Your way of dealing?

[Glompbot]

So...
you're upset.

You've just had someone break it off with you, or you've broken it off with them...

How do you deal with it?

I've got friends who starve themselves, I've got friends that eat everything in sight.... I've got friends who get so trashed they don't know who they are for a week... i've got friends that drink.

[Up_All_Night]

Ive never ever figured this out.

I know what doesnt work.
Picking up doesnt work, getting drunk doesnt work, ignoring it doesnt work.

only thing is just keep yaself busy, try not think too much about it and let time get you over it.

[excalibur]

I plug in my guitar, turn her up loud (well, loud for a 15 watter) and play Uber heavy shit till I break strings. That seems to work.

[BtrFly]

i found keeping myself busy helps. also REALLY loud music. and crying... but random pickups and drinking myself into a stupor just doesnt (makes me feel worse) work...

[cub]

Chronic masturbation works for me.

[Serpent_Girl]

I usually don't eat and become really quiet.. withdraw into myself I guess..maybe cry but that would be silently too..

[Cassa]

I cry a lot, I don't eat for a week, I constantly go over in my head what went wrong, I generally don't talk to people. After that I'm fine. Although I've only been in one proper breakup so I'm pretty sure my opinion is not that valid.

[Bambi]

When ever one of us gets our heart ripped out we all rally together and take the person out for drinks for at least a week straight maybe longer if required.
That was a good timw for me- can't remeber much so..... must have been theraputic.
Yeah I don't talk much either when I get hurt, it's probably one of the only times I'm not talking.

[Aardvark]

Most of the time it's me saying "This relationship is over" and I turn into an insensitive prick if they don't agree and get on with their lives. The one time I got dropped by a girl I really liked, I had a little tear, slept it off and was over it the next day

[Scythe]

I avoid the problem in advance by not getting into relationships in the first place.

[psi_ko]

drive really fast, drink, mope around listening to depressing music, bitch about it on livejournal.

[evil]

i usually run away overseas for a few weeks. Koh Samui always used to be my fav escape point. It's gut wrenching stuff, I'd just rather deal with it on my own and not in front of friends

[sharpie]

drink lots with my best mate
sleep more than ever
and generally avoid society for as long as possible

[slacker]

everybody goes through some 7 step process to get over grief.. or at least thats what "study of religion" class taught me in high school.

recently (about a month ago) i was on the dumping side of a relationship, so i feel like i can comment here. im a person who thinks a lot, and tends to over-analyse everything. so basically i didnt stop thinking about what had happened, why, and how things could have been different. eventually i came to some conclusions, and realised that i am comfortable with my life without her. so end of that. i think i am on the later stages of recovery now.. which isnt too bad considering we were together for over 2 years.

oh yeah for those who are curious about that 7 stage thing, the main ones that i remember are: shock.. anger.. depression.. acceptance..

it goes something like that. its interesting, but to most people probably just states the obvious.

[LisaJ]

Me, I just tend to get busy, that way I dont have to think about the reasons why it happened. But when I do think about it, and the reasons why, I usually accept them, and move on. Yes it does take a while to move on but I eventually do. Then when looking back, I just go, "his loss". My life gets back to how it should be and the road is a whole lot smother.

[rin]

i've been broken up with once - was a time of absolute silence... i stayed in my bedroom whenever possible. played really loud music, ate hardly ate anything... and i cried a hell of a lot. i thought i was going insane....

in my case: breaking up with someone - still rather quiet - i just spent a lot ot time coming to terms with things being officially over and feeling the relief of not being in a relationship that wasn't working. i did cry a fair bit, but it was more because i lost a best friend. i also tend to go out with friends more, and also spend time to do things i enjoy.

[SamBo]

unless you're completly insensitive, either option hurts.
In my case, when i was broken up with, I started eating less, sulked alot, went driving late at night with all the windows down and music blaring. One night i even got completly and utterly trashed... drank almost 2 full bottles of jim beam in one night by myself... not good. I generally kept to myself, didn't go out much and didn't talk to many people, even online.

In the case of breaking up with someone... it was quite different. Living with huge amounts of guilt is not easy to bear. I didn't drink, or starve myself or anything like that though.

I guess in both cases, I just tried to keep myself busy and get on with my life. After all, you can't force someone to be with you when they don't want to, and you can't force yourself to be with someone that you don't want to be with either. Once you accept those facts then moving on gets a little easier to do, but that pain is there forever I think...

[Chocoholic]

I agree with Sambo, but a night away from my problems always does me the world of good

[HAL]

Scaring myself shitless seems to lift my soul no matter what the scenario. Maybe not at the time, but the time following such an event seems every minute sweeter.

[minorproblem]

After my gf of 2 years broke up with me i started going out with friends all the time, and I run 6kms every day and have a 1 day break and basically just get really fit. and go out alot but i aint looking for another girl or anything i just wanna be by myself for a while and enjoy my friends.

[Ralmandor]

When my gf of 6 months dumped me a few years back my mates took me to a prawn and porn night at the local pub (underage at the time), by the time i recovered i was feeling alot better about the whole breakup

[Benwah]

I run a lot, up to 150K a week after one nasty one.

[Glompbot]

I don't know how I deal with things.
I've not had a real relationship in a long time...

I guess I cry a lot.

[rin]

something kinda weird just happened. i got an sms from my ex just now and all it said was "can you please get rid of everything that i have ever given you - presents, emails, letters, sms.... everything"

he has been acting really strange lately. we have been apart for almost 18mths (not including a brief time together about 8 months or so ago) and he is still not over things. it made me wonder how he is dealing with it all?? he still sends me an sms every now and then telling me how he feels about me... and sometimes he sends an sms saying that he is over things and that he wants to be friends... sometimes he says he wants nothing to do with me - and this has been the latest from him....

the sms i just received got me thinking - i deleted all emails and sms and thrown out all letters and photos very soon after the break up. That was my way of dealing with things... i didn't want to find them again and be reminded of the relationship we had (even if i thought i was happy at the time). It was over and that was that....

does everyone else deal the same way? or do u prefer to hold onto the memories of past relationships?

[BtrFly]

most of my relationships have been mutual break. one i was dumped.

i keep most things from a relationship, however when i was split with, EVERYTHING electronic was deleted and expunged. however i still have things that are physical - most of it anyway. i hold onto it in hopes of a better day...

also when i have split with someone, usually its keeping busy. but i burn hot a lot of the time, and need to find an outlet. this time it was exercise and diet change, and the knowledge that i am better than all that, everything.

but other than crying/loud music, i got over previous relationships pretty easy (read 1 week). this was just a little harder.

[Afta Image]

There is no easy way, and each time it is different. And often if your a good person, it does not matter if your breaking up or the one broken up with.... It fcken sucks and hurts...

Really, if it is really bad just take it one day at a time and like most things, time heals all wounds....

Have you broken up with/been broken up with some recently Sapia hence the question>????

[Glompbot]

No... Not really. I had a situation of sorts end mid december...

Its been a long time since I've been in a relationship.

[Afta Image]

Relationship take a lot out of you....

Your possibly the wisest person here Sapia.....

But why the question?

[annie]

i just cry a lot... i mean a lot. I took his picture off my wall and out of my wallet as soon as it happened, but that's about all that i got rid of. i like haveing the memories, because i know once i start to feel better about it, i'll want to remember all the good stuff. I avoided all the areas we went together (so basically i havn't been in the city in months) and yeah..

i rely on my friends to pull me out, which they do by taking me out, and understanding if i need to talk or to just have my mind occupied with something else.

[Holster]

I sleep, 14 - 15 hours on work days and 20+ on weekends. Minor breakups (less than 6 months or so) I just get on with life, not much else you can really do.

[kleph]

drink through it... and avoid cowboy junkies CDs.

[Bostonmess]

I was gonna say masturbation but Cub beat me to it. Heh heh, does he always come first? :D

I'll just have to say pr0n instead then :)

[lostreality]

suicide.

[cub]

Most of the time it's me saying "This relationship is over" and I turn into an insensitive prick if they don't agree and get on with their lives. The one time I got dropped by a girl I really liked, I had a little tear, slept it off and was over it the next day


Most guys reach for the six pack, Aardvark becomes a sex prick.

[cub]

I was gonna say masturbation but Cub beat me to it.

Well I do have a free hand.


Heh heh, does he always come first?


First one to knock off the top is the winner!

[StudMuffin]

start seeing the other girlfriends more often

[Munchkin]

A bit of crying, lots of sleeping, little bit of moodiness, then I would buy myself a cheering-up gift :)

[Chocoholic]

I sit around and think about how I can hurt them with out being caught…. Revenge is a dish best served cold. By the time I think it would be alright to torch their car I have gotten over it.

[Merudo]

I sit around and think about how I can hurt them with out being caught…. Revenge is a dish best served cold. By the time I think it would be alright to torch their car I have gotten over it.
why get angry if they've broken off a relationship that it seems musn't be working for them?



I mean, if you were unhappy in a relationship and wanted to break it off, you'd want the other person to understand and respect your decision, not brood and think of ways to hurt you, wouldn't you?

[Chocoholic]

Where is the fun in that?
I used to be a very angry young lady. I am surprised how much I have settle down in the past 2 years. I admit that recently I have come to the conclusion that they probably aren’t worth the energy.

[BtrFly]

right now i am angry.

Choc... damn it - i fucking need to find ways to burn this anger energy right now.

anger at myself, and at the other person.

[Glompbot]

Relationship take a lot out of you....

Your possibly the wisest person here Sapia.....

But why the question?

I was just curious.

I occasionally have old pains from past relationships throw up and hurt me... and it makes me wonder if i have ever actually dealt with it... or just... pushed it aside.

[Chocoholic]

Choc... damn it - i fucking need to find ways to burn this anger energy right now.

Go exercise until you are so tried that you don't care about anything but bed!

Then a new distraction is in order..:boobs:

[SamBo]

why get angry if they've broken off a relationship that it seems musn't be working for them?



I mean, if you were unhappy in a relationship and wanted to break it off, you'd want the other person to understand and respect your decision, not brood and think of ways to hurt you, wouldn't you?
I think anger comes in to play when the hurt and sorrow becomes too much to handle.... it's easier to get angry and point blame at someone else than it is to recognise your own issues and rectify them. Besides, what does anger or petty acts of revenge achieve? all it does is prove that the breakup was for the best...
Most people have been hurt before. Most people have hurt someone else before too. That's one of the things that comes from dating. Only real way to avoid that is not date anyone at all.... which is hardly fun...

[Cassa]

Man we're an angry bunch of people here...

I think the most important thing in these kinds of situations is to realise that you can't change it, no matter how much it hurts to accept things. All the gnashing and wailing (god I love that expression) in the world won't make things different. Getting angry, extracting 'revenge', being nasty to the other person etc etc, while it might make you feel better or more empowered, all it really means is that you're not over it, that you're still holding hope inside you somewhere that things might become different again - the anger you feel towards the other person is really the anger about things not working out. Learn to let go, because you can't move forward if you're still hauling the heavy burden of the past along with you.

[rin]

I think the most important thing in these kinds of situations is to realise that you can't change it, no matter how much it hurts to accept things. All the gnashing and wailing (god I love that expression) in the world won't make things different. Getting angry, extracting 'revenge', being nasty to the other person etc etc, while it might make you feel better or more empowered, all it really means is that you're not over it, that you're still holding hope inside you somewhere that things might become different again - the anger you feel towards the other person is really the anger about things not working out. Learn to let go, because you can't move forward if you're still hauling the heavy burden of the past along with you.

this is exactly right...

[Cassa]

Of course, saying that and actually doing it are two completely different things - I never said it was easy. I've seen people do this marvellously and they've moved on well; I know other people who held on to their pain for months and even years. Doesn't make for good chances for future non-destructive relationships

[StygiaN]

I guess it depends on how the relationship ended and how long you have been going out with them before the break up. For me I just get on with my life. Dwelling on what could have been and all that jazz just causes a lot of heartache for no real reason. But then all relationships and break ups are different so who knows.

Beer
Chocolate
Loud Music
Friends
Pizza
Bushwalks
Video Games
...and a good cry

Are things I use to help me get over break ups but yeah, moving on is the main one.

[s3raph]

I retreat into my little perfect life sham, by cleaning my house, eating something nice for dinner, and watching some dvd's.

[Merudo]

Beer
Chocolate
Loud Music
Friends
Pizza
Bushwalks
Video Games



All of which should take place whether recovering from a breakup or not. :P

[cub]

A bit of crying, lots of sleeping, little bit of moodiness, then I would buy myself a cheering-up gift :)

does the cheering-up gift require batteries?

[Munchkin]

does the cheering-up gift require batteries?

Naw, I got one of those fancy USB plug in types
:D


Seriously tho, its normally just something dinky, like a cd, dvd .... and a bar of Galaxy chocolate because its absofuckinglutely yummy and its a cheaper alternative to beer :p

[Afta Image]

I was just curious.

I occasionally have old pains from past relationships throw up and hurt me... and it makes me wonder if i have ever actually dealt with it... or just... pushed it aside.

Well I believe if you really loved someone and it all fucks up then this person will always be a part of you, no matter what. The truth is if you really love some one, regardless of what happens you will always have them in your heart.

I know once in a blue moon something will happen, like for example, I smell something I associate with some one who once meant the world to me and it hits me real hard. The only thinig I can say is over time these things slowly lessen and things get easier, but I am not sure if you are ever free of these things, I know I am not.

I know for me, in such circumstances I tend to just go numb and not sleep, but everyonme has their own way of dealing with it. I guess the only thing I can say is your not alone, everyone goes through these things throughout their life many times (even though it does not seem like it at the time).

I guess maybe the only other thing I could offer at the moment is we all have to make mistakes before we finally get things right.....

[Afta Image]

I sit around and think about how I can hurt them with out being caught…. Revenge is a dish best served cold. By the time I think it would be alright to torch their car I have gotten over it.

Hehehe, even the most controlled people get this way, but I tend to just walk away. I just dont bother with revenge, it may seem immeaditly benefical but there are no good long term gains and I know I am better spending the energy finding that next person rather than living in the past.

One thing is, I never do the "be friends thing", I just cant, guess it is just one of my limitations. What about everyone else here, do you:
1) Do the "lets be friends thing" always.
2) Do the "lets be friends thing" sometimes (depends on the situation).
3) Or never do it like me.
4) Or something else I have not thought about.....

[StygiaN]

I think if you were friends before you started going out and it was a mutual break up then being friends after can work. If the break up was because one person fucked up or it wasn't mutual then the friends thing doesn't really work and will cause a lot more pain. If you weren't actually friends before you started going out then trying to be friends after is going to be hard work. Depends on the people involved though.

Nice posts Aftamate!

[Glompbot]

All I can say is FUCKING JOOP!