Serpent_Girl's Writing Thread

[Serpent_Girl]

Alright then, seeing as there is no current existing threads that I really can post all my stuff in, I decided to make my own thread for all my writing/poems/whatever, since I don't want to infringe on other's threads and since it's so personal. Comments are appreciated. I will type up some of my short stories when I get around to it, and perhaps I will submit all my advanced english stuff that I have to do, constructive critisism is nice. :) I have a few short stories that I will type up and submit, perhaps let you see an example of my still developing writing style.


BUT MY MAIN REASON FOR THIS THREAD IS...

I'm writing my own novel!! :D:D:D:D

I started this actually about..hm, a few years ago, which is interesting, because the storyline was written from a very young, imaginative point of view, yet will be written at a more adult time for myself. I look back at the storyline and I wonder at my sense of themes, fantasy and relationships within the novel. It sounds so cliche, but I actually stole some of my ideas from my own personal dreams, which I found much more inspiring than my daydreams of events in the novel. And indeed, it is a novel of much fantasy and dreaming.

Anyway, it's a fantasy set in a time of mixed technology, but mainly it's the typical fantasy/own style of medieval that suits the novel, which just a bit of "technological zing" based on the world's ability to use items that are not based on technology, but rather use magic to achieve the same means. A unborn child is sent forward in time to save mankind from the fate that it is doomed to. It's about her journey through all kinds of things in a discovery of herself, her past, and of personal growth. Of course, where would it be without the typical "fucked up" and unusual relationship/s that arise and ultimately shapes the whole novel. It's set in an autocracy, which makes things even more interesting!! :)

I'm telling you right now, it's very wierd, and perhaps does not make sense. I'm not sure exactly what I was thinking at the time, but I have to say I LOVE IT.

I will eventually type up my very, very, very rough copy of the storyline whenever I get around to it, which is simplified down to the bare minimum of facts. I am unsure how to make it make understandable though, because to understand it you need the whole society's background. hm. It's rather...complex indeed, and the whole novel depends on it.

I'm actually not to far in the actual writing of the novel, the storyline was so complex is took me a long time to do it and I'm sure it will still continuously be modified. I'm aiming for a trilogy or a quartet.

...fingers crossed!! :D

[Serpent_Girl]

These are the poems I found from when I was in year 6, crappiness and all.

This one I wrote for the benefit of the kids in the class, so excuse names.

There is a class in year 6, with a teacher who likes to chuck fits.
One day Gemma went for a walk, with Nikki, who loved to talk.
And along cam Goron, who is such a moron
Until Kacey saved the day, and made him go away.
Till along cam Mac, who made him come back.
When Tess gave a sigh, and gave him a black eye.
When along came Mr Sun, and yelled "What have you done?!"
As well as getting punishment, away from school, they were sent.
They started to immediatly, get even, don't you see?
An suddenly Curtis shouted, don't be a dill, go in for the kill!
Anna's gonna plant some mines, and Lozza'z cutting the power lines
The Michelles would eventually get in strife, for stealing a good kitchen knife
The mystery person would go and stab, the boy who's always such a drab
that was all they needed....and they succeeded!

This one I was given a layout to work with

Isobel met a burgling burglar,
She sneaked and she creeped, but he still heard her.
The burglar was smelly, and big belly.
Ha, Ha, the burglar laughed,
Now your house will be burgled, I thought you were smart!
Isobel, Isobel, didn't worry,
Isobel didn't scream or scurry
She searched the house and found a knife, and then got the burglar in a lot of strife.

I was obsessed with animals, so this is where this one came from -

Horses, Cats, and even Bats
Can always get to go to the vet
But if you check on them
From time to time
your pet and mine will always be fine.

I will post my actual RECENT poems when I find them. :)

[Aardvark]

The Cat
Sat On
The Mat

First poem in history to score negative on the Prichard scale

[Serpent_Girl]

Alright then, since you’re not going to understand the novel storyline unless I give some background information, I’m going to post the races (as in, differing types of bodies, character summaries, areas (countries, etc) and the country’s power ranking system in magic, and in leadership (combined, one is necessary for the other) Please, remember that the whole thing is very undeveloped and still needs a lot of editing/writing/development. Constructive criticism only. And compliments of course! :)

Magic Power (Rankings)

Rainbow – unheard of until partway into the novel
Black
Grey
Purple
Blue
Green
Yellow
Orange
Red
White – no magic at all.

Double Rankings (For leadership, not naturally occurring, a ceremony induces them)

Gold – Kings and Queens
Silver – Possible Heirs to the throne
Bronze – Royal Family

[Serpent_Girl]

These are the physical and magical attributes of the types of people in Karillea. There is four main types divided into two sides, Dark and Light. The Elves and Fairies are on the Light side, and the Dragons and Snakes are on the Dark side. They cannot breed between Dark and Light (Leader rules – they wouldn’t want to, anyway) The novel starts in a civil war between the two, currently at a standstill but has been lasting for several years. Children are a combination of their parents’ powers. The same applies for Dark types. All children are born without power, and upon their aging ceremony they start to gain them. This ceremony is different for all. Here are the types/races -

Elven – medium height, fast metabolism, excellent hearing and vision, green eyes, silver hair. Special Magic ability* – the power to make amplifiers (of power) They can also only be used by Elves or Elven crosses.

Fairies – short, thin (fast metabolism) blue eyes, fairy wings (granting them the ability to fly with power) Special Magic abilities - have the ability to talk to one chosen animal (Chosen by their power ceremony) Have power over the weather.

Dragons – tall, very muscular, dragon wings (with the ability to fly without power for some, incidentally, their power rank is the colour of their wings), red hair, red eyes, Special magic abilities - power over fire.

Snakes – medium height, flexible, excellent smell, poisonous fangs, blonde hair, gold eyes, Special Magic Ability – “instant transmission”

Enemy/Karades – very strong, athletic, fit, eternal life, extraordinarily rare fertility, dark oily (like petrol) rainbow eyes, oily (yet beautiful) rainbow scales running down back and legs, purple tinged lips, very dark blood (not red, oily black still). Special Magic Ability – shapechangers. Can change into any shape of the same size for exactly one moon cycle.
Extra note on Karades – not physically in the novel till much, much, later.

*Note on special abilities. All races can do a great deal of other things with magic, it is just these particular things that are unique to each type

[Serpent_Girl]

I have a map to go with these but I don’t have a scanner so these descriptions will have to do. The four main cities!

Vazakos, MICHARI – This was really the city built by the Karades (long since banished) for the Dark Empire. The most prominent feature is Dark Tower, a looming and frightening structure that gives you a chill if you look at it too long. It has an inner circle and an outer circle. The inner circle was built by the enemy and the outer circle was the resulting sprawl when the inner circle could not accommodate them all. Dark Tower is sortof like a royal palace, contained within one Massively HUGE tower. All Dark royalty live in there. It is divided into several sections, each differing sizes, (Like the massive white level anyone can enter, even Lights (but only White Power Lights)) to the highest level, rainbow level, which is about the size of a house, and undiscovered until later in the novel.) They are all connected by stairs (sometimes hidden) but dragons tend to use the landing balconies. You cannot go to a level that is above your rank (eg, a Green cannot go to the Blue level) Lights cannot enter any level except the white one, and even then only if they’re a white. Darks can travel to a level above their own if given a special pass by someone on that level. The city is much like any other, maybe not so pretty, but it has the best water/sewerage system and is structurally designed with no areas undefendable. The inner city is like a fortress, Dark Tower even more so, and could stand a siege for many years, with a sustainable city. The water is so good because a magic device takes all waste water and cleans it completely, perfectly sustainable.

Surrandey – DBALUME – The secret elven city where Anni (Main Character) grows up before being sent to Raxxn. Anni’s Home. The most beautiful city in the world. Delicate as ice shards, strong as diamonds, this city is in the middle of a desert and is very light and airy. Contains suspended walkways, buildings with the best technology, a great deal of it is just built to be beautiful. It even has hot water, saunas, hidden pathways and many ampliments and magical devices including clean lights and heaters, all unheard of in the other cities. It rests on a hot spring. One of the most important magical devices in the city is a panel that transports people to Raxxn, in a place close to the Crystal Temple. This is where Anni’s orphanage is. Orphans are considered “lesser” than normal children, they are usually the result of affairs, although they are still taught in the same schools as children with parents and those who are legitimate. This is where Anni surprised everyone with her skill and dexterity with dealing with magical objects.

Raxxn – JARÉDN – This city is not dominated by and race type. In this city lies the Crystal Temple, where children find their past and their future. (They find out which faction of the Karrilean races they are for, as well as their talents power wise, as well as being given a power crystal. (In the colour of their power ranking)) Their looks, skills, and talents are developed and realised slowly after their Aging. (What the ceremony is called) It also contains the Red District (a place where you can find almost everything, a dark, dark place) and the Amphitheatre. The Amphitheatre is where major decisions are made public; duels; (Light and Dark) contest, and race take place. (Dark)

Flaml – LOOR – No-one but it’s inhabitants are quite sure where this fairy city is, or more that, they know where the city is but keep getting lost or mislead on their way there. It is guarded by the forest and it’s animals fiercely. It is a cold place during winter but the fairies don’t seem to be affected. The actual city itself is in the trees, with wooden buildings, walkways and stairs. Very high up, the elves take pleasure at seeing people squirm when looking down. Even dragons don’t like I up there, as it is too dense for their wingspan. Many a person has gone looking for it but went right under it without realizing, lacking the thought to look up. Also called Wildhall by the natives.

[Chocoholic]

I think every one should at least attempt one novel :)

[Aardvark]

Does the sentence "No beer and no TV make Aardvark something something" repeated fifty thousand times on every wall, floor and ceiling in the house in blood count as a novel?

[Serpent_Girl]

I think every one should at least attempt one novel :)

I agree, it's a wonderful thing to do. :)

Does the sentence "No beer and no TV make Aardvark something something" repeated fifty thousand times on every wall, floor and ceiling in the house in blood count as a novel?

No, it doesn't.

[Serpent_Girl]

It seems short but these things defiantly DO NOT happen instantly. All over time.

Anni Le’tnen is an orphan. Sent to the future by ancient Karades Magic, she knows not her heritage or power – just that she was found in a crater wearing nothing but a medallion around her neck, still covered in birthing fluids. Picked up by the local authorities, she is placed in an orphanage, in the city of Surrandey. She goes to a normal school. In this school, who your parents are is who you are. Since all Light children stick together, and all Dark children stick together, Anni spends her days wishing for the time when she gets her Aging ceremony and finds out who she really is. She can find out her bloodlines and allow no-one to stand over her just because they have parents. She thinks she is just one of the bastards of some family too ashamed to admit her presence. Bastards who were abandoned and who often fail or can’t afford the Ageing Ceremony end up working in Brothels or as servants. Anni doesn’t want to be lower than everyone else, just because she can’t afford it.

So she sneaks in to see the Priestess. The priestess says nothing and proceeds with the ceremony normally. Anni walks walks up to the pillar which says “Walk as high as your power deems you worthy, your blood shall choose you marked” She walks to the top and reaches out to touch the symbols, then is thrown in a bottomless pit. A glowing claw catches her and gives her a clear gem. She lands crashing on the temple floor and the priestess tell her she doesn’t belong and gets the guards. Anni is then condemned to a brothel because she failed the test. (But she didn’t really) She is sold to Jonny (The Dark Heir to the throne) as a recently Aged “initiation” present. He is unwilling but his “friends” drug them both with aphrodisiacs. They couple/rape (unbeknownst at this point, Illegally – and also forming a rare and strange genetical bond – Jonny is now on Rainbow level) and afterwards Jonny feels bad so he gives her his Aging Ceremony jacket. Anni feels a feeling inside that causes deep intense. feeling, and she instinctively instant transmits away from him, the cause of her pain.

She finds herself high in Dark Tower (but she didn’t know) She is confused and running around, lost, and comes upon some odd documents/prophesies. She then runs into Marketh, (The Dark King, Jonny’s father) then Eridith (The Queen) they realise what happened to her (her coat, her story, Anni’s distress) but still don’t understand how she got there, thinking Jonny somehow did it. In the confusion she is chased by guards and runs to Rainbow Level, she still doesn’t know where she is, just that she is in Dark Tower somewhere. By the documents she knows that the Darks did not build Dark Tower and she is in someplace they don’t know about. She hides there for a while. When exploring the lower levels, she runs into Eridith and they capture her to “make her a Lady” She has been slowly aging since the Aging Ceremony. Jonny is told she is dead and is forced to hold a contest (for the future Queen, which any woman can enter, held in various sections)

Whilst this is happening Anni is in an estate that she cannot escape from. She gets a key (one of the prophesized items she needs – not literally a key) off Damcia (her secret mentor) and mastered her powers. She is also now a fully Aged cross-blood Dark/Light/Karade and pregnant (and showing)! Planning to win the crown (which she knows as a Key – she still doesn’t know that Jonny was the heir to the throne) she enters the contest. She is winning until Zelosa (woman in love with Jonny, high royalty) sees through Anni’s enchantments, realises who she is and stabs her in her pregnant belly (this is in the middle of the race part of the contest, they’re both flying). The baby dies and Anni almost does too but Leonardo (A Light person, mocked Anni in her childhood) finds her and heals her. He tries to force her to use her powers for his own ends but fails. He takes her away, and threatens her with all sorts of deaths. She doesn’t believe he will act on any of them. Then he throws into The Volcano. Anni meets a dragon and because of her affinity with fire is unhurt. She learns about a great deal of ancient things including the Karades, The Keys, how to save the past and Rainbow rank.

The Dragon sends her to Wildhall in her quest. Anni discovers Melinda (A Light leader, also a Keyholder) and befriends her, gaining another Key. She meets up with Leonardo and persecutes him. Simone (Zelosa’s Lackey) agrees to help Anni when Anni removes Zelosa’s blackmail of her. Anni travels to Dark Tower and smashingly proves that she is the rightful queen. He agrees to sponsor her in a duel against Zelosa for the crown. Anni duels her and forces her to the best win – complete surrender to her authority. Jonny now knows who Anni is and is very much in love (not that he says so). They get married and Anni becomes Queen. Anni gets the last key off Jonny and releases the Karades.

She consummates their marriage and as they finish the released Karades King snatches her away and rapes her, yet she is strangely attracted to him since their Karades blood calls to each other. She is now pregnant with two babes….one Jonny’s and one the Karades King’s!! Anni is taken away by the Dragon (from the volcano) who betrayed her. The land is in uproar and realizing they cannot beat the enemy divided, Light and Dark form an alliance. They band together in the city and although occasional fights break out they are united. The Leaders conference what to do. They strengthen the city and attempt to find out where the Karades are. Their scouts report nothing but really they are Karades shapeshifter spies. They are getting nowhere and starting to wonder about the Karades inaction when people start getting sick, with no apparent reason. Jonny gets sick, even with his natural snake resistance to poison, so they guess it isn’t the Karades. No one figures it out until the escaped Anni returns and yells to them that it is in the water. She is heavily pregnant. The only way to cure the water is with Enemy magic, she does so then heals Jonny. From all her exertion it forces her into labour.

Already weak and exhausted she realises why the Karades let her go so easy. She cannot give birth to a Karades child without their help. She begs and Marketh instant transmits her to the Karades camp, only able to get in because of her blood. Dumped unceremoniously in the middle of the camp Marketh disappears rapidly. The babes are born, and Anni is now officially a Karades Queen. They love her because she gave birth to the rarest of the rare – twins. In the days and months of her raising her daughter and son she realises that she always loved Jonny, it was just the blood call that was doing this to her. If she wasn’t part Ally (Light and Dark) she probably wouldn’t have been able to realise this, and he saw Jonny’s face feminised in her daughter. The Allies don’t dare go near the Karades for fear of the Dragon.

Against the advice of his advisers Jonny goes to the camp, demanding from the Dragon that he sees Anni. The Dragon is pleased by his courage and permits him to see her as long as they do not touch. The Dragon sees them meet and realises that Jonny really was her true love. The dragon proposes a deal. “Find the other dragons and I shall banish myself, the Karades, and the other dragons to the other side of the world so only you can cross our borders.” The King and Queen agree and do very powerful and difficult and researched magic. Anni’s clear gem in her ampliment (found around her neck when transported through time – the gem from the Age priestess) is a dragon’s tear. They banish the Karades and Anni sees them sometimes. The Karades King commits suicide because he can’t have Anni. Anni is distraught and names her third child after him. Anni’s first son is named heir to the throne and all the prophesies are fulfilled.

Of course, with the whole story and it’s complexities, I left room for another series if I want one.

[Bifrost]

The Cat
Sat On
The Mat

First poem in history to score negative on the Prichard scaleActually you'd only fail for plaigiarism. :D

[Serpent_Girl]

Alright people, this is a sneak preview of what the story is written like. This is just after the prologue. Remember, all this work is mine. Please, comment and be critical, I would love some sort of feedback. It’s only short, but you get the idea. :) Hope you like it... :D

“Anni? Anni! WAKE UP!” Anni looked up, vision disorientated by sleep, at the girl shaking her roughly by the shoulders and yelling in her ear. “What the…SHIT!!” she exclaimed loudly as her predicament came to her and she started waking up. Glancing out the window for the position of the sun, her suspicions were confirmed and she jumped out of bed, the chill raising goosebumps on her skin. She hastily threw on some clothes after rummaging through the chest of drawers next to her bed, and then ran on her route to class, in her haste jumping down several flights of stairs and almost falling over once. Arriving panting at her history class she took a deep breath and knocked on the heavy wooden door then opened it, her heart still beating rapidly from her run and thoughts of her situation didn’t help one bit.

One step into the room and from the look on the teacher’s face decided maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to come at all. The teacher’s desk dominated the whole room covered in artefacts from an age that Anni didn’t particularly care about. Old enough to suit her, and just as boring, she thought, referring to the teacher.

“Tell me, Anni Le’tnen, why you bothered to turn up at all?” Anni knew this was a rhetorical question “No, wait. Don’t bother. I’ll just get you to write a five-page essay on it. That way I don’t have to listen to your voice.” The teacher said in a voice that grated on your skin like sandpaper. Oh fuck, the irony is killing me. I wish she would shut her mouth for once. Anni’s thoughts were fortunately unbetrayed by her expression. Walking to the only desk remaining, the class’s eyes following her, she sat down; surrounded by the people she spends her days trying to stay away from. Simone, her arch-enemy patted her seat with a false grin, inviting her to sit. Anni by habit checked the seat of the chair for spells or anything that might cause her discomfort or embarrassment. Removing the tack, she sat down gingerly, wondering why everyone was still looking so smug. Picking up her workbook she began to write about the construction of ampliments, the teacher yakking on to the class about how this was so basic and they’re stupid not to know the advanced stages in detail already. Blabbing on..

“ The construction of ampliments is a skill unique to elves and elven crosses. Although they can be made so that anyone can use them, most are made for the use of a whole city or one person alone. This skill has not been found since Tetrani the First’s reign and as you know, we have several in the city…” Anni stopped listening at this point, it was basic revision and it’s not as though they were going to learn how to make them anyway. Not that they could. No unaged child could do it, it was a skill that required power and right now, they didn’t have it. No one in her class had been to the Aging Ceremony yet, so no one had power.

The room was full of fifteen to sixteen year olds, all with black hair, eyes and fair skin. Defining characteristics would come later when they obtained their power. An Elf, a Fairy, a Dragon or a Snake… I wonder which one my parents were… Her thoughts were trailing off when Simone’s voice pierced her daydream. “ I bet I will have the highest ranking in this class,” she laughed “ and maybe even bring back the talent of ampliments making back, I mean, everyone in my family is powerful, influential and rich” Anni could of spewed at her arrogance. Muttering under her breath she said sniggered, laughing at her own wit and said “ Maybe they’re trying to make up for something”

Simone spun in her seat. “At least I have a family! I heard that, bitch, and when I’m fully changed and powerful, and you’re a servant, I’ll make you mend your words!” Anger spiralled through Anni’s body and she stood up, about to slap her when she felt a strange sensation in her chest, pushing against her ribs and in the same instant power surround her body. She couldn’t have slapped her if her life depended on it and as the teacher lowered her arm she felt her invisible bindings fizzle away. Words ran from her mouth like water – “It wasn’t me miss, I swear! She provoked me, I swear, I, I, - and she-”

“Enough! I already told you I didn’t want to hear your excuses!” She smiled at Simone and her friends, “Remember, orphan, you are only here so you can be educated as a high servant, and you are at risk of losing your position through lack of respect to your elders!” Her teacher’s face contorted into something somewhat more ugly – if possible – than normal. Her blue hair flecked with silver, green eyes, small body and not so delicately pointed ears proclaimed her heritage. Elven. As was almost everyone here, or in specific reference to this class, would be. Surrandey, eleven city of the desert, delicate as icicles and as beautiful as the setting suns was all she had ever known. Memories of the beauty in the city and thoughts that all the elves here weren’t as bad as this teacher caused her to soften her voice and reply softly. She didn’t want to lose what she thought she was so lucky to have. “I shall do better in the future. Please forgive me. I am not worthy of you troubling yourself over me.”
“Pah!” The teacher spat the words out and the bell rang with a chime –“Too right. Class Dismissed!” Anni grabbed her books and ran from the room, jumping over an outstretched foot and hair flying.

Hurtling down corridors she skidded to a stop when she spotted her somewhat saviour walking down an adjacent corridor. Sighing in relief at seeing a friendly face she gave her a hug and said “Thanks so much for waking me, I would have missed the whole class if it wasn’t for you.”

“No problem, I was just picking up some of my metalwork anyway” Her friend said brightly, a look of amusement on her face, “though I have to admit, I do kinda wonder what you were dreaming about, you had the strangest expression on your face” Anni coloured slightly and, voice full of indignation said “If you have to know, I was dreaming about falling off a cliff and being caught by a real fire breathing dragon, not the race. It wasn’t very nice and I would appreciate it if you did not mention it again.” Her friend shook her head, black curls bouncing about her shoulders. “That’s the stupidest dream I have ever heard. We all know there is no cliffs around here and there’s no such thing as dragons. Come up with a better excuse for your fantasies next time.” More colour crept up Anni’s cheeks, despite her best efforts. Yeah, and for once I’m innocent! “You are impossible, Nina! Hurry up or we’ll miss sparring!”

Not that they were actually doing it themselves, Nina just wanted to perve on all the Aged Warriors battling each other, with little clothing and displaying their strength. Surrounded by temporary seating that never seemed to get replaced was the sparring grounds, also doubling as the assembly grounds. Bare-chested men with bulging muscles wielded weapons of all sorts, from axes, to swords, to quarterstaffs. Anni ran a critical eye over all of them and shook her head. Out of all the school’s pursuits, comparatively, the elves really sucked at it. It didn’t seem to bother the other races much and they found it easy, so to make up for it the school insisted on weapons fighting become an essential part of the school curriculum. They didn’t like to look bad in front of anyone. Anni personally thought they should stick to developing their weapons making skills. They really excelled at that and made beautiful weapons, perfectly balanced and sharper than her teacher’s tongue. Sighing some more she gazed out over the melee, her eyes catching on the duelling grounds.

Now that was what she really wanted to see. Missiles and lines of power flew about the arena, harmless to anyone outside of the protective dome but inside, lethal. Fortunately they carried crystals infused with power for their protection against attacks and to record hits. The aim of course, was to strike your opponent and not get hit yourself. This had a much larger crowd surrounding the dome, especially since today was a trainee day, which means much laughter at their pitiful efforts. Trainee, first level in Magic Warrior rankings, in the order of Trainee, Amateur, Adept, Warrior, Commander, Master. Although, there of course is ranks within ranks. The Master is the head of the organisation and to become Master you must officially challenge the current Master to a duel and be willing to accept the position of leadership, including all the responsibilities that come with it. Of course, the Master stayed in the city of Raxxn, like all the important people, but she would have given a lot to see him battle. Anni remained staring until she realised with a jolt that Nina had left her.

She spied her talking to a young Warrior, stroking his chest and twisting her fingers in her curls. Anni sighed and headed in her direction. After many attempts to gain her attention, she resorted to yelling in her ear. The Warrior looked down at her. “How unladylike. Nina, I suggest you teach your friend here better manners otherwise she might end up working in Red District instead of as your servant. I don’t know why you put up with her, I wouldn’t want her as a servant, too ugly.” Nina glared at him and Anni felt like she was sinking into the ground with shame. Why do I always step above myself?! Shit, I gotta get out of these habits. Argh, now Nina is going to kill me for making it look like she cannot train servants. Even worse, I’m compromising my own damn position.

“Anni, I do not want your presence here anymore. Go pack my things away – neatly – and make sure everything is all there, ready for removal. When I am finally Aged I want my new rooms perfect for when I get back. Leave!” Nina said, eyes flashing. Anni bowed her head and walked off, perfect High Servant. Pah, she’s supposed to be my friend too, not just my employer. Just because she can be Aged, just because she wasn’t left in a crater by parents too ashamed of their child, with nothing but a single medallion about her neck…FUCK!

Anni clutched at her neck and then desperately checked all her pockets, searching for her medallion. Where is it?! Anni searched her memory. Now where have I last seen it? Her thoughts flew, mentally tracing her path backwards. She knew she couldn’t of dropped it, so where was it? Not darling to go back and face the wrath of Nina, Anni continued on her way up to Nina’s room, biting her lip in worry. Why would anyone take it? It wasn’t even well worked metal, and it had sharp edges, making it dangerous to wear.. Hmm, thinking about it, it even had a huge hole in the middle where there must have been a gem sometime, which completely spoiled it’s appearance. No-one knew of it’s existence, she kept it under her robes where no-one could see. No one remembered she had it…

Abruptly halting, Anni looked around. She had arrived at Nina’s rooms, in the middle of the city quite high up. You got used to climbing so many stairs and using so many lifts, since the city seemed to be built upwards, with staircases clinging from buildings like spiderwebs. Anni grinned to herself. They sure hadn’t liked her sitting up on the tops of the buildings, unfazed by the height. The elves were too scared to get her down so they fetched one of the other most common occupants in the city, a Fairy, who flew up and made her come down. Damn fairies, if they didn’t have wings I could have had my own little hiding place, no-one knew the easy way to get up..

Anni saw a fluttering in the corner of her eye….

[Serpent_Girl]

Thread whorage!! I'm posting to ask for comments!! No one has commented on anything!!

You know, they really would be appreciated...

Someone else's opinion other than my own would be nice....I know it's alot to read, that one ^ I think has to be the longest post EVER!!

Come on, is it boring, interesting, funny? Flaws in my writing style? Do you think you would read it? I'm walking down a road untravelled before, advice would be nice, esp, writers...I'm too busy to visit a writing workshop, can't afford it and I'm only young y'know ;)

[Thyrd]

It's good. I like it thus far.

[~vjay~]

I just read the lot of it, I like the story line, one day when you write the books I will buy them ;)

[lostreality]

can this turn into a pop up book with naked chicks?

[Jaz]

The Cat
Sat On
The Mat

First poem in history to score negative on the Prichard scale
So what is the Prichard scale? Googling Prichard scale only turned up a link to this thread.

[gertie]

Does the sentence "No beer and no TV make Aardvark something something" repeated fifty thousand times on every wall, floor and ceiling in the house in blood count as a novel?
Confucius say "yes"