lowededwookie
17-03-2005, 09:21 AM
In this post (http://forums.zgeek.com/showpost.php?p=512118&postcount=61) I mentioned that I was writing a story based around thoughts and feelings that I have had either recently or for much of my life. Well here it is. It's called Chaos Dreams.
I have to admit that the whole story, while being completely fictional (except for Chapter One which is real), is steeped highly in symbolism which is really the only way that it could have been written.
Before I ask your comments I will give you a brief synopsis to help you understand what the story is about, and why the characters were developed the way they were.
The story is told from a semi-first person perspective and I have to admit it reads more like a movie script than a story. This is more to do with the way I see things in my head before putting them to paper. It's also how I like to read. A book that is very descriptive allows me to play the story out like a movie in my head and thus captivates me more so I've tried to keep a similar principle.
Brief:
As I mentioned the story is based around thoughts and feelings I have had for some time. This makes for a slightly messed up story but I do feel it reads alright.
It contains aspects of my beliefs, without being preachy - I hope.
Characters:
The characters are Dane, Gail, old man, Jemma, the Northerner, Lenny, Natasha.
Dane: Dane is the central character and is me effectively. Ironically he is actually not the most important character in the story.
Gail: Gail is the love interest/best friend of Dane. In chapter one Dane does something stupid which appears could destroy the friendship between the two. Gail is actually the most important character in the story. She represents control and focus which allows Dane to succeed.
Old Man: The old man is very important but is not developed fully due to his importance not being in the old man role. He represents guidance.
Jemma: Jemma too is very important but once again not in this role. However she does play a huge role in how the story progresses. She represents well meaning but not necessarily correct wisdom, a general consensus of how matters should work if you will. However, she plays an important role in the guidance of Gail as is evident in the brief phone discussion in chapter two. Someone who is willing to be there for her when she needs help.
The Northerner: He is the bad guy. He represents the person each of us could become if we did not have the proper guidance. This is evident by the fact that the Northerner has exactly the same powers as Dane. The only difference between the two is that Dane has Gail helping him and focusing him. Dane also has friends who are there to guide them. The Northerner also represents controlling forces in life that seek to crush us instead of building us up. In life these would be problems, relationships, other people etc but in this story is represented by this singular character.
Lenny: Lenny is the best friend from childhood. Guiding and supporting Dane.
Natasha: Lenny's wife. She represents the control and focus of Lenny but is also used as a supporting role although very briefly. She is important to the safety of everyone but she does not play a major role.
Your role:
Okay, so what I would like is for you to read the story and comment on it. I'm looking more for layout and grammer pointers although I would prefer if you didn't take the grammer of the spoken word to heart because of the nature of how my friends and I speak.
Some words may highlight in your spellcheckers but these will be more to do with words being cut off, place names, product names etc. I have run the story through a spell checker and the words that don't fit into the above list should be okay.
If you are editing it can you please make your changes in red and e-mail me back your edited document? My e-mail is lowededwookie@gmail.com.
Hopefully it doesn't read too in your face or too preachy etc but towards the end it does play very much on my religious beliefs - just not in the John Sunol way. :D
I have to admit that the whole story, while being completely fictional (except for Chapter One which is real), is steeped highly in symbolism which is really the only way that it could have been written.
Before I ask your comments I will give you a brief synopsis to help you understand what the story is about, and why the characters were developed the way they were.
The story is told from a semi-first person perspective and I have to admit it reads more like a movie script than a story. This is more to do with the way I see things in my head before putting them to paper. It's also how I like to read. A book that is very descriptive allows me to play the story out like a movie in my head and thus captivates me more so I've tried to keep a similar principle.
Brief:
As I mentioned the story is based around thoughts and feelings I have had for some time. This makes for a slightly messed up story but I do feel it reads alright.
It contains aspects of my beliefs, without being preachy - I hope.
Characters:
The characters are Dane, Gail, old man, Jemma, the Northerner, Lenny, Natasha.
Dane: Dane is the central character and is me effectively. Ironically he is actually not the most important character in the story.
Gail: Gail is the love interest/best friend of Dane. In chapter one Dane does something stupid which appears could destroy the friendship between the two. Gail is actually the most important character in the story. She represents control and focus which allows Dane to succeed.
Old Man: The old man is very important but is not developed fully due to his importance not being in the old man role. He represents guidance.
Jemma: Jemma too is very important but once again not in this role. However she does play a huge role in how the story progresses. She represents well meaning but not necessarily correct wisdom, a general consensus of how matters should work if you will. However, she plays an important role in the guidance of Gail as is evident in the brief phone discussion in chapter two. Someone who is willing to be there for her when she needs help.
The Northerner: He is the bad guy. He represents the person each of us could become if we did not have the proper guidance. This is evident by the fact that the Northerner has exactly the same powers as Dane. The only difference between the two is that Dane has Gail helping him and focusing him. Dane also has friends who are there to guide them. The Northerner also represents controlling forces in life that seek to crush us instead of building us up. In life these would be problems, relationships, other people etc but in this story is represented by this singular character.
Lenny: Lenny is the best friend from childhood. Guiding and supporting Dane.
Natasha: Lenny's wife. She represents the control and focus of Lenny but is also used as a supporting role although very briefly. She is important to the safety of everyone but she does not play a major role.
Your role:
Okay, so what I would like is for you to read the story and comment on it. I'm looking more for layout and grammer pointers although I would prefer if you didn't take the grammer of the spoken word to heart because of the nature of how my friends and I speak.
Some words may highlight in your spellcheckers but these will be more to do with words being cut off, place names, product names etc. I have run the story through a spell checker and the words that don't fit into the above list should be okay.
If you are editing it can you please make your changes in red and e-mail me back your edited document? My e-mail is lowededwookie@gmail.com.
Hopefully it doesn't read too in your face or too preachy etc but towards the end it does play very much on my religious beliefs - just not in the John Sunol way. :D