View Full Version : Sex
Whiskers
11-01-2005, 07:48 PM
Inspired by the 'How Many'? thread- I thought it would be interesting to discuss the following questions
Should sex be reserved only for serious relationships?
Or is it okay to have casual sex?
While I acknowledge the ambiguities of the questions- it is intentional- every person will define the topic subjectively.
Personally, I think if somebody is given the opportunity to have 'no strings' attached sex with an attractive person- they will usually jump at the chance.
frgn8r
11-01-2005, 07:52 PM
Sex is a physical activity that brings enjoyment via sensation - like having someone scratch your back.
If you can separate the emotional from the physical, then sex should be fine with friends. But most people can't...
Up_All_Night
11-01-2005, 07:52 PM
I dont think there's a problem with casual sex with the one person, unless someone is being used.
one night stands, as a now and then isnt too bad. But all the time, or a frequent amount of one nighters isnt a good thing.
i say best to leave it to with people u know and such, but the odd pick up, one nighter aint bad.
Whiskers
11-01-2005, 08:00 PM
I dont think there's a problem with casual sex with the one person, unless someone is being used.
one night stands, as a now and then isnt too bad. But all the time, or a frequent amount of one nighters isnt a good thing.
i say best to leave it to with people u know and such, but the odd pick up, one nighter aint bad.
Why are frequent one-nighters not a good thing?
Marshall77
11-01-2005, 08:01 PM
As long as you trust the person you are with and both of you are there for the same reason. I mean both there for a quickie or long term. not you for a quickie and them for the long term.
Sort your shit out first is what i mean.
I think?
Up_All_Night
11-01-2005, 08:02 PM
Why are frequent one-nighters not a good thing?
cause i'm not having them :)
StygiaN
11-01-2005, 08:09 PM
Sexual intercorse with someone you don't love is just the same as masturbating, but we still do it anyway. Quite the topic to discuss.
jambo
11-01-2005, 08:14 PM
Sexual intercorse with someone you don't love is just the same as masturbating, but we still do it anyway. Quite the topic to discuss.
I love me.
Whiskers
11-01-2005, 08:16 PM
Sexual intercorse with someone you don't love is just the same as masturbating, but we still do it anyway. Quite the topic to discuss.
If they are the same, would you prefer to masturbate or have the casual sex?
Is it a moral choice?
StygiaN
11-01-2005, 08:31 PM
I know what I would prefer to do ;)
You're quite right, it's a moral choice (and usually something to do with alcohol too).
MisterBishi
11-01-2005, 08:39 PM
Personally, I think if somebody is given the opportunity to have 'no strings' attached sex with an attractive person- they will usually jump at the chance.
http://img135.exs.cx/img135/2350/iconnod7sx.gif
Personally I'd always prefer to have sex with someone I care about but there aint nothing wrong with a one night stand :pir8dan:
Aardvark
11-01-2005, 09:16 PM
Nothing wrong with sex, no matter what the situation. It's a streneous physical activity, really burns off the joules, the chemicals in the brain, aside from giving you a feeling of euphoria, calm down headaches, it brings people closer, it's fun, it promotes flexibility and physical endurance and it's something most people have in common. The only thing wrong with too much is the statistical probability of running into an STD and/or pregnancy, despite contraceptives.
I talk about, of course, sexual intercourse between two consenting people of or greater than the age of consent in their region. Anything outside that, everyone's got their own view
Thyraeus
11-01-2005, 09:18 PM
I know what I would prefer to do ;)
You're quite right, it's a moral choice (and usually something to do with alcohol too).
Do you often take advantage of yourself after a few drinks?
Cassa
11-01-2005, 09:26 PM
I've turned down many opportunities for casual sex. It's just not my style. I may seem like I act silly and impulsive sometimes, but my personal life is something I take very very seriously. My being married notwithstanding, even if I wanted to have casual sex, I wouldn't be able to because I'd feel too bad afterwards.
Whiskers
11-01-2005, 09:30 PM
I've turned down many opportunities for casual sex. It's just not my style. I may seem like I act silly and impulsive sometimes, but my personal life is something I take very very seriously. My being married notwithstanding, even if I wanted to have casual sex, I wouldn't be able to because I'd feel too bad afterwards.
May I ask why you would feel bad afterwards?
Cassa
11-01-2005, 09:32 PM
I'm extremely critical of myself, so no doubt I would find a way to relate it to me being a terrible person.
Merudo
11-01-2005, 09:32 PM
Situations like this you sort of have to blame religion for that Cassa. Because even the non-religious have this view about sex imposed on them just because of our society, our culture, and the way sex is viewed by the public as something "sacred between two people that love each other"
If this view wasn't fed to us like this it's quite probable sex would be treated rather differently by society as a whole.
I'm not saying casual no strings attached sex is right or wrong.
But who knows, I'm just rambling now. :)
(edit: I at this point have no point of view on this subject until i can make a decent response :fu: ... )
Cassa
11-01-2005, 09:33 PM
Nah it's just cos I look fat when I'm naked.
edit: Seriously, I don't know why I think that way. I'm more Buddhist than anything so I don't think it's a religious thing. I think it's probably got to do with spending the majority of my time inside my own head thinking far too much, my whole life. I analyse everything to death - combine that with a tendency to negative about oneself and it's a recipe for, well, a bad thing.
Scythe
11-01-2005, 09:52 PM
Sex, like most human activities, only has as much meaning as people choose to invest in it. Sometimes it may mean everything, and other times it's just a way to assuage loneliness or pass the time.
Personally, I see no problems with casual sex, as long as people engage in it responsibly (that may sound like a contradiction, but it's not). But then, my views on sex and relationships are generally seen as a little....unusual.
Whiskers
11-01-2005, 10:03 PM
Sex, like most human activities, only has as much meaning as people choose to invest in it. Sometimes it may mean everything, and other times it's just a way to assuage loneliness or pass the time.
Personally, I see no problems with casual sex, as long as people engage in it responsibly (that may sound like a contradiction, but it's not). But then, my views on sex and relationships are generally seen as a little....unusual.
Surely it is to oversimplify things to say that sex has only as much meaning as people choose to invest in it. While I agree that sex has no inherent/universal meaning- surely our attitudes to sex are largely based on the culture we are brought up in. The meaning we invest in sex becomes a product of our upbringing.
Merudo
11-01-2005, 10:06 PM
The meaning we invest in sex becomes a product of our upbringing.
Exactly what I was saying. It is what society and our upbringing make it.
That's why rednecks think inter-family relationships are OK. They are brought up in a society that tolerates this. :P
;)
(Most certainly not the way to go, however! :stooge: )
Scythe
11-01-2005, 10:19 PM
Surely it is to oversimplify things to say that sex has only as much meaning as people choose to invest in it. While I agree that sex has no inherent/universal meaning- surely our attitudes to sex are largely based on the culture we are brought up in. The meaning we invest in sex becomes a product of our upbringing.
That's partly true, but we're not completely determined by such forces. We're free to look at the matter ourselves and make our own choices, if we're willing to put in the effort.
I'm a living example of that. I was brought up in a fairly strict Roman Catholic household, and some of my relatives took it to the extreme (one of my uncles has 9 children, and not because he planned it that way). I, on the other hand, have some atttudes towards sex and relationships that quite a few of my relatives would devoutly believe would get me sent to hell for having if they knew I had them.
Whiskers
11-01-2005, 10:24 PM
That's partly true, but we're not completely determined by such forces. We're free to look at the matter ourselves and make our own choices, if we're willing to put in the effort.
I'm a living example of that. I was brought up in a fairly strict Roman Catholic household, and some of my relatives took it to the extreme (one of my uncles has 9 children, and not because he planned it that way). I, on the other hand, have some atttudes towards sex and relationships that quite a few of my relatives would devoutly believe would get me sent to hell for having if they knew I had them.
Agency.
Up_All_Night
11-01-2005, 11:37 PM
it doesnt feel right with a one nighter if you dont like them. Like when ya getitng with someone and ya like, well time to have sex, not like there's passion or anything, just the thing to do, makes it not the easiest to perform and the pressure. But with someone I like, 100% no problem at all. Even if its someone i like and on the night we hook up. Stupid fucking physcological bullshit. I really wish i could get past it better.
landmachine
11-01-2005, 11:41 PM
Do you know what I just learned? that it wasn't interesting to discuss the following questions.
MisterBishi
11-01-2005, 11:42 PM
I'm a living example of that. I was brought up in a fairly strict Roman Catholic household, and some of my relatives took it to the extreme (one of my uncles has 9 children, and not because he planned it that way). I, on the other hand, have some atttudes towards sex and relationships that quite a few of my relatives would devoutly believe would get me sent to hell for having if they knew I had them.
Maybe upbringing was the wrong word for Whiskers to use but 'Nature or Nurture' arguments don't stop at family. Experiences, other people (both 'real' and on TV, in books, etc.)* have an influence on you too.
* notice I didnt mention the internet, there's nobody else on the internet, stupid.
lostreality
11-01-2005, 11:47 PM
im surprised nobody has mentioned this (http://www2.b3ta.com/bukkake/) yet.
Broken
30-01-2005, 10:08 AM
since when do geeks have morals?
badpauly
31-01-2005, 12:45 AM
Sex is fun.
If you want it with emotional attachment, cool.
If you want it with someone you like, cool.
If you want it with someone that looks good, cool.
If you want it, cool.
It is up to you if you want to attach feeling to it, otherwise it is just a really fun act that fills your head with endorphines and makes you smile.
I've done it for all the above reasons, and probably will continue to.
Chrissy
31-01-2005, 01:36 AM
I think there is a world of difference between the way men and women have casual sex.
IMO, men tend to view it as a way to have fun or something to do when they are bored. Men are much more able to roll over at the end and think to themselves, 'ah well, that was a cracking shag, I wonder what's in the fridge for a post-coital snack? Women will think 'wow, that was cool, I wonder if he likes me? I wonder if he will think about me? I wonder if he'll call me?'
I think that for women it's very difficult to have no strings attached casual sex without getting emotionally involved to a certain extent.
Women will possibly talk about whay happened with their friends and analyse what happened, what he said, what he did etc. Maybe they will think that something might come of what happened.
Men probably won't discuss what happened, beyond a comment or two to their mates. If it was good sex, they may try and find the opportunity to do it again, but they won't spend the next 4 weeks making sure they look fantastic every morning before work in case they bump into the person they had sex with.
From a womans point of view, casual sex can be damaging. If the guy doesn't call, they may start to doubt themselves and imagine that they didn't live up to expectations. This can lead to really low self-esteem. The pressure on women to live up to the porn-star image that most men seem to like in a one night stand is huge.
From a mans point of view, they had a brilliant time and now it's on to the next one!
Personally, I don't think casual sex is wrong as long as everybody is a bit caring toward the person they had sex with. Blokes would get a whole lot further if they could only make sure their conquest was emotionally ok before they stopped calling.
Even casual sex needs a little bit of love, man!
badpauly
31-01-2005, 01:48 AM
I think there is a world of difference between the way men and women have casual sex.
IMO, men tend to view it as a way to have fun or something to do when they are bored. Men are much more able to roll over at the end and think to themselves, 'ah well, that was a cracking shag, I wonder what's in the fridge for a post-coital snack? Women will think 'wow, that was cool, I wonder if he likes me? I wonder if he will think about me? I wonder if he'll call me?'
I think that for women it's very difficult to have no strings attached casual sex without getting emotionally involved to a certain extent.
Women will possibly talk about whay happened with their friends and analyse what happened, what he said, what he did etc. Maybe they will think that something might come of what happened.
Men probably won't discuss what happened, beyond a comment or two to their mates. If it was good sex, they may try and find the opportunity to do it again, but they won't spend the next 4 weeks making sure they look fantastic every morning before work in case they bump into the person they had sex with.
From a womans point of view, casual sex can be damaging. If the guy doesn't call, they may start to doubt themselves and imagine that they didn't live up to expectations. This can lead to really low self-esteem. The pressure on women to live up to the porn-star image that most men seem to like in a one night stand is huge.
From a mans point of view, they had a brilliant time and now it's on to the next one!
I think my current bonk-buddies would be quite surprised to find out they are supposed to be disecting the events that take place in my bed, what will happen in the future, and if I'll call the next day.
Especially K. since she's a sexologist and should know bloody better. I'll have to have words with her at the launch of this book tomorrow night. (http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2005/01/29/1106850164121.html)
I have a feeling that you may be only speaking for yourself and a like-minded percentage of the population.
Personally, I don't think casual sex is wrong as long as everybody is a bit caring toward the person they had sex with. Blokes would get a whole lot further if they could only make sure their conquest was emotionally ok before they stopped calling.
Even casual sex needs a little bit of love, man!
Thought so.
Everyone approaches the issue of sex from a different perspective. For the sanity of all involved, can everyone please only speak for themselves (and anyone they know REALLY well) so there is no judging of others?
Chrissy
31-01-2005, 01:54 AM
Ok ok, I am speaking from the perspective of me and my friends who think like that.
I would love to know how to be different, perhaps I could talk to your friend K at some point to get some tips!
NightLightness
31-01-2005, 02:10 AM
i hate to say this but my mum said something that really made sence to me and that is that sex is great in an personal relationship..........can be the best, but sometimes you get to a point in life when you just really need sex and if there is someone around to give it then its an opportunity not to miss..............now that scary comming from my conservative english mother.
s3raph
31-01-2005, 02:14 AM
I think the trick is to find someone around to give it. I wish I had someone around to give it.
badpauly
31-01-2005, 02:36 AM
Ok ok, I am speaking from the perspective of me and my friends who think like that.
I would love to know how to be different, perhaps I could talk to your friend K at some point to get some tips!
She's working on a book at the moment about fuck-friends, bonk-buddies and other people who have non-emotional sexual relationships, so I'll certainly let people know when it's finished.
Drop me a PM with your email and I'll send through some of the things she's written about it (as long as I can find them).
badpauly
31-01-2005, 02:42 AM
i hate to say this but my mum said something that really made sence to me and that is that sex is great in an personal relationship..........can be the best, but sometimes you get to a point in life when you just really need sex and if there is someone around to give it then its an opportunity not to miss..............now that scary comming from my conservative english mother.
You have a cool mum.
Getting to the point where you can have sex with someone and have no emotional attachment is hard, but it has certainly been good to me.
As a clarification, it's not pure "wham-bam-thankyamam" - I am also good friends with the current bonk-buddies. In some ways it could be said that they are non-commital-polyamarous relationships where the sex can happen or not happen and not impact on the friend-status.
Fuck, almost 3am and I'm still making sense to myself.
Tintin
31-01-2005, 02:47 AM
I don't know where you geeks are getting all these opportunities for casual sex/one night stands from. From my experience to be in such a situation at least the female party would have to be severely intoxicated (paralytic), or in some other situation that I don't even want to imagine. I'm a 26 year-old guy, who, in the scheme of things is intelligent and well-groomed. I live in the city and I have 2 uni degrees and a well paying job. On average I receive smiles from women approximately once per year and that is when I am completely disguised in a Santa outfit. In this climate how is it so many people are climbing into strangers' beds and getting carnal knowledge?
badpauly
31-01-2005, 02:55 AM
I don't know where you geeks are getting all these opportunities for casual sex/one night stands from. From my experience to be in such a situation at least the female party would have to be severely intoxicated (paralytic), or in some other situation that I don't even want to imagine. I'm a 26 year-old guy, who, in the scheme of things is intelligent and well-groomed. I live in the city and I have 2 uni degrees and a well paying job. On average I receive smiles from women approximately once per year and that is when I am completely disguised in a Santa outfit. In this climate how is it so many people are climbing into strangers' beds and getting carnal knowledge?
For me it is the people I mix with. A large chunk of the socialising I do is with people involved in sex-based industries (from research to sales) or in the BDSM/Leather/Kink scene, and people in those areas have a far more liberal view of sex.
A lot/some of the ZGeeks out there who work and socialise in the corporate area will find more people who won't play without a few drinks, a meal, or a few dates first.
BtrFly
31-01-2005, 09:38 AM
a modicum of emotion is needed if i am to do anything with someone, but that is just me, if people want to have casual sex, then fine.
i realised last year that my "fuck buddy" (an ex) really wasnt doing it for me anymore, but we are still good friends. He is in love with a girl overseas, and I am just being me, and having fun - so its all good :) If i see someone I like, then I am more likely to go for it these days, but it really depends on the situation, as to how far things get.
beerbaron
31-01-2005, 09:58 AM
I agree with some of Chrissy's remarks
majority of us guys have a different view to casual sex compared to the female contigent naturally of course
everyones different but I was never keen on a one night stand, sure it happened and was good fun but i always wanted to take the next step and actually get to the know the girl etc
Aardvark
31-01-2005, 11:15 AM
Sex is sex. Don't quantify it, justify it, objectify it or be iffy about it. Sex just is. Accept it and get on with your life. Y'know, maybe instead of discussing sex, go out and have some. Or bat off while watching other people. I dunno, you're all peverted wierdos, you figure it out
Buffy
31-01-2005, 11:31 AM
I thought Chrissy and BadPauly were basically saying the same thing, caring about a casual sex partner even just a little bit makes them your friend, or buddy. Fuckbuddy if you will. There's love man, even if its not the romantic kind. :cool:
I like to fantasize about the random stranger sex, but I dunno if i'd ever really go through with it. It's nice to think about though :D
ShinymetalASS
31-01-2005, 11:37 AM
I like sex... I particularly like it when im having it.
Relationships are hard.
Sex is easy.
People think too much.
Im going to post in the Superman v Batman forum. At least I know the answer there.
durus
31-01-2005, 11:53 AM
For me sex needs at least little bit of emotional involvement, caring is good, but i found that anger can work too (don't ask).
sex without emotion i find a little boring.
At this point i'm looking more for emotional fullfilment than sexual. That being said sex is not a bad thing and i'd love to be having more of it.
I met a girl not so long ago who i'd happily become bed-buddies with. The sex was good and there was a connection on a friendly level that i enjoyed. Pitty we're in different countries. I never thought i'd feel like having a friends/sex relationship before i met this girl.
Lastly i hate one night stands. My reasons are, I've never had one with a stunning looking girl, since you don't really get to know the person you're having a one night stand with you've got nothing but looks to go on, thus i usually feel cheapenned at the end of it (i'm not pretentious, i'm that good).
Merudo
31-01-2005, 12:01 PM
I like sex... I particularly like it when im having it.
Relationships are hard.
Sex is easy.
People think too much.
Im going to post in the Superman v Batman forum. At least I know the answer there.
what's the guys typical response when he see's you've got a shiny metal ass?
Scythe
31-01-2005, 12:12 PM
what's the guys typical response when he see's you've got a shiny metal ass?
Probably something that involves the words buffing and/or waxing.
Merudo
31-01-2005, 12:14 PM
Probably something that involves the words buffing and/or waxing.
*goes and gets tube of autosol*
its awwwwn
dwarfthrower
31-01-2005, 12:14 PM
Probably something that involves the words buffing and/or waxing.
In my experience, offering to wax a girl's arse rarely leads to sex.
Broken
02-02-2005, 12:53 AM
Who in there right mind would want to wax a girls ass??? a man with a weird fedish maybe???? i have never dated nor seen a girl with a hairy ass.
also who would want to have sex with a girl who ass you just waxed?????
ms edeity
02-02-2005, 03:53 AM
never had sex with a guy that did the whole back, sack and crack thing. a little pain is good but ...and seriously the stubble rash would be a bitch
sperm
10-02-2005, 03:47 PM
Well, I may be a bad judge on this one, refer to the "How many?" thread
But here goes ...
Should sex be reserved only for serious relationships?
No. Although I think people should at least know what it is like for terms of reference.
Or is it okay to have casual sex?
Absolutely, I've always hated when people label others as promiscous (i.e. slut)
Go out, get some, enjoy yourselves/each other !
Personally, I think if somebody is given the opportunity to have 'no strings' attached sex with an attractive person- they will usually jump at the chance.
Agreed, tho they wouldnt even have to be too attractive; in fact being too good looking is intimidating i find.
But while I enjoy a good shag (who doesnt), I dont think I could ever totally seperate being physical with being emotional. Maybe its just my way of being grateful ! :D
And I'm not sure I could stop at a one nighter - Im too addicted ;)
chuck
13-02-2005, 06:17 AM
What is sex anyway? It's the satifaction of having fun,by your self or with someone. Love is not allway the right choice.
Chrissy
13-02-2005, 09:33 AM
Well, I may be a bad judge on this one, refer to the "How many?" thread
But here goes ...
No. Although I think people should at least know what it is like for terms of reference.
Absolutely, I've always hated when people label others as promiscous (i.e. slut)
Go out, get some, enjoy yourselves/each other !
Agreed, tho they wouldnt even have to be too attractive; in fact being too good looking is intimidating i find.
But while I enjoy a good shag (who doesnt), I dont think I could ever totally seperate being physical with being emotional. Maybe its just my way of being grateful ! :D
And I'm not sure I could stop at a one nighter - Im too addicted ;)
Please please please will you run away with me? .......Please?!
sperm
14-02-2005, 11:08 AM
Please please please will you run away with me? .......Please?!
Sure :)
But is this going to be a 'casual' thing ? ;)
sex has never been better for me :D
the emotional connection is what does it for me.... especially if you are in tune with your partners needs - you can satisfy eachother better that way.
i have complete trust in my partner, and i always feel comfortable with him.
i think we look after eachother really well :D
Chrissy
14-02-2005, 07:48 PM
Sure :)
But is this going to be a 'casual' thing ? ;)
As soon as I have read the stuff that Badpauly is supposed to be sending me on detatching sex from emotion....sure! :p
Second everything said and as such... has left me with nothing left to say
Sex is fun.
If you want it with emotional attachment, cool.
If you want it with someone you like, cool.
If you want it with someone that looks good, cool.
If you want it, cool.
It is up to you if you want to attach feeling to it, otherwise it is just a really fun act that fills your head with endorphines and makes you smile.
I've done it for all the above reasons, and probably will continue to.
detatching sex from emotion....sure! :p
Thats always the hard part :(
Scythe
17-02-2005, 05:52 PM
Thats always the hard part :(
Practice makes perfect.....
Practice makes perfect.....
mmmm, that gives me an idea :)
iaidoka
25-02-2005, 12:17 AM
the only problem i see with casual sex is that im not getting any
Manshoon
25-02-2005, 12:22 AM
Join the club
Scythe
25-02-2005, 02:26 PM
In my experience, offering to wax a girl's arse rarely leads to sex.
You obviously don't know the right way to ask.
sperm
25-02-2005, 02:33 PM
Oh, as in "put out NOW biatch, or I'll rip out all the tiny hairs on your big fat arse !" ? :D
Scythe
25-02-2005, 03:04 PM
Oh, as in "put out NOW biatch, or I'll rip out all the tiny hairs on your big fat arse !" ? :D
Feel free to try that, and be sure to let us know how it goes.
Merudo
25-02-2005, 03:05 PM
what's sex mommy?
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