AzureDreams
23-09-2005, 07:16 PM
A year ago I went threw my own personal hell of the end of a 7 yr relasionship, drug addiction and trying to overcome it, haveing to move back home to my parents, hurting my back and having to have major surgury, and I sat down one day and tryed to figure out what my life had become and where it was going. This is what I wrote to myself. sorry its so long.
ME
Yeah, Its ME and basiclly I have given in and now I'm letting ME fail at every thing, Sadly I is at the point where it has no controll over ME, I dont care anymore about Me or what future low point has planed to pull Me down alittle futher, Hell even as I sit here I have been on a drug bendge for the past three days, and as sad and demining as I have let ME become, Its the only thing that keeps Me .... from lossing all of ME. Everyone has problems, there fears, there habits, and hell even life, like ME good people can still give in and live day to day feeling worthless and meaningless. As for ME right now, I choose to hide behind sitmulation and a foggy curtian of what ever is around ME. I hide away from that who is ME, If I didnt, I dont know if i would even care that there was a ME.
AMY
Happy go lucky Amy who is always there laughing and smiliing. Who everyone can depend on. Who is always there to let others know that she will be there no matter what cost even if she has to fight for them because they are afraid or unable to.. To people AMY loves and share a common friendship with, She trys to stand up for them, she trys to give advice based on basic human nature and what seem to be right, or when there is no advice to be shared Amy trys to comfort them with either humor or love or just letting them know that they arnt alone. Sadly AMY does alot of this knowing that she puts her heart on the line for anyone that needs it. Unfortantly AMY knows she will get hurt by some AMY would take the hurt before she would intentually let someone down
SHE
SHE decided that AMY let her heart out to often, and after being ignored and used, SHE took it away and relised, that the only one her heart could depend on was herself. So SHE took it away from those who easly hurt it. SHE decided that the things that AMY thought about like just wanting a normal adverage life was just becoming impossible to obtain with out the lowering herself and the hurt of being supportless. Love and Men was something that her heart never could depend on. SHE is tired of AMY being scared of hurting others, SHE hates Amy for rather hurting her self than letting someone down. SHE wants control of her life and to show SHE is ready to fight away any possible chance of being the door mat AMY sometime was.. SHE could careless if SHE is ignored SHE is willing to scream to be heard. SHE is respectfull and trustworthy still, but SHE is all that there is room for in her heart.
I
I sit here, and I read what I wrote about ME, AMY and SHE. Now I am sad, I am the only part left, and slowly I sink into another part of this body I own. I watch AMY and I am proud that in this day someone would put aside her life to help at no price. I watch SHE and I see how protective she is and not afraid to be herself. I look at ME and relise something went wrong. Some how I messed up in letting ME become what i am now. I try to figure out ways fix me, and as much as I care about what happens to ME. I am afraid of ME, afraid of ME lossing all control, and because SHE is so angry at AMY for having no conrtol. I get lost in the battle. I sit back and wait to see who might win the stuggle that makes up ME AMY and SHE. I only hope am still here after I figured out why We are all at WAR.
my name is Amy by the way.
ME
Yeah, Its ME and basiclly I have given in and now I'm letting ME fail at every thing, Sadly I is at the point where it has no controll over ME, I dont care anymore about Me or what future low point has planed to pull Me down alittle futher, Hell even as I sit here I have been on a drug bendge for the past three days, and as sad and demining as I have let ME become, Its the only thing that keeps Me .... from lossing all of ME. Everyone has problems, there fears, there habits, and hell even life, like ME good people can still give in and live day to day feeling worthless and meaningless. As for ME right now, I choose to hide behind sitmulation and a foggy curtian of what ever is around ME. I hide away from that who is ME, If I didnt, I dont know if i would even care that there was a ME.
AMY
Happy go lucky Amy who is always there laughing and smiliing. Who everyone can depend on. Who is always there to let others know that she will be there no matter what cost even if she has to fight for them because they are afraid or unable to.. To people AMY loves and share a common friendship with, She trys to stand up for them, she trys to give advice based on basic human nature and what seem to be right, or when there is no advice to be shared Amy trys to comfort them with either humor or love or just letting them know that they arnt alone. Sadly AMY does alot of this knowing that she puts her heart on the line for anyone that needs it. Unfortantly AMY knows she will get hurt by some AMY would take the hurt before she would intentually let someone down
SHE
SHE decided that AMY let her heart out to often, and after being ignored and used, SHE took it away and relised, that the only one her heart could depend on was herself. So SHE took it away from those who easly hurt it. SHE decided that the things that AMY thought about like just wanting a normal adverage life was just becoming impossible to obtain with out the lowering herself and the hurt of being supportless. Love and Men was something that her heart never could depend on. SHE is tired of AMY being scared of hurting others, SHE hates Amy for rather hurting her self than letting someone down. SHE wants control of her life and to show SHE is ready to fight away any possible chance of being the door mat AMY sometime was.. SHE could careless if SHE is ignored SHE is willing to scream to be heard. SHE is respectfull and trustworthy still, but SHE is all that there is room for in her heart.
I
I sit here, and I read what I wrote about ME, AMY and SHE. Now I am sad, I am the only part left, and slowly I sink into another part of this body I own. I watch AMY and I am proud that in this day someone would put aside her life to help at no price. I watch SHE and I see how protective she is and not afraid to be herself. I look at ME and relise something went wrong. Some how I messed up in letting ME become what i am now. I try to figure out ways fix me, and as much as I care about what happens to ME. I am afraid of ME, afraid of ME lossing all control, and because SHE is so angry at AMY for having no conrtol. I get lost in the battle. I sit back and wait to see who might win the stuggle that makes up ME AMY and SHE. I only hope am still here after I figured out why We are all at WAR.
my name is Amy by the way.