Is this considered normal... [Archive]

Kez

17-10-2004, 12:55 AM

She's possesive... wants you to be her bitch when it's convenient for her. Plus she's also seeking attention... dump her, or tell her that you already had it planned. Now if she has something planned, ask her to drop what she is doing and get her to go out with you. If she does..... well, you're fucked... if she doesnt.... tell her to GET fucked :)

Scythe

17-10-2004, 01:33 AM

She wants to know she is the highest priority in your life, and she's testing you by making you choose between her and your mates, rather than talking to you about it. It's not a very mature thing to do

Fuzzy Dice

17-10-2004, 01:36 AM

No, no that's not really normal. That's what's called 'possessive.' What'd you do, take her v-card?

Key question mate: Have you talked to her about it? I'd try that before clicking your heels together, thrusting out your right arm and shouting "ich bin ein CURB!"

minorproblem

17-10-2004, 02:05 AM

run away before she starts mailing you little bits of your old belongings in the mail...

wolfpac181

17-10-2004, 02:09 AM

Not good....
easy way to get around this:

talk about an ex who used to interrupt the guy night, then tell her you dumped them the third time she fucked around like that. Give a little indirect warning that the current is fuckin up.

seriously, it's meaning she's not wanting you to have fun unless it's with her and her only it's seeming. Starts off by taking away your friends, then moving in, then putting floral sheets on your bed, redecorating your house "vagina" style, and bunches of shit that your don't want. You'll never see YOUR friends, but HER pre-selected friends. No more bars, and hello to "well I don't like doing that, I just did that to start dating you at the begining"

You're balls will be removed and put in a jar where she will have domain over them, not you.

kré

17-10-2004, 02:10 AM

seriously, it's meaning she's not wanting you to have fun unless it's with her and her only it's seeming. Starts off by taking away your friends, then moving in, then putting floral sheets on your bed, redecorating your house "vagina" style, and bunches of shit that your don't want. You'll never see YOUR friends, but HER pre-selected friends. No more bars, and hello to "well I don't like doing that, I just did that to start dating you at the begining"

You're balls will be removed and put in a jar where she will have domain over them, not you.

you just described my marriage.

wolfpac181

17-10-2004, 02:24 AM

to god?

Aardvark

17-10-2004, 02:33 AM

Beat her about the face with your almighty wang

Or next time she rings you and starts having a whinge, lose it at her, yell into the phone about how much you do for her, giving her no opportunity to get a word in, and swear a lot. If she's still listening when you run out of steam, tell her you'll talk to her tomorrow, hang up the phone and turn it off. If she does, turn your phone off for a day or so.

If you lose her, meh, who cares? Plenty of other chicks out there. If not, you've got the hand, my friend. Just be ready to crank at her like an angry bastard when she next tries to test you in this way.

kré

17-10-2004, 03:25 AM

to god?

uh...yyyyeah.

Fuzzy Dice

17-10-2004, 08:27 AM

Judging by responses so far it seems that its not a common trait amongst all women, but by no means uncommon? Sound right? This is the first such GF Ive had with the whole me me me me me thing.

Bingo. It's a totally undesirable thing in a girlfriend, but it's definitely out there. You just have to watch for it. You should be able to make plans that don't involve her and have her be just fine with it - and she should be able to do the same with you. Not that you shouldn't make time for each other, but you do have a life to lead.

Don't lie to her about why you didn't answer your phone. Talk to her about it, but don't let her make it your fault. You're mad at her, remember? Know what you're going to say beforehand so that you don't degenerate into random hurtful shit. If she doesn't change, you may diagnose her as a five-gallon bucket of crazy and tip the fuck out.

Salted_Chipmunk

17-10-2004, 08:52 AM

bros before hos.

Being newly acquainted with this phrase, this man is correct.

Sever like a motherfucking axe murderer, its only gonna go downhill.

wolfpac181

17-10-2004, 10:14 AM

Judging by responses so far it seems that its not a common trait amongst all women, but by no means uncommon? Sound right? This is the first such GF Ive had with the whole me me me me me thing.

Dude, It's all a game... all of it. Gotta have some +rep in relationships. The women will play ton's of games to snag our nuts, and we play the same games to get laid. Think 8 bit..... will help out.

two things run through my mind.

She's a manic co-dependant, and will probably stop at nothing to envelope you due to their own instability. These will never break..... cash in and go to next game before she tries to get pregnant and keep you around forever.
or
Father Figure, possibly an ex that cheated on her, insecurity issue. Some male in her life crashed her earlier in life, easy to get around this..... just find out first. If so..... make sure to use this:
up up down down left right left right B A select start
cause you're going to need all the extra lives you can get to beat the main boss. doable, but you need cheats.

lostreality

17-10-2004, 10:25 AM

Dude, It's all a game... all of it.

and you can only LOSE, no male winners, ever. :grr:

Aardvark

17-10-2004, 01:03 PM

Speak for yourself, small child. Problem is the easiest way for a man to win is to punch the woman's lights out. When he gets out of gaol, she'll be prepared to do anything for him

Lurgen

17-10-2004, 01:12 PM

It happens a lot, and it's a bad sign. I had a gf like that once, she'd call just before I went out and want to know why I wasn't on my way to her place.

Then she'd call while I was out and want to know what I was doing.

Then I would get home, she'd be waiting for me to make sure I came home alone.

Eventually, accusations. I dumped the cunt after two years of this shit, and should have done it a lot sooner.

My current gf wouldn't dream of doing such things. I go out, she does her own thing. I come home drunk, late and smelling of perfume and she doesn't care. She's comfortable with the knowledge that my dick stays in my pants when she isn't around. Relationships where you get pressured like that suck, and either need urgent fixing or should be terminated.

For any girlies reading this, accuse your bf of banging somebody else enough, and they'll do it just because they feel it's expected of them. I spent two years being accused of cheating, and by the end of it I would have cheerfully fucked her sister just to prove the point. I didn't, but damn it was annoying. It's also interesting to note that girls who accuse guys of cheating lots tend to be the ones playing with somebody else (personal experience again).

rin

17-10-2004, 09:04 PM

You should be able to make plans that don't involve her and have her be just fine with it - and she should be able to do the same with you. Not that you shouldn't make time for each other, but you do have a life to lead.

i agree with this... you each need to have your own interests and do things you enjoy with your own friends. as long as you make an effort to see eachother regularly, she shouldn't have a problem with it.

i guess since she does have a problem, it's showing she is possessive and maybe a little insecure - maybe that you'll find someone else while you aren't with her. i guess once you've talked to her about it you'll see if it is an insecurity issue... and go from there... if she doesn't trust you, is she someone you want to be with??

Sasq

19-10-2004, 02:14 PM

Father Figure, possibly an ex that cheated on her, insecurity issue. Some male in her life crashed her earlier in life, easy to get around this..... just find out first. If so..... make sure to use this:
up up down down left right left right B A select start
cause you're going to need all the extra lives you can get to beat the main boss. doable, but you need cheats.

Good words, find out what is causing the insecurity, maybe she has (semi) justifiable reasons for feeling insecure. Every one wants to feel secure in their relationship.
If its just insecurity, its easy enough to get around, if she calls, and you already have plans, tell her that, and then make plans to see her soon (and I don't mean going to her place for a shag after you've been out with your mates and falling asleep)
A little bit of forethought and thinking about her feelings will go a long way.

lostreality

19-10-2004, 09:12 PM

for making me think.

:eek:

SmaSheD_CoW

19-10-2004, 09:13 PM

Ok... so heres the situation.
Assume a guy is going out with someone, has been for a couple of months. On any given friday/saturday, said guy is going out with his mates to do whatever after having said he'd come out.

Girl in this situation has a habit of calling guy up either when he is out or immediately before and wanting him to go to wherever/whatever she is doing. She expects this and gets irate when he doesnt comply, complaining he doesn't make any "unimportant sacrifices" for her.

Is this considered sane behavior? Has anyone experienced this sort of thing before?

I've seen it several times, although it is more common for the chick just to call everytime the bloke is out for no reason whatsoever ("checking up on him", i guess).

If she makes a big deal out of the "unimportant sacrifices" thing, ask her to cook you dinner, ask her to wash your clothes, heck, ask her to wash your car. If she refuses, accuse HER of not making sacrifices. If she happily complies, marry her!

Lurgen

19-10-2004, 09:15 PM

"Normal" and "girl" shouldn't be used together, it just won't work. I just had mine throw a hissy fit over absolutely nothing. If I wrote it off to "that time of the month" I'd be yelled at for being sexist, except that I happen to know it IS that time and it's a monthly ritual to have a domestic over nothing at all right about now....

spurr

19-10-2004, 09:57 PM

Gotta love when ya girlie gets the blob-strops, makes the button pushing so much easier :p

darns

20-10-2004, 07:38 PM

Seems like Zgeek isn't really the best place to ask for relationship advise. Most of the posts go straight to "dump her" without even knowing fully about this woman. Hey, some people have their plus and minuses. No one if perfect. Maybe the woman that won't be so possesive are having hot affairs behind your back :D.

Anyway, some advises from here are good. Keep doing what you do. Women crave attention, but the less you give them, the more they want it. You want to be desirable and not constantly available. It makes you much more attractive to women when you're unavailable. But once in a very long while, sacrifice an outing with your buddies for her and this will make it feel like you just bought her a 547 carat diamond. Works everytime.

Glompbot

20-10-2004, 07:48 PM

I've got to say, he's right... But you have to make sure you balance the attention/ignoring well. too much ignoring... and she'll most likely give up... too much attention will make her want more.

imp

20-10-2004, 07:49 PM

bros before hos.

Gold! :D

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Rev. Saul Goode again."

SamBo

20-10-2004, 10:25 PM

I once had a chick who was all possessive like this. Man she made me feel like shit. She'd go off at me if I went out with my friends without her. She'd go off at me if I took her along because she would never talk to them, and if I talked to anyone but her it mean I wasn't including her. She'd go off at me if I didn't see my friends (ie spending too much time with her).
She also tried to get pregnant (stopped taking the Pill without telling me).
Why the fuck I didn't leave her sooner I don't know...

Dude, talk to her about this. If she can't see what she is doing then she isn't worth being with. Everyone needs friends. A partners friends don't count as your own, so it's unfair for her to expect you to only go out with her etc. You need to see your friends too, and not necessarily have her there as well...

Benwah

20-10-2004, 10:38 PM

I'm not sure who said it, but interesting words "Normal is a setting on a washing machine"

Lina

21-10-2004, 08:17 PM

Its more a case of curiosity rather than whether I'm going to dump her. Do lots of women do this sort of thing? I haven't really had it happen in the past.

ZGirls, if you're reading, do you do this sort of thing much??

Hell. No. I am of the firm opinion that myself and my partner are not the same person. Thus do not have to do everything together.

In fact, I relish the times I get too myself so much my boyfriend gets a little insecure about it. Ahh...the times I get to play music and dance around in the dark living room by myself are few and far between *sighs* :D

I think she might be a little insecure perhaps? That or very controlling - I haven't read all this thread so I might be repeating but ya gotta say something now...don't let it slide or precidents will be set!

Cassa

23-10-2004, 12:47 AM

I very much love spending time with my partner and I can get a little put-out sometimes when he goes and does stuff without me - but we both know it's not a serious issue. There's no way I'd ask or expect him to not do something in favour of me, and I'd be a little worried if that did happen (well, unless I was really sick or something). You should expect your partner to do such a thing because they want to, not because you ask them. That defeats the whole purpose of it.

She does sound a little insecure or monopolizing of your time. Especially as you have only been with her for such a short time - I'd be thinking about what that behaviour is going to turn into in, say, another six months. The conspiracy theorist in me would suggest you be wary of her trying to alienate you from your friends, so that she ends up being all you have. That'd be a bad place to be in, no matter how wonderful said partner is.

LauraleeBug

24-10-2004, 02:50 PM

Feryl

24-10-2004, 05:14 PM

She sounds high maintenance and possibly manipulative. I consider myself to be high maintenance, and I do get upset if my man goes out with friends without telling me, because I hate being left out - but I'm lucky, he rarely does that. It's a bit unreasonable if she's giving you no advance notice of her plans and expecting you to dump your mates to run to her side. But you could maybe avoid that problem by letting her know you've got plans, and including her if possible. There's always gotta be compromise in a relationship, and you may have to put in more effort than you'd ideally like, it's a matter of whether you think the connection you've got is worth it. If you think she's being unreasonable, it's a good idea to let her know exactly what you think is unreasonable.

Let's face it, relationships are fucked, but somebody's gotta propagate the species! ;)