little sex with my lady recently

[Mr. Bungle]

So this thread is similar, but not the same as the "lost that loving feeling" thread. I need advice from people (especially married couples and long term relationship people).

So my lady and I have been together for 2 years as of yesterday. I love her a lot, but our sex life has eroded to pretty much nothing. I have some ideas as to why:

1. We are living with her mom and sister in a small apartment, so the privacy isn't very good. I am not a big fan of living there, but that's the way it is when you don't make enough money. There is also this tension in the house all the time because of her sister (who is moody) and it makes me uncomfortable.

2. We both work full time and by the time we get home and are done with dinner and cleaning up, it's 9:00 already. I fall asleep within 5 minutes every night.

3. Internet porn. haha. She had been working in another city from Sep-Mar and I was basically alone most of the time. the old porn is desensitizing and was my only source of *ahem* release during that time. I've purged all of it from my cpu now though.

So what I am wondering, is what can I do to re-energize myself and our sex life? I'm not as horny as I used to be, but I'm not dead either. And I am still attracted to her completely, but that spark needs to get lit again.

Thanks for reading this.

[Serpent_Girl]

Grah dammit I thought this was going to be about midget porn!


Er...as to your questions? Try something different? Put a bit more fun and energy in your life? Get a new girlfriend? (heheh jk ;)) Get some more prOn or move out? Who knows...

[jambo]

Ban yourself from Internet porn.

[JiMi]

maybe try a night away in a hotel near by where you can have privasy and be as noisy as you like

[Cassa]

Try not to force anything to happen because that only makes it worse...I mean that as in if you're really not in the mood don't do it just for the sake of it because it won't be that good and you'll be even less inclined in the future.

[SamBo]

Try talking to your girl about it. Good place to start there...

[Mr. Bungle]

Try talking to your girl about it. Good place to start there...
it's been somewhat attempted, but i think you're right. it should be a completely honest talk.

and the porn ban began this week. i deleted it all plus all my bookmarks. pr0n is a blessing and a curse :)

[hazza]

take her out for dinner this weekend and get a room at a hotel or something, set up the hotel room before you go out , put champagne on ice e.t.c. take her out for the dinner have some wine, go back to the hotel room.

wont cost you a fortune and will be a nice way to 'get away from it all'


or

one glass of water.... one roofy.... a whole lotta lube

[MAX POWER]

Doing something new is a good start. Depending on her/your personality using a pair of hand cuffs/white silk scarf [basic instinct style] can get her motor running. Also watching a classy erotic movie [there's some good stuff in Thomas Crown Affair, the Lover, plus eventhough I've never seen it, 9 1/2 weeks] could work.

Maybe the two of you could take a trip to a sex shop together, the ones I've been to are pretty 'girl friendly' although your location says Germany, so maybe they are a bit too OTT over there??? :)

These sugestion may work, but I can see why living with her family, plus her working in another town would be pretty crappy. Good luck [and lovin'] mate.

[Kez]

Write her a poem? 8 lines long, every second line rhyming, and give it to her with a red rose, then tell her you're taking her to a get away type place for the weekend (Massage spa or something), and then your relationship should be good again.

[druid]

Try to do something to conditions 2 and 1. In that order. Work can be a killer. I definitely wouldn't tolerate any in-laws on top of that.

[Tigress]

rape is always a good thing, just cos the slut says 'no' doesnt mean a damn thing.

You, sir, are not worth anyone's time.

Come on Pirate, ban him again!

[Tigress]

Then i will have to gag you, cable tie your penis so it falls off,

Are you sure you could find his penis? Because it sure sounds like big words from a small man to me.

[Sagacious]

So this thread is similar, but not the same as the "lost that loving feeling" thread. I need advice from people (especially married couples and long term relationship people).

So my lady and I have been together for 2 years as of yesterday. I love her a lot, but our sex life has eroded to pretty much nothing. I have some ideas as to why:

1. We are living with her mom and sister in a small apartment, so the privacy isn't very good. I am not a big fan of living there, but that's the way it is when you don't make enough money. There is also this tension in the house all the time because of her sister (who is moody) and it makes me uncomfortable.

2. We both work full time and by the time we get home and are done with dinner and cleaning up, it's 9:00 already. I fall asleep within 5 minutes every night.

3. Internet porn. haha. She had been working in another city from Sep-Mar and I was basically alone most of the time. the old porn is desensitizing and was my only source of *ahem* release during that time. I've purged all of it from my cpu now though.

So what I am wondering, is what can I do to re-energize myself and our sex life? I'm not as horny as I used to be, but I'm not dead either. And I am still attracted to her completely, but that spark needs to get lit again.

Thanks for reading this.

Taking the problems as set out but in reverse order:

3. Dude pr0n is not cool or a good thing if it is impacting on your getting it on with your missus so unless she and you are making pr0n of your own then adios the pr0n. That is not to say that a little soft core action is going to interfere with things if she is in the mood but let's walk before we start running to the video store searching the adult section for inspiration. I hear what you say about the ban so hang in there.

2. Work induced lethargy. Well anything worth doing is worth making time for so here are some tips from me and the missus (although she isn't aware I am giving them some of these have worked for us..not telling which ones either)

make time for poon in your lunchbreaks (at least here in Australia hotels in major cities will give concessional rates for a day use of rooms not checked into that morning and not pre booked) this can be good for you and your lady or if you or she intend on embarking on an affair but lets try it for eachother first;
take a day trip on the weekend to the country and do it under the open sky (could be a night trip instead and you could do it under the open night sky) just try not to get arrested;
Go camping (there is an advantage to sleeping in a tent in close proximity away from home....there just has to be)
arrange to meet after work in a bar and pretend to be strangers and try and pick her up or have her try and pick you up you could combine this with the next suggestion although that is an advancesd technique and should not be tried by beginners)
arrange to meet somewhere like a bar with the intention of having sex on the premises and then have sex on the premises (again try not to get caught and or arrested...this one works well if your lady dresses right for the occasion ie. removes underwear, wears skirt and has long overcoat then she can sit on your 'lap' and noone is the wiser.
a night in a hotel room even if no nookie eventuates will do heaps to relieve the stress of living in the situation you are in
Get fitter so you arent as tired as easily
take stimulants to stay awake

the above list is in no particular order of preference or desirability so feel free to use stimulants as a measure of first resort.

1. The living arrangements have to change if only in the short term....to do this you could do any one or more of the following:
If you know anyone giong away for holidays or for work offer to house sit for them
send mother in law and family to the movies (you spring for the tickets) and use the two or so hours productively
try and get whatever is up the sisters ass out from up there as it seems that she is the cause of much of the tension if that means getting her laid then find a friend who is willing to take one for the team (do what it takes).
get a higher paying job
take over the company where she works
have her take over the company where you work
poison the inlaws
join the circus.


Obviously some of the above suggestions merit closer attention than others but I think they get the gist of what I mean across.

Good luck and don't put pressure on yourself or on her for immediate results...remember you fell in love for a reason just try and remember what those reasons were.

Talk to her be honest and sincere...I mean you are trying to revive a flagging relationship you gotta do what it takes while you still believe.

Flowers delivered to the workplace are a good thing too but not to flashy she'll suspect you of screwing around if they are too flashy.

[Zan]

I'm sorry this shit has had to happen to this thread, MRBungle.

I'm also sorry that I couldn't wait for the Relationship forum mods to handle it.

What I'm annoyed about is that you all felt the need to feed his ego by COMPLETELY ignoring the topic of discussion and instead turning this into a 'sapience vs. whoever the fuck will entertain him' thread. I realise this post is also offtopic, and I apologise for that.

To the one person who reported, thank you. To the others: don't fucking feed the motherfucking trolls. Hit 'dob', de-rep him if you so wish, and ignore them.

The posts made by and referring to him have been split and deleted from this thread.

---

MRBungle: I'm sorry, but I don't have anything constructive to say, aside from "talk to her, and if she feels similarly about your situation, take her out and away somewhere for a weekend".

[Mr. Bungle]

much appreciated :)

plus thanks for all the advice gang. I will try some of it, but I think Sambo had it right - she and I need to talk about it. I'm not worried about our relationship, it is strong, but the sex part is definitely weak. I don't know if that is some sort of sign regarding a deeper problem, but I definitely don't doubt my feelings for the lady.

And yes, the pr0n is toast. Wish me luck.

[Tigress]

I don't know if that is some sort of sign regarding a deeper problem, but I definitely don't doubt my feelings for the lady.

I don't think you need to worry that it is a deeper problem. Living with her relatives is enough to make anyone hold back from letting themselves go with their lover. As the others said, take some time to get out of the house and enjoy each other without any other distractions...then I'm sure you guys will be fine.




PS - Sorry for letting the troll distract me from listening/offering advice...

[Juice Biscuit]

Dude how could you have deleted all of your pr0n??????



Did you really have to take such a drastic measure???



What happens if you break up with this girl? You think your digital ladies will just take you back no questions asked???

[lostreality]

let us know how you get on and good luck. just be open and frank, if you cant talk openly in a so called stable relationship then maybe that relationship as strong as you'd like to believe.

[ajcrowley]

So this thread is similar, but not the same as the "lost that loving feeling" thread. I need advice from people (especially married couples and long term relationship people).

So my lady and I have been together for 2 years as of yesterday. I love her a lot, but our sex life has eroded to pretty much nothing. I have some ideas as to why:

1. We are living with her mom and sister in a small apartment, so the privacy isn't very good. I am not a big fan of living there, but that's the way it is when you don't make enough money. There is also this tension in the house all the time because of her sister (who is moody) and it makes me uncomfortable.

2. We both work full time and by the time we get home and are done with dinner and cleaning up, it's 9:00 already. I fall asleep within 5 minutes every night.

3. Internet porn. haha. She had been working in another city from Sep-Mar and I was basically alone most of the time. the old porn is desensitizing and was my only source of *ahem* release during that time. I've purged all of it from my cpu now though.

So what I am wondering, is what can I do to re-energize myself and our sex life? I'm not as horny as I used to be, but I'm not dead either. And I am still attracted to her completely, but that spark needs to get lit again.

Thanks for reading this.



two words: Dirty Weekend

dude dont know where you live but book two to 3 nights in a basic hotel about 100k from where you are now, eat out every night and spend some quality time alone with your loved one.

[Arcane1]

That fact that you are willing to realize the problem and try says volumes about how you feel about the lady. That you would post and ask says more so. If coming right out and discussing it seems hard to crack, how about showing her this thread? You will accomplish both telling her you care by showing her that you are willing to try, and at the same time showing her that there are some other really depraved lowlifes out there. Score two for you. Score a third if you take into account that you have actively moved to resolve the porn issue.

Realistically though, if I had to live with a MIL and a whacky sister my dick would shrivel too. We have two kids, and at least once a week we go out without them and fortunately they are getting old (15) enough that they also go out without us and we get some quiet time.

Most important thing to remember: If you're together, it is a joint problem. As soon as it becomes your or her problem alone, then you have more trouble. And I doubt that you are the only frustrated one in the relationship.

Keep us posted. Well, generally, ok? Not literally... :aah:

[kré]

time for a new lady :mad:

[Tigress]

how about showing her this thread?

Oh, no. Bad idea. She would probably get upset that you couldn't talk to her, but you could talk about your personal problems publically on a forum. That could lead to even less sex...

[jambo]

let us know how you get on and good luck. just be open and frank, if you cant talk openly in a so called stable relationship then maybe that relationship as strong as you'd like to believe.

If he's going to be Frank, can I still be jambo?

[rin]

Try not to force anything to happen because that only makes it worse...I mean that as in if you're really not in the mood don't do it just for the sake of it because it won't be that good and you'll be even less inclined in the future.

i totally agree with Cassa here. Sex shouldn't be a chore for either person and i think there should be some understanding if either partner is not in the mood for whatever reason. Sure, it's nice to have our own sexual needs satisfied, but you'd want your partner to need you too... it's more enjoyable when both people are into it.

i also agree that being open and honest when talking to her about it is the best way to go. She may have things she wants to say too... Hopefully, by talking about it, you may learn new things about eachother which can help with your sex life (fantasies, etc.)

Also, do things to get you both in the mood :) taking time out from normal things like work is a good place to start. Take a holiday, get a hotel room near the beach... just spend "quality" time together - no interruptions or distractions. Just spoil eachother... :D

[Scrat-atat]

love the hotel idea, that definitely works lemme tell ya. also, try i dunno...making ur own pron??? i've done that, in a weird way it's kinda hot really. you guys can look back and realize (possibly) the spark is still there, and the fact a camera is on could be a turn on. i dunno, that helped me in the past. doesn't work for everyone, nor is every woman comfortable with a camera on, but it's fun!

[Sagacious]

love the hotel idea, that definitely works lemme tell ya. also, try i dunno...making ur own pron??? i've done that, in a weird way it's kinda hot really. you guys can look back and realize (possibly) the spark is still there, and the fact a camera is on could be a turn on. i dunno, that helped me in the past. doesn't work for everyone, nor is every woman comfortable with a camera on, but it's fun!
Post that Pr0n today!

do it you know you want to.

[Chrissy]

Just a tiny bit more advice: Make sure that she knows you still find her attractive.

It sounds obvious, but with all the daily pressures you mentioned, it may be that she's forgotton you fancy her. Most girls need to feel sexy to have sex and with you both living with her family and you falling asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow, she's probably not feeling all that attractive.

Yes it's irrational, yes girls suck, but that's the way it is. I've been with my husband for 9 years now and our sex life goes through peaks and troughs. I actively have to remind myself from time to time what it is I find attractive about him because the crap and boredom of daily life gets me down from time to time. I am sure he has to do the same.

I hope things sort themselves out.

[ms edeity]

along with all the good advice here...do you have something that's not sexual and is a special/ just you and her thing? Reminds you both that you are a couple for a good reason and you spend time enjoting it. I've always found it's the test of a relationship this stage....because you either ride through it and later think, "christ when was this hard?" or you don't care....sounds like it's just a trough my friend. Also i don't think porn will kill a relationship.

[minorproblem]

Leave her little notes inside of her purse etc when she goes out so that later in the day she will find them =D

[ms edeity]

Leave her little notes inside of her purse etc when she goes out so that later in the day she will find them =D
Awww... do you have a brother?

[gooey]

pr0n can be a good thing in a relationship.

do you know if youre girlfriend likes it?

if so, whip it out and get into it together.

(boom tish, all puns intended)

[Sagacious]

Leave her little notes inside of her purse etc when she goes out so that later in the day she will find them =D
But not notes like 'I'm sorry I left you without any money but I had to borrow your last $20.00 so I could buy some Pr0n'

That would probably be bad!

[minorproblem]

Awww... do you have a brother?
Nope 3 sisters, the two older ones taught me how to look after a lady =p

[King_Crud]

Nope 3 sisters, the two older ones taught me how to look after a lady =p
pics?

[m0nk3ymagic]

I have been in a relationship with my current partner for 3 years now and sex goes in waves.

You have dry spells and you have not so dry spells (1 of my dry spells lasted for 1 year but the afterwards the sex was better than ever).

There is pretty much nothing you can do. Just make sure that your dry spells does not affect your relationship.

Spontaniety is the spice of life. So just by her little presents every now and again. A cheap pair of silver earings only cost around $20 it doesnt have to be expensive as long as it is thoughtful.

[Directed]

A one year dry spell is a problem.

For me 2 weeks is a major dry spell that must be dealt with immediately.

[Mr. Bungle]

Update: So things are a little bit better and we talked some, but we aren't screwing like rabbits yet. But really I knew that wouldn't be the case :)

The problem with the living situation will continue and it is really due to money. She is making very very little right now and I am not exactly Scrooge McDuck swimming in his money vault either. But at least the intimacy has picked up over the past few weeks. Sometimes I wish she was a little dirtier in bed - I mean not whips and chains or chest shitting dirty, but at least less reserved and more adventuresome. Sex is rather vanilla normally and I would like a bit more, um, athleticism?? Not sure exactly how to describe it.

And again I want to thank everyone for taking the time to read this thread and also for their comments and suggestions. It's tough to keep a relationship at a high level all the time and I appreciate the zgeek support!

I'm still relatively porn free too!

[badpauly]

So what I am wondering, is what can I do to re-energize myself and our sex life? I'm not as horny as I used to be, but I'm not dead either. And I am still attracted to her completely, but that spark needs to get lit again.

Talk. Ask. Listen.

The brain is the biggest sex organ you both have so use it. Talk about desires, fantasies, hopes. Try to work on adding a few of those into the every-day situations you see yourself in. Be a little daring.

You don't have to learn all of each others fantasies, and you don't have to do them all... trust me, when you start running out of fantasies because you have done them all, it can be a little daunting.

But never push it. Maybe to get the ball rolling you need to write notes to each other. Maybe write a story.

All will be good.

[say_wat]

And i thought this thread was about midgets..

[amj]

And i thought this thread was about midgets..


Wait, you bump a thread nearly 2 months old to make a joke that was made in the first reply?

[Kez]

Nope 3 sisters, the two older ones taught me how to look after a lady =p
The younger one is a real beehotch, she throws Blutak at you at lans and hits you in the eye with it, and then laughs her arse of about it.

[Plough]

Zgeek and say_wat have come to an alltime low

[cherubrock]

All I can add is an Eddie Murphy quote "thats the best damn cracker I ever had"

[Mr. Bungle]

since when did this thread find life again?

[Bifrost]

I don't know, I missed it when it was first posted.

How's it all going, Bungle?

Having never lived in my parents or my girlfriend's parents' house with my girlfriend (of 9 years as of tomorrow)...(!!!) I'm not captain advice for your situation, but you seem to have been given some good advice in here (trolls excepted).

[Mr. Bungle]

Well things aren't exactly rollicking yet, but I have been back in the US for the past few weeks and it has re-energized me to fix our situation when I get back to Germany. It's amazing what some time away from the one you love can do for your feelings and commitment.

I miss her like crazy and am looking forward to seeing her soon :)

I wish the living situation would improve, but it's really tied to our lack of income now and won't be changing unless we win the lottery. But I have plans to make things more exciting. I will post updates as soon as they happen.

[gooey]

good luck dude!