fuzzy meanderings

[Fuzzy Dice]

Insomnia.

I always get it the night before something important. The odd thing is that I’m never really nervous about the upcoming event in any palpable way, I just can’t sleep. This time it’s complicated by the fact that I haven’t been getting my exercise lately, courtesy of a pulled left hamstring. My head is tired, but my body just isn’t. So here I am, trying to while away some time, waiting for my body to get the message. Check please. Time for bed. C’mon, get with the program.

Fuck.

I lay in bed, my mind wandering over a strange litany of the events of the last week, then daydreams about what I’d do differently if I could start life all over again. I’ve been doing that lately, I don’t know why. Odd little half-dreams come at the edge of sleep and then fade away as quickly as they began. I could use a new mattress. That could be the problem. Sheets are fine. Blanket is nice and warm. It’s cold outside, too. I usually sleep better in the wintertime when I can have a few layers of blankets on me.

Double fuck.

Fine. I get up, head to the kitchen. There’s a fresh loaf of banana bread, courtesy of my girlfriend. She’s a sweetie. I cut a few slices, put some butter on them and get a glass of milk. TV? Worth a shot. The dish is on the fritz. Double fine. I put on a movie, get about half-way through. It doesn’t help. Sunrise is only a few hours away. A police car flashes past the house, announced ahead of time by the new strobe-style lights and siren they use. The siren fades off into the distance. Idly, I wonder what was so important. It doesn’t matter.

Tomorrow night I’ll sleep better, I always do. Just not when I need it.

[Fuzzy Dice]

My alarm rings. 6:45 am. Seems like I slept three minutes instead of that hour I managed at the end. The morning routine passes without incident. I eat, I shave, I flush, I shower, I leave. I’m on my way to write a test. The drive feels surreal. There’s fresh snow on the streets, and traction is poor. I stop at a red light. It’s the scene of an accident. Two SUV’s collided at an intersection. I don’t feel bad. I’m numb. There’s a police car on the scene, it could be the one that passed my house. The light turns green. Off I go.

I fiddle with the radio. Let’s see, there’s the station that plays too much 70’s rock all the time, the one that plays too much 80’s pop and plays ‘the new hits’ four hundred times each day, the station that’s completely hit-or-miss because they’re trying to pander to everyone, the country station and the one that plays classical music. It’s Bach. I leave it there.

The test passes about as well as I’d expected. I think I passed. Time for a beer.