Worst Pick Up Lines EVAR

[AVataRR]

This is probably better placed in the general board, but it has less chance of being buried down the bottom in here. :p

Welcome to The Official ZGeek Pickupline Repository. Here you will find priceless gems for you to use at gatherings and public places whenever you feel that you want sex. Every line is 100% compatible with all sexual preferences, straight, homo, bestial, alien - althought they are also 100% guaranteed to fail. The list begins:


Hey babe. I'd like to run a recursive, insertion sort algorithm on your vector.
/wink

[Aardvark]

Wanna root?

Nice eyes? Let's fuck?

Fuck me.

Let's fuck. Them's fucking words.

Nice eyes. I wanna see 'em upside down. Bend over.

[druckfugged]

Did you hear about the giant polar bear? No? Well it broke the ice, didn't it?

[STallingU]

you like trees?
how bout a root?

[thingy]

Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Ingrid*?




(*Worked until I met a girl named Ingrid - damn she was good in bed. Shame she's now back in Perth).

[Sapper]

Would you like an Aussie kiss? It's just like a French kiss except Down Under.

[King_Crud]

hey bitch, suck my cock and then we'll fuck (seems to work in pornos)

[druid]

Do you want good sex? No? Well let's go then.

(or if you don't want much further action) :

Would you like to dance? You would? Ok then, go and have fun so I can sit down.

[Asmodeus]

hey hon, lets you and me go half and half on a baby

[dozer]

you don't know me right now......but in fifteen minutes,
my balls are going to be slapping up against your ass

[Asmodeus]

bitch, I want to wear you like a scarf

[Colonel Kurtz]

Anything drugs can do I can do with my tongue

[TK-421]

To another Guy whilst looking a good looking girl.
"Wanna go halves in a rape charge?"

[Icky_Thoomp]

Are you from the Carribbean? Cos Jamaican me horny, baby!
-------------
From the movie "Rocky" -
Paulie: Ay Rock, take 'er to da zoo! I hear retards like da zoo!
Rocky: mumble mumble blurg
-------------
Would you like a drink or should I just give you the money?

[The Avatar]

Thomas: "Hi! My name is Thomas George."

Hot Bitch: BULLSHIT!!!

Thomas Flips open his wallet, hot bitches eyes light up.
Thomas scores with hot bitch

[sciwra]

Hmm, couple of my favourites already kinda said but...

Every tripped over a tree? No?
How bout a root.
-
Fuck me if I'm wrong but don't you want to kiss me (it worked on me, I kissed her, damn).
-
Wanna go halves in a bastard?
-
The word of the day is legs, lets go home and spread the word.
-
Do you sleep on your stomach?
Can I?
-
*splash some water/drink on you and them*
let's go home and get out of these wet things.
-
You must wash your pants with windex cause I can see myself in them tonight.

And there's plenty more, we had a pickup line competition in high school all those years ago. Won't bother with the nice, lurvy durvey ones.

[Thyrd]

I had made a brilliant one up on the spot in a club once.

My mate is acusing me of being gay.
Mates girlfriend: Do you want to borrow my tounge ring?
Me: Only if your attached baby!

And now days I kick myself because I said that to a chick who was taken. And not to a hot single chick.

[Sapper]

First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then I'll move up to your belly button.
Ask: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" (No.) Wink.
Want to play a game? It's called you sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart.

[frenzie]

So cmon, you have left out the all time classic
"so ... you like stuff?"

[Glompbot]

That is the only pickup line that has ever worked on me.

[StygiaN]

How do I make my penis seven inches long? I fold it in half.

Works all the time!

[LevarBurton]

Are you from Subway? cause you're giving me a footlong

[wolfpac181]

All hail the iron fist of communism!

[FuncowK]

So..... you're a chick, right?

[StudMuffin]

You might as well fuck me, i'll tell my friends you did anyway

[rusty]

Did you know that the distance form here to here

*point to closest shoulder to neck*

Is the same as the distance from here to here

*point to other side of neck to other shoulder*
before they know what the hell you're talking about you've
already got them wraped up in your arms
works great on the lovey Dovey kind

[flow]

So, You can't play chess for shit? Would you like a game?

Hey - it worked.

[NightLightness]

my favaroite way to pick up is the best game all you girls should try........get a gold coin and as a cute guy walks past drop it prefrebly it a place that will give you a great view of the bottom. them if your still intersted its easy to pick up a conversation and mabey slip in a few of the above lines...........i especially like the up front "lets fuck" works every time for me

[STallingU]

my favaroite way to pick up is the best game all you girls should try........get a gold coin and as a cute guy walks past drop it prefrebly it a place that will give you a great view of the bottom. them if your still intersted its easy to pick up a conversation and mabey slip in a few of the above lines...........i especially like the up front "lets fuck" works every time for me
Lets fuck

[dogwomble]

There's a fire in my stomach and I need your fire hose to put it out

(One for the females/gay guys that wanna crack onto a guy)

[That Bloke]

I'd like to see someone use a line from an Austar digital ad as a pick up line; "Touch me, I rock!"

[Moga2]

Nice shoes, wanna fuck, if you catch my drift.

Excuse me, but does this smell like chloraphorm (sp) to you?

[Phyltr]

Did YOU invite all these people? I thought it was just going to be the two of us.

[Hired Goon]

I make a fuckload of money. Let's go.

*Note works as long as you look like you make a fuckload of money.

[hazza]

ever been penetrated?

[druckfugged]

ever been penetrated?

The only place I can possibly conceive that line being used is at a body piercing parlour. Or a rifle range.

[Ralmandor]

Hold up two fingers on one hand.

Know why you should use these two fingers to masturbate?

Because they're mine.

-

Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long.

[Nandragon]

I'm sure it's been done before but I couldn't resist.
We have this young wuss working here and he thinks his pick up lines are TEH best. You judge.

Your daddy must be retarded cause gurl you's spekial.

Is that a cake in your pants cause your ass sure is sweet.

Hey don't I know you? Yeah where'd you go to school, no.....where'd you work, no.....Your brother brown headed, no brother...well I'll figure it out...can I buy you a drink...

Please!

[Salted_Chipmunk]

Walk up to random chick.

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

[Asmodeus]

If you and I flipped a coin, what are the changed of me getting head?

[JiMi]

nice shoes..... wanna fuck?

[MADCAT]

nice legs, what time do they open

[dilligaf]

How YOU doin'?

[dilligaf]

Lets play house. You be the screen door and I'll slam you.

[Fitty]

My dog ran into that cheap motel over there - wanna help me find it?

My signiature.

[StygiaN]

"Hey darlin' how do I make my penis 7 inches long? *pause* fold it in half"

[dilligaf]

Is your daddy a thief? Becuase he has stolen the stars and put them in your eyes....

[dilligaf]

Am I dead? Because you look like an angel.

[BillDaCatt]

I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

[dilligaf]

Let's play Titanic. You be the iceberg, and I'll go down on you.

[StAUG]

Girl lets play army, I lay down and you blow me up.

[Scythe]

Did you just fart? Because you really blew me away.

[minorproblem]

The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.

[minorproblem]

Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me!

Do you like short love affairs? I hate them. I've got all weekend.

[thingy]

Funnily enough, it HAS (http://forums.zgeek.com/showthread.php?t=24064&highlight=pick+lines) been done before. Using the "search" feature of zgeek would have told you that. I've moved this to the same forum and requested a moderator merge the two threads.

[dilligaf]

Let's fuck.

[Guest.]

Do you fancy a shag?, if not, do you mind lying down while I have one?

[evil]

"Hey darlin' how do I make my penis 7 inches long? *pause* fold it in half"
zgeekin' drunk again Stygian ?? I'm use to people posting the same thing many times but this is the first time I've seen the same person post the same thing twice :banana:

[MAX POWER]

My personal Fav:

Approach a beautiful stranger, after making eye contact slowly dip my finger in my drink and then touch my shirt, then use the same damp finger to touch the shoulder of her shirt. While she gives you a quizical look, say to her:

"I think we should go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes"

Gets a laugh everytime.

[Serpent_Girl]

In a manly voice..

"Are you hurt? 'Cause it's a long way to fall from heaven, baby"
and.. *smashes the ice on the ground* "Now that the ice is broken, wanna fuck?"

[StygiaN]

It's the only pickup line I know Mr Evil :)

alas I think some threads have been merged. Damn forum overlords, making me look even more silly than I already do... hehe :)

[Glompbot]

I don't think I've ever used a pickup line.

I've said "are you coming upstairs or not?" but I would hardly call that a pickup line.

[Merudo]

In a manly voice..

"Are you hurt? 'Cause it's a long way to fall from heaven, baby"
and.. *smashes the ice on the ground* "Now that the ice is broken, wanna fuck?"
do you use the manly voice often? ha :P

[Davo_Dinkum]

My watch is magical, it can tell me that you're not wearing any Panties.

Well you're watch is fucked because I am.

Damn, it must be and hour fast.

[Davo_Dinkum]

Sitting in an abortion clinic waiting room:

You come here alot?

[mcnish]

(to a girl with long blonde hair) 'Your hair is like the wings of an angel'
(to same girl, as I put my hat on her head) 'Now you've got a halo'

I married her.

[Serpent_Girl]

do you use the manly voice often? ha :P

(in manly voice) Oh yeah baby, all the time. The women just can resist my smoooooth moves and liquid charisma. Damn I'm so sexy like this.

(in normal voice) er no, I don't. Only when attempting to scare people off, works like a charm :D

Oh I should probably add another pick up line...er.... "Hey baby, I'm so tall because I'm standing on my wallet"

[JiMi]

exccuse me miss, have you lost your virginity... (yes) oh, can i have the box it came in?


*motion for a woman to come over with you finger* when she finally comes over " see i knew if i fingered you for long enuf you'd cum"

[dilligaf]

Your place or mine?

[mcnish]

Your place or mine?

both?

[Sagacious]

When I met my wife the line I used was

Drumroll.......

Wife: (backs straight into me after taking a shot with group of people adjacent the bar)

Me: 'Hello...'

Wife: (looking at first directly into my chest then up to my head) 'Um...hello?'

Me: 'Are you having a good night?'

Wife: (stepping back as she had backed into me and was standing way too close) 'Um...yeah'

Me: 'Are you out with friends or with work?'

Wife: (looking at me now as if from another planet) 'Work friends.'

Me: 'Would you like a drink?'

Wife: (looking horrified) 'No no I've had way too much as it is.'

Me: 'You can have a water.'

Wife: 'No no nothing that comes in a glass.'

Me: 'My name is ........ ' (extending hand to shake by way of introduction)

Wife: (extending hand to introduce herself) 'My name is .....' (noticing salt from tequila shot still on her hand) 'oops' (brushes salt off hand and re-offers to shake) 'sorry about that.'

and so a relationship was born.

and almost 8 years later were married with a beatiful daughter and another child on the way...amazing what powers tequila has really.

[Funk Puppet]

Fried or scrambled?
<she gives puzzled look>
I just wanna know what kind of eggs to cook you in the morning....

[Funk Puppet]

The age old "so what are you drinking?" worked for me about 8 months ago. Still going great.

[Sagacious]

or you knw you are likely to be getting nowhere if you ask:

How do you like your eggs in the morning and she answers...

...unfertilised.

[Sagacious]

The age old "so what are you drinking?" worked for me about 8 months ago. Still going great.

Good for you funky

[Funk Puppet]

or you knw you are likely to be getting nowhere if you ask:

How do you like your eggs in the morning and she answers...

...unfertilised.
I guess I could just respond : "No Worries. I only buy the cheap ass eggs. You know the ones from battery hens. No way they have been laid in ages! they don't let those fuckers out for anything."

Works particularly well for animal rights activists and RSPCA workers.

[Jimma]

You: "Have you ever tripped over a log?"
Her: "No..."
You: "How about a root?"

Alternatively, lick your finger and wipe it on her, and say "Let's get you out of these wet clothes."

[druckfugged]

"are you coming upstairs or not?"

And they say the art of romance is dead :D

[Glompbot]

The age old "so what are you drinking?" worked for me about 8 months ago. Still going great.



..... thats a pickup line?
man... i've been rejecting people without knowing it.

[AVataRR]

situation: You're on the platform doing your japanese homework because it's better than sitting there doing nothing. Train arrives unexpectedly (after being late for a full three hours) so you hop on without putting your crap back in your bag. Once you sit down you get back into it. BUT, you get distracted by something on your right. Someone's holding a piece of paper, writing down familiar foreign characters. Someone's doing their japanese homework too, although a little more advanced than the shit you're doing.

What do you do? YOU GO:

OMGHI2U! :D NIHONG O BENKYOSHIMASHITA? TANOSHI DESUNE!

Instead of being a chicken, because you'll never ever see them again and you'll never ever be able to exploit this kind of situation ever again.

[Fitty]

yeah, engrish transration prease?

[dozer]

watashi wa ching ching sagoi, oki saizu , anato wa manko ooishi desu ka?

[djgcorporation]

Funnily enough, it HAS (http://forums.zgeek.com/showthread.php?t=24064&highlight=pick+lines) been done before. Using the "search" feature of zgeek would have told you that. I've moved this to the same forum and requested a moderator merge the two threads.

thanks hitler.

[Space Cowboy]

thanks hitler.

That's a pickup line?? :D

[domasik]

why dont u come over here and sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up.

one that got a laugh, i was REALLY drunk one nite and got a carboard coaster, tore i bit off a lodged it on my nose and walked up to this chick and said, excuse me did u throw this at me? with avery stern look my my face. she pissed herself it was gold. i dont even remember wat happned after that.

another good saftey issue one is if u see a chick by herself and ask

How long until your boyfriend gets back?

works a charm

[m0loch]

ever had your belly button tickled?......
......From the inside?

[Directed]

If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

If yes, demand a hug

If no, tell her she has a nice body, and ask if she'd hold it against you now.

It actually worked for me several times. Go figure

[Scrat-atat]

if you were a booger i'd pick you first....

if McDonalds were to name a burger after you it'd be the McGorgeous

Go up to a girl and tell her if i can guess how many letters are in your last name, you have to give me a kiss (or whatever the wager may be)...she proceeds to take that bet considering you two have never met...
you simply pan off the number 12...y-o-u-r-l-a-s-t-n-a-m-e

Final one...
motion to a girl across the room to "come hither" with one finger...
when she comes over to you tell her.."I made you come with one finger..imagine what i can do with 5"

[Sagacious]

Not strictly a pickup line but when we started dating and before we knew eachother particularly well my date (who is now my wife) and I were driving one evening bored and discussing what to do where to drive to etc.. when I asked her 'do you want to see where I bury my victims?'

She laughs about it now and tells people that that was nearly the end of our relationship there and then.

I laugh and tell her how very nearly right she is...but then I am a cunt so what do you expect.

When I say I am a cunt I do not pretend to the lofty and dizzying heights of calling myself The Cunt you understand...just thought I needed to clarify that.

[kré]

dunno if it's been said already, but i like:

my face is leaving town in 10 minutes...be on it.

[m0loch]

you all being geeks, surely you know what bawls (http://www.bawls.com) is.
I bought some at the grocery the other day, and when the checkout girl was scanning them, out of the blue, my mouth uttered the words "I like the way you handle my bawls"

didn't get a date with her, did get a giggle :)

[taine]

The funniest I've had was this guy on a train,he sat down next to me, then out of the blue turned 2 me and said . "Are you an angel?" I sat there for a few seconds and said umm no sorry. So He said "Oh I thought if u were u could have fallen out of the sky and into my bed... "sigh" The lengths some people go 2 get sex.

[royale]

Grab your jacket, you just picked-up.

[Haggisboy]

Hi I'm Pinnoccio, come sit on my face and I'll tell you a few lies.

[excalibur]

Do you sleep on your stomach??

No....

Can I??

[Deimos]

It's kind of not quite a pickup line, but it's very geeky (and has almost certainly been posted before but not that recently): "Roses are red, violets are blue. All my base are belong to you."

[jak]

- Hey, do you have a boyfriend?
- Yes.
- Want a better one?

- Hey, do you want to dance?
- I wouldn't dance with you if you were the last guy here.
- I'm sorry, you misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants.

:)

[Timformation]

"The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my place so we can spread the word."

[Sagacious]

The funniest I've had was this guy on a train,he sat down next to me, then out of the blue turned 2 me and said . "Are you an angel?" I sat there for a few seconds and said umm no sorry. So He said "Oh I thought if u were u could have fallen out of the sky and into my bed... "sigh" The lengths some people go 2 get sex.
so he got sex for using that line ??????

[Vykuza]

Worst are typically on the lists of worst that fly around ted ema1lz.

Best I saw was a chuck went up to a mate of mine and said, "I have no gag reflex."

He didn't even say anything, just gave her a nod grabbed her arm and left the club.

Awesome.

[Glompbot]

Sounds like a goth club.

[Vykuza]

You got it.

[primary]

The best pick up line ever..

"You right for cock?"

[Glompbot]

Ok, so your nick is Vykuza you live in sydney, you go to goth clubs.
I think I know you... or used to occasionally talk to you ages ago.

[Mr. Bungle]

Want to come back to my place and have some Lunchables (http://www.kraftfoods.com/om/bn/c_Products/Lunchables.htm) .... and then fuck?

[melic]

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together.

[Sutter]

I'm from the internet

[Vardsy]

I had the weirdest dream last night - - we met in this exact club and then went home and fucked

[Vardsy]

The bouncer just saw me sneak my penis in........I need somwhere to hide it!!!!!

[Davo_Dinkum]

Hi there, I'm Davo Dinkum.....

[pnkru`]

Is that just a ladder in your stockings, or is it a ladder to heaven?

[pnkru`]

How 'bout we go back to my house and have a pizza and a fuck? No? Don't you like pizza?

[gyro]

Walks up to unknow hottie

"You bitch! Why are you torturing me like this? Why? "

Walks away

[s3raph]

Hi, I live with my mother, and sleep in the same bed I have since I was 10, but she's gone on a cruise and her bed is free. How about it?

[Snapple]

Walk past a someone you like, stop and say
YOU: " Did you just grab me on the arse?"
THEM: " NO"
YOU: "Oh Dam"

[hazza]

hi im part of an online society and because of a teenage american kid i started my own website to 'de-rep' him. sup?

[jaay]

hi im part of an online society and because of a teenage american kid i started my own website to 'de-rep' him. sup?
omg wtf it's over, stop dragging a dead dog, which was dead before it was even alive, and if it was alive it would have died in about a second

[insertnamehere]

Lamest line ive come up with

Do you like the gold coast?
Cos I can take you to wet n wild and dreamworld in one night.

And the worst ive heard

Its past my bed-time
Can you put me to sleep

[Snapple]

If I told ya you had a hot body, would you hold it against me.

[imp]

If I told ya you had a hot body, would you hold it against me.
I prefer
"If I told you you had a hot body would you take your pants off and dance around?" :D

[Thyrd]

The worst I've ever seen would have to be a guy walking past a hot friend of mine and giving her a noogie, then returning later to remind her about it and ask for her number.

[Snapple]

I prefer
"If I told you you had a hot body would you take your pants off and dance around?" :D
:mdr: I am so going to use that next time I'm out, that is excellent .

[HAL9000]

This is awesome! ....first my girlfriend leaves for the UK yesterday...and as soon as i get back on faithful ZGeek i find this forum....coincidence? i think not!! time for a weekend on the turps!

[Twitch]

"How about you, me and a romantic candlelit dinner for 12?"

And "How's a spit roast between a Raffy and a Pusser sound to ya?'


for those who don't knwo a raffy is someone in the Airforce and a pusser is a sailor

[gyro]

If your name was homework, I'd be doing you on my desk right now..

[Hit And Rum]

"Don't worry. You can't catch AID's twice"

[Snapple]

How about.

" Hi my name is *insert name*.

" Make sure you remember that because you will be screaming it later on".

[Merde]

How's this for class:

'Do you fancy a fuck?'

'No.'

'Would you mind lying still while I have one?'

[Nandragon]

Or how bout...

wanna fark?

no?!

Then I guess a blow job is out of the question.



OR

I've lost my phone number can I have yours?

[lilmz-obsessive]

I believe in celibacy and abstinance till marraige, can I fuck you?

[Colonel Kurtz]

"Do you reckon you'd enjoy my cock up your arse as much as your sister/mum/grandma did?"

[tomsyman]

"Do you reckon you'd enjoy my cock up your arse as much as your sister/mum/grandma did?"

can't believe you turned down a guy who said that to you :fag:

[Asmodeus]

lol, heres one that worked.

"I wanna spend all night just finding out exactly how you taste"

[willh1967]

They say you are what you eat, I 'd like to be you in the morning

[oscarmk]

The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.

Good one.