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Snowball
01-11-2002, 09:36 AM
Maybe it is too early in the morning but i thought this was a pisser.

The following is an alleged transcript of an actual on-line cybers#x
session.



Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black leather
mini skirt and high heeled boots. I am tan and very buffed. I workout
everyday. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 lb. I wear glasses and have on a pair
of blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I'm also wearing an old
T-shirt, it's got some barbecue sauce stains on it and it smells kind of
funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo
and candles on my nightstand. I look up into your eyes and I'm smiling. My
hand works its way down to your crotch and I begin to feel your huge
swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now, I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and I'm sliding it softly off.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides
off of my warm body. I'm rubbing your bulge faster now, rubbing and
pulling.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and tears a hole in your
blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's, OK. It wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it! I'm wearing a lacy black bra, my soft
breasts are rising and falling as I breathe harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp of your bra, I think it's stuck. Do
you have scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly, I reach behind my back
and undo the clasp. My bra slides off. The cool air caresses my breasts,
my nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the
clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby, I just want to feel your tongue
all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts.
They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling
your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and
phlegm.

Sweetheart: WHAT?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off of my breasts with the remains of
my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking your sopping wet blouse from you and throwing it in
the corner of the room.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweatpants down and rubbing your hard
tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman! Your hands are cold! Yeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in
and out and nibbling on you. ummm, wait a second.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Is there anything I can do to help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen. Choking wildly. Looking for a cup.
Where do you keep your cups??

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink!

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm aching for you lover.

Wellhung: Now I'm drying the cup. I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And
now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait it's dark, I'm lost. Where is
the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tugging off your pants. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: I kiss you passionately. Our naked bodies pressed against
each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take your glasses off?

Wellhung: OK. But I can't see very well. I'm placing my glasses on the
nightstand.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly to the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the
toilet and lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I just realised I peed in your hamper. Sorry again. I'm
walking back to the bed now. Blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: Now I'm going to put my, you know, thing in your umm, woman's
thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, Baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. Ma'am, I'm
having a little problem here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth. I can't wait another
second. Slide it in! Screw me!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: WHAT?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my
face

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy.
I'm looking for my glasses to see what the problem is.

Sweetheart: NO! Never mind. I'm getting dressed, I'm putting on my
underwear and my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait. I can't find the night table. I'm reaching across the
dresser, knocking off cans of hairspray, your picture frames and your
candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: Now I've found my glasses. My God! One of your candles fell on
the curtain! The curtain is on fire. I'm pointing at it with a shocked
look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell! I'm logging off, LOSER!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Nooooooo!

Govzog
01-11-2002, 09:56 AM
ROFL!!!1!!#

I've seen it before, but its still piss funny :D

Bussie
01-11-2002, 10:39 AM
ROFTLMAOL......
Thats a total pisser:D Sounds something along the lines of what I would do on such an occasion, probably with a little more sarcasam.

Grumblefish
01-11-2002, 10:43 AM
Was that one of the SA ones? I remember on the SA forums there was a thread about that, must've been more than four months ago, telling everyone to invade the yahoo chat. Tons of those chats came out of it, it was gold.

Chronic
01-11-2002, 10:45 AM
Originally posted by Govzog
ROFL!!!1!!#

I've seen it before, but its still piss funny :D

What he said. :D

druid
01-11-2002, 10:54 AM
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.


So is my monitor from me bursting into laugh at that point :D :D :D

Colonel Kurtz
01-11-2002, 10:56 AM
ROFLMAO :D

ersatz
01-11-2002, 11:08 AM
just what I needed to start the day

copy-paste-forward :)

kré
01-11-2002, 11:12 AM
i think jesus came up with that one

:)

primary
01-11-2002, 11:30 AM
All class.

angel_b
01-11-2002, 11:44 AM
Awwwww, I thought the thread subject was an offer. :p

Seriously though, that was extremely amusing. :D

Snowball
01-11-2002, 12:02 PM
TOP TEN THINGS HETROSEXUAL PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW ABOUT GAY PEOPLE

1-We did NOT invent disco, stop blaming us

2-We are not sure about Ricky Martin either

3-We probably DID invent aged indigo denim, & we apologise

4-We are secretly glad Anne Heche is back on your side, she scares the
hell out of us

5-Our so-called "gaydar" does not get us more cable stations or better
reception.

6-Kylie & Britney are ours, J-Lo & Celine are yours. Madonna is for
sharing.

7-We are NOT surprised Ian Thorpe advertises "pearl necklaces".

8-if your male friend uses more than 3 hair products at any time, yes,
he is.

9-If your female friend wins Wimbledon 16 times, yes, she is.

10-relax, we don't recruit the unwilling

Bussie
01-11-2002, 12:16 PM
Originally posted by Snowball

8-if your male friend uses more than 3 hair products at any time, yes,
he is.

I very much disagree with this line!! :p

Colonel Kurtz
01-11-2002, 12:19 PM
Originally posted by Bussie
I very much disagree with this line!! :p

Is there something you're not telling us??? :eek: :D

Snowball
01-11-2002, 12:19 PM
hahaha you would Bussie.

Bussie
01-11-2002, 12:22 PM
Well I've been know to use six hair products at once, darling :p
lol

primary
01-11-2002, 12:34 PM
That sounds like an effective pick up line..

utopian
01-11-2002, 02:39 PM
Originally posted by Bussie
I very much disagree with this line!! :p
you are

you know you are

god damn ruffian... :p

fucker
03-10-2003, 08:32 PM
QUICK

Scythe
03-10-2003, 08:41 PM
Originally posted by fucker
QUICK

No.

utopian
04-10-2003, 09:40 AM
Originally posted by fucker
QUICK
Sure, you cute little THIRTEEN YEAR OLD

This means no. But I will send you a photo (http://www.goatse.cx) that you can jerk off to.

scathing
04-10-2003, 09:53 AM
Originally posted by Grumblefish
Was that one of the SA ones? I remember on the SA forums there was a thread about that, must've been more than four months ago, telling everyone to invade the yahoo chat. Tons of those chats came out of it, it was gold.

Nah, I read that one back in 1995-1996.

Its still funny, even after all this time.