Telstra Are The Dumbest Bastards Around

[ShinymetalASS]

So I phone Telstra today to request an extension on my phone bill (which we've all done) and when I speak with the woman I let her know that I never recieved my last bill in the mail and could I have the amount currently outstanding. Bear in mind I'm on the highest cap plan going with telstra and can theoretically make a buttload of calls and sms before I get to the cap amount.

The last bill I had came in over, but this bill was pro rata'd between two different plans and I was assured that the amount was correct. So I paid it.

When I ask about the new bill, she tells me that it is an amount that is about $70 over the cap that I am now on. Which made no sense to me as about 4 days before the bill was due to issue, I checked my usage and was just over half my cap amount. I tell her that there is no way this makes any sense to me. She puts me on hold and I wait. And I wait. And I start to thinking, surely they have cocked it up here..... every other time I've queried a bill, they have been able to clarify it for me straight away. So by this point I'm really rather fucking curious.

She comes back to me with a reason for the large bills. I signed up for a cap plan that includes calls and sms. I theoretically pay slightly extra to have the sms included in the cap.

TELSTRA HAVE BEEN CHARGING ME THE WHOLE TIME FOR EVERY SMS I MAKE

Somehow these retarded bunch of fucking cocksmacks have charged me an extra $150 in the last 1.5 months for sms calls that should have been within my cap plan. In dont earn a lot of money and I have a very fucking tight budget like most other people. That is a fucking lot of money for me. What would have happened if I hadnt queried the bill?

The whole fucking point of having sms in my fucking plan was to save on fucking sms costs. I sms like a fucking demon and would take sms over fucking phone calls any day. THATS WHY I ASKED FOR THE FUCKING PLAN THAT I DID.

On the plus side, I now have a very tiny bill due this month. Since it pretty much got fucking negatived by the credit that telstra are now giving me.

Cunts.

:D

[thingy]

I'm about to call up Telstra to try and get a fax line ported from Optus to Telstra, and then redirected to another number.

This will be the THIRD time I have made this request, every single time "should take 2 weeks".

Every single time I've needed Telstra to do something, I don't think they've EVER gotten it right. I so wish they weren't our clients, sucks arse being forced to deal with them like this. I wanna go back to Optus dammit! :(

[Arsozah]

The chick that upgraded you was a fuckwit. If you'd just come to me, I would have fixed you. I knew what was going on and I knew what you should have been on. Don't lump us all in the same basket. I also have a brain and check things.

We're not all dumb bastards

[ShinymetalASS]

Oh Ars, you know I dont count you in that lot.... like I was saying in msn... its just another big organisation with a couple of smart people and a lot of fucktards. I would have come to you, but I onnly found out when I was actually *on* the phone asking for the extension. I haven't even seen last month's bill.

And, yes, the chick who upgraded me was a fuckwit.

And next time, I shall come to you, since you know how much of a fucking STUFF AROUND just getting on a fucking plan that doesnt include bending me over and fucking me up the arse. I'm even paying that fucking phone I didnt want off because I had to buy it to get on this fucking cap plan. Only to find out that 3 days after I signed up Telstra released a whole lot more fucking cap plans that you didnt need to buy a fucking phone with.

Fuck me in the goat ass.

Cause Telstra are certainly giving it a burl.....

Oh, and thingy, I know Manshoon will happily rant away with you on that one. As would my father, who swapped from Telstra to iinet last month. 3 weeks offline he was. Took them that fucking long...

p.s. Just confirming that I NEVER include you in my Telstra ranting Ars.... :D I dont even think of you as a Telstra bunny.... ;)

[Arsozah]

Yay! Cause I am cool...

:D

PS: tried to, but couldn't, fix Shoon's and Funk Puppet's problem too... there was no sign of a problem anywhere :confused: WTF?

[btwong]

Anyone that has to deal with telstra... i feel for...

You might be an exception Arsozah, but i hate the company, and i for one, am hoping it gets sold to a private proprietor. Least then we might get proper services due to the prospects of competition, instead of them being lazing monoplising bastards that they are!

FUCK TELSTRA!

[Arsozah]

Anyone that has to deal with telstra... i feel for...

You might be an exception Arsozah, but i hate the company, and i for one, am hoping it gets sold to a private proprietor. Least then we might get proper services due to the prospects of competition, instead of them being lazing monoplising bastards that they are!

FUCK TELSTRA!

Meh, it's good, just don't judge me till you know me :)

Just like I won't hold anything against you for feeling like that, since I know so many people do.

(Well, that is, unless you want me too :p)

[thingy]

I've just looked back through my emails, and it appears I've been trying to get this phone number ported back to Telstra since MID FUCKING FEBRUARY!!! Jesus. I didn't think it had been that long. I guess I'm just getting used to Telstra dicking me around for months on end like they did with the CEO's personal fucking fax line!

Ok, apparently the system is down so he's going to have to call me back later. I think that's just an excuse to get rid of me while they go "Oh fuck, we need this done now and can't have this guy holding on the line that entire time". At the very least, I hope that's what it means. Cunts.

[SamBo]

I recently went on a new mobile contract with telstra (again). I also moved house a few months ago.
When i moved, i notified telstra of my new address. Bills still went to my old address.
When i signed up for the new contract, I found that i was still listed at my old address, so again I informed them of my new address.
I got my bill, but it was forwarded from my old address. ARGH! the next day I was going to call up and force them to change it and not hang up until i was absolutly fucking positive that they changed, but, i got a "courtesy call" about my new contract before i called them, so I got that nice lady to change it for me. I wasn't mad or anything because she was friendly and helpful and actually did what she said she did, hoorah!

[kré]

Ok, apparently the system is down so he's going to have to call me back later. I think that's just an excuse to get rid of me while they go "Oh fuck, we need this done now and can't have this guy holding on the line that entire time". At the very least, I hope that's what it means. Cunts.

no, he's probably taking the time to think of a new excuse to use as to why it still can't be done.

[thingy]

no, he's probably taking the time to think of a new excuse to use as to why it still can't be done.
It shouldn't be that hard, it was originally a Telstra number that was ported to Optus, which actually makes it easier for them.

[ShinymetalASS]

When i moved, i notified telstra of my new address. Bills still went to my old address.
When i signed up for the new contract, I found that i was still listed at my old address, so again I informed them of my new address.
I got my bill, but it was forwarded from my old address.

I also had this problem with Testra (actually several banks and insurance companies as well... dickheads)

What was real odd with one bank though, was that I had just had a new card issued as well....they sent the PIn to the updated address and the card to an old P.O. Box that I have not used since I was about 16..... Im 25 now.... what fucking idiots.

P.s. In a sadistic kind of way I feel a little better knowing that others fair just as poorly, and even worse, than I do with Telstra.

:D I'll rep where I can..... some of you arent avaible for my loving yet though... apparently I've loved you too recently..... ;)

[tikdoph]

The next time you speak to a Telstra rep, tell them that you want every detail on their system that they've ever recorded about every time you've ever dealt with them over the phone, including the current conversation, sent to you in writing (Due to our Federal privacy laws, they are legally bound to give these details to you).

This lets the person you are speaking to know that you are one tuned-in motherfucker who is not to be trifled with, because nothing puts the wind up these faceless maggots like accountability. The most effective tool a call centre rep has in doing sweet fuck all for the customer is anonymity. Once they know that you know you have the right to know the identity of every asshat in the organisation that has ever fucked you around, they will bend over backwards to do what they are actually paid to do... provide service to you, the customer.

You also might want to throw "Ombudsman" into the conversation too. Always good for making them squirm.

Essentially, it's all about knowing the system and making it work for you, not against you.

[bronco]

I work for an independent wireless ISP and have to say a big thank you to Telstra. Without them we wouldn't have half the business we do. Almost every person we get is pissed off Telstra and will take anything else. (and we classify as that anything else)

So thank you Telstra, you keep me in a job. :ha:

[sweeet]

Somehow these retarded bunch of fucking cocksmacks have charged me an extra $150 in the last 1.5 months for sms calls that should have been within my cap plan.

What's that? 700 SMSes?

What else do you do beside post at zgeek and send way too many txt msgs?

[thingy]

What's that? 700 SMSes?

What else do you do beside post at zgeek and send way too many txt msgs?
Apparently she works a full-time job, but I am yet to see any proof.

[Blink]

We have an office shift coming up next month. I am dreading the cutover of the new services by Telstra. (No offense meant to Arsozah) but they have fucked me around that much in the past that I actually dread having anything to do with them at all.

At least I am not (in this case) dealing with them directly...rather with Navigator IT and Liasacom.

[thingy]

I'm curious as to what exactly the arse of zah does at Telstra, which department she's in etc. Sounds at first like the mobile phone helldesk, but Manshoon's issues were ADSL related I thought?

Maybe I could use her as some sneaky back-door to find out what the fuck is going on with this fax line I've wanted moved for 2 months now?

[ShinymetalASS]

Apparently she works a full-time job, but I am yet to see any proof.


That's because, as has been stated before, Im really a 45 year old balding fat man on a disability pension with eleven fingers and a pet rat.

[thingy]

That's because, as has been stated before, Im really a 45 year old balding fat man on a disability pension with eleven fingers and a pet rat.
So who's that blonde girl you get to pose as you at events, and what's her hourly rate?

[ShinymetalASS]

So who's that blonde girl you get to pose as you at events, and what's her hourly rate?


Ah shit.... you've out-roused me again!@#$

:D

P.s. You're like lightning you know that?

[dwarfthrower]

So who's that blonde girl you get to pose as you at events, and what's her hourly rate?

That's me... and for you... twenty bucks an hour.

[ShinymetalASS]

That's me... and for you... twenty bucks an hour.

:D

Gold!

[thingy]

I've just looked back through my emails, and it appears I've been trying to get this phone number ported back to Telstra since MID FUCKING FEBRUARY!!! Jesus. I didn't think it had been that long. I guess I'm just getting used to Telstra dicking me around for months on end like they did with the CEO's personal fucking fax line!

Ok, apparently the system is down so he's going to have to call me back later. I think that's just an excuse to get rid of me while they go "Oh fuck, we need this done now and can't have this guy holding on the line that entire time". At the very least, I hope that's what it means. Cunts.
4pm, hadn't heard anything. Called them back. The person I was talking to spoke to those who do the actual porting, got one on the line with me, while I was there on the line she looked up the fucking calander and told me the first possible time it could fucking happen and gave me a god damned 4 hour window in which it would be ported back. Now, if it's that fucking simple, why has it taken 2 god damned fucking months, with so many requests & recordings that contain a TWO WEEK turnaround window huh? FUCKING TELL ME THAT???

... once that's done I'll be on their arse again to get the forwarding in place. I fucking hate Telstra. Always give me migraines. [massages poor achy head]

[Arsozah]

I'm curious as to what exactly the arse of zah does at Telstra, which department she's in etc. Sounds at first like the mobile phone helldesk, but Manshoon's issues were ADSL related I thought?

Maybe I could use her as some sneaky back-door to find out what the fuck is going on with this fax line I've wanted moved for 2 months now?

Shoon's issues were fixed line related :)

[Afro88]

I suffered the wrath of Telstra customer service the other day too. I was at my sister's place setting up her new computer. She's still on dialup, so I had to configure an internal modem etc. When I go to test the connection, the modem says no dial tone. So I link the phone back up and hear a weird dial tone - it's not solid, it pulses.

I call up telstra, wait 10-15mins and finally get to a real person. I tell her the problem, and ask if maybe there's a way to fix the line so there's a normal dial tone. She says yeah, continues to ask question after question, and finally at the end of the phone call tells me they'll get a technician to come over and look at it. If there's no fault in the line, or the fault isn't within the building we'd have to pay $99 for his time.

I talk to my sister, and she has a listen to the dialtone. She then goes "that means there's a message!", dials 101 and deletes the message. Dialtone is now normal, the modem now connects. Why the Telstra chick didn't realise this is beyond me. I then had to cancel the technician shit. Stupid losers (no offense to Arsozah... unless it was you I was talking to!)

[dwarfthrower]

Is there any way of getting that ridiculous 101 home messages thing removed?

I never hear the altered dialtone as I've got a cordless with the numbers on the handset, so I don't put the phone to my ear until it's already ringing. So I'm forever getting people asking me why I never rang them back when they left a message.

[Arsozah]

Stupid losers (no offense to Arsozah... unless it was you I was talking to!)

I promise it was not :)

And dwarfthrower, home messages 101 must be manually removed - a call to customer service (eep!) is necessary :( (ducks as things are thrown at her)

I took mine off too.

[t101]

Is there any way of getting that ridiculous 101 home messages thing removed?

I never hear the altered dialtone as I've got a cordless with the numbers on the handset, so I don't put the phone to my ear until it's already ringing. So I'm forever getting people asking me why I never rang them back when they left a message.
Bah - I'm here trying to make mine actually work!

I got a little suspicious of the constant 'There are no new messages' thing even after people had told me they tried to ring, so I called my own phone. It just cuts out - you don't even get to hear my 'Hi, leave a message' message.

Grrr.

In the end I weighed up dealing with telstra with living with no message bank system. No message bank won as the least problematic :)

[thingy]

I suffered the wrath of Telstra customer service the other day too. I was at my sister's place setting up her new computer. She's still on dialup, so I had to configure an internal modem etc. When I go to test the connection, the modem says no dial tone. So I link the phone back up and hear a weird dial tone - it's not solid, it pulses.

I call up telstra, wait 10-15mins and finally get to a real person. I tell her the problem, and ask if maybe there's a way to fix the line so there's a normal dial tone. She says yeah, continues to ask question after question, and finally at the end of the phone call tells me they'll get a technician to come over and look at it. If there's no fault in the line, or the fault isn't within the building we'd have to pay $99 for his time.

I talk to my sister, and she has a listen to the dialtone. She then goes "that means there's a message!", dials 101 and deletes the message. Dialtone is now normal, the modem now connects. Why the Telstra chick didn't realise this is beyond me. I then had to cancel the technician shit. Stupid losers (no offense to Arsozah... unless it was you I was talking to!)
That's more a helldesk general lack of familiarity with the services. Most helldesk people are given a list of common problems & how to fix them, listen in to calls for a while until they believe they're familiar enough to start taking them live. I can easily understand how she wouldn't have known about the different dial tone, especially when you didn't and it's the first I've heard of that too.

My issues are mostly based on the lack of follow-through jobs get. Since we took them on as a client we've had to change all our internet, phone & fax services over. Each one we've done seperately, each time there's been a problem. I've called up what I have been told is the correct area, they've logged the job, given me an eta (from 3 days to 2 weeks), something has gone wrong but nobody has followed it up. They basically try it once, and if it fails they forget about it. Usually you have to get them to try the same thing 3+ times before you can even get a hint of an escallation to someone who is able to investigate WHY it failed (usually the person I'm speaking to doesn't know how to get anything to the people who do the actual work other than by logging the job). By this time a month has passed, EVERYONE is very fucking pissed off, especially me because I have 5-250 people yelling at me (depending on how many of our 250+ employees it affects).

Once it even took me 2 months of constantly calling to find the right fucking department who could help me! Call up one area, 10 different people told me "Yep, no problems. I've logged the job it'll be done in 3 days" until I finally hit the 11th person "Oh, we don't do that. We only do these things. [list]". They transfer me around, only to have the same thing happen. I've had them make the enquiries for me to try to find the right area, never got it until 2 months later thanks to one person who was more than happy to keep me on the phone for an hour while she investigated (I was happy she wasn't dismissing me or getting rid of me). Best part was I started off the investigation with our fucking account manager, the one person who you would think would have the right god damned fucking contact lists to get things done!

It's no fucking wonder I'm stressed to buggery!

[stewie]

man telstra have fucked me and my family around for ages, every time we call them they fuck around for at least 20mins before I can speak to a REAL PERSON.....FUCKERS!

[ShinymetalASS]

"Is the matter you are calling about to do with the phone you are on?"

"I'm sorry, I'm not quite hearing what you are saying"

It's as bad as information really.... I still dont get it....

"Telstra Directory Assistance, what name please?"

And then get a fucking operator anyway. Why not save me the time at the start, put me through to a person, and skip that useless middle step?

[stewie]

I completly agree, the computer bit is shit, they need to develop it more, fuck theyre cunts!

[timace]

The only good thing Telstra have done for me is provide better coverage than any other GSM provider (not that I really even use my Telstra SIM card, except when out in whoop whoop), and provision ADSL on my line in 2.5 days.

Apart from that, they've been utter cunts.

[StygiaN]

No need to remove message bank to get rid of the different dialtone. Just tell the modem not to look for a dialtone before dialing. A simple X1 added to the "extra settings" should fix it up nicely.

[fastfood]

perhaps someone can give me some advice too...

pair gain problem at my house (its actually a house that was subdivided into two units.. hence the splitting of the line)..

How can I get Telstra to fix this?

Optus said its their (Optuses) policy to NOT pursue Telstra about this when I applied for BB and got knocked back... apparently Telstra dick-around so much that it ends up wasting everyones time..
So I'm stuck on dial-up.. which although I get it for free from work is *painfully* slow.. I've been on BB before and once you're on it.. you can NEVER go back!

I am really missing my 'Daily Show' fix.. looks like it would take 3 or 4 days to DL a single episode.. and they come out.. DAILY! (well, not friday I think) I can't keep up!

Anyway advice would be appreciated and repped here and in the next life. (though I've heard the 'ISDN fix' sounds expensive)

ff

[ezer]

my mum and my bills come in the one as she signed for me as i wasnt 18 when i got my phone, anyway, she wanted to upgrade her plan so she did, the next bill came ind they changed MY plan instead, changing the call rates and DOUBLING MY BILL! this was fucking stupid so she called them again and got it "changed back" with her phone on the new plan, then the plan they "changed me back" to was still different! i had that planb cause i was getting free/cheap calls like after afternoon till morning, when i make most of my calls, and theyt still aint got it right! so my bbills are still like 40 bucks higher than they were, so changed again, its now on some much higher plan, cause to keep the costs from my calls down, i gotta have some higher base price