Internet Cafe HELL!

[kleph]

not the best day at the internet cafe here in lima. it started with a guy next to me wearing so much cologne i felt like i was being maced the whole time he was here. he spent the whole time looking at really really bad peruvian porn, which didnt help matters.

next, i got a middle aged chinese woman who spent 45 minutes looking at harry potter sites while making little noises and giggles every time whoever was on the other end of the cam sent her a comment.

this was made even worse by a guy with a cough on the other side who sounded just like an outboard motor, and he would cough every 30 seconds on the dot the whole time he was here.

i gotta get internet at the house before i go nuts.

[MisterBishi]

This is bullshit where are the dead koreans?

[MisterBishi]

wtf somebody there has photo's of jesus?

dude. think about this man.

[kleph]

nah. i mean cheesy photoshops of jesus looking down on earth from space accompanied by crappy MIDI music.

[King_Crud]

nah. i mean cheesy photoshops of jesus looking down on earth from space accompanied by crappy MIDI music.
we all know Jebus lives in a palace on the moon. And if there's bad peruvian porn then maybe you can guide us to some good peruvian porn?

[kleph]

sorry. internet filters. the best i can do is give you a link to 16-year-old peruvian telenovela star stephanie cayo (http://www.gabrielblanco.cc/stephanie_cayo.htm).

[mustelus]

16? Shit, i feel like a pervert.

[iaidoka]

This is bullshit where are the dead koreans?

damn and I just repped you too -_-.

Mental note: rep Bishi for funny CS reference at a later date.

[druid]

MIDI music on the web...who the fuck invented that. http://www.bannedwagon.net/forums/html/emoticons/banned.gif

Btw wearing too much cologne is considered an act of terrorism now. You should report the guy.

[King_Crud]

sorry. internet filters. the best i can do is give you a link to 16-year-old peruvian telenovela star stephanie cayo (http://www.gabrielblanco.cc/stephanie_cayo.htm).
she's pretty hot but everything is written in some kind of foreign language. Sounds like peruvians are all terrorists. I'll call GWB and let him know.............

[Juice Biscuit]

Send him my love for me....




And make sure that it's sent express post this time

[kleph]

she's pretty hot but everything is written in some kind of foreign language. Sounds like peruvians are all terrorists. I'll call GWB and let him know.............

nah. the terrorists here were all shot ten years ago. besides they were all communists which is so passe these days. unless you are hunting for your 70 virgins using a vest bomb nobody cares anymore.

kinda nice at the cafe today. everyone is home with their hangovers, i guess.

[StAUG]

Unless you are hunting for your 70 virgins using a vest bomb nobody cares anymore.

Hahahaha! Lets not forget cupboard surfing though.

[Directed]

Wow, hot 16 year old peruvian, I feel dirty....

[kleph]

try not to think about the fact she is a few years younger than that in a lot of those photos.

anyhow. today's torture - smokers.

[MisterBishi]

16 is legal here man I feel no shame.

[Directed]

The one statement has nothing to do with the other mister bishi. Yes 16 is legal where you live, yes you feel no shame.

[StudMuffin]

i'm with bishi on this one, NO SHAME, and horay for banging 16 year old chicks

[kleph]

goat boy has left us but his spirit carries on...

[FuncowK]

Man, the worst internet cafe experience is when you sit next to a bunch of 12-14 year olds and they're playing Counterstrike.. kunts won't shut the fuck up with their swearing and fag talk. Some are so unaware how freaken loud they are. :swear:

[kleph]

now imagine they are all screaming at each other in spanish.

today's hell. the nice gentleman next to me obviously has not bathed for... maybe six weeks. he also is constantly using his radio phone so i have to endure that piercing beep beep and his blathering on. while i hold my breath, of course.

BONUS IRRITATION! he is a knuckle cracker.

[Up_All_Night]

16 is legal here man I feel no shame.

but not if you're more than 2 years older

[kleph]

today's contestant - weird moaning guy. every so often he lets out this prolonged and disturbing moan while reviewing his e-mail. if he was looking at porn i am pretty sure i could get a restraining order on him.

[kleph]

INTERNET CAFE HELL SPECIAL PM EDITION!

two words. . .

lionel.

richie.

[johny_roberts]

I love reading this thread. Poor basterd

[SOC]

well, it's better than nicole, that's for sure

[StygiaN]

nah. i mean cheesy photoshops of jesus looking down on earth from space accompanied by crappy MIDI music.

God loves this sort of stuff... He told me last night!!

[Arsozah]

God loves this sort of stuff... He told me last night!!

That wasn't God, Dave.... http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v101/ryana00/FIREdevil.gif

[StygiaN]

That wasn't God, Dave.... http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v101/ryana00/FIREdevil.gif

It was the flaming smiley? OMG I must have taken some good shit last night....

[johny_roberts]

Ahhh ya should have frenched him to see what was causing the smell.

[King_Crud]

why don't you buy a pc and get your own internet connection? Surely as a journalist it would be a must

[excalibur]

I had my own version of internet cafe hell last week. Some fucking n00b that was about 16, playing CS, using Teamspeak, and forgetting he was mic'ed so he was shouting at his little CS buddies.

This went on for 2 hours. I was ready to smack the prick, but decided public violence was not the best of ideas, so left instead.

[amj]

you can play counterstrike at your internet cafe? Woah.

[kleph]

why don't you buy a pc and get your own internet connection? Surely as a journalist it would be a must

i have a VERY limited income at the moment which, allied with byzantine peruvian banking laws, has restricted my ability to get an internet connection. add to that the fact my laptop finally gave up the ghost this week and you can see how i have come to bear this burden.

[MisterBishi]

but not if you're more than 2 years older

We dont have those silly "what if" laws in England. 16 is legal, end of.

[kleph]

today's special torture: screaming babies.

[ms edeity]

the horror, the horror

[kleph]

ok, it started off good today. the groover chick was playing nirvana so that was cool. but then the next song was april lavern or whothefuckever.

that's grounds for meaningless violence is it not? or crying.

[gunsella]

in a reverse-time universe, april lavigne would be responsible for the likes of nirvana. you should count your lucky stars.

[kleph]

count yourself lucky i'm too fucking lazy to negative rep you for saying that.

[gunsella]

i'm reading time's arrow by martin amis atm. all causality is reversed.

[4X4]

SO there are strange people coming along, so what, LIVE WITH IT!!

[VangaloRR]

Man I would get the fuck outta that net cafe before you catch something, dirty peruvians.......

I have one question though why are you spending time in that cafe when you could be spending time looking for the lost city of gold?? don't you remember the cartoon? I want a giant golden flying bird thingamajig damnit!

[Uther Pendragon]

that cartoon rocked so very very hard. Torrents?

Kleph, I would get yourself a walkman to block out all the tards, won't help with bad breath people but it sure helps with everything else

[SOC]

Kleph, I would get yourself a walkman to block out all the tards, won't help with bad breath people but it sure helps with everything else

I've heard one of these is a great defense against the bad-breath people:

[kleph]

being a gringo in peru and wearing a walkman is a nice way of saying "hey! mr. mugger. i am a clueless tourist with not a fucking clue of what is going on around me so could you please follow me several dozen blocks from this place and put a gun to my head?"

[SOC]

Yes, but if you had the Darth Vader helmet on, they couldn't SEE the Walkman headphones, could they?


*stupid gringo* ...

[kleph]

you are already drinking, aren't you?

[SOC]

No, I'm still at work. But in my mind, in the happy place I retreat to when it all gets too much, I'm already on my third scotch. Straight up.

[Uther Pendragon]

I like happy places.

Mine has lots of blackjack and hookers.

mmmm hookers and blackjack.

[kleph]

ah yes, i had forgotten the glory of internet blocking software.

[kleph]

there is a guy next to me who is paying to use someone else's computer... to play solitaire. resisting the urge to whack him upside the head is inhumanly difficult.

[peto]

He might be having trouble trying to hook in his own PC into the town powerpoint?

[StAUG]

...town powerpoint?

Give this man a large a watch!

[kleph]

ugh... mouth breather.

[johny_roberts]

the bitch next to me is now showing off the socks she recently bought to her significant other via the webcam. i think etiquette requires i whip out my massive wang and slap her in the face with it.

Ask her where she bought the socks because your grandmother would love a pair. They are so "quaint" would be the reply.

Then slap her with your wang, though it would be a pretty small slap and just might cause her to fall down laughing....... Or it might cause her eye damage trying to see where the slap came from. Either way its a win win situation..

[Haggisboy]

Looks like time to call out the big guns. May I suggest moving from PC to PC and on each calling up the Badger Badger flash.

Note: this should be done with caution as it might actually cause Peru to slide into the sea.

[Haggisboy]

Hey Kleph, I suggest you PM Davo_Dinkum. From the looks of things (http://forums.zgeek.com/showthread.php?t=37127&page=1&pp=15) he just might be a problem solver.

[Davo_Dinkum]

sorry. internet filters. the best i can do is give you a link to 16-year-old peruvian telenovela star stephanie cayo (http://www.gabrielblanco.cc/stephanie_cayo.htm).

w00t. I'm 14, so I can look as much as I like.

[4X4]

Haven't posted hear since page 3. I quote what I last said, TO EVERYONE