Random Thought Limericks

[Bifrost]

*Ripoff*...*Ahem*

Right. So about 4 years ago, in the lead-up to Christmas, a good friend of mine who is rad and a jolly good singer/songwriter to boot, sent out a reply-to-all sort of literary email entertainment for all her friends to play because she was bored at work. As I recall Pirate got involved and offended several people on the list with his references to poo (which the rest of us found very funny).

So, not that I'm bored at work, in fact my mind is just trying frantically to forget that such a thing exists because it's too goddam busy at the moment and the world needs to just shut up and stop bothering me with all of these things...*Ahem*

As the title suggests, the literary entertainment of which I speak is the Random Though Limerick. the reason it is a ripoff is because I didn't think of it, but I have written a fairly good number of random thought limericks in my time. You should have a go - they are tops.

Right, me first (and I'll even use the word "poo" in honour of Pirate's limerickal genius)...


NOTE (EDIT): OK, so I probably should have mentioned earlier (ie. before three or four people posted their tops limericks), but the object here is to make each line in your limerick nothing to do with any other line - to make each line kind of random (of course cross-reference or cross-pun is always good)...

Still, try not to go in with a theme for the whole limerick, just write random phrases, make them rhyme and give them the right number of syllables for your limerick.

[The Avatar]

There once was a man named enis
Who had a gigantic..........

Hmmm, this is the bit where I always get stuck on. What rythes with enis?

[Bifrost]

My server (http://www.sun.com/servers/entry/v440/index.xml) is the spawn of Satan,
Post your poos on the web and they'll rate (http://www.ratemypoo.com) 'em.
I feel like a beer (http://www.boags.com.au),
Connection reset by peer (http://support.microsoft.com/default.aspx?scid=kb;en-us;313817),
As if you would name your child "Tatum (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001575/)".

...PS: the URLs are jsut something I felt like doing.

PPS: I tried to post first, then I hit an outage. Alas.

PPPS: Venis??

[Aardvark]

Your mother is a dirty whore
She's a fucking dirty whore
Charges for sex
Something something sex
Fucking hell, she's some dirty fucking whore

[mea culpa]

Aardvark can't rhyme for shit
Bifrost's avatar has nice tits
i clicked through with a horn
Thinking it was porn
Hoping to be rewarded with pink bits

[Something Fast]

My cheeks one morn was pretty blistered
My nuts were sore and my penis twisted.
After I applied a nice ice pack
To my poor painful nutsack
I realised I'd been anally fisted.

[Bifrost]

There's nothing more useful than string.
Britney Spears is a babe, but can't sing.
Santa Claus is a dude,
The Iraqis need food,
My eyes and nose fucking hate Spring.

[Something Fast]

In a temple of sausage and cheese,
A neophyte was down on his knees.
The future was dairy,
And terribly scary,
And inevitably ruled by huge bees.

[Bifrost]

The best show will always get axed.
Your money will always get taxed.
Don't take it to heart,
It's OK to fart.
I think I'll go get my legs waxed.

[Something Fast]

We strapped trees to some rockets,
And hid them in someone's pockets.
They didn't realise,
And took to the skies
Till their pants were torn from their sockets.

[Something Fast]

My goat was stolen last May,
I cried for a month and a day.
That goat and me,
Were due to marry,
I heard it now owns a pub in Chile.

It's true I've dabbled in bestiality,
And I've a tenuous grip on reality.
I'm on no medication,
Nor any sort of sedation,
And I live in your locality!

[Something Fast]

I think I should be in bed,
With the pillow under my head.
It's nearly one, the clock reckons,
Yet Zgeek still beckons.
I think tomorrow I'll be basically dead.

[Bifrost]

It was not a red light I went through.
It is not fun to drink 'til you spew.
Despite the peer pressure,
Why was there Fran Drescher?
I refuse to mention Half-Life 2.

[Something Fast]

Oh, I get it now.
My wife ran away with a cow.
Something about yeast,
An invisible beast,
Bang thud smack kapow?

[Eds]

The Lord said that only the meek
Would inherit the earth, so to speak
But nerd masses belligerent,
cool as refrigerant,
Own the world NOW, on ZGeek!

[gaLdaB]

Chickens are tasty to eat,
I know a guy missing his feet,
My fish has some fleas,
I collect hobo knees,
So don't fall asleep on the street!

[gaLdaB]

My carrot is missing a wing,
I taught my pet spider to sing,
I have a green pack
Attached to my sack
Which hurts when the telephone rings

[gaLdaB]

Boobs are all squshy and soft
My keys disappeared in a loft
Chocolates are gay
I eat sandwich hay
Left eyeballs fall out when you cough

[gaLdaB]

You can't teach banannas to sit
I have to stop writing this shit
Don't carry a hat
Don't eat cars made of fat
My rice pudding just learned how to knit

[Bifrost]

"Abra Kadabra!" he said.
Intensely, she sliced up the bread.
'Twas a dark, stormy night,
Two wrongs don't make a write.
X-Men don't seem to like staying dead.

[Eds]

Old Satan once mentioned in Milton
I'd make porn with that Nicky Hilton
But Melvin van Peebles
Stayed in all Sydney's Sebels
My limo has two hot tubs built-in.

[Something Fast]

Itchy ears,
Tears for beers,
Supermarket third reich,
(That little tyke)
Armageddon nears

[Something Fast]

Nothing else matters,
When metallica's credibility shatters.
Machiavelli is dead,
God sat on his head.
Meanwhile my pants are in tatters.

[Bifrost]

As sent to me by the very creator of Random Thought Limericks (when she heard about the thread):

There's naught quite like tea from a pot.
The flu gives you terrible snot.
I love Little Britain.
A glove's not a mitten.
Our bin smells of foulness and rot.

[Bifrost]

But of course, I had to post my own too...

Airports do not make good television,
Steal a car and you're off into prison.
Pustules burst in a squirt,
I quite like my new shirt.
Talk all you want, but nobody will listen.

[Something Fast]

A monkey sold a cashew,
The pope, a shotgun and you.
Electric shocks,
Chocolate rocks.
We lost a rat in the zoo.

[reykjavik]

Snow is
Nothing
Other than
White ice

[beowulf437]

With nothing but feathers and chicken
Popcicles are made for licken'
Old turtle shells
And terrible smells
I must be alive and kicken'

There once was a guy named Dave
Bratty children never behave
Sweaters of wool
Naked boobies are cool
Some people should live in a cave

[DAnube]

i sell myself for money
would you like to know something funny?
monkeys are queer
my leet skills you must fear
pull your socks up sonny

[Bifrost]

Those were some quite tasty hot noodles,
There is something so wrong those spoodles (http://disc.server.com/Indices/220822.html).
Children carry diseases,
Paris does who she pleases.
Germans often like holding their strudles.

[Wolfette13]

There once was a wolf named Beo
He never sang a song about Mayo
His wife Thuvie is a hottie
But she always has to go potty
And the laundry is washed every dayo!

[beowulf437]

My head has a terrible dent
Shoes are money well spent
It's been raining all day
I think Willow is bi not gay
I'll give up insulting for lent

[Wolfette13]

Do Buddhist have lent???

[batmanx2]

beowolf is my favorite wolfman

[Bifrost]

OK, I think these un-limerick posts need to be fixed...

beowolf is my favourite wolfman.
The first name of Laurel is Stan.
Do Buddhists have lent???
Money is better when spent.
You'll often poo better with bran.

[mustelus]

Jules was a general of Rome,
He was bald, so he needed no comb,
In Britain he veni'd
He vidi'd and vici'd,
But was killed in the senate back home.

[Something Fast]

The world stole my last feet
Wandering along quite replete.
I suppose this is a bump
Or a worrying lump
I think we just ran out of meat.

[gertie]

there once was a man from calcutta
i like my bread without butter
i have gum on my shoe
the loo smells like poo
just what are these words that you utter?

NB* i couldn't resist the lure of the poo

[Funk Puppet]

I'm a little tea pot short and thin
<<== there is my handle here is my grin
When I see that Zpron I start to sin
where is my thousand let me in

[Something Fast]

With lashings of hot man-batter,
The privations of the mad hatter.
Crunching on museli bars,
A mission to ma's
Disregarding the showman's patter.

[gertie]

Oh fark! this is getting out of hand!....

There once was a woman named gertie
The keyboard you type on says qwerty
The lids on the beer
What happened this year?
I’ve got to go iron my shirt-y

There was a man from south wales
I don’t like those dogs without tails
The pong and the ping
Who listens to sting?
Why does hay come in those bails?

There was a young lady from cork
A whale’s penis is called a dork
A poppy’s a flower
This took half an hour
There’re too many peas on my fork.

[Serpent_Girl]

I found this yesterday, I wrote it when I was 10. What a wierd child. :D

Once there was a girl named Nerd
Who was famous for being a turd
She once did a fart
And made everyone laugh
Her undies then turned into curd.

[EDIT:] Also, I want to post my other non-limerick poems but there seems to be no appropriate place!

[Bifrost]

I found this yesterday, I wrote it when I was 10. What a wierd child. :D

Once there was a girl named Nerd
Who was famous for being a turd
She once did a fart
And made everyone laugh
Her undies then turned into curd.

[EDIT:] Also, I want to post my other non-limerick poems but there seems to be no appropriate place!Of course there's an appropriate place - start a new thread! I can create a general "poetry thread" if you like, but I prefer to keep things focussed on one person's work in poetry threads...Poetry is generally so personal that it really does deserve a thread of its own.

Now, to stay on topic...

I just drunk myself light in the head,
Why dislike people less when they're dead?
Take a spoonful of sugar,
My nose gets full of boogar,
It's no fun when you run out of bread.