How do you know?

[Glompbot]

I think I've gotten myself into one of those weakening situations. The kind where you want someone, and you're not sure if they really want you. This is when you start to think a confrontation is the best idea... so you kinda hint that you want to talk... and now it seems like you're being avoided.

But, maybe, you're just lonely... and you're just imagining how you feel, and you're imagining the worst reactions... and its causing horrible mood swings.

How do you know though? How do you know what is due to want, and how do you know what is due to just feeling lonely and weak?

:(

On a side note... I'm sick of being second choice or just not being good enough in the first place.

[Afta Image]

I understand that, such situations are tricky at best. I think it is the doubt that is in the end, the worst part.

Might I suggest you post some details of positive signs versus negative signs that this person may be interested so we may hep you?

[Enos]

Only way is bite the bullet and ask.

Sooner done, sooner resolved and then happy or sad.

[Afta Image]

Only way is bite the bullet and ask.

Sooner done, sooner resolved and then happy or sad.

Good point, but sometimes you need a bot of time to make an impression on the other person.

But dont forget there are more fish in the sea, even if it never feels that way Sapia...

[Aardvark]

Just ask. Sure, if he says no, it'll be awkward every time you see him, but hey, love is like that at the north pole.

[lostreality]

Only way is bite the bullet and ask.

Sooner done, sooner resolved and then happy or sad.


agreed and if the feelings dont seem to be mutual then you can just move on with out getting hung up on 'should have i done' or 'i wonder what would have happened if'

[Holster]

Get him hammered (and yourself) and jump him.

If he knocks you back you can always go with the "I'm sorry, I was just drunk" line
:cool:

[Glompbot]

Get him hammered (and yourself) and jump him.

If he knocks you back you can always go with the "I'm sorry, I was just drunk" line
:cool:
Did that already.
Which is where the 'different wants' comes in... its not a matter of sex... cause I think we both want that.

Its a matter of what I think i want at this point in time... this point in time I am feeling lonely, it may be hormone based... but god fucking damnit... normally i'm FINE with this, i don't feel lonely because I know how much other people fuck me around....

But jesus... I want to at least know where I stand... so i don't go through this again.
I'm worried that if I do get a chance to talk, i won't fucking SAY anything I mean to say.

[kré]

if you're being avoided when you ask to know where you stand, don't you think that's telling you something?

[Afta Image]

Did that already.
Which is where the 'different wants' comes in... its not a matter of sex... cause I think we both want that.

Its a matter of what I think i want at this point in time... this point in time I am feeling lonely, it may be hormone based... but god fucking damnit... normally i'm FINE with this, i don't feel lonely because I know how much other people fuck me around....

But jesus... I want to at least know where I stand... so i don't go through this again.
I'm worried that if I do get a chance to talk, i won't fucking SAY anything I mean to say.

Well, what do you mean to say then?

[Zan]

Sapia, you've made me feel terrible. I've been getting these weird vibes from this girl for a few weeks now, as if she wants to talk to me about something. We've met a couple of times, and I think she wants to tell me that she's interested, but she stops short all the time.

Anyway, the last time that she met she seemed pretty close to telling me - so close that I just wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake it out of her - it's intensely frustrating for me, and moreso because I'm confused about my feelings.

As such, I've taken the easy way out - avoidance. If I don't see or speak to her, I don't have to deal with the possibility that she's interested in me, and the probability that I don't reciprocate. Now I feel terrible about avoiding her, because it's only made the situation worse. What am I supposed to do now, 'hey, I've been avoiding you because I ddn't know what to say if you told me that you were interested in me, even though I don't actually know for sure that you're interested. How's your day been?'.

Yeah. :sad:

[Glompbot]

Ask her if she wants to go to a movie.
or coffee.
or something.


I think... it is possible... that I'm only wanting this person because I know nothing will happen... so I can get all drama queen about it... because its been a while.
which really worries me.

[s3raph]

Who zand3r? Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!

[minorproblem]

Ask her if she wants to go to a movie.
or coffee.
or something.


I think... it is possible... that I'm only wanting this person because I know nothing will happen... so I can get all drama queen about it... because its been a while.
which really worries me.

I dont wanna sound rude or anything but it sounds like you need a good dicking....

[landmachine]

if you're unsure as to how they feel, then it's almost guaranteed they're really not all that interested.

get over it, find someone else. play the numbers game. five minutes per person - if they're not keen after 5 minutes, move on.

[Glompbot]

i've to use your words "had a good dicking"
Trust me, its not a sex thing. I get sex (ok, so its not quite as much as I'd like, but its still often enough).

[Cassa]

Hm yes. I would have to say go with your gut instinct on this one. If you have thought that they were interested, then go for it; but if you've never had that impression then it's probably a lost cause.

[Zan]

Who zand3r? Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!

Just for your reference, dude:

We aren't in school anymore.

[s3raph]

You really need to lighten up. Its a joke. Something to bring a smile to your cold humourless face. I honestly couldn't care less who you want to bone.

[spurr]

There's a boy I know, he's the one I dream of
Looks into my eyes, takes me to the clouds above
Ooh I lose control, can't seem to get enough
When I wake from dreaming, tell me is it really love

Chorus:
How will I know (Don't trust your feelings)
How will I know
How will I know (Love can be deceiving)
How will I know
How will I know if he really loves me
I say a prayer with every heart beat
I fall in love whenever we meet
I'm asking you what you know about these things
How will I know if he's thinking of me
I try to phone but I'm too shy (can't speak)
Falling in love is all bitter sweet
This love is strong why do I feel weak

Oh, wake me, I'm shaking, wish I had you near me now
Said there's no mistaking, what I feel is really love

chorus

If he loves me, if he loves me not (X3)

chorus



In all seriousness, Whitney (and LMC vs U2 after her) have hit the nail on the head. There is no way of knowing short of straight out asking the person (and even that is no guarantee). Besides, I reckon that uncertain feeling is one of the big attractions of relationships anyway:- "better than the deed, sweeter than the memory, the moment of.....anticipation".

[s3raph]

Thankyou oh minstrel

[Glompbot]

oh god no.
Its not anything like love.

[s3raph]

Lust?

[Glompbot]

No...
Maybe 'like enough to want to date and comfortable enough to want more'
but no... love and lust don't really happen anymore.

[s3raph]

Well then it looks like you're down to the last L word. "Like".

[Aardvark]

Is it just me, or has the youth of today, and pretty much everyone else just lost their fucking spine? Seriously, I remember a time, or maybe it was a place, who knows, but anyway, at this time/place, Men were Men and women knew that the best way to attract a man was to make him think he was going to get hot monkey sex. Back then, any woman who confessed her strange emotions towards one of the corser sex would be told in plain english, "Sheila (Or shazza, or darl, or luv), you need a root, bad". Which would be followed by some lame pick up line or quite possible grabbing of body parts. Under no circumstances would a man ever consider adding the phrases, "No offence, but", "I don't mean to be rude," or "Pardon me, but" to the front of this comment. Not because they were just plain arseholes back then, but because they believed in a form of honesty from a biblical age, where you told the truth, even if it meant your entire family would be put to death because of it. And the world was a better place.

My little rant

Business at hand, just direct him to this forum, don't tell him who you are, then get all of us to keep posting in this thread so it stays in the front page. He'll see it, his male curiosity will be piqued and he will see it, think, "Wow, man, that like totally sums up the Wetness situation 10 hundred percent", or he'll go, "Hehehe, stupid silent glue boy"

Really, you gotta just rush in, hope for the best, but prepare for the worst

[s3raph]

Wow Aardvark, you're like a refreshing fart in a room full of roses.

[beerbaron]

meh
do a group outing thing, invite some of your friends. some of his etc, make it an informal dinner ( cant talk eating ) and make sure you sit next to him, when theres a quiet moment, have a nice chat and see where both of you stand, easy....

[Afro88]

Are you good friends with him? Or are you just mates? If it's just mates, then there's not much to worry about, just straight out tell him. If he says no then big deal, things are awkward between you and some guy you see once a week/fortnight. If it's a good friend, then it gets a bit tricky, and I have no advice for that than to just broach the topic in a friendly way. Don't be full on serious when you asking him about it or you'll just scare him off.

As for not knowing if you like the guy or if you want what you can't have, you've got to really think about the reasons why you like him. If it's stuff like "I don't know, but there's something about the way he does this" and it's not love, then it's wanting him cause you think you can't get him. If it's actual tangible things like "we get along really well" and "his features are exactly what I like in a guys face" or something then it's a genuine like - there's identifiable qualities about the person you like. I dunno if that helps, but sometimes it's good to be logical about an emotional situation to understand it.

[shit, I used if...then statements with boolean logic to sort out romance issues without thinking. :S]

[BtrFly]

Sapia- good luck - if you want to talk I am here. But honesty is usually the best policy. You have to make sure that your communication lines are open, cos otherwise its just too difficult...

[Glompbot]

Yeah, but thats not really easy when I have NFI how I feel.

Anyway... I think... it maybe was hormones... The urgency has passed... but we'll see.

[Icky_Thoomp]

Aren't hormones the weirdest thing? They make my gf turn into a snarling three-headed keeper of the Damned every couple of weeks. But I still love her....

Yeah, honesty is good but even better is pandering to the male ego. I know that such a thought must rub the wrong way for such a tuff chick as yourself, but its a means to an end. All you girlies, take notes, this stuff is 100% gold.

So you've established that bonking is good. A fine start. Now to get the loneliness sorted, you have to trick him into thinking that he is important and that he has the ablility to make you happy. That feeling of power, however flimsy it might be in real life, is intoxicating. Once this is done, he becomes your beeyatch and you have a ready solution for both sex and loneliness.

Or I am talking complete bollocks. You choose.

[Glompbot]

You know... this isn't really a question of if I like this person or not... I think what I was really trying to figure out was, do I feel lonely because of hormones, or because I want this person...

I think, from the way I feel today... it was hormones.

[spurr]

Well then it looks like you're down to the last L word. "Like".

Don't forget "Loathe"....I thought that was usually the last one :p

[Chocoholic]

You know... this isn't really a question of if I like this person or not... I think what I was really trying to figure out was, do I feel lonely because of hormones, or because I want this person...

I think, from the way I feel today... it was hormones.

Why does feeling lonely have to do with hormones or because you want to be with a particular person? Can’t you be lonely because you can’t think of anyone you want to be with?

[Aardvark]

Go for it anyway. That way, the next time your biological clock beats you over the head and screams, "FOR THE LOVE OF DOG, YOU ONLY HAVE X NUMBER OF DECADES LEFT IN WHICH TO SPAWN!!!!!", You'll already have someone to help combat those lonely ole' hormone driven depression blues.

[Glompbot]

In my case, lonely is a biological thing... I think my body realised the only way it would get me to have babies is to make me depressed and lonely enough to want someone dependant upon me... I won't bring a child into the world under those conditions. Besides, I've only got another 10 years before menopause.

Thankfully I think it reached breaking point last night when I scratched holes into my scalp. (fuckitfuckit i just washed my sheets/pillow cases)

I feel much better today, I don't feel as needy...

[abelgold]

Don't forget "Loathe"....I thought that was usually the last one :p

Sadly, 'litigate' seems to be the last word now.

:P

[imp]

I've only got another 10 years before menopause.

I thought menopause didn't start till you were about 45-50? Are you trying to tellk us something about your age sapia? *ducks* :D

[Glompbot]

Going from mums side of the family... Early 30's is what I get to look forward to.
Mum started menopause when she was 34.
HER mum started when she was 29. Mums sister was lucky and got 40.

[imp]

That's SO young!! :( That's gotta suck.
My mum's going through it right now at the age of 52. She calls it "Thermo Nuclear Meltdown" :D

[Al]

Sapia, the way I play it, is if there's a question of whether or no you're interested then you're not interested.

As to the lonely thing... It happens to me fairly often. I'm fairly needy for a guy tho ;)

[Lina]

Glad you resolved your problem, Sapia. I woulda said sleep on it. If you were not classifying it as love that's fair enough. But no lust either? That aint right. Lust is love sugared up and without the depth. A start, no less!

I was pretty much single for two years but I never (literally never) got lonely. I probably would have been lonely if it hadn't been for my woof who is cool and went for walks with me and sat on my feet whilst I was on the computer :D

I'm a big fan for jumping in and asking people straight up, though. That's how I scored the boy now. Whom I'm rather fond of. It's aaaaallllll trial and error.

[Glompbot]

I had slept on it... the problem was it was something that had built up over a little over a week... I would have kept it to myself.... but something had to break it.

I'm the type of person who will usually sit back and let others take what they want, even if I want it too. (Unless I already have it, and thats a different story)

[Lina]

Eh, fair enough. So, are you happy you didn't throw caution to the wind now or are you still deciding?

[Glompbot]

No... I still need to talk... but there is different motivation behind it now.

[Lina]

Cool. Good luck with that then :)

[Cassa]

And if it doesn't work out, I can provide circus midgets and champagne for your entertainment.

Seriously though good luck with that.

[Glompbot]

Cassa and Lina = winner, pity its not letting me ++ you.

[Girl.]

*Gives Sapia hugs*

If you want to talk...

[tikdoph]

Going from mums side of the family... Early 30's is what I get to look forward to.
Mum started menopause when she was 34.
HER mum started when she was 29. Mums sister was lucky and got 40.
That's the Universe's way of telling you that someone as messed up as you shouldn't breed.

I'm the type of person who will usually sit back and let others take what they want, even if I want it too.Having sat across the table from you at lunch and watched you... for want of a better word... "feeding", I beg to differ.

[Glompbot]

Having sat across the table from you at lunch and watched you... for want of a better word... "feeding", I beg to differ.

Dude, food doesn't count. Look at the size of me FFS.
Also, I'd never eaten with chopsticks before, it was a challenge... I thought I did quite well.

[tikdoph]

Dude, food doesn't count. Look at the size of me FFS.
Also, I'd never eaten with chopsticks before, it was a challenge... I thought I did quite well.
I wasn't talking about the chopsticks. I was talking about the shovel.