Invasion of the Amish

[asskickergod]

The other day I woke up, as I sometimes do in the morning. After doing my normal morning things (showering, brushing teeth, sending death threats to Pat Sajack, etc.) I stepped out onto my balcony to see if I was going to need to put on a warmer suit of chainmail. There are certain things I expect to see when I'm standing on my balcony such as trees, a street, other "rival" houses, these are all quite typical to see from my Pittsburgh home. There are also things that I don't expect to see such as Santa Claus and Pterodactyls, but one thing I really didn't expect to see was a truck full of Amish people moving into the house next door. But low and behold there they were large as life, straw hats, ZZ Top beards and all carting furniture into this house.

At the mere cost of the souls I stole from them when I took this photo I offer this picture as proof. Note: Picture is not blurry your eyes are broken.
http://www.trephination.net/uploads/amish.jpg

As it turns out however the Amish family was actually just the moving company. Evidently some loophole in their religious beliefs allows them to buy moving trucks.

I was worried for a moment that my neighbors would be raising livestock and growing crops in the backyard though.

[Grumblefish]

My aunt got a speeding ticket this morning. She was going 37mph in a 35mph zone. Are you wondering how much a 2mph ticket will cost you? Eighty dollars - American dollars that is. Ha ha ha ha.

[asskickergod]

Shouldn't you be complaining about how you got one of your threads deleted?

[sortius]

everytime I see or hear something about the Amish people I think of wierd al...

[Grumblefish]

Originally posted by asskickergod
Shouldn't you be complaining about how you got one of your threads deleted?

I don't know, I'd take this one instead, but I fear springo will act like a prong again if I do.

[asskickergod]

Maybe I should get drunk and make two more threads and call them Invasion of the Amish V2.0 and Invasion of the Amish V3.0.

[Grumblefish]

Originally posted by asskickergod
Maybe I should get drunk and make two more threads and call them Invasion of the Amish V2.0 and Invasion of the Amish V3.0.

I'd join you, but I'm afraid that "ASSKICKERGOD IS AN AMISH HATING PRONG WHO SHOULD BE TIED TO THE BACK OF A TOW TRUCK AND DRIVEN AROUND TOWN, V1.0" wouldn't fit in the subject line.


Amish get cool uniforms to wear.

[asskickergod]

Originally posted by Grumblefish


I'd join you, but I'm afraid that "ASSKICKERGOD IS AN AMISH HATING PRONG WHO SHOULD BE TIED TO THE BACK OF A TOW TRUCK AND DRIVEN AROUND TOWN, V1.0" wouldn't fit in the subject line.


Amish get cool uniforms to wear.

Where did I say anything about hating Amish? Please try to incorporate "sense" into your post before you coax your bumbling fingers into hitting the "post reply" button.

[Grumblefish]

Originally posted by asskickergod
Where did I say anything about hating Amish?

Don't be coy with me, AKG, I can read you like a book. I saw your Amish hating attitude a mile away. The way you say you worry about them moving nearby, the way you remark about them using modern technology, there is just no other conclusion to be reached. Even if your posts do not literally spill the beans, your terminology and sentence structure bleeds anti-amish hatred and loathing. Every single pixel in every single letter contained within your post screams out with every ounce of their being, " I HATE AMISH ". Only a blind man could fail to be appaled by your biggotry against the kind, beloved Amish people. To tell you the truth, I hope they move in right next to you, and butcher you as you sleep. I'm sure your remains would make lovely feed for their livestock.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go try and sell stuff to a guy downstairs. In the famous words of a VERY popular and well respected Amish man, "I'll be back".

[Nandragon]

*grabs AKG and Grumbly's heads smushes them to breasts smotheringly and anounces*

I just LOVE you two!

[Grumblefish]

Errr, okay. Why doesn't AKG's name show up on the who's online list for me? Was he constantly closing the zgeek window or what?

[asskickergod]

Originally posted by Grumblefish


Don't be coy with me, AKG, I can read you like a book. I saw your Amish hating attitude a mile away. The way you say you worry about them moving nearby, the way you remark about them using modern technology, there is just no other conclusion to be reached. Even if your posts do not literally spill the beans, your terminology and sentence structure bleeds anti-amish hatred and loathing. Every single pixel in every single letter contained within your post screams out with every ounce of their being, " I HATE AMISH ". Only a blind man could fail to be appaled by your biggotry against the kind, beloved Amish people. To tell you the truth, I hope they move in right next to you, and butcher you as you sleep. I'm sure your remains would make lovely feed for their livestock.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go try and sell stuff to a guy downstairs. In the famous words of a VERY popular and well respected Amish man, "I'll be back".

I'm going to have to question your reading comprehension skills on this. Your mind seems to be in a state of flux, drifting in and out reality into realms where Amish people are synonymous with Romanian actors and common farm livestock are carnivorous. Perhaps in one of your frequent escapades of alcohol indulgence you rendered the part of your brain inoperable that cataloged the different members of the animal kingdom and your confusing cows with cougars. While these two animals are both quadrupeds they are two very different creatures. I would have thought that the school system would have taught you something about the eating habits of mammals, but judging by the way you seem to have misinterpreted my post I'm not surprised that you didn't quite understand any of your school books. I'll try to be more conscious of your crippled reading capabilities in the future and limit my posts in a way that you can understand. Let me know if your able to comprehend the following three phrases.

COW EAT GRASS
CHICKEN EAT CORN
GRUMBLEFISH EAT SHIT AND VOMIT ON MY THREAD

Hope this helps!

[asskickergod]

Originally posted by Grumblefish
Errr, okay. Why doesn't AKG's name show up on the who's online list for me? Was he constantly closing the zgeek window or what?

I clicked something in my profile that hides my status one day without knowing what it did. I haven't ever felt like going back in to find out where it was.

[Grumblefish]

Originally posted by asskickergod


I'm going to have to question your reading comprehension skills on this. Your mind seems to be in a state of flux, drifting in and out reality into realms where Amish people are synonymous with Romanian actors and common farm livestock are carnivorous. You are an alcoholic. Blargh.



HAHAHAHAHA, You've not a leg to stand on, dear chap. I seem to recall many a drinking reference in your posts. Hell, every time I see you, you've got a bottle of booze in your hand! The only alternate reality that has made an appearance here is the one where people have memories like sieves, and is undoubtedly populated soley by chainmail wearing drunkards such as yourself. Oh, wait, perhaps that isn't an alternate dimension, just a state of mind reserved for worthless alcoholics who don't remain sober long enough to recall their own name.

As for the education system, it'd look like the Australian one did a fair sight better with me than the American system has done with you. I think I can explain that though, as I have this theory whereby your parents raised you on a brain destroying diet of methylated spirits & rum. Am I on the right track? No matter what the case, I'm afraid I'm going to have to shatter your reality over this matter, because there truly is carnivorous livestock out there. Yes, indeed, it is a cruel, sick reality we live in, but still we must soldier on. Don't worry though, I hear pigs devour their entire prey, so you won't leave to much of a mess for the good 'ole Amish boys to clean up. Anyway, you'd not feel a thing, being good and smashed as you usually are.

[Grumblefish]

Originally posted by asskickergod

I haven't ever felt like going back in to find out where it was.

Go have a cold shower, then look. It isn't fair when you suddenly start posting, yet I can't see you on the list.

[asskickergod]

Originally posted by Grumblefish



HAHAHAHAHA, You've not a leg to stand on, dear chap. I seem to recall many a drinking reference in your posts. Hell, every time I see you, you've got a bottle of booze in your hand! The only alternate reality that has made an appearance here is the one where people have memories like sieves, and is undoubtedly populated soley by chainmail wearing drunkards such as yourself. Oh, wait, perhaps that isn't an alternate dimension, just a state of mind reserved for worthless alcoholics who don't remain sober long enough to recall their own name.

As for the education system, it'd look like the Australian one did a fair sight better with me than the American system has done with you. I think I can explain that though, as I have this theory whereby your parents raised you on a brain destroying diet of methylated spirits & rum. Am I on the right track? No matter what the case, I'm afraid I'm going to have to shatter your reality over this matter, because there truly is carnivorous livestock out there. Yes, indeed, it is a cruel, sick reality we live in, but still we must soldier on. Don't worry though, I hear pigs devour their entire prey, so you won't leave to much of a mess for the good 'ole Amish boys to clean up. Anyway, you'd not feel a thing, being good and smashed as you usually are.

There's quite a difference between making drinking references and getting blasted every Friday night at home by yourself. Maybe if at some distant point in the future when I have no friends and sit around on weekends staring blankly at my computer in a stupor I'll admit I have some kind of alcohol problem.

To my knowledge we've never met, but as you've stated you've seen me quite often. Are you stalking me? Are you secretly cataloging my movements so you can someday be more like me? I find this quite disturbing, leave me alone or I'll be forced to get a restraining order on you.

Well as usual you've got everything mixed up and backwards again. Pigs are not carnivorous, they are omnivores. Therefore my statement that common livestock are not carnivorous is still 100% accurate. I'm inclined to believe you on some types pigs eating they're entire prey though. You certainly have a great deal of insight into living like a pig. I wouldn't be surprised if after your birth you and your litter devoured your mother in cannibalistic fashion either. I believe your capable of all sorts of befouling acts, please don't take this statement as a license to describe all of the disgusting things you've done as you've grown into an adolescent swine though.

[asskickergod]

Originally posted by Grumblefish


Go have a cold shower, then look. It isn't fair when you suddenly start posting, yet I can't see you on the list.

My coworkers probably wouldn't appreciate that.

Well, some of them might.

[Grumblefish]

Originally posted by asskickergod
Well as usual you've got everything mixed up and backwards again. Pigs are not carnivorous, they are omnivores.

I take it that in the land of medieval alco's, there is no concept of counting either? I'm touched that you should remember when my drinking day is (Did you write it down?), but you should really exercise some of the arithmatic skills they teach you kids at school these days. Perhaps we can start with there being fifty odd weeks to a year, and start working out how many friday nights that is if I've been in America for around ten months. Don't worry, I'll use the calculator function on my PC to save you, should you have any trouble switching your brain on. I think I made up to version 3.0, so I don't think it should be too hard to come to the conclusion that you are an inept bufoon.

As for the stalking, I wouldn't worry too much about that thought, Akg. It's not that I don't want you over-taxing your intoxicated little mind, but rather that even if I was following you around town, the foul alcohol you no doubt chuck down your throat would have clouded your vision so much that you would never recognise me (and subsequently catch me). If you are really curious, I was actually just making an amusing comment, because I've seen your picture constantly, but it has always been the same one (thus always having the bottle in hand). Don't worry, I hear they teach American's about humour in college, albeit with all the money you must spend on ingredients to distill your own booze in the public lavatories I have no idea how you will ever afford higher education.

I'm also going to have to point out that to be a carnivore, you only have to eat flesh. Don't bother arguing semantics with me, as you'll lose. It is ironic though that you should pick at my usage of words, while referring to a member of a litter being the owner of said litter. Perhaps you should've taken English as your foreign language in school, as you certainly don't seem to wield it too well. Albeit, I must admit I like seeing you trip over your own feet.

[Grumblefish]

Originally posted by asskickergod
Well, some of them might.

Stop being stingy and share your liquor cabinet, then everyone will enjoy it. I demand to be able to see everyone online.

[asskickergod]

Originally posted by Grumblefish


I take it that in the land of medieval alco's, there is no concept of counting either? I'm touched that you should remember when my drinking day is (Did you write it down?), but you should really exercise some of the arithmatic skills they teach you kids at school these days. Perhaps we can start with there being fifty odd weeks to a year, and start working out how many friday nights that is if I've been in America for around ten months. Don't worry, I'll use the calculator function on my PC to save you, should you have any trouble switching your brain on. I think I made up to version 3.0, so I don't think it should be too hard to come to the conclusion that you are an inept bufoon.

As for the stalking, I wouldn't worry too much about that thought, Akg. It's not that I don't want you over-taxing your intoxicated little mind, but rather that even if I was following you around town, the foul alcohol you no doubt chuck down your throat would have clouded your vision so much that you would never recognise me (and subsequently catch me). If you are really curious, I was actually just making an amusing comment, because I've seen your picture constantly, but it has always been the same one (thus always having the bottle in hand). Don't worry, I hear they teach American's about humour in college, albeit with all the money you must spend on ingredients to distill your own booze in the public lavatories I have no idea how you will ever afford higher education.

I'm also going to have to point out that to be a carnivore, you only have to eat flesh. Don't bother arguing semantics with me, as you'll lose. It is ironic though that you should pick at my usage of words, while referring to a member of a litter being the owner of said litter. Perhaps you should've taken English as your foreign language in school, as you certainly don't seem to wield it too well. Albeit, I must admit I like seeing you trip over your own feet.

Why would I need to remember when you were drunk? Theres documentation on this site, that's what's great about having the date stamped onto the threads. Everyone can easily look and see what days and at what times you made an ass out of yourself. I'm figuring that for every single time your drunk on the ZGeek forums there's other times that your looking foolish in public too. Maybe I shouldn't have assumed that you have a life and go places.

Why do you see my picture constantly? Do you have my picture on your dresser and in your wallet? I find this even more disturbing. I don't think that I could ever get drunk enough to not recognize you. Since you apparently fawn over me, you'd be damn hard to miss. I'd remember too because even sober the process of determining your gender would be confusing. That's something I'd definitely remember.

God forbid I enter an argument of semantics with the master of arguing about nothing. Maybe that's just your way of stating that you have nothing to counter with. But before you start taxing your brain trying to think of an exotic farm animal that is truly carnivorous also realize that I said "common livestock". Also make it a point to reread my other post and realize that the word "your" does not always imply ownership. Take for instance the phrase "your parents" would not infer that you owned your parents. The more you know......

[asskickergod]

Originally posted by Grumblefish


Stop being stingy and share your liquor cabinet, then everyone will enjoy it. I demand to be able to see everyone online.

There you go stalking me again. I'm leaving anyway. I might bless you with my presence later though, hold your breath on it.

[Colonel Kurtz]

Q: What goes "Clippety Clop, Clippety CLop, Clippety Clop, BANG BANG, Clippety Clop, Clippety Clop"?

A: An Amish drive by shooting :)



Q: What do you call an Amish with his arm up a Cow's bum?

A: A mechanic :D

[Bostonmess]

Since AKG had that picture taken he's lost thirty pounds :)

What's your secret AKG did you get circumcised? :)

[Grumblefish]

word "your" does not always imply ownership. Take for instance the phrase "your parents" would not infer that you owned your parents. OH NO WHAT IS POSSESSIVE *BZZZT* MALFUNCTION *BZZZT*


You could've just stated that, yes indeed, there was a record of the dates. But then I suppose logic and reason aren't recorded plays in your handbook of life. That's assuming your handbook was written sometime this century, as last I checked chainmail was relegated to mannequins, or selfless clowns blind drunk enough to be lured into a suit. Oh wait, my bad, I understand your fashion sense now.

As for the long hair comments, I think you could do worse than refrain from using them, Goldilocks. Unless you've had a decent haircut since the photo, you've got a decent amount of length on me. Although I would fully understand if you went under the scissors, as it must be a bitch getting it caught in the little metal links and joints. Thankfully I was educated during the twentieth century, and having learnt PROPER & SAFE ALCOHOL DRINKING PRACTICES I do not need to wear clothing that pinches at me to wake me up each time my sorry arse passes out.

It is sad that you couldn't take my advice with the semantics though. I read your last paragraph, and to tell you the truth I'm stuck in between laughing and weeping. While I'd just love to think you wrote it in a self-depreciating manner, I can't help but fear that you were serious. Since when did a pig become an exotic farm animal? It isn't? Okay then, since when did a pig not eat flesh? I don't see the term "pure carnivore" anywhere, and I certainly doubt I will unless you've invented a time machine (or just edited your post, leaving behind a big fat "MESSAGE EDITED BLAH BLAH). As for the bit about "your" not being possessive, HAHAHAHAHAHA. I'm quoting it again for shits and giggles:

realize that the word "your" does not always imply ownership. Take for instance the phrase "your parents" would not infer that you owned your parents.


How is that not possessive? How does that not denote ownership of the litter, especially in the context you used it? PLEASE PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE tell me how that is not possessive. Oh, wait, you'll probably try and tell me that context is meaningless. "That question is right!" says one old lady, "What?? It's on the left hand side of my paper!" will reply another. Oh what a crazy merry-go-round existance I'll of found myself in, when I find myself in a world where AKG holds the reins.

PS: stop quoting the entire post, if people need to scan over it again they can just scroll back up. AND DIE (this request is more important than the one about fixing up your ugly quoting practices).

[Grumblefish]

Originally posted by asskickergod


There you go stalking me again. I'm leaving anyway. I might bless you with my presence later though, hold your breath on it.

You show yourself, and I won't have to stalk anymore. TADA PROBLEM SOLVED!

[Diva]

I have no idea how much alcohol AKG or Grumbly drink respectively.

However, I don't recall Martha posting online when she is trashed ;) Which is something you do periodically G-boy.

[kleph]

Originally posted by asskickergod


There's quite a difference between making drinking references and getting blasted every Friday night at home by yourself.

you say this like it is a bad thing...?

[ersatz]

I was going to post something about the Amish but turns out this is the wrong thread.

[MisterBishi]

Originally posted by Grumblefish
Oh what a crazy merry-go-round existance I'll of found myself in, when I find myself in a world where AKG holds the reins.


I'll have found myself in....

Thanks.

[Ins0mniac]

AKG! Stop being racist against Amish people, you stupid American! heheh. ;)

[wolfpac181]

I am now infecting you all with the "Amish Virus"

Since Amish people do not know how to use or program computers, this virus works on the honor system. Please restart send to everyone on address book, then proceed to formatting your hard drive.

Behold..... The Amish Virus (http://www.valleyint.com/bpate/Pages/Pheer%20the%20Amish.exe)

[asskickergod]

Originally posted by Tasdavil
AKG! Stop being racist against Amish people, you stupid American! heheh. ;)

i'm not a rasist cuz teh Amish are not a rase.

Pengiun! HAHAHAHAHAHA

[Ins0mniac]

Originally posted by asskickergod


i'm not a rasist cuz teh Amish are not a rase.

Pengiun! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Racist against fucking penguins now!!!!! You son of a bitch!!!!

[asskickergod]

Pengiunz arnt a rase ither u ignorant pengiun!

[Nandragon]

Originally posted by asskickergod


Well as usual you've got everything mixed up and backwards again. Pigs are not carnivorous, they are omnivores. Therefore my statement that common livestock are not carnivorous is still 100% accurate. I'm inclined to believe you on some types pigs eating they're entire prey though. You certainly have a great deal of insight into living like a pig.

According to last nights episode of the "CrocK Hunter", Steve Irwin and Terry say that there are indeed feral swine in Asian, Africa and Auss that are carnivorous.

[MisterBishi]

Originally posted by Nandragon


According to last nights episode of the "CrocK Hunter", Steve Irwin and Terry say that there are indeed feral swine in Asian, Africa and Auss that are carnivorous.

Maybe, but if they are feral then they are not livestock.

[asskickergod]

Beat me to it.

[Nandragon]

I stand corrected. Of course the feral swine did originate as livestock in Auss and Africa!

[asskickergod]

That's moot as well because we were talking about Pennsylvania livestock.

[Ins0mniac]

From the Amish, to swines....

What a thread!

Very enthralling. Thanks. :)

[Nandragon]

Males are pigs
males are carniverous
males live in Pennsilvania
some males live on farms in Pennsilvania
there for it could be said that there are
In Pennsilvania there are carniverous male "pigs" living as livestock!

[asskickergod]

Originally posted by Grumblefish
I NEVER LEARNED TO READ!

What's all of this handbook crap about. Honestly if your going to make stuff up at the very minimum make it relate to your previous statement at least slightly. Assuming your handbook of life was written in reality why don't you add in a footnote somewhere about how that picture of me (that you so love and look at constantly) was taken at a Halloween party. But don't let anything resembling "a thought" shatter the illusion you have that chainmail is my normal attire.

I didn't make any comments about your long hair. I stated you looked rather girlish, it mostly lies in a fault with your facial features. The long hair probably doesn't help though, you should do without it. You really need to sport a more manly look before you can pull off having long hair, maybe some day when you graduate into manhood you can sport long hair without people having to guess at you gender.

I'm noticing a stark "I know you are but what am I" theme involved in your posts. When I make light of how you get drunk and behave like a moron on the forums you try to make me out as an alcoholic based solely on a picture you saw. When I said your gender was questionable you came back by saying, "Oh but look you have long hair too!" But I guess that's just how your infantile mind works. What's next in your comedic evolution? You mother jokes maybe?

Your making a chronic habit out of misinterpreting everything I say. I have to give you credit though for attempting to use your lack of reading comprehension skills as a weapon, but you really need to stop using it as your only retort. You said pigs were carnivores, I corrected you by stating they are omnivores. Being that pigs are in fact omnivorous, that would make me correct. Therefore you are wrong. Don't let the fact that you said that the Amish would feed meat to all their livestock, not just pigs, dissuade you from babbling either. Unless your assuming that Amish people would only raise pigs and no other animals.

I'm not sure why you bothered to continue a discussion your bound to lose. Maybe you felt the need to prove that you can babble like a moron when your sober as well as drunk, that's the only reason I could possibly see. Well you can stop putting your idiocy on display for everyone to see. We get it, your a dumbass ignorant lout with the reading comprehension skills of a house plant. Stop trying to prove it to everyone.

As for all this "your" garbage that you've felt you needed to drag out even further. YOU chose how to interpret that word. Instead of making the obvious conclusion that I was using "your" in the context of "belonging to" you made the conscious decision to completely take it out of context and fabricate a grammar error. The worst part about it though is that you actually believe the tripe your spewing. Anyone with the intelligence of the double A battery laying on my desk could have properly interpreted that sentence in it's proper context. Now that I think of it, I could be having a more for filling conversation with the battery. I could talk to the battery and get nothing vaguely intelligent out of it either, but then I wouldn't have to endure any of the driveling idiocy that you produce. It would definitely be more preferable to subjecting myself to more of your English professor delusions of grandeur.

If word swapping doesn't tax your literary skills too much exchange the word "siblings" for "litter" and you can plainly see where you were in error. Or maybe you won't, you continue to astound me with your lack of basic reading skills. I should stop underestimating you in this respect, your stupidity does appear to be boundless.

Now that I've gone through all of the trouble of explaining all of your errors to you, again, for what seems like the fiftieth time, please remove your sorry carcass from my thread. If I wanted a shining beacon of stupidity I'd extend an invitation to hazza and extract some idiocy from the source. There's absolutely no purpose for you in this thread since you've been puttering around on fumes since you came in. Hell if brains were gas you wouldn't have enough to get a piss ant in a go cart around the inside of a cheerio. But you keep sputtering around, belching out toxic idiocy clouds in the form of posts. Starving for thought your fingers pound away at the keyboard like a lawn mower piston as you hurriedly to hack together words and sentences before you break down again. It's really quite a sad that your little engine continues to produce these entirely retarded posts. You keep trying drive up the hill and get out the filth hole you live in. All the while screaming, "I think I can! I think I can!", but then you come careening back down the hill, crashing and burning in a heaping pile of mangled drivel. But, to your credit you just keep trying, bent frame, missing muffler, flat tires and all you keep adding new chapters to this tragic tale called, "The Little Engine that Couldn't".

[Nandragon]

Hell if brains were gas you wouldn't have enough to get a piss ant in a go cart around the inside of a cheerio.

*applauds* (I loved it!)

[Nandragon]

I see you lurking Girl!

[Grumblefish]

Heh, yes Nandragon, I found that funny too, although I must admit it was more amusing the first handful of times I heard it. Perhaps I'm just not as big a fan of rehashed one liners as you and Akg are. It must be a culture thing, so I'll try not to be a party pooper, and I'll join in with my own stale offering. If wit was chocolate, neither of you would have enough combined to fill an M&M. Ha, fancy that, I think I could get used to using ancient one liners, instead of making up the amazing material I do now.

I can't really complain about Nandragon's failings in this thread though. Being a member of the decorative sex, she naturally doesn't have anything worthwhile to say, although I will admit she says things in a charming manner. What I find more alarming though, is the fact that Akg shares this same girlish attribute. This man's (I'm assuming that is what was under the hair and metal) posts seem to drone on forever, like a small child who doesn't know how to tie his own shoelaces, tripping and stumbling all the way down the road to a capable adult who can respond. Even his name causes readers to shudder in disgust, assuming they don't fall asleep from boredom halfway through dissecting it into its three respective portions. I suppose I shouldn't whinge to much though, conversing with Akg isn't that bad, as my mind needs the rest now and then.

But I guess that's the difference between a great poster, such as myself, and a tired old man who's so far gone that he resembles a dolled up chatbot. I'd love to liken Akg to a machine, oh how'd I'd love to, but I've always viewed machines as being able to reach faultless conclusions. Unfortunately that is not the case, as I'll show with the following example:

An omnivore is always a carnivore
A carnivore is not always an omnivore

Oh dear, I'm sorry Akg, I didn't mean to inject logical thought processes into your thread. To be brutally honest though, after reading this thread I pity you. It seems that as the pages passed after posting the rather bland story about amish people working around your neighbourhood, you've slowly lost your fingertip grip on reality, and with it you've let go everything that made you a person. Why can't you understand context? Why can't you understand inflection & implication? I feel like I'm arguing with a textual version of Deep Fritz, albeit with a millionth of the power, yet still entirely unable to recognise and comprehend the most basic of human patterns and beliefs. I'd dare to say that you are only alive in the sense that you cannot yet be legally buried, although that's upsetting as you act as though you've only just learnt the alphabet of being an intelligent person. You are a fool, and I would think it highly probable that should I give you a penny for your thoughts, I'd get change. Don't bother rushing to look up the word "fool" on dictionary.com either. As much as I respect your internet inspired literacy I would rather you came to the correct conclusion. I am calling you a fool, because no matter how many times you're proven wrong, you can't let go of your ridiculous ideals and concepts. You are a fool, and the poster boy of the anti-cloning movement.

Don't hop to hasty conclusions though, I don't misunderstand what you say, chap, it's just that you say it all wrong. You see, the rate at which you leap to blame your faults on me is astounding. I only wish you'd think about what you say first, as it truly does make you come off as an idiot. Pointing out that I can fix your posts if I change all the words doesn't help your case very much either. In the end though, I'll admit you're a down to earth guy, only not far enough down for my liking.

[Nandragon]

I feel humbled and honored that the great Grumbly has taken time out of his most auspicious schedule to flatter me!
Thank you!;)

[wolfpac181]

Feel the wrath of the amish virus!!!! (http://www.valleyint.com/bpate/Pages/Pheer%20the%20Amish.exe)

[asskickergod]

Originally posted by Grumblefish
An omnivore is always a carnivore
A carnivore is not always an omnivore

you've only just learnt the alphabet of being an intelligent person.

DA HA HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Please stop it you've got me in stitches!

By your backwards logic pigs are vegetarians too. There's just no accounting for accuracy with you is there. It's a foreign concept. The bathroom is close enough to the toilet, isn't it? You can just piss in the sink, right? They're in the same room so obviously it's close enough for your liking.

And oh please do go on about rehashed insults. Every time I hear you go on about how someone's stumbling around whenever they write something I split my sides with laughter. It just gets funnier and funnier, even after you've heard it ten thousand times. You've obviously discovered the very core of comedy.

I also didn't ask you to change all of the words around. I told you to substitute one synonym so you would see your error. Unfortunately you didn't, since the most miniscule of brain functions is such an arduous task for you. But maybe it's just because I've "only just learnt the alphabet of being an intelligent person". Whatever the hell that's supposed to mean.

Please stop embarrassing yourself. I'm even starting to feel sorry for you. I couldn't even begin to imagine what it must be like for you, slithering through life without one single coherent thought floating in your head. I've found myself thinking about what it could be like to exist in your self absorbed egotistical world. You drift mindlessly through life in your self absorbed world, unknowing of how loathsome of a creature you truly are. If I'm not down to earth enough for your liking it's because I can't sink that low. You've dug yourself into a comedic rut so low that the heat emanating from the Earth's core has become unbearable to most, but your degenerated nervous system has kept you from noticing.

[Grumblefish]

First off, I just want to say I've got a keyboard again, so I'm all smiles. I read your post earlier AKG, and I was tempted to tell you how much I hate you by cut and pasting a post letter by letter, but I resisted the urge.

I don't mind if you chuck out rehashed one liners over and over again AKG, just make sure to keep coming out with quotable moments of undeniable stupidity. Local pigs can be vegetarians? You mean they practice vegetarianism? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. What part of my previous example did you not understand? Try this example instead:

- A local pig eats vegetables, and he eats meat. In fact, he eats anything edible that he can get his grubby little face into.

- Being a vegetarian means you follow vegetarianism, which is the practice whereby you subsist yourself only on the following products:

vegetables , fruits, grains, nuts, and sometimes eggs or dairy food.

- As point one stated, pigs eat anything. If a pig will eat a leg of lamb, then a pig has violated the terms dictated by vegetarianism.

Do you understand now? Can you fit your alcohol impaired mind around that? Has the rum you so love to drink addled your brain so badly that you can no longer comprehend such a simple concept as this? I do not know what to think of you anymore, AKG. Suggesting that I embarrass myself when I respond was just classic, especially given the sweet taste of irony left by your ridiculous "vegetarian" comment. Best case scenario shows you accidentally typing vegetarian instead of herbivore, but even then you'll still have egg all over your face.

[Asmodeus]

The amish and vegetarians amuse me. they're funny