treat me better, and crap, and yeah see what she has to say. But i bet she will wanna end it aswell mainly cause i got shitty with her, cause if i didnt i reckon issues would have been brought to table yet.
but hell now i'llbe single and able to pick up

[Up_All_Night]

i know i'm writing to myself here but what the hell
yeah its over, never was given a chance really.

I dunno i am fairly ok with it. I am a bit, well bummed it didnt work but i know it didnt work, good thing is now i'm alot more ready to move on.

sucks i didnt get any during the short time back together haha

[Up_All_Night]

Well this gets better and better. Even though broken up officially since wed, she's already got a guy. A guy she's been with longer than wed. How fucking great! Makes me feel stupid, used, played, fucked around. And even better who of all people should see her out with the guy while i was still with her, but my ex i that it basically ended with for this girl. So dont i just look and feel like a complete and utter fool.
So sick of all this shit!

[Glompbot]

I just wanna say I've been reading it all.

And thats a pretty horrible way to feel.

[stevecai]

thats terrible. i don't know what to say. you don't need me telling you how terrible it is though, but i guess realise that there are other areas of your life that are great and you live for the future, not the past.

[Tintin]

So have there been any more fucked up situations in the last 4 weeks? Maybe breaking up with this girl was your escape route from such fucked up situations! Any success with picking up?

[Up_All_Night]

ummmmmmmm I've kissed literally about 5 people or so while drunk and cant really remmeber it. There's really nothing going on no one around. My ex i was with before getting back with another ex really likes me and wants me. And thats pretty hard, its not that i dont want her, and i know i could easily get back with her, be getting some, but it doesnt feel right so i cant. I want to just meet someone new, but serious lacking in girls id date at the moment. Its easy to go pick up, i dont have bad luck with girls, just bad luck with the girls i get involved with.
The whole thing has kinda messed me up a bit, I dunno i dont really feel close to anyone which i hate. I'm someone thats always had close friends, that in recent years has become less and less, and g/fs are the only people i get really close to. But my extended group of friends has grown. I know so many people but not well, kinda sucky.
My best is overseas at the moment which is lame, he brings me sanity.
I'll be all cool, my biggest thing is when out just not get so drunk.

oh something fucked up, i am becoming ever more aware of the shit i take from people. The general attitude, "he's a nice guy, he wont care" and this applied to not calling back, saying you'll come to something and not, just used for doing thing that arent how friends should act. Its really shitty me. hard to explain but i'm too nice for my own good i get fucked around. If you say anything to someone who does to annoy me, they just say, oh i didnt think you'd care. Well a fucking sms to say you're to coming would be nice polite and what i would do.
the other week had a shit week, was out drunk and this guy thats obsessed with me wouldnt leave me and my friend alone, he wanted her, he was jealous, so he wouldnt leave us alone, he was then bagging me to her. He followed us when we went to hungry jacks after we left. And I dunno i didnt crack it just got pissed off. He always does this, he introduces himself to my girlfriends and then bags me with lies. He has some weird fixation with me b/c he knows me through an ex g/f of his. they broke up over a year ago. I dunno its fucked up, he is full on obsessed with me, and i'll be hanging with a girl he'll tell them i'm a player and shit which i am so not, and girls can tell anyways. I reallly dont know what to do about this. He's bigger than me, he used to be in the army, done too many drugs physco. And i do wonder if he has actually suceeded in fucking up my chances with girls. And his crusade against me, all of what he says is just based on lies though.

[Glompbot]

Woah.
Messed up


The whole thing has kinda messed me up a bit, I dunno i dont really feel close to anyone which i hate. I'm someone thats always had close friends, that in recent years has become less and less, and g/fs are the only people i get really close to. But my extended group of friends has grown. I know so many people but not well, kinda sucky.


But I know exactly what you mean with this.

[stevecai]

are you serious? there is a guy stalking you? Man, take good feeling from the fact that someone else's entire life revolves around you. But i would suggest you stop getting drunk, and focus on an area of your life that doesn't involve girls or that random army guy.

[djcreedy]

I had a girl stalking me once.
one major regret i have.. someone told me it was this particular girl at school. who was quite a hotty too. so ill informed i took all the creepy letters and photos and dumped them on her at school, and yelled at her about it and everything she'd done and basically humiliated her..
Then she moved schools cause she couldnt handle the flack. and then i find out it wasnt even her..
off topic i know.. but man i always feel shite about that! its my one major regret.

[Up_All_Night]

the dude i wouldnt say is stalking me. We just hang at some regular places and he is obsessed with me, and I dunno he's just majorly jealous of me or something and feels i dont deserve people to like me, hot friends, ect and its his place to inform them with his opinion by lying to them about me. And doing what he can to make things not good for me.

[djcreedy]

DATS NOT STALKING, DAT IS TEH PASSIVE AGRESSIVE "HATE FUCKING" ...the mental kind.


JAH JAH! TAKE ZE BARNICLE ENCRUSTED BARGE POLE. JAH JAH!

edit: as a great friend of mine would always have the most original plan to get revenge on people "i know.........we could........ rest nails against his tyres... yeh yeh!"

[Up_All_Night]

well the latest i kinda keep hooking up with the ex that didnt two time me.
its really weird, i just cant be fucked with anything. I am someone that usually always over thinks everything, wants things to be really black and white sorted. I am just in the mind frame of whatever. Its not fair on the girl, but yeah, i've told her i just aint in the mind space for a relationship. She knows that, and what happens is really all her doing. Like she comes onto me and stuff, so i dont feel guilty that i'm taking advantage of her liking me heaps. Cause she knows how i am, and yeah. Dont know what to say. I like her, she's cool, but I just am unconcerned with it. I am happy with how it is, but i know its going to get to a point of something happening, whether good or bad.

[Up_All_Night]

Latest Rambling about my stupid ex’s



Who here wants an update on my lovely situations with my exs?
Well you’ll get one anyone…

Well from last post, basically I was seeing my ex, just hooking up for some fun… wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more… and she really wanted to go out with me again and I really didn’t want any of that fuss, so yeah towards end/middle of feb it ended. Went back to uni, been busy, not really fussed, missed the fuck buddy thing, that’s all I really want at the moment anyways because I still cant be stuffed with a relationship…. But yeah I’ve been really good generally since I stopped seeing her. Happier than I was when I was seeing her which was interesting.
I’m still friends with her, we’d catch up every odd week for a beer or something. She’s good friends with my mates girlfriend, so I’d see her out with them, and it was all cool. Expect they got shitty at me one night because they came to some nightclub place I was at and I was apparently parading my chick friends near them, who were apparently all sluts, I cant remember shit, I was drunk, but I get the feeling I was just being myself with my friends and it was miss read... Anyways..
Due to my mate’s girlfriend being friends with my ex, those three, another mate and me are all friends, will hang out a bit, did before and after I was with my ex. Lets call mate 1 the guy with the g/f. Mate 2 is the single mate.
Due to me not with my ex, obviously I wasn’t hanging out with everyone like I used to, and Mate 2 who recently moved near my ex (my mates g/f now lives with her), they’re friends in their own right… that’s cool.. right? You can trust mates? I was still friends with my ex, I could trust her right?

A few weeks ago we’re out and I ended up being in a pub with my ex and mate 2, and I just got a weird vibe between them. I mentioned it to someone later, then forgot about it. I used to be a slightly jealous type, and I didn’t like it, but I didn’t have a problem with this ex for whatever reason. So I didn’t think anything of it.

On thurs night I get an sms from my ex, “can we catch up for coffee tomorrow at 4 to have a chat.” I’m like yeah sure, wondering what she has to chat about. You can probably guess right?

We catch up, weren’t in the mood for some coffee so went and got some beers. We’re just talking and shit, drinking and she comes out with her inevitable, “I have to tell you something, and you’re not going to like it” surprisingly a statement she’s said many times to me in different variations. I’m like, don’t tell me then, and yeah she insists.

She goes onto inform me how she’s started seeing mate 2… im sitting there, finish my beer and like,… right…. And yeah I didn’t get angry or mad, but I told her I think that’s shit and they should’ve know better than to fucking do that and just what I thought of it basically. I wasn’t mean or anything.. But yeah I was pretty pissed off. I knew my reaction would make her feel worse J than if I made a bit fuss, but yeah it was me pissed off, she knew that. I just think its really shit and how could she try and be my friend when she’s so willing to jump into bed with my mates. I got the impression it only started since that night we’re in the pub, where I got the vibe. I think I mentioned I got the vibe then and she said they weren’t together then. So im thinking, it just happened last couple weeks. She kept trying to touch my arm, and wanted me to sit next to her and hug her, I just didn’t want her to touch me, it didn’t feel right when she did.
I had a few more beers, and I took it pretty well.

The whole thing, I know I aint with her anymore, that was my choice, and so really she can do what she likes, but my mate, a good mate from high school… he should know better, and her wanting to be my friend, you just don’t do that sort of thing. My guess is they were hanging out together and got drunk and fucked a few times or something. Makes sense seeing they live near each other and so forth.

I aint upset, I aint angry, I am just pissed off by it.

Later Friday night Mate 2 calls me saying something how he fucked up, and he’s called it off with her. And I was being a good mate, saying, don’t call it off because of me. He said his reasons was he cant trust her, and he’s had a lot of fucked up shit in his life. I aint an angry yelling, person, I handled it well. Apparently my ex was really upset at him calling it off.

Last night I went off the Grinspoon concert with mate 1, and well he knew all along, didn’t say anything, I told him that’s weak, but I do understand why he didn’t, but he should have. So I pumped him for more information.

So how long had it been going on, well mate 1 said, “All I know is it first happened after you were last with her”, but pretty much straight after. So yeah like fuck, right after we stopped they started up, that is so fucking wrong…. Mates don’t do that.

My mate was then laughing, and he’s doing the whole, I don’t know what you know, but there’s more, so I pressed him to get more. And he told me how it started. Now I thought, drunk, whatever happenings… well boy was I wrong…

Ex and Mate2 had become friends, and well she found out some stuff about mate 2, that me and mate 1 didn’t know. Mate 2 was apparently not very experienced with the ladies, despite what he had been saying for years, and having g/fs and shit. Ex found out about that and said to him, well you can always fuck me if you want to get experience… that is how it started, she fucking just offered herself up for sex to one of my best mates????? WTF?? Who offers to teach someone how to fuck??? And where’s the fucking decency, respect, or whatever… this gets me pretty pissed. If they were drunk and fucked, that’s wrong, but you can see how that happens. If they were spending time together and liked each other, another way you can see it, even though they should know restraint... But she offered herself knowing full well what she was doing, and then he accepted…

Pretty messed up hey?

Well seeing its been going on a couple months or so, apparently he’s tried to stop it, and has, but she keeps bugging him and shit, and that’s why he told her no more on Friday because he didn’t like her like that, or something, and he knew it was wrong and didn’t like her manipulating him, but yeah… I don’t know how ill be when I see him, shit I’m going to be at 21sts where him and my ex will be there… will be awkward… all my school mates group know about this, I was last to know. No one told me… Basically it shows I cant trust my longest friends.

Really shits me. But I aint angry, I aint upset, I just think its fucked and I shouldn’t have to expect this shit.
My opinion of my ex has literally gone to zero, I don’t want to speak to her, see her ever again. My mate, we i’ll get over it, no choice but to, but I don’t know how it’ll be when I see him though.

But yeah latest goings on.. thanks if anyone read it… and don’t complain about the grammar! I don’t care if you can catch lighting in bottles but not understand what the fuck I just said…

Further proof that when I say I go out with retards is true and not me being stupid.

[Tigress]

Oh mate! That is one fucked up situation. Just be glad that although you are connected by default, their mess is not really your problem. Yeah it sucks about your mate, but he fell for your exs manipulation and now he is paying the price! I reckon that to an unexperienced guy, being offered to be 'taught' would be fucking hard to knock back, even if it was from your ex. She is his problem now, just ignore the bitch.

Parties suck when you know you are going to bump into them. Just steer clear if you can.

I once went to a party where there were 5 exs and not all of them knew about each other (no cheating, just diff times in my life and we all came together for a mates birthday) so I thought "you either laugh or cry and I choose to laugh" so I got a t-shirt printed with xxxxx across the front and marched into that room with my head held high. NEVER let the opposition know that you are rattled...

Good luck...

[Up_All_Night]

yeah thanks, im fine, she aint worth it

a few weeks ago or something she gave mate 2 a present, she put a knife in his letter box with a note, this is to stab your mate in the back with

wtf?

[Javaira]

I haven't read the other posts, but you want to know if anyone has ever sucessfully made up with an ex? Well I have. It was and still is similar in that we were best friends as well as lovers. We met when were 16 and are still together at 32. At 16 you have alot of growing up to do, and the person you fell in love with at 16 may be a very different person at 18, 20 or even 26. So we had several really ugly break ups, but we were the world to each other and still are to a certain extent. When we were young all we wanted and needed was each other, not a healthly thing. At some point we learnt to stop being obsessed with each other, to bring balance to ourselves, to be independent whole people not one half of a whole.

One rule I would strongly suggest, when making up with an ex is: Once you have talked yourselves dry about what went wrong and how it could be fixed and you are both happy with the resolution, you should then promise to never bring it up again. You make a fresh start with neither of you holding the mistakes of the past against each other. It is water under the bridge, otherwise you will never be able to truly move on from the break up.

My husband and I still don't have the perfect relationship, we still fight, occassionally one of us will truly screw up and we still sometimes have to change the way things are working, but I wouldn't swap it for the world.

[Javaira]

Well I wish I had read the rest of the thread before I posted now. Still it isn't so different to the hundred of horrible things my hubby and I have done to each other, and other people on the way. Sometimes you wish you could go back in time and tell that reckless girl who was once you to grow up and stop being so selfish.

[Up_All_Night]

my last two girlfriends

[Buffy]

You are better off she sounds like she needs to get her head together.
I was in your position, in a similar situation with friends from high school etc. Found out weeks afterwards that a recent ex of mine (my first full on relationship too) had gone out with my friends and started pashing my best friend, who then reasoned (at 19) that he could be the one and she couldn't miss the oportunity despite how hurt i might be.
I didn't know any of this and still saw my ex(sex buddies by this time), and friends, but things were weird. Eventually I got upset at the weird treatment i was recieving, my best friend and another girl invited me out to dinner to 'cheer me up'. On the way to the restaurant, they stopped at the beach to 'tell me something'. I was understandably upset that i had been betrayed and lied to about it all, so I got out of the car and walked about two suburbs home. This in itself was a feat because im fairly disabled and I was buggered when I crawled in the door, I cried to my mum and she put me to bed.
A few weeks later, after not speaking to anyone, my ex calls me and apologises, says he wants to see me. So I go to see him, hes quite friendly and I find out its because hes discovered he doesn't like my best mate, and shes apparently not very good in the sack, so he tells me hes going to see her that night to break up with her and then come back to me.
Ok, I was 19, felt i had been abandoned and had no friends, and I really wanted to get back at my friend so I agreed. What a stupid mistake! Great sex, sure, but the rest was just non-existant. Looking back now I can see I was wrong, and it didn't last long, but we're entitled to make some mistakes ;) In the end, I could never really trust those friends, over the years we still talk and keep in touch but things were never 'close' again. I still speak to the ex too, we were pretty good friends for years beforehand, but funnily enough he went and did almost the same thing to other people we know. He still can't keep his dick in his pants.
Like Javaira said, its an age when you get obsessed with someone, where relationships are so intense its almost unbearable. I think getting older you mellow like old cheese, it helps to keep in control in these situations. You'll still have them, trust me, I think its an ongoing thing, but you handle it better. Or at least you bloody hope you do :p

[Elf_Girl]

I don't know what to think of my ex. He said he broke up with me because I promised i'd never cut myself, and he couldn't trust me. Anyways he decides to try and go out with one of my close friends...she has a boyfriend she loves, and is a little freaked out by my ex's behaviour, I don't blame her.
I've been upset about him breaking up with me..but recently, fuck it. If he wants me back he ain't having me..Even though for some fucked reason I still want him back.. I just wish I could beleive i'm over him but im not.
Fuck you, you hurt me.

That is all (had to get it of my chest ...sorry all) Continue.. :)

[Up_All_Night]

Wow, there’s still more and more to update about this if anyone wants to read.

My ex, the one I cared more about, she and one of my best mates are now fucking or something. Been behind my back, I kind of suspected, like how I got a bad feeling about the other ex and another one of my mates. Well it was the exact same feeling, really based on nothing, something just made me think a few weeks ago… those two. And yeah slowly a few things have made me think more and more, then yeah found out today I was right to be suspicious. And yeah I’m pissed. I just wouldn’t go there, I wouldn’t consider a mates ex, I wouldn’t even consider a mates good friend, and well he did both. And its like best mate sorta level mate that did this. So yeah whats the point? No one fucking cares about me, no one fucking respects me, its all stabbing me in the back kind of thing and I don’t like it. I never do shit to anyone, especially not my friends, I care and respect them, know boundaries and they’re never an issue.

[munganah]

dood you seem like a genuine person who ,like myself ,has high expexctations of others.one thing ive learnt is that you cant rely or really trust "mates".
i broke it of with my x of 14 yrs about 3 yrs ago,since then ive had no contact with her and im happy with it this way.the mates issue though,i feel they just turned their backs on me.they still talk with me but only when i make first contact(these are mates that i have known for the duration of the relationship with my x,they were my best mates,you know ,we hung out like 5 times a week) and i just cant be fucked ,people are so self absorbed with their own lives.this might sound harsh but losing my mates probably hurt more than the break up with the x.
FUCK THEM
it took a long time to accept this situation.my solution?-tighten the circle dont let them back in,i suppose im lucky in a sense cause over the last 3 years i met a an unreal chick and we have 2 kids now.this is my circle,my family and my extended family cause i figure if you cant trust these people who the fuck can you trust?
occasionally i still long for those friendships and even consider making contact and thats about as far as i will allow these thoughts to go,i dont want their shallow false shit in my life anymore and honestly i think im a better person without them.


in closing brother you need to stand up for yourself and stop taking their shit.if people dont meet your expectations dont let them fuck you over.fuck them off.


whatever the outcome i hope you find your happy place

[label]

It can't have been all that if your ex is with your friend now. For him or her....

Just leave them to it, chalk it up to experience and move on..... Take as an expereince that you can learn from.... At least you know what a shitty friend and ex you haev for them to do that to you. It has saved you learning that later in life.

[Up_All_Night]

wel i spoke to my mate about it, my ex isnt speaking to me and i have been so nice, not mean at all about the whole thing. But yeah even though my nice, you can do what you want, but you know i cant be around that, obviously they've chosen each other. I saw them last night hanging before my mate came say hi to me which seemed only like he bumped into me and did. And his house mate who hates my ex said she'd stayed over... so yeah....


my mate though seriously if he loses my friendship he has alot to lose, everyone he knows where we hang out is pretty much through me, 90% of chicks he picks up is through me, but yeah.... people suck suck suck
to celebrate i got so so so so very very very wasted last night, extremely bad

[label]

Nah, getting extremely wasted is good, very good.

[OneSwo]

Lol. Guys like you don't deserve 'any' girl You gotta make sure one door is closed before you open another otherwise you'll end up in shit like this. I was with my last X living together for 2 years before we realized it wasnt going to work. It probably took me a solid 8 months to realize after that that those days were over and no matter what happened I shouldnt ever look back. Ive literally pissed off DOZENS of girls that wanted a relationship with me over that course of time and I've basically told them all nada.

Maybe a female can correct me here if I am wrong, but they are VERY very self-concious and even more sensitive when it comes to anything that has to do with their self-concious. You shoulda been asking yourself 'am I ready to move on' before ever having to ask yourself 'ok i moved on but did i close the door behind me?' . That poor gal (the newer gf), I feel bad for her. She sounds collected, and smart about what shes doing. Sounds to me that she went in prepared for you to do something stupid like this, and thats why It didnt upset her as much. And when she realized 'yep, he is an idiot' thats when she pulled the plug and just said to herself 'yakno what? Who needs this in any hurry?' . Smart girl. If it were any other you might be seeing some SERIous drama right now.

Anyways, im going to give this reply to you a 'darwin' award. For all the stupid guys out there who dont know how to handle their own.




Edit :
Oh yeah, and ive been through a lot of this shit, and have seen both sides of the fence as far as what some of my close friends have been through too. My best advice really is to just move on with your life and fuck that whole crowd, that whole scene. If your 'Mate' isnt loyal enough to you to keep his dick out of your xgf, thats not a good mate, you need a better one. And dont think oh he wouldnt do it twice, fuck yeah he would. One of my buddys g'f did that to him towards me. Granted at that point in time I let her come over, I let her come to my room, And I let her sit there with me and have a few shots, watch 2 movies, and talk to me about what was going on, and nothing else happened. I straight up told my buddy Tim what happened and what was happening too. I says look buddy, she came over, we relaxed in my room and watched 2 movies and she told me basically all of the things she wouldnt tell you, and this is what she said : (blah blah blah whatever she said). And that was the end of it. He told me he didnt like that I didnt say she was over and all that and I simply told the guy 'look, your my bro, and i'd rather have your lady over sobbing and holding me and spilling her guts to me than to be out telling someone else who would have just been out to get possibly laid'. Anyways, im not here for a lesson on friends and how to handle them. But your best move really is to just get the fuck out of that situation and move on. Go start a business, get in school, join the military, do something else. You said it yourself, you dont have any problems getting gals, well, then dont get gals, and theyll just start lining up.

[Up_All_Night]

thing is onsow, i have moved on now, i dont have feelings or wanna be with any of the two ex's this thread is about. There was the confusion at first, but yeah over that, this thread is a year old when that was. Both those ex's have fucked friends of mine now, i have about zero opinion of them now. That doesnt mean i cant feel betrayed and annoyed at my mates and them. The issues with those girls though, they're the wrong sort of girls for me. Ive basically spent this year just not fused about girls, cause i aint felt ready to deal with it. And its been fine, the odd pick up here and there, but yeah aint been fussed. Result, I became friends with this cool chick at uni, and i like her, and its based on just hanging out in class once a week, talking, anging around and its so much better than the usual drunk pick up then trying to see if you get along. But just taking it easy with this chick, its a bit... we have so little in common but get along really well, but like we're into completely different scenes and i reckon she must think similar to me, how would it work. But yeah it'll be alright and if not she's a cool chick to be friends with and we keep trying to have things to hang out. But yeah im happy let somehting come along and i'm just seeing if it'll grow into something more, and yeah its all good.