Favorite Stewie Griffin Quote

[Jenglish]

http://us.ent3.yimg.com/tv.yahoo.com/images/he/photo/tv_pix/fox/family_guy/seth_macfarlane/gal_stewie2-th3.jpgEverybody has a favorite! He is the best fowl mouthed, dirty minded baby in the world with great one liners.
It doesn't make a difference if he is gay or straight!

Here's my most recent favorite...

Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a few bells.

[hazza]

whenever stewie goes on about brians book. it fucking kills me every single god damn time, its the most hilarious thing ever in family guy. i'll try find a quote.


Stewie: How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? (voice getting higher pitched) Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? (voice returns to normal) No, no, you deserve some time off.

[hazza]

and

Stewie (his voice getting progressively higher): Oh I know it hurts now Brian, but look at the bright side: you have some new material for that novel you've been writing. You know...the novel you've been workin' on? You know the the one, uh, you've been workin on for three years? You know the novel. Got somethin' new to write about now. You know? Maybe a, maybe a main character gets into a relationship and suffers a little heartbreak? Somethin' like what... what you've just been through? Draw from real life experience? Little, little heartbreak? You know? Work it into the story? Make the characters a little more three dimensional? Little, uh, richer experience for the reader? Make those second hundred pages really keep the reader guessing what's going to happen? Some twists and turns? A little epilogue? Everybody learns that the hero's journey isn't always a happy one? (Voice returns to normal.) Oh, I look forward to reading it.

[Al]

Yes, I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know, a pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that.

[Jenglish]

There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore. :FIREdevil

[lostreality]

Not really a quote more like a scene:

Guy on Airplane: Oh great, I always end up sitting next to a damn baby.

Stewie: What did you just say?

Lois: Stewie, stop fussing.

Stewie: Pipe down Lois. (Slaps guy on head.) Hey big man, turn around. Oh you can't hear me now. I was going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, you're my bitch.

[Jenglish]

[Reading to Meg and Chris]
Stewie: "Garfield at Large", by Jim Davis. Now as you can see in this panel, Garfield doesn't care for Nermal. But like him or not, Nermal is here to stay! Or is he? Let's read on.

[Mooney]

I just love Stewie in General Hes coolage

Stew Griffin: We'll have to borrow the money from mommy and daddy.
Stew Griffin: [Stewie leaps onto Stew's head and peels back his eyelids] AH!
Stewie Griffin: Never call them that again! It's Lois and the Fatman! Do you hear me?
Stew Griffin: Yes yes!

But this is one of my fav quotes from his movie

[spurr]

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_soundboards/Stewie_SoundBoard.htm

What the deuce!

[Jenglish]

Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.

[imp]

"OOoh Commercial break! *kicks Brian in the nads* I'm going to get some Gram Crackers!"

Man in white coat: What?! What is this!?!?
Stewie: It's a BOY! (just before he shoots the head of the cult, "The man in the white coat")

Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a few bells.

[Benwah]

"Now wipe my bottom, in a circular motion with one finger....and don't you look at me!"

[Jenglish]

Stewie: "Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside."

[Afta Image]

Stewie (to one of the prostitutes at Cleveland's house): So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?

[Afta Image]

Stewie: Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside.

[Afta Image]

Probably love this one more for the visual gag than the quote:

Stewie: You know what else is disgusting? (He farts and his right eye turns red.) Oh damn, I broke a blood vessel.

[Afta Image]

I love this one more for Brian comment:

Stewie: I'm the dog. I'm well read and have a diverse stock portfolio. But I'm not above eating grass clippings and regurgitating them on the rug.
Brian: I'm a pompous little antichrist who will abandon my plans for world domination when I grow up and wind up settling with a rough trick named Jim.

[Afta Image]

Stewie to Lois: Make yourself useful and clean my button. One finger, circular motion. AND DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME!

[Jenglish]

[watching cheerleaders changing in a locker room]
Stewie: It appears my wee-wee's been stricken with rigor-mortis.