Girlfriend just went through my drawers

[tomsyman]

Well, a super start for the week for me. Not only is it a bank holdiay and I have to work but got to the coffee shop downstairs when my mobile went off.

Girlfriend was doing some tidying and found my "Blondes love anal..." DVD in my drawer - she was not happy! upset, yelling etc as I was in the coffee shop couldn't say anything just said I'd speak later.

15mins later, phone rings again "As for the marijuana in your second drawer - you are moving out!!!"

Doh.

Only got that on thursday after not smoking for months, and the porn was old...

The problem is she's a health nut and very anti anything fun like drinking, smoking, pot etc and she's always riding me to drink less (she'd won the no pot battle thus not smoking for months).

Anyway, she wont talk to me, and I sent her an email to see if I could meet her at lunch but she said no. As she won't be home until late tonight I've got to stress about this all day and figure out what to do.

Got to love mondays.

[Salted_Chipmunk]

Give her some time to calm down, its only been a matter of hours.

Then after you have talked it through if she is still wanting you to get rid or stop all of the above move on, cause its not worth changing to suit someonelse's ideals if you dont want to.

[Tigress]

It sounds like you have very different lifestyles, so perhaps it is better this way so that you can be free to do what you want...

[Vardsy]

OUCH!!!

You should know the worst ever hiding spot for anything is in your drawers.

[lostreality]

ask her to dye her hair blonde and tell her you want to do her up the bum bum.

[Sagacious]

Well, a super start for the week for me. Not only is it a bank holdiay and I have to work but got to the coffee shop downstairs when my mobile went off.

Girlfriend was doing some tidying and found my "Blondes love anal..." DVD in my drawer - she was not happy! upset, yelling etc as I was in the coffee shop couldn't say anything just said I'd speak later.

15mins later, phone rings again "As for the marijuana in your second drawer - you are moving out!!!"

Doh.

Only got that on thursday after not smoking for months, and the porn was old...

The problem is she's a health nut and very anti anything fun like drinking, smoking, pot etc and she's always riding me to drink less (she'd won the no pot battle thus not smoking for months).

Anyway, she wont talk to me, and I sent her an email to see if I could meet her at lunch but she said no. As she won't be home until late tonight I've got to stress about this all day and figure out what to do.

Got to love mondays.


Seems like she doesn't like the thought of anal either.

If she's been riding your ass and busting your balls for your lifestyle choices (ie. deep down who you are) then perhaps you are better off letting her vegan ass go and take a long run along the adios highway.

You get to be yourself she gets to feel self righteous everyones a winner.

Now all you need to do is find a girl out there who likes you for who you are and does (or at least doesn't mind you watching) anal.

Am I right or am I right?

[scathing]

Do you want to smoke pot? Do you want to watch porn?

If going off pot and is worth it for being with her, then fair enough. When I was with my last girlfriend I dropped quite a few things I used to do, because they weren't important to me. Especially not in the same way she was.

But if she's forcing you to do things you don't want to do (like quitting stuff you enjoy and you want to continue doing), if there's no compromise then you need to ask yourself if that's a relationship you should be in.........

[gooey]

i smoke pot with my girlfriend

[tomsyman]

You're right about the different lifestyles. She is a vegetarian - I won 3 meat trays at the RSL a few weeks ago and stocked up the freezer but she's normally pretty good about that.

The porn was just porn - not because I want to fuck her arse every day just some wanking material for when she's not around...

I do really love her though so will let her calm down and have a good bitch to her friends, will try to speak to her tonight.

[Josh]

You guys that are saying this might be for the best may be jumping the gun a little bit. I know he may be giving up a few things, but you gotta ask yourself, what if she has really big boobs. I for one won't be able to make an educated decision until I find out. Let me be the first to say this is useless without pics.

[Merudo]

Seems like she doesn't like the thought of anal either.

If she's been riding your ass and busting your balls for your lifestyle choices (ie. deep down who you are) then perhaps you are better off letting her vegan ass go and take a long run along the adios highway.

You get to be yourself she gets to feel self righteous everyones a winner.

Now all you need to do is find a girl out there who likes you for who you are and does (or at least doesn't mind you watching) anal.

Am I right or am I right?
You're right.


First thing I thought after reading the original post was, if she's so "anti-fun" then why are you with her?


If YOU turn this around so its you letting her go, then perhaps she may realise the consequences of behaving the way she is...

However, it's naive to think you can change a person.

[Seeker]

Pussy whipped.................we can smell our own....

[tomsyman]

I got the pot to try and wean myself off the booze - maybe I'm just an addictive personality but I find if I'm alone and she's working late I always have a few beers etc and have been drinking way too much on friday nights so the opportunity to get some pot presented it self and I thought it might be a good idea - never thought she'd find it though just thought she'd be happy I wasn't drinking so much.

[tomsyman]

Different lifestyles yes.. By anti-fun I meant she enjoys long walks and deep and meaningful conversations and not watching football/cricket with the mates and drinking beer and smoking pot.

I enjoy her things and meet up with her friends all the time for tea/coffee, shitty conversations about children (her friends all seem to have just squeezed some out in the last year or two) but she never does my things.

[lostreality]

Different lifestyles yes.. By anti-fun I meant she enjoys long walks and deep and meaningful conversations and not watching football/cricket with the mates and drinking beer and smoking pot.

I enjoy her things and meet up with her friends all the time for tea/coffee, shitty conversations about children (her friends all seem to have just squeezed some out in the last year or two) but she never does my things.

opposites attract. im in the dog house ATM.

i said, if you had a baby would it make your tits bigger??

and i said her new dress that she bought wasn't right for the occasion and it looked slutty.


it DID not go down too well.

[Arcane1]

From your quote of "... you're moving out", I assume the lease is in her name? Can she toss you out properly? If that is the case, leave. Pay up your share of the bills and split immediately.

That, or prepare to be owned for the rest of time, and live as a second class resident there. A threat like that is an uncool thing.

[Josh]

Different lifestyles yes.. By anti-fun I meant she enjoys long walks and deep and meaningful conversations and not watching football/cricket with the mates and drinking beer and smoking pot.

I enjoy her things and meet up with her friends all the time for tea/coffee, shitty conversations about children (her friends all seem to have just squeezed some out in the last year or two) but she never does my things.

She sounds like just about every woman I've ever met. Let me just tell you this. Before I got married, my wife and I had to go to marriage prep counseling. They told us that throughout our marriage we are constantly going to try to change how the other is or acts, this is just human nature, but we are never truly going to be happy until we realize that we fell in love with the person that we fell in love with, not who we want to change them into. I'm not sure you guys are all that serious, but I think this holds true no matter what stage of the relationship you are in.

[BtrFly]

compromise. you sound as though you do need to have a long conversation with her. just in order to find out whether you are going to be compatible in the long run...

just for a point of reference, most girls dont care about the porn thing, so long as its not too disgusting, but pot is a big no-no for me.

[beerbaron]

indeed
have a deep and meaningful conversation with her before her friends get involved!

[ShinymetalASS]

Personally I've done the 'opposites attract' relationship. It was interesting for a while, but ended up sucking my ass, metaphorically speaking.

Now I'm with someone who doesn't just get me, but almost reads my mind. Right down to ordering pizza. It's fucking brilliant.

Each to their own though, if your girl makes you happy despite your differences, then more power to you both. If you aint happy though, there's no point.

In summary

GF makes you happy = nothing to complain about
GF doesn't make you happy = fap to butt fucking pron in single bliss

personally i could never tell the guy i was with how to live, but if i didn't like it, i would fuck off. I have no right to change him but I'd not be choosing to settle for someone I didn't 'approve of'.

[druckfugged]

Buy some amphetamines and some German dungeon porn and leave those where she can find it. After she does her nut over that and you ride out that storm a little weed and some good old "blonde anal" won't even be worth mentioning.

[beerbaron]

there needs to be compromise... its the eternal balance...


mmmm pizza

[imp]

Do you want to smoke pot? Do you want to watch porn?

If going off pot and is worth it for being with her, then fair enough. When I was with my last girlfriend I dropped quite a few things I used to do, because they weren't important to me. Especially not in the same way she was.

But if she's forcing you to do things you don't want to do (like quitting stuff you enjoy and you want to continue doing), if there's no compromise then you need to ask yourself if that's a relationship you should be in.........

What he said. I could write out a few paragraphs of my 2cents but it'd just end up sounding the same.

She's sounds pretty intolerant and if she's kicking you out over the phone and not even discussing these things with you in person there's obviously a communication problem as well. What the hell is her problem with pr0n?

I don't want to make judgements about you or your relationship, just look out for what's best for you AND her, not just her.

[ShinymetalASS]

She sounds like just about every woman I've ever met.


:swear:

[Merudo]

:swear:
he said "just about ever girl" not just "every girl"



here's something childish you can do


-go through HER drawers when you get home!-

[Up_All_Night]

Teach her some respect
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v118/PRguitarman/Useless2/1122692065564.gif



seriously though hope it works out for you

[lostreality]

he said "just about ever girl" not just "every girl"



here's something childish you can do


-go through HER drawers when you get home!-

sniff them too then tell us what they smelt like.


mmm rotten fish, yummy.

[Josh]

she enjoys long walks and deep and meaningful conversations and not watching football/cricket with the mates and drinking beer and smoking pot.
When I said she sounds like just about every woman I've ever met I meant this part. Which isn't really a big deal, thats why I have guy friends. They like to watch sports and smoke pot and party all the time. My wife likes all of the other stuff, plus the drinking and the partying. She just hates too much sports and porn. Emphasis on too much. The two worlds never have to meet, and it's probably best if they don't.

[Salted_Chipmunk]

Actually to tell you the truth, i clicked this thread hoping that it would be about a penis joke.

Boy was i wrong.

[Bifrost]

I know my gf doesn't do any of my fun activities like PC gaming and watching anime and science fiction movies...But then I never go to her book club or do Sudoku puzzles either...

I haven't smoked pot for years and neither has my gf. It's not that we're totally against it, we just don't go out of our way to get it, therefore we have none. I drink too much and I do get in trouble for it, but I consider this a good thing. I sometimes worry that if it weren't for my gf and her complaints, I may have had a drinking problem by now.

It's all give and take...Personally I couldn't be in a completely one-sided relationship where I couldn't do the things I liked and the other person could do everything they liked, just because we like diferrent things and they don't like what I do...

I say rational discussion is required here. Probably lengthy and probably at times painful, but rational, sober discussion is needed to resolve this problem one way or the other. I personally think she over-reacted, but given some time I'm sure you'll both be able to discuss the situation healthily

[taine]

1st things first don't let her friends get involved , I know thats trouble right there I listen 2 mine whinge about their lives. All you need 2 (coming from a females point of view) is just let her calm down then go over 2 where she is staying with flowers lol and just have a chat. I hope it all works out 4 u :D

[lostreality]

get her an anal plug, pull out the lube and ask her is she is ready yet.

[Mighty Midget]

Seems like she doesn't like the thought of anal either.

If she's been riding your ass and busting your balls for your lifestyle choices (ie. deep down who you are) then perhaps you are better off letting her vegan ass go and take a long run along the adios highway.

You get to be yourself she gets to feel self righteous everyones a winner.

Now all you need to do is find a girl out there who likes you for who you are and does (or at least doesn't mind you watching) anal.

Am I right or am I right?
You're right.

You need to be sure that if you give things up to be with her, you're doing it because you really want to. If not, you may end up regretting it later and potentially resenting her for it. Sounds like you're already a little hurt that she isn't putting in an effort to do the things you enjoy.

[tomsyman]

Thanks for the advice. Had a few sad/angry emails but don't think I'm on the street just yet.

I agree with Bifrost - many of the things she says are perfectly true - I used to drink like a fish and have cut back considerably since I started seeing her. We've been going out for a year and a half now and I do want to keep it going.

Cheers for the words of encouragement.

[That Bloke]

It sounds like you have very different lifestyles, so perhaps it is better this way so that you can be free to do what you want...

I was thinking the same, how'd they even come to be together in the first place?

[Chocoholic]

Why the hell was she going through your draws?

[scathing]

Teach her some respect
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v118/PRguitarman/Useless2/1122692065564.gif

Right idea. Wrong appendage.

[lostreality]

I was thinking the same, how'd they even come to be together in the first place?


she felt sorry for this smackhead dude living on the streets so she let him in to have a shower and shave so he could be on his way back to selling 'big issue', but he kinda just moved in and she couldnt get rid of him.

or so i heard.

[Sagacious]

The problem is an eternal one.

Men go into relationships with women and complain when they change.

Women go into relationships with men and complain when they don't.

As the Father of the Bride put it at a wedding i went to recently:

"When a woman enters the church on her wedding day the first thing that she sees is the church aisle.

The second thing she sees is the church altar.

and the third thing that her eyes focus on is her groom (HIM).

That triplet really sets the tone for the whole relationship from that point on, except 'aisle+altar+him' quickly becomes 'I'll alter him.'"

[AsterisK]

maybe you and her should sit down to enjoy a bit of a joint together, show her what its all about.

or just tell the truth, i doubt you have any problems with that from what you told us. from my pov, that's all you can do. shit happens. she will realise her mistake if it comes to that.

[The Cunt]

here's something childish you can do


-go through HER drawers when you get home!-
Stay away from there!

Last time I done that I got carried away and chewed the crotches out of all her expensive lingerie.

[Guest.]

Light up a spliff and fuck her in the arse.

Seriously though, it's only been a few hours or so, these things have a habbit of working out. Just be calm and rational when you speak to her. Let her shout and bawl, girls kinda tend to do that to get things out of their system.

Hope it all works out okay. :)

[hazza]

just lie to her...

tell her u will get rid of the porn and the pot to be with her blah blah blah, then stash that shit at your mates house.

chics lie all the time, we know you do, and we accept it. so now its your turn, just lie, its so much easier than changing.

[ShinymetalASS]

The problem is an eternal one.

Men go into relationships with women and complain when they change.

Women go into relationships with men and complain when they don't.



My take on this?

Never try to change anyone. You are only able to control yourself. Hence, if the other person has things about them you dont like you cannot change that as you dont control the other person (and never should). The only thing you can control is your response to it. So if you dont like something about them, leave. If you are important enough to them, they will exercise their own control and change.

I was with a guy whose behaviour I did not appreciate. I made my problems very clear to him, and he chose not to respond in any practical way, I left. Easy done. I chose to be alone rather than put up with that crap. As long as you make the choices which will make you happy.

I know your post would have been reasonably tongue in cheek sag, but it can be a leeeeetle frustrating to be a chickie constantly pigeonholed into the "whinge, nag, why can't you change, why do you look at pron, why do you watch sport" kind of girl. We come in various forms of open mindedness.

:)

[scathing]

Never try to change anyone. You are only able to control yourself. Hence, if the other person has things about them you dont like you cannot change that as you dont control the other person (and never should). The only thing you can control is your response to it. So if you dont like something about them, leave. If you are important enough to them, they will exercise their own control and change.

That said, you should always make suggestions and offer advice. If you don't like something, then there clearly is something wrong with it (in your mind, anyway).

If you loved them you'd want what's best for them, and a part of that is breaking them out of bad habits. You wouldn't watch someone you cared for, who was addicted to something, slowly waste away and do nothing.

But if you honestly tried to explain it to them, and let them see it from your point of view, then they make a decision based on an undersanding on both sides. If it goes against what you believe, then it comes down to how important it is to you.

If you can't live with the choice they made, then you need to decide if this kind of person is the kind of person that's right for you.

[Blink]

If my wife starts nagging about something that I do which she wants to change, and it's something I like doing and don't want to change I do the following:

Sit her down and say that there are things about me that she doesn't like. Encourage her to list them (optionally in alpha order - it can be a long list!) Then also point out a few of her annoying habits. Then point out that I fell in love with her even though she does those things that I don't particularly like, and that if I can live with a few of her annoying habits, she can surely live with a few of mine.

So my advice to you would be to sit down with her, point out a few things that she does that annoy the hell out of you and then say that a joint every now and then, and some porno when she isn't home are quite acceptable compromises.

This may also result in you getting kicked out sooner rather than later...

[criminy]

This:

Never try to change anyone. You are only able to control yourself. Hence, if the other person has things about them you dont like you cannot change that as you dont control the other person (and never should).

Then this:

I was with a guy whose behaviour I did not appreciate. I made my problems very clear to him, and he chose not to respond in any practical way, I left.

So that doesn't count as an attempt to change someone?

Ding! You win the "consecutive paragraph hypocrisy" award. +Rep for you.

[ShinymetalASS]

This:

So that doesn't count as an attempt to change someone?

Ding! You win the "consecutive paragraph hypocrisy" award. +Rep for you.


Note my wording. I didn't try to change him. I made him aware of personality problems I thought we were having. It is his choice how he reponds to these problems. I did not ask him to change, just as he did not ask me to change. As our personalities continued to clash, despite discussions, I made the choice to leave. On the basis that I could not, and would not, ask him to change.

Not hypocritical at all. I see a great difference in making people aware of problems you have with them out of respect for your relationship, and in insisting that they change their personality, out of selfishness in said relationship.

[Vardsy]

So Tomsyman wants to sit down, get high, and jack off to some blonde on blonde anal penetrating action.

As long as said blondes are female I can't see the kufuffle (Have I spelt that right?)

[t101]

So Tomsyman wants to sit down, get high, and jack off to some blonde on blonde anal penetrating action.

As long as said blondes are female I can't see the kufuffle (Have I spelt that right?)
It's actually 'kerfuffle'

:D

[Colonel Kurtz]

Women: keep nagging you about things they don't like until you change them. The later they bitch that you're not the same man you used to be. WTF????

[Merudo]

Teach her some respect
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v118/PRguitarman/Useless2/1122692065564.gif



seriously though hope it works out for you
can we keep the nsfw pics in the pron forum, or at least just link to them or put nsfw a few lines above it...

thanks

[Sagacious]

My take on this?

Never try to change anyone. You are only able to control yourself. Hence, if the other person has things about them you dont like you cannot change that as you dont control the other person (and never should). The only thing you can control is your response to it. So if you dont like something about them, leave. If you are important enough to them, they will exercise their own control and change.

I was with a guy whose behaviour I did not appreciate. I made my problems very clear to him, and he chose not to respond in any practical way, I left. Easy done. I chose to be alone rather than put up with that crap. As long as you make the choices which will make you happy.

I know your post would have been reasonably tongue in cheek sag, but it can be a leeeeetle frustrating to be a chickie constantly pigeonholed into the "whinge, nag, why can't you change, why do you look at pron, why do you watch sport" kind of girl. We come in various forms of open mindedness.

:)

Your point is a good one and well made SMA

you are the kind of chickie that challenges many stereotypes and generalisations not least of which is the one expounded by me in the post you quoted.

I understand your frustration at feeling that you need to overcome those generalised perceptions based solely on your gender and arising from the experience of others with other members of your gender.

What can I say you are ahead of your time and much in the same way as Da Vinci, Newton, Galilleo and Einstein will no doubt find that struggle an eternal one.

That is your cross to bear and how yhou bear it is the making or breaking of you. Remember that for every mind ahead of its time that is acclaimed as a genius there are dozens if not scores that cannot cope with being different and go postal.

It is a thin line between genius and insanity. Good luck and don't take no shit from anyone.

In trhe meantime don't rail against the stereotype too hard you can use it to your advantage.

PLUR! (Peace Love Unity Restecp!)

[Colonel Kurtz]

Smack my bitch up, Smack my bitch up


Seriously, you have in this realtionship

1. Trust issues
2. Conflict of interests
3. Poor communication

Having different interests is OK, keeps things interesting and gives you some time apart, but when they conflict (you smoke, she hates it), things are bad. It's negotiation or reassesment time for you and her.

[Sutto]

If you had of hidden your shit better, you could be high and watching anal porn right about now, without an angry girlfriend.

[Cassa]

Have you asked her why she went through your drawers in the first place? I see some trust issues here

[Sagacious]

put mousetraps in your drawers that'll deter her from snooping further.

Or little notes like what are you looking for? or I hid my stash in your drawer under the rubber dildo. or shit stirring shit like that shit right there.

[Whiskers]

I value my privacy very highly. I also value my right to make my own decisions.

Are you angry that she has done this?

If I was in your position (and I have been in a very similar one) then I would be extremely angry. However- I should ask- had you promised her that you weren't going to smoke weed anymore? Because if you had, and she found the weed, then I can undertstand where she is coming from (She still has no right to go through your stuff).

I've finally come to realise that there is no point being with someone if there is not enough trust. I'm really shitty at trusting people so I've retired from relationships.

[Necron]

Take the good with the bad, compromise and most of all let her chill out. Do not make the situation worse by becoming irrational yourself. Other than that I cant say anything different to the excellent advice that has already been given.

All the best.

[pliskin]

man, when my ex girlfriend found my porn stash, she hid it, in its place she left a small note ,something along the lines of " u dont need porn, u have me. ill do most of the things willingly that the girls do i those films, to u""
i thought it was quite a funny way to go about the whole porn issue. she saw the even funnier side when i removed the batteries from her vibrator , and replaced them with my own note." man this thing cant tell u how much it loves being with u , can it, pity i can"

[Icky_Thoomp]

Hey tomsyman,

Had you made any promises to your GF about not keeping drugs in the house? If yes, then take your punishment like a man. Although she might be a health nut and a bit nasty for going throught your drawers, she is right to be angry with you about having drugs in the house. I'm not a prude but I dislike drugs very much and if someone living in my house brought in drugs when it was agreed that the house was to be drug-free, I would be reaching for a stick to beat them with. Don't mean to bring you down, but you have to see this from her side, too.

The DVD - dunno. That's a tough one....

There has been a lot of thoughtful and sincere advice in the previous posts, especially SMA. The main theme throughout is that you need to communicate with your GF. Good luck, guy, I hope that you work through this OK.

[Glompbot]

Thanks for the advice. Had a few sad/angry emails but don't think I'm on the street just yet.

I agree with Bifrost - many of the things she says are perfectly true - I used to drink like a fish and have cut back considerably since I started seeing her. We've been going out for a year and a half now and I do want to keep it going.

Cheers for the words of encouragement.


Why don't you try discussing with her the option of her allowing you a few beers once a week... if you quit with the pot?

Why is she so against you owning porn?

It sounds like YOU have done a lot of compromising for her.... but you don't list any changes she has made for you.

Ask her to change something for you (nothing major, something small) if she does it, it shows that she's willing to ALSO sacrafice something for the relationship... if not, ask her why... if she goes on about you trying to change her, or her being unwilling to change who she is, etc... then she's never going to make the compromises for you that you are for her...

[Glompbot]

further to my last post

this is not to say that you should enter into a relationship and then proceed to test them and attempt to make changes... but like SMA I've had my own experiences.... and I think the breaking point for me was when I realised the sacrafices/changes I had made or tried to make for the other person weren't being reciprocated, and would never be reciprocated (even when it came down to my own personal health)... I realised it would never work... which is why I say its important to find out if she is willing to put in as much as you are...


Instead of doing a little test, you could always discuss it with her... (I'd only read the first page of comments), someone mentioned making a list... thats a great idea...

[babarfloyd]

If YOU turn this around so its you letting her go, then perhaps she may realise the consequences of behaving the way she is...

Best advice in this thread so far!

Seriously, you need to sit her down and tell her that you don't appreciate her going through your stuff and if she wasn't constantly riding your ass trying to change you then you wouldn't feel the need to hide these things from her. This is who you are and since she obviously has a problem with it then she needs to leave.

Don't put up with her shit. If you do, it'll only get worse.

:hippy:

[say_wat]

Just look forward to the Make-Up sex ;)

[ShinymetalASS]

further to my last postthe breaking point for me was when I realised the sacrafices/changes I had made or tried to make for the other person weren't being reciprocated, and would never be reciprocated (even when it came down to my own personal health)... I realised it would never work... which is why I say its important to find out if she is willing to put in as much as you are.....

Snap.

That is the ultimate decision you need to make. Anything but equality will leave someone unhappy.

:) nice work saps.

[Cassa]

It's a cliche but compromise really is a two way street. I would do as suggested above and really discuss this with her, in particular why she felt she needed to go through your stuff, and if she is willing to change for you. If the answers you get include things like she can't trust you to do the right thing, and it's you that needs to change, not her, then you've got some serious problems.

[Merudo]

Best advice in this thread so far!

Seriously, you need to sit her down and tell her that you don't appreciate her going through your stuff and if she wasn't constantly riding your ass trying to change you then you wouldn't feel the need to hide these things from her. This is who you are and since she obviously has a problem with it then she needs to leave.

Don't put up with her shit. If you do, it'll only get worse.

:hippy:
bingo bango, got it hole in one. :)

[Benwah]

Of the people here who have given advice, how many of you are in successful relationships?

[Sagacious]

Relationship 8 years married just over 3 does that qualify as successful?

[BtrFly]

i dont know whether it is just the success level, because you learn and grow when you make mistakes too.

personally i am in a relationship, which is quite new. I still class this as successful.

You really need a qualifier for the success level.

[Directed]

I'd look at it through her eyes, people. She's dating someone who drinks heavily, does drugs, keeps hardcore porn hidden away, and isn't completely honest with her. This does not add up to winner. Where is this girl so we can tell her to dump tomysman ASAP?

[Josh]

I'd look at it through her eyes, people. She's dating someone who drinks heavily, does drugs, keeps hardcore porn hidden away, and isn't completely honest with her. This does not add up to winner.
But you have to ask yourself, what if he has really big man boobs? Don't you think thats reason enough for her to stay? Try to think a little more superficial next time.

[The Cunt]

I'd look at it through her eyes, people. She's dating someone who drinks heavily, does drugs, keeps hardcore porn hidden away, and isn't completely honest with her. This does not add up to winner. Where is this girl so we can tell her to dump tomysman ASAP?
And THAT is where the tide turned.

Now we all start to attack Tomysman and he does an iaidoka on us.

ie: self imposed exile.

[Benwah]

Relationship 8 years married just over 3 does that qualify as successful?

Yup!

[Directed]

Im shocked everyone is all sympathetic with this Tomysman. The guy adds up to loser. Would you really want to spend your life with a drugged out drunkard who's idea of fun is watching fisted anal sex? Tomysman, let me give the good advice no one around here is capable of doing, apparently. Turn your life around, mate. You need to leave that drinking and drugs right away if you want to amount to anything. I know there are people here who are going to tell you you can do the alcohol and drugs and be fine. Don't believe them. There are some who can do that, but it isn't you. You are an alcoholic, and a drug-addict, and the sooner you realize it and change, the sooner you can save this relationship you have or get a better one. To the trolls and bastards who are soon to post contradicting me, go wank yourself with your drugs and alcohol you losers! This guy OBVIOUSLY has problems, and if you can't see it, you do too.

[Benwah]

You really need a qualifier for the success level.

okay, are you in a long term (I.E 2 years plus) relationship and are you both reasonable happy.

Thats defined as 'successful' I'd say (at least in my eyes, of course I sure others view differ)

[Merudo]

Of the people here who have given advice, how many of you are in successful relationships?
Does that matter?

I fail to see how our personal lives have any bearing on the advice that we give...

our advice can either be taken as good or bad advice...


I don't think tomysman needs a background story of our relationships.


But while we're at it, I expect a 5 page essay outlining your life romantically by tomorrow morning. :p

[Cassa]

Directed, all props to you for having such a high standard of clean living but this is the kind of closed-mindedness, on the girlfriend's part, that has led to this situation in this first place.

Doing bad things does not make someone a bad person, that kind of black and white thinking will only lead you into trouble. It's all too easy to rip someone off for this sort of thing if you don't know them, and take the moral highground, however it rarely makes for constructive criticism or advice.

[Sagacious]

IMHO relationships can only thrive in an atmosphere of mutual Trust and Respect.

By keeping PORN and Dope in the house where anyone with even an ounce of curiosity can stumble upon them you break the trust you fostered in promising to give up the weed and you disrespect (on so many levels) her by keeping the Porn from her.

You need to be able to trust that she will continue to be actively curious about your undisclosed possessions and you need to respect her enough to know that what you do not take great and inventive pains to hide she will find.

So my friend you have two choices

1. Give up the dope and be up front with her on the Porn Issue so that what she stumbles upon in the future is not a surprise to her (this is way the easier option from a logistical point of view); or

2. You get all Q(from James Bond) on her ass and develop wicked ways to hide your stash of weed and porn from her. The more wicked and ingenious the methodology of your hiding your stuff the more you are respecting her intelligence, ingenuity and resourcefulness.(and what woman does not love to be respected for her mind). Mind you if you intend to make this liaison a permanent union you should give careful consideration to applying the same sort of logic to your property interests. This will require the collusion of your accountant and lawyer, the implementation of some aggressive asset protection measures such as blind Jersey Trusts, Andoran bank accounts and safe deposit boxes in Private Banks but it if you choose the path of the dark side it is well worth the effort if you have enough to lose.

the choice is yours my friend do you follow the easy path and come clean and stay that way or do you succumb to the seductive charms and secret rewards of the dark side?

[Merudo]

Either way,

http://forums.zgeek.com/showthread.php?t=39092

this thread (i have not read it i am at work) may at least satisfy your pron needs now your girlfriend has played "lets be a dvd nazi" with you ;)

[Directed]

Directed, all props to you for having such a high standard of clean living but this is the kind of closed-mindedness, on the girlfriend's part, that has led to this situation in this first place.

Doing bad things does not make someone a bad person, that kind of black and white thinking will only lead you into trouble. It's all too easy to rip someone off for this sort of thing if you don't know them, and take the moral highground, however it rarely makes for constructive criticism or advice.

closed-mindedness is modern-speak for having some standards. I give all the credit in the world to that young lady for having some sort of standards and enough moral character to insist on not having a drunk drug-freak in the same house as her. I never said doing those things made him a bad person, I said it made him an alcoholic and a drug addict. That usually adds up to loser unless you can get yourself out of those habits. That may seem to be me taking the mral highground, but what is the alternative?

Should we tell tomysman, yeah man, do the drugs, take the alcohol, its all good and your bastard girlfriend is ALL WRONG?!!! That makes you all enablers. So enable away if you choose. I am the only one standing for the good of this poor guy. Sure my message is tough, but it is also true.

[Benwah]

Does that matter?

I don't know, maybe, maybe not, I'm just interested.

I fail to see how our personal lives have any bearing on the advice that we give...

Again, maybe it doesn't but maybe, just maybe, advice coming from people who aren't experienced or aren't in successful and happy relationships themselves isn't quite as valid as advice coming from people who are? but maybe not maybe people in what I deem 'successful' relationships are the WORST people to give advice because they don't know what it's like to be in a bad relationship? and the advice they give comes from there 'happy' relationship experiences?


our advice can either be taken as good or bad advice... ...

For sure, but without a metric to measure advice against it might be hard to judge, is that important? probably not, and I'm not saying that people outside this metric don't have insight and valid points, that would be narrow of me indeed, I'm interested in BOTH sides good and bad (although I'm not sure defining being 'single' as bad is quite correct....erm... lets say I'm just interested to see where the advice is coming from)


I don't think tomysman needs a background story of our relationships....

Nope, it was me that was interested.


But while we're at it, I expect a 5 page essay outlining your life romantically by tomorrow morning. :p

I didn't give any advice smartypants :)

[Merudo]

When I saw that you had posted benwah I was worried you might take my post the wrong way, especially when I saw you had broken it down.


Good to see you didn't take it the wrong way :D

[Sagacious]

Can advice ever be good or bad?

To my way of thinking advice can either be sound or flawed. The reustls flowing from the implementation of the advice can be expected or unexpected and that will be based largely on the soundness of the advice and the aptitude with which it is implemented.

Good or bad are such imprecise and perjorative terms

[Cassa]

closed-mindedness is modern-speak for having some standards. I give all the credit in the world to that young lady for having some sort of standards and enough moral character to insist on not having a drunk drug-freak in the same house as her. I never said doing those things made him a bad person, I said it made him an alcoholic and a drug addict. That usually adds up to loser unless you can get yourself out of those habits. That may seem to be me taking the mral highground, but what is the alternative?

Should we tell tomysman, yeah man, do the drugs, take the alcohol, its all good and your bastard girlfriend is ALL WRONG?!!! That makes you all enablers. So enable away if you choose. I am the only one standing for the good of this poor guy. Sure my message is tough, but it is also true.

Occasionally smoking some pot does not make someone a drug addict, having a few beers every now and then does not make someone an alcoholic, and owning some porn does not make someone a deviant smut addict.

The advice I have seen so far in this thread has been resonable, mature and thought out, until you came along to stick your 2 bob in about how this guy must be a filthy loser for doing things that, to be perfectly honest, are pretty normal for people of his age in this country.

The issue here is how to deal with the breach of trust with his girlfriend, not the rightness or wrongness of pot/alcohol/porn. If you don't have anything constructive to add about the relationship factor please keep out of it. This is the relationships forum, not the 'rip into someone because you don't like their lifestyle choices' forum.

[Benwah]

'rip into someone because you don't like their lifestyle choices' forum.

Dang, where do I sign up, that sounds fun! ;) we could pick on... well... everything! 'lifestyle' that pretty much covers everything these days! from socks to smoking habits.

Good or bad are such imprecise and perjorative terms

Good and Bad might be imprecise but how precise do you want to GET mate? should we have a sliding scale from 1 to 10BILLION on the soundness of advise! I liked your post before this one much better! get back to giving 'good' advice ;)

[Directed]

Occasionally smoking some pot does not make someone a drug addict, having a few beers every now and then does not make someone an alcoholic, and owning some porn does not make someone a deviant smut addict.

The issue here is how to deal with the breach of trust with his girlfriend, not the rightness or wrongness of pot/alcohol/porn. If you don't have anything constructive to add about the relationship factor please keep out of it. This is the relationships forum, not the 'rip into someone because you don't like their lifestyle choices' forum.

Ahh, but Cassa I do have very sound relationship advice to add to this forum. You just don't like it. I'm sorry that I don't buy that Tomysman only "Ocassionally" does drugs and drinks. By his own admission it is hard for him to stop. As for the porn that was just stupid on his part, but I'm going to leave that out because I don't even care about that. Hiding things in the underwear drawer is a rank amateur thing to do and he should be beaten just for trying to pull it. When a girlfriend just goes through your stuff one day its because she is suspicious. So you have to ask yourself, has Tomysman behaved suspiciously? Well yeah! He gets drunk and stoned regularly! Does she want to be with a guy like that? Well NO! She has standards.

So what is the relationship advice? I could tell him she is the problem. But she is only the problem if He wants to keep getting stoned and drunk. And that isn't the best life choice for Tomysman unless he wants to work in a gas station as a career. Because it seems to me he can't handle the temptation of drugs and alcohol and keep his life straight. So if he wants that chick, he's going to have to turn his life around. WELCOME TO REAL RELATIONSHIPS! If people don't change, they aren't in a real relationship. I'm sorry but its true.

[Cassa]

Excuse me directed, I happen to be a counsellor and I take great offence to you saying 'I'm right and you don't like it'. Keep up with that shit and I will be modding you back to last week ok?

Edit: Just to make this clear for everyone - the rules of this forum are:

*You are not to be derogatory about others, ESPECIALLY the person asking for advice, in your replies
*Under no circumstances are you to insinuate that your opinion is the only correct one and everyone else is too ignorant to see it.

Are we clear on this? Good.

[BlueBoy]

Ahh, but Cassa I do have very sound relationship advice to add to this forum. You just don't like it. I'm sorry that I don't buy that Tomysman only "Ocassionally" does drugs and drinks. By his own admission it is hard for him to stop. As for the porn that was just stupid on his part, but I'm going to leave that out because I don't even care about that. Hiding things in the underwear drawer is a rank amateur thing to do and he should be beaten just for trying to pull it. When a girlfriend just goes through your stuff one day its because she is suspicious. So you have to ask yourself, has Tomysman behaved suspiciously? Well yeah! He gets drunk and stoned regularly! Does she want to be with a guy like that? Well NO! She has standards.

So what is the relationship advice? I could tell him she is the problem. But she is only the problem if He wants to keep getting stoned and drunk. And that isn't the best life choice for Tomysman unless he wants to work in a gas station as a career. Because it seems to me he can't handle the temptation of drugs and alcohol and keep his life straight. So if he wants that chick, he's going to have to turn his life around. WELCOME TO REAL RELATIONSHIPS! If people don't change, they aren't in a real relationship. I'm sorry but its true.
Way to make judgement calls.
How's the weather in that little bubble world of yours?

[Directed]

Excuse me directed, I happen to be a counsellor and I take great offence to you saying 'I'm right and you don't like it'. Keep up with that shit and I will be modding you back to last week ok?

Cassa, I happen to be a counsellor as well. And as much as you would like to be the only expert, I spotted several trends in Tomysman's behavior that I found severely disturbing. Since you are a counsellor, what are the signs of an alcoholic or drug abuser that any trained counsellor is trained to recognize? Oh and holding the all-powerful mod power over me is a nice tactic that proves you are right and I am wrong. I bow to your superior mod status.

[Al]

Tomysman, an ex of mine used to hate me having porn and would get massively shitty about it. So i hid it from her, PORN IS NOT A BIG DEAL and she was making it one. I also used to smoke up and drink reasonable often. It was only when i started drinking a lot that she got shitty so i cut back.

I found i made a lot of sacrifices for her, but in reality they weren't that big a problem. Although she never made that many sacrifices for me she made up for that in other ways.

In the end (and now 2 years after that 5 year relationship) I learned a lot about how things work. These days I wouldn't stand for half the shit i let her push me around on... You see there are some things that have a 'just deal with it' factor. On the other hand, you do have to weigh up if it's worth it to ya!

Directed, calling someone who smokes weed and drinks solidly a drug freak is just lame. Who made you the fun police? Just because it differs from YOUR morals it must be wrong eh? 90% of my friends drink a decent amount and wouldn't knock back a bong either. Mind you, you'd probably consider me a drunken drug freak, so you can take it anyway you want...

[Directed]

*You are not to be derogatory about others, ESPECIALLY the person asking for advice, in your replies
*Under no circumstances are you to insinuate that your opinion is the only correct one and everyone else is too ignorant to see it.

Okay, I'll take back the loser. But calling someone a drug-addict and alcoholic is not derogatory, it is a statement of judgement based on the behavior I have been communicated. I did not insinuate my opinion is the only correct one, but ironically you are doing just that, Cassa. So go mod yourself.

[Vardsy]

I missed the part where Tomsyman admitted to drinking heavily??

I enjoy 2-3 beers at the end of most days - is that alcoholic?

[Cassa]

I'm not a drug and alcohol counsellor so I'll have to defer to you on that one. You should know that browbeating someone with your opinion is a big no-no in mental health. And trying to one-up people on the internet is a lame tactic.

I'm holding the all-powerful mod tactic over you because you've derailed what I thought was proceeding as a successful thread. I'm perfectly happy for people to have differing opinions even if I don't agree with them. I'm not happy with you being smug and abusive within those opinions.

[Directed]

Directed, calling someone who smokes weed and drinks solidly a drug freak is just lame. Who made you the fun police? Just because it differs from YOUR morals it must be wrong eh? 90% of my friends drink a decent amount and wouldn't knock back a bong either. Mind you, you'd probably consider me a drunken drug freak, so you can take it anyway you want...

Actually I don't, because you are able to control your behavior big al. I don't want to be the fun police. I just saw too many warning signals in what tomysman was posting. He was hiding too much from his girlfriend and making her suspicious. Note that she wasn't going through his stuff before. I would love to hear her side of this. I don't think its unreasonable of her to not want drugs in her house. Don't you agree just a little?

[Sagacious]

I don't propose to address the moral position regarding Tommysman's possession of a stash of hash but I will say this...

Possession of weed in most countries is an offence (whether criminal or regulatory) and as such makes the possessor of the weed liable to prosecution.

Possessing weed can therefore be considered a a high risk behaviour especially when you analyse the risk benefit..ie. getting stoned v. losing your job/getting fined/being prohibited entry to certain countries etc.

When analysing the desirability of remaining in a relationship those sorts of considerations loom large.

Therefore it can be seen that undertaking risky activity when the risk benefit is low can be seen to be an unatractive or undesirable trait in a partner and therefore dumb as dogshit when trying to preserve or foster a relationship.

Drugs (in this context) are dumb Mkay lets not go into the rights or wrongs.

Look on the upside though at least what is done is being dumb by choice rather than dumb by nature so it can be rectified. As for rebuilding the shattered trust with his girlfriend that is a different matter altogether.

[Directed]

I missed the part where Tomsyman admitted to drinking heavily?? I enjoy 2-3 beers at the end of most days - is that alcoholic?
Ok, several people missed a whole lot of warning signs from Tomysman. So here are what he said that sent every alarm bell off in my head:
Girlfriend was doing some tidying and found my "Blondes love anal..." DVD in my drawer - she was not happy! upset, yelling etc as I was in the coffee shop couldn't say anything just said I'd speak later.
"As for the marijuana in your second drawer - you are moving out!!!"

Only got that on thursday after not smoking for months, and the porn was old...
Seems semi ok so far right? Now read further:


The problem is she's a health nut and very anti anything fun like drinking, smoking, pot etc and she's always riding me to drink less (she'd won the no pot battle thus not smoking for months).

I got the pot to try and wean myself off the booze - maybe I'm just an addictive personality but I find if I'm alone and she's working late I always have a few beers etc and have been drinking way too much on friday nights so the opportunity to get some pot presented it self and I thought it might be a good idea - never thought she'd find it though just thought she'd be happy I wasn't drinking so much.
He needs pot to get himself off booze. He's been drinking too much on a weekly basis. Booze and Pot is his fun.
Different lifestyles yes.. By anti-fun I meant she enjoys long walks and deep and meaningful conversations and not watching football/cricket with the mates and drinking beer and smoking pot.
His idea of fun is drinking beer and smoking pot. That is the fun. Notice the drugs are his vehicle for enjoying time with people. That fun theme is actually repeated. This is a major sign of addiction.

I enjoy her things and meet up with her friends all the time for tea/coffee, shitty conversations about children (her friends all seem to have just squeezed some out in the last year or two) but she never does my things.
I agree with Bifrost - many of the things she says are perfectly true - I used to drink like a fish and have cut back considerably since I started seeing her. We've been going out for a year and a half now and I do want to keep it going.
Notice she doesn't do his things. Not very surprising as it centers around an unhealthy lifestyle. This is a common theme in relationships between addicts and non-addicts.

Please understand people with problems will never admit everything they have done, and will try to normalize what they do so that people will accept it. "I only got pot to get off booze. Honestly I had never done it for months but only just got it this one time." These are questionable statements that would have to be ignored. Even if they are true they are danger signals.

[tomsyman]

Well, where to start?

I hadn't smoked any pot for about 4-5 months and met up with an old flat mate and we bought a bit. Had 1 cone and was bent as. A far cry from when I used to live with him when I'd smoke almost everyday if I had any.

I admit I have a very weak will when it comes to pot or alcohol. Beers I have cut back on and limit my binge drinking to once every month or so now, I am definately trying to be aware of myself and slip in the occasional glass of water or light beer as the night progresses.

My girl was upset that I'd hidden stuff from her - She knew I had pron but I guess it was the content that got to her. I only got that DVD cause it had Sylvia Saint and was a double DVD for the price of 1! but didn't really get the chance to tell her that I'm not an anal devient.

The pot and booze we have talked about and thus my having some was like me lieing to her - which I can understand. Think I need to talk to her more.

[tomsyman]

Directed - thanks for that. You have made me think sbout a lot of things in my life.

[Al]

Actually I don't, because you are able to control your behavior big al. I don't want to be the fun police. I just saw too many warning signals in what tomysman was posting. He was hiding too much from his girlfriend and making her suspicious. Note that she wasn't going through his stuff before. I would love to hear her side of this. I don't think its unreasonable of her to not want drugs in her house. Don't you agree just a little?
I absolutely agree that the weed was a bad move. Never agree to/promise something like that and go back on it, it's heading for trouble. I just felt that you were rather judgemental in what you said... A big part of my attitude is each to their own, obviously within limits!

While i have no problems with people and their drugs, it's a relatively serious thing for a lot of people. Being that his gf sounds just a little controlling, it's not a great idea to go back on something he'd told her he'd stop.

As for the porn, i mean you take your chances with stuff like that. As someone who's been on the receiving end of a porn finding tirade I fail to see the big fat hairy deal.

I probably drink way too much, but i'm single and i get bored a lot. So i spend a lot of time at the pub or drinking with friends etc. If i had a woman i'd cut back because i'd have something else to do.

[ShinymetalASS]

Therefore it can be seen that undertaking risky activity when the risk benefit is low can be seen to be an unatractive or undesirable trait in a partner and therefore dumb as dogshit when trying to preserve or foster a relationship.


There's a time and a place for everything..... and it's called college :D

[Vardsy]

Directed - thanks for that. You have made me think sbout a lot of things in my life.


Round 1 - Directed

[Directed]

Tomsyman, I want you to know I wish the best for you. I think you may have to change some things in your life for your own sake, and that of your girlfriend. When it comes to unhealthy behaviors, change is actually good. I have a lot of bad habits my wife killed rather quickly in my marriage, and a few she is still working on. I don't see this as bad to tell you the truth. The bad stuff I want to get rid of too. Now the stuff that makes me "me", I'm not going to let her change. Like my politics, or my beliefs, stuff like that. But in a relationship the rest is negotiable. Honestly compromise and behaving better makes the whole relationship and your life better. I'm sure there's stuff she can work on too.

[The Cunt]

You should know that browbeating someone with your opinion is a big no-no in mental health.
I usually find a good full nelson and have someone administer the drugs either orally or rectally works the best.

And trying to one-up people on the internet is a lame tactic.
Yeah, why one-up when you can threaten to "mod them back to last week".

[Directed]

Well, I would like to say I took a look and Cassa IS right that I was being a bit of a prick. I was rude to Tomsyman, and I was rude to her. I didn't really need to do that to make my point. I flamed when I could have avoided it. I had just finished looking at a war forum thread and I was feeling combative. Cassa knows that I love her though. Hopefully she'll forgive my indiscretions.

[Vardsy]

Yeah, why one-up when you can threaten to "mod them back to last week".

Agreed - Modding people who you are threatened by in a debate is pretty crappy

[Al]

Well, I would like to say I took a look and Cassa IS right that I was being a bit of a prick. I was rude to Tomsyman, and I was rude to her. I didn't really need to do that to make my point. I flamed when I could have avoided it. I had just finished looking at a war forum thread and I was feeling combative. Cassa knows that I love her though. Hopefully she'll forgive my indiscretions.
True and went presented more reasonably you made a lot of sense. I personally am running on 3 hours sleep after deciding it would be a good idea to read until 5:30am...

Stick with it Tomsyman, although this'll prolly cost a lot of begging and grovelling. Also if you get through this, whatever you don't make the same mistake again. Ever.

[Cassa]

I wasn't threatened by what directed said, I was pissed off at how he was saying it. There's a world of difference.

Having said that, no I didn't deal with it in the best way, I know the reasons for that which I won't go into, but that doesn't make it acceptable. I shouldn't let anger dictate how I deal with conflict, that just makes it all go to shit. So directed, I too am sorry for being a bit of a harpy and I accept your apology - we both need to learn to chill out a bit more when challenged I think.

[Sagacious]

True and went presented more reasonably you made a lot of sense. I personally am running on 3 hours sleep after deciding it would be a good idea to read until 5:30am...

Stick with it Tomsyman, although this'll prolly cost a lot of begging and grovelling. Also if you get through this, whatever you don't make the same mistake again. Ever.
Heheeh you gonna have to eat a lot of pussy to get back to level terms Tommysman...

what you have to do in order to be in a position to eat that pussy is another matter entirely.

[Merudo]

group hug :)

[tomsyman]

Perhaps if I explain that this drama has led to my most successful thread on ZGeek may make her forgive and forget...

[hazza]

i still stand by the lie and deny method

[The Cunt]

Well, I would like to say I took a look and Cassa IS right that I was being a bit of a prick. I was rude to Tomsyman, and I was rude to her. I didn't really need to do that to make my point. I flamed when I could have avoided it. I had just finished looking at a war forum thread and I was feeling combative. Cassa knows that I love her though. Hopefully she'll forgive my indiscretions.

I wasn't threatened by what directed said, I was pissed off at how he was saying it. There's a world of difference.

Having said that, no I didn't deal with it in the best way, I know the reasons for that which I won't go into, but that doesn't make it acceptable. I shouldn't let anger dictate how I deal with conflict, that just makes it all go to shit. So directed, I too am sorry for being a bit of a harpy and I accept your apology - we both need to learn to chill out a bit more when challenged I think.
I think now is a good time for everyone in this thread to hold hands together in a circle and sing along with me...

"All we are saying... is give peace a chaaaaaaaance.... All we are saying... is give peace a chaaaaaaaance...."


P.S I snort cocks by the minute

And that would be an example of Cassa modding me back to next week. And she lies. Well, exaggerates. It's by the hour.

[The Cunt]

Perhaps if I explain that this drama has led to my most successful thread on ZGeek may make her forgive and forget...
That depends.

She may look over all your other threads and find out that you've also told us that she's had cancer, been electrocuted, drugged and raped.

[Merudo]

That depends.

She may look over all your other threads and find out that you've also told us that she's had cancer, been electrocuted, drugged and raped.
zomg son of iaidoka

[Directed]

I think now is a good time for everyone in this thread to hold hands together in a circle and sing along with me...

"All we are saying... is give peace a chaaaaaaaance.... All we are saying... is give peace a chaaaaaaaance...."


P.S I snort cocks by the minute

Kumbaya my lord.... Kumbaya....

[Cassa]

I'm sorry The_Cunt, I just giggled so much when I thought of it that I had to do it. Also to see how long it would be before you noticed. In this sad lonely world, one must do what they can to bring some joy into their lives. With cock-snorting references.

[scathing]

Im shocked everyone is all sympathetic with this Tomysman.

My advice cuts both ways, and its not sympathetic. Its also not derogatory.

I suggested that he review their situation and decide if she was right for him. While I didn't state it explicitly, it also means he should decide if he is right for her (which, if he really cares about her is a part of the "her right for him").

After they have their discussion and hammer it out, if there can't be a compromise then aside from deciding if he wants to be in a relationship with a wowser (his point of view), he needs to decide if someone he loves should be in a relationship with a druggo (her points of view), and make the right choice if he can.


If it were the girlfriend here complaining about the druggo she was dating I'd offer pretty much the same advice. I'd be just as "sympathetic".

I'm not being sympathetic per se. I'm keeping my opinions of his habits to myself. He could have replaced "smoking pot" with "drinking the blood of virgins", and watching porn with "sacrificing babies to Baal" and I'd say the same thing.

The only person with a right to judge another is a person with a vested interest, and I honestly couldn't give a shit.

[Directed]

I have to confess when I first saw this thread I was thinking that the "drawers" were a pair of underwear tomysman was wearing on his person. As in "I just peed in me drawers". Then to my shock it was a serious thread and not about getting a hand job. Ah well, the wonders of zgeek...

[scathing]

Agreed - Modding people who you are threatened by in a debate is pretty crappy

When a moderator chooses to give a warning when someone clearly breaks the forum rules, that's a lot nicer than just going nuts with the delete button.

She could have made it a lot clearer that she's separating personal opinion (browbeating someone who's got a problem to try and achieve results) with her official capacity to keep the spirit of the forum going (The Relationships forum should always be about open discussion, not authoritarian pronouncements) but the idea was there.


At any rate, backing someone who's clearly in the wrong (by their own admission when they stepped back and re-evaluated it, something that people who aren't directly involved in should already have done) against someone who's doing their job is pretty fucking stupid.

Full marks to directed for stepping up and apologising though.

[snoopen]

K so what you need to do right is:
1) Cut out the booze and pot or at least cut back to only social drinking on weekends.
2) Since you aint gonna be smokin that grass, bake her up some hash cookies with heaps of chocolate chips. Put the cookies in a red heart shaped box and give them to her with flowers and explain that you'll not be mulling no more. (Try hinting that she looks a little anorexic, as this will encourage her to eat more of the hash cookies. But be careful not to offend her in doing so).
3) She should start to be a little forgiving... untill the dope kicks in that is. This is when you gotta take her out for a walk in the midday sun (in a park would be ideal). She'll start tripping out and having a blast of a time.
4) While she's all spaced out, tell her how much you love her and that you're never going to watch porn again. She'll fully believe you and should be all over you. While she's like this you should also tell her that it made you angry that she went through your stuff and make her promise that she wont do it again.
5) Sit down or lay in the grass and let her pass out from the hash. When she finally comes to, make it seem as though she became dehydrated and had sun stroke.
6) Find a better hiding place for your pr0n.
7) Live happily ever after.

[babarfloyd]

Of the people here who have given advice, how many of you are in successful relationships?

Very happily married for over 9 years with 2 kids.

[scathing]

Of the people here who have given advice, how many of you are in successful relationships?

I am.

I was going out with a girl, and we loved each other very much, but some things we did got on each other's nerves because of personality and hobby differences. So after trying a couple of different ways to resolve it and having issues compromising, it we finally made the choice that we'd be happier not together.

It was a struggle making it work at first, given the depth of our feelings, but now we're both happy.

[wolfpac181]

K so what you need to do right is:
1) Cut out the booze and pot or at least cut back to only social drinking on weekends.
2) Since you aint gonna be smokin that grass, bake her up some hash cookies with heaps of chocolate chips. Put the cookies in a red heart shaped box and give them to her with flowers and explain that you'll not be mulling no more. (Try hinting that she looks a little anorexic, as this will encourage her to eat more of the hash cookies. But be careful not to offend her in doing so).
3) She should start to be a little forgiving... untill the dope kicks in that is. This is when you gotta take her out for a walk in the midday sun (in a park would be ideal). She'll start tripping out and having a blast of a time.
4) While she's all spaced out, tell her how much you love her and that you're never going to watch porn again. She'll fully believe you and should be all over you. While she's like this you should also tell her that it made you angry that she went through your stuff and make her promise that she wont do it again.
5) Sit down or lay in the grass and let her pass out from the hash. When she finally comes to, make it seem as though she became dehydrated and had sun stroke.
6) Find a better hiding place for your pr0n.
7) Live happily ever after.


I soooooooo Want to remake this, but with poop cookies and a "don't go through my stuff bitch!" remark.

[say_wat]

Well, I would like to say I took a look and Cassa IS right that I was being a bit of a prick. I was rude to Tomsyman, and I was rude to her. I didn't really need to do that to make my point. I flamed when I could have avoided it. I had just finished looking at a war forum thread and I was feeling combative. Cassa knows that I love her though. Hopefully she'll forgive my indiscretions.


I wasn't threatened by what directed said, I was pissed off at how he was saying it. There's a world of difference.

Having said that, no I didn't deal with it in the best way, I know the reasons for that which I won't go into, but that doesn't make it acceptable. I shouldn't let anger dictate how I deal with conflict, that just makes it all go to shit. So directed, I too am sorry for being a bit of a harpy and I accept your apology - we both need to learn to chill out a bit more when challenged I think.

The state of our Incompetent "counsellors" :P
I'm just joking...
I was inclining on directed's analysis though; good job. Just goes to show that the human mind is very complex and a billion different interperations can be made of one issue, hence the need for you councellors (for the feeble minded :P)

[Cassa]

Counsellors having differing opinions can be seen as a strength rather than a weakness..after all there's no one right solution for everyone.

[fuzz!]

sorry whats wrong with pot, porn and anal sex?

maybe i missed something.. its not like youre a practising vegetarian.. now theres a reason to throw you out..

[Cassa]

Try reading the thread, that might help.

Also I used to be a vegan until it almost killed me.

[Bostonmess]

Im shocked everyone is all sympathetic with this Tomysman. The guy adds up to loser. Would you really want to spend your life with a drugged out drunkard who's idea of fun is watching fisted anal sex? Tomysman, let me give the good advice no one around here is capable of doing, apparently. Turn your life around, mate. You need to leave that drinking and drugs right away if you want to amount to anything. I know there are people here who are going to tell you you can do the alcohol and drugs and be fine. Don't believe them. There are some who can do that, but it isn't you. You are an alcoholic, and a drug-addict, and the sooner you realize it and change, the sooner you can save this relationship you have or get a better one. To the trolls and bastards who are soon to post contradicting me, go wank yourself with your drugs and alcohol you losers! This guy OBVIOUSLY has problems, and if you can't see it, you do too.

Yeah, why doesn't he just join a nice church?

[badpauly]

Im shocked everyone is all sympathetic with this Tomysman. The guy adds up to loser. Would you really want to spend your life with a drugged out drunkard who's idea of fun is watching fisted anal sex? Tomysman, let me give the good advice no one around here is capable of doing, apparently. Turn your life around, mate. You need to leave that drinking and drugs right away if you want to amount to anything. I know there are people here who are going to tell you you can do the alcohol and drugs and be fine. Don't believe them. There are some who can do that, but it isn't you. You are an alcoholic, and a drug-addict, and the sooner you realize it and change, the sooner you can save this relationship you have or get a better one. To the trolls and bastards who are soon to post contradicting me, go wank yourself with your drugs and alcohol you losers! This guy OBVIOUSLY has problems, and if you can't see it, you do too.

I think everyone knows what my reply to this would be, so I shan't bother saying it.

[badpauly]

Doing bad things does not make someone a bad person, that kind of black and white thinking will only lead you into trouble. It's all too easy to rip someone off for this sort of thing if you don't know them, and take the moral highground, however it rarely makes for constructive criticism or advice.

But how can some people be 'holier than thou' without doing that?

[Cassa]

It has something to do with cookies though right?

Play nice though people, we have settled this peaceably (I think) - differences coexist quite well as long you don't try to force them to meld.

[badpauly]

closed-mindedness is modern-speak for having some standards. I give all the credit in the world to that young lady for having some sort of standards and enough moral character to insist on not having a drunk drug-freak in the same house as her. I never said doing those things made him a bad person, I said it made him an alcoholic and a drug addict. That usually adds up to loser unless you can get yourself out of those habits. That may seem to be me taking the mral highground, but what is the alternative?

You were dropped on your head as a baby right?

Should we tell tomysman, yeah man, do the drugs, take the alcohol, its all good and your bastard girlfriend is ALL WRONG?!!! That makes you all enablers. So enable away if you choose. I am the only one standing for the good of this poor guy. Sure my message is tough, but it is also true.

... in Bizarro World!

[badpauly]

Ahh, but Cassa I do have very sound relationship advice to add to this forum.

No, you have "rightious, good-book" advice. Not sound at all. Next!

[Cassa]

Hey, don't make me tap the forum rules sign

[badpauly]

Cassa, I happen to be a counsellor as well.

OK, I happen to know Cassa, as well as her qualifications, but in order for you to be believed I ask that you pony up yours.

I have an idea of what they are, from previous posts of yours, but I'd like the hard data thanks.

[badpauly]

Hey, don't make me tap the forum rules sign

Sign tapping noted. Hadn't made it that far.

[Cassa]

Says you woman!

I'll still be keeping an eye on this. If we can have a constructive debate about advice giving/counselling/etc that would be good.

[badpauly]

Tomsyman, I want you to know I wish the best for you. I think you may have to change some things in your life for your own sake, and that of your girlfriend. When it comes to unhealthy behaviors, change is actually good. I have a lot of bad habits my wife killed rather quickly in my marriage, and a few she is still working on. I don't see this as bad to tell you the truth. The bad stuff I want to get rid of too. Now the stuff that makes me "me", I'm not going to let her change. Like my politics, or my beliefs, stuff like that. But in a relationship the rest is negotiable. Honestly compromise and behaving better makes the whole relationship and your life better. I'm sure there's stuff she can work on too.

You use the "bad" word a lot, but at no point do you state, with evidence, what is "bad" and why.

A few beers, some dope, and a porno, while not "A Good Thing" in your god's eye, is perfectly reasonable and safe. The beer and dope is no more dangerous than the ingestion of any one of the thousands of chemicals breathed in or drunk each day, and there is no proof that watching porn, or even masturbating to it, is harmful in any way.

You talk of compromise, yet also state that there is no changing your politics and beliefs. I'm always wary of people like that, as they tend to be the ones who try to push their beliefs on others. Just like you seem to be doing.

p.s. Thanks for the link RadioActive Man, it dragged me back into ZGeek.

[badpauly]

Says you woman!

I'll still be keeping an eye on this. If we can have a constructive debate about advice giving/counselling/etc that would be good.

May I ask of anyone claiming to be a counseller that they supply credentials? Especially since this thread is dealing with a few serious issues.

In return, I promise to not claim I'm a doctor. :)

[The Cunt]

You were dropped on your head as a baby right?
Was this the reply that everyone knew you would make but you couldn't be bothered saying it?

[Vardsy]

This thread is still going ??

Does everyone remember how it started - blonde anal now can we please get back to the subject of blonde anal - - - please????

[Cassa]

Actually I was wondering, why would you have a hard copy of such a thing when there's so much porn for free on the internet, to be stored safely on one's hard drive? Maybe I'm just missing something, not having an overly huge collection myself...

[Vardsy]

DVDs usually are of a supreme quality - nuf said

[Directed]

You use the "bad" word a lot, but at no point do you state, with evidence, what is "bad" and why.

A few beers, some dope, and a porno, while not "A Good Thing" in your god's eye, is perfectly reasonable and safe. The beer and dope is no more dangerous than the ingestion of any one of the thousands of chemicals breathed in or drunk each day, and there is no proof that watching porn, or even masturbating to it, is harmful in any way.

You talk of compromise, yet also state that there is no changing your politics and beliefs. I'm always wary of people like that, as they tend to be the ones who try to push their beliefs on others. Just like you seem to be doing.

p.s. Thanks for the link RadioActive Man, it dragged me back into ZGeek.


What's up badpauly? Your questions are fair enough. I really wasn't coming at Tomysman's problems from a religious point of view to be honest. Although if you would like to discuss Tomysman's problems in the light of his religion that would be a fine topic of discussion. Since I wasn't familiar with his religious background, I had to come at the problem just considering the things he had mentioned.

As to my counselling credentials, I admit they aren't stellar. I have done youth counselling, addictions counselling and volunteered at homeless shelters and done gang-prevention programs around the Chicago area. I do have 2 years of college classes in that area, however I didn't end up getting a degree in that area (I studied computers).

Why are you responding so negatively to the possibility that Tomysman had a problem with his alcohol and drug consumption? He himself has admitted that he has a problem in that area, so I'm surprised to hear that you don't agree. Would you care to elaborate?

[excalibur]

DVDs usually are of a supreme quality - nuf said
This is the reason .vob files exist.

[badpauly]

Why are you responding so negatively to the possibility that Tomysman had a problem with his alcohol and drug consumption? He himself has admitted that he has a problem in that area, so I'm surprised to hear that you don't agree. Would you care to elaborate?

I'm actually responding negitively to your insistance, way back in your first two posts, that he was a heavy drinker, "does drugs" and was a loser. I believe you also came in with calling him a "drugged out drunkard who's idea of fun is watching fisted anal sex". Hardly nice comments, or the kind that anyone claiming to be either religious or a counsellor should make.

You made hard claims that he would amount to nothing, that he couldn't handle drugs or alcohol, and that he "OBVIOUSLY has problems".

Now I don't spend much time on ZGeek these days, but recent times have had the two of us coming up in the same threads, and I see the same style of comment being made by you. One that I see far too often in a few other people.

"I'm right, my way is the right way, and your way will lead you to damnation".

Luckily that sort of comment immediatly identifies the type of person making it, and they can be filed away under "nutter" if harmless, or taken to arms if they appear to be in a position of power, or may be taken seriously by someone. Some of you out there will know the more famous troll/ZGeeker who shares these traits.

Taking a position of power over someone, especially when they are troubled, is a nasty and dangerous thing to do. Luckily, Tomysman seems to be sorting the issue out while being able to continue his relaxation methods if he wishes to.

Directed, you are no better than anyone else here, you are just different. If someone is doing somethign that you don't agree with, but is actually harming no-one, instead of trying to belittle them, how about just reading a book. Don't stand above them with the holier than thou attitude of "Change your ways or remain a worm". People may actually respect you for that.

[Directed]

My, my, badpauly you are pretty sensitive today, aren't you? In context I was trying to imagine what the girlfriend thought about the whole situation. I did apologize for the loser comment as it was strong. But let me ask you: What are the long-term relationship prospects of someone who can't control their drinking and drug use? Is that the type of person that makes for a good partner in a relationship? If you noticed, I didn't claim superiority in my comments, I was trying to shock him into seeing his situation from a different point of view. If you notice, I was also successful. No I am not a professional counselor. But give me a break, this is Zgeek. This is hardly the place everyone is completely nice and never says something edgy. I can't help it you have an inferiority complex and want to project your insecurities about religious people on me. Feel free to do so.

[Bostonmess]

Tommysman's drug habits seem a bit similar to mine. Friday nights get pissed and stoned, have a right good binge and then leave it for a bit, c'mon life's not worth living if your not gonna cut loose sometimes?

Saying that, if you're teetotal, you can still enjoy yourself. Each to their own isn't it.

The thing with his girlfriend is basically she'll have to get over it, or he'll have to get over it, or they'll have to get over each other. It's up to them really.

Personally I think she's overreacting, but then I would.

[Cassa]

I have done youth counselling, addictions counselling

Aha, that would be why we came at the problem from different angles - I thought drug and alcohol counselling might have been where your training lay. My background is much more in psychological counselling (cognitive, affective, psychoanalysis etc). I'm interested though, what kind of methods/interventions are focused on in addiction/youth counselling?

[Merudo]

My, my, badpauly you are pretty sensitive today, aren't you? In context I was trying to imagine what the girlfriend thought about the whole situation. I did apologize for the loser comment as it was strong. But let me ask you: What are the long-term relationship prospects of someone who can't control their drinking and drug use? Is that the type of person that makes for a good partner in a relationship? If you noticed, I didn't claim superiority in my comments, I was trying to shock him into seeing his situation from a different point of view. If you notice, I was also successful. No I am not a professional counselor. But give me a break, this is Zgeek. This is hardly the place everyone is completely nice and never says something edgy. I can't help it you have an inferiority complex and want to project your insecurities about religious people on me. Feel free to do so.
oh come on man...


the literal translation for the post of yours i've just quoted would have to be FLAME BAIT...


Was that really neccessary? I don't think you needed to start to snipe at badpauly just because he disagrees with your point of view as well...

[dwarfthrower]

that he "OBVIOUSLY has problems".

His girlfriend is threatening to leave him over it... sounds like problems to me.

One of two things have to give... Either the girlfriend leaves and tomsyman can drink, smoke and watch porn all he likes - or he tones down those aspects of his life to a point where the girlfriend is happy to be with him.

Now most people would tend to view the preservation of the long-term relationship to be a higher priority than getting stoned. If tomsyman hadn't, then instead of posting here asking for help, he would have simply told the girlfriend to make other arrangements and fired up the bong.

Directed was right on the money in my opinion. Obviously you saw it differently, but instead of taking his points and trying to counter them you simply attacked the man for his religious beliefs. Being very quick to cry foul whenever anyone puts forward an opinion that runs counter to your lifestyle choices I would have thought you would be a little more tolerant towards other people's.

[Directed]

Aha, that would be why we came at the problem from different angles - I thought drug and alcohol counselling might have been where your training lay. My background is much more in psychological counselling (cognitive, affective, psychoanalysis etc). I'm interested though, what kind of methods/interventions are focused on in addiction/youth counselling?

Well obviously one major difference is the kind of counselling I have done is a LOT more confrontational. With psychological counselling, you have to be a lot more sensitive and obviously you are way more gifted in that area than I am. Drug and alcohol counselling (at least initially) is about cutting through the crap and getting to the bottom of what the issue is. That issue is someone is doing a destructive behavior they aren't controlling or handling well. For instance, you would never try an intervention with someone who was suicidal. That would only traumatize them. But for some reason, people with addictions (at least mild ones) respond well to interventions and confrontations. That is probably due to the fact they recognize a problem and would secretly like to be rid of it, it is just hard for them to admit it, even to themselves.

To do well at this kind of counselling (which I do not claim for myself), you have to be able to spot rationalizations, half-truths and bias in stories and cut through it rather quickly. An addict is usually going to come to you once, and if you don't make an immediate impression they aren't coming back.

That being said, people with tendencies toward addiction are generally the nicest, most fun and interesting people to be around. They tend to be sensitive and loyal to their friends, and I enjoy being around them. Now the hard-core addicts are hard to deal with and I don't know what they do with them. But a hard-core addict is unlikely to post on zgeek as they would have sold their computer for drugs or alcohol already.

[Directed]

oh come on man...


the literal translation for the post of yours i've just quoted would have to be FLAME BAIT...


Was that really neccessary? I don't think you needed to start to snipe at badpauly just because he disagrees with your point of view as well...

Merudo, go through badpauly's posts. Tell me he with an honest face (or and honest typing hand in this case) he doesn't have an inferiority complex and insecurities about people that don't agree with his lifestyle. I may have been stated my case strongly, but the man was attacking me in like 5 different posts before I responded. Where does he get that I was acting like a overly religious bigot from my posts? Was it proper for him to say I was dropped on my head? Am I the only one to be held to these standards everyone is tossing around in this thread?

[Merudo]

Merudo, go through badpauly's posts. Tell me he with an honest face (or and honest typing hand in this case) he doesn't have an inferiority complex and insecurities about people that don't agree with his lifestyle. I may have been stated my case strongly, but the man was attacking me in like 5 different posts before I responded. Where does he get that I was acting like a overly religious bigot from my posts? Was it proper for him to say I was dropped on my head? Am I the only one to be held to these standards everyone is tossing around in this thread?
No, it wasnt proper for him to say you were dropped on your head...

He shouldn't have been attacking you either, but two wrongs don't make a right.




and I apologise but you'll have to forgive me as well for thinking there was religious connotations to what you were saying to tomysman...

[Directed]

No need to apologize for seeing religious connotations in what I was saying. But that is far from being a religious bigot who is trying to shove my beliefs down someone's throat. I guess I feel more free than you do to attack back if I am attacked, as it doesn't seem to be a wrong to do that to me, more of just a response. I try to talk with truth instead of doing wild Sunol or Noddy-like attacks (unless I am trying to be funny with ass-hands and cunt or something). I spot an unlogical and extreme discomfort with anyone with a point of view that doesn't line up with badpauly's in his posts, to put it in a more polite way. That kind of bias can keep him from seeing any wisdom or truth in posts that don't already agree with his point of view. Do you agree with that assessment?

I have noted that you are careful to be polite and nice to anyone that you possibly can in zgeek. I like that about you Merudo. I don't take quite that tack. I try to take my cues from how people post to me. For me this is half entertainment, half serious, so sometimes I do go off on people. So when BadPauly says I was dropped on my head as an infant, it doesn't really offend me, nor do I see it as me being wronged. I just see that it opens up a different kind of response from me, one that I don't really feel is wronging him, either. I would be unlikely to respond that way in person, I just feel the rules of conversation in Zgeek are different.

[Benwah]

Reading this thread is like watching an Elephant trying to open a packet of peanuts.

[Cassa]

Cheers for that directed. More power to you for being able to do that kind of thing - drug and alcohol counselling is one area I've specifically stated that I don't want to work in. Not because I wouldn't want to help them, but because I strive to avoid confrontation by nature, and would find that kind of intervention very difficult to do. Without wanting to bignote myself, the subtleties of inter- and intrapersonal relationships are something I seem to be able to work with rather well.

[Directed]

Cheers for that directed. More power to you for being able to do that kind of thing - drug and alcohol counselling is one area I've specifically stated that I don't want to work in. Not because I wouldn't want to help them, but because I strive to avoid confrontation by nature, and would find that kind of intervention very difficult to do. Without wanting to bignote myself, the subtleties of inter- and intrapersonal relationships are something I seem to be able to work with rather well.

I'll be sure to come to you for advice when I am having trouble understanding my wife LOL. She is awesome, but she IS a woman (at least last time I checked) and as such is wonderfully complicated and unpredictable at times.

Plus you have a really cute avatar pic, so its fun to see your posts.

[Merudo]

No need to apologize for seeing religious connotations in what I was saying. But that is far from being a religious bigot who is trying to shove my beliefs down someone's throat. I guess I feel more free than you do to attack back if I am attacked, as it doesn't seem to be a wrong to do that to me, more of just a response. I try to talk with truth instead of doing wild Sunol or Noddy-like attacks (unless I am trying to be funny with ass-hands and cunt or something). I spot an unlogical and extreme discomfort with anyone with a point of view that doesn't line up with badpauly's in his posts, to put it in a more polite way. That kind of bias can keep him from seeing any wisdom or truth in posts that don't already agree with his point of view. Do you agree with that assessment?

I have noted that you are careful to be polite and nice to anyone that you possibly can in zgeek. I like that about you Merudo. I don't take quite that tack. I try to take my cues from how people post to me. For me this is half entertainment, half serious, so sometimes I do go off on people. So when BadPauly says I was dropped on my head as an infant, it doesn't really offend me, nor do I see it as me being wronged. I just see that it opens up a different kind of response from me, one that I don't really feel is wronging him, either. I would be unlikely to respond that way in person, I just feel the rules of conversation in Zgeek are different.


Firstly,

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to directed again.


Secondly,
Thanks for the kind words :) I'm not quite as nice as I would like people to think I am, I've said some pretty stupid shit here on zgeek and made an absolute ass out of myself, but to me it's just easier to avoid conflict on the internet, it's not worth anyone's blood pressure to get worked up about it. Having said that, I see your points further down in your post, and I'll get back to those later.

I don't think you are wronging him and he is wronging you either, after all, this is just an internet forum, one where the rules of conversation certainly are different, and the whole atmosphere is different, yet similar, to if you were having this discussion with a group of people in person.

You are right in saying that what you were saying earlier was far from religious bigotry. As opposed to trying to shove beliefs down someones throat, you express your opinions in a manner which a person can look upon them and make their own independent decision based on the advice you have to give, or the words you have to say. That's what I like about your posts.

It wasn't my intention to appear biased in favour of BadPauly's posts, that was just my knee-jerk reaction to what you had posted, perhaps I could have worded my post better. :)

However, having being mentioned there definitely is a strong side of support for his side of the argument, however, the same can be said in the "people vs nodbugger" that occurs in almost every war related thread.

It seems to me that the 'groupthink' will always choose one side, and it's just happened to choose the side which you do not participate in. So I guess you could say that yes, to a degree I do agree with your assessment of the situation.

But as has already been observed, it doesn't matter who is on whose side, as you'll still stick by your opinion, and that's a very good thing. :)

I tend to treat people in the same manner as to which they treat me, and a lot of the time posting on zgeek is for entertainment purposes, rather than serious ones, but It certainly makes me smile when I know that a discussion like this is possible and can actually take place and stay level-headed and not degenerate into a shit-slinging match...

It's certainly a very rare occurence, at least in my life, when you come across people which you can have a good discussion with about something.

Back to what I referred to at the beginning of my post, I know both of you aren't offended by each others cheap little shots like that, because thats all they are, just humourous little remarks towards the other person. They mean nothing, and they do no harm.


I might try and wrap this up now though, by saying the following things

1) its good that discussions like this can take place on zgeek
2) its good that most of the time, they stay civil and intelligent
3) dwarfthrower, your pug fetish is unnatural. ;)


Cheers

[dwarfthrower]

dwarfthrower, your pug fetish is unnatural.

Would it help if I told you she also sleeps in my bed?

[Merudo]

Would it help if I told you she also sleeps in my bed?
Kinky.


In all seriousness though, pugs are one of my favourite breeds of dog anyway... so more power to you...

Just don't do anything the RSPCA wouldn't do. ;)


edit: my main reasoning behind saying that was to see if you were watching this thread.

Indeed you are...



edit number 2 : Having said I like to avoid conflict, I will stand up for my opinion, I'm not one to sit on the fence or to give up said opinion, unless I feel I'm talking to a brick wall... in which case i'll end it, but I wouldn't look at that as a case of "su