why??

[SamBo]

Why is it that the person you once cared for more than anything in the world can hurt you so badly?
Why is it when you break up, and claim to still be friends, you cop the silent treatment?

For those who don't know, I broke up with my girlfriend recently. We're supposed to still be friends, yet I have to be the one to contact her, she wont contact me. When I email her, she doesn't reply.
I moved out of her place today and I left behind my VCR so her favourite TV show can still be taped (she's at Uni, so doesn't get to see it). Basically I tried to do something nice for her, yet I still get ignored.

I'm not saying I treated her perfectly (I know I made lots of mistakes) but I don't think I deserve this kind of treatment. She could at least send me an email saying that she doesn't want to talk to me, but this way I don't know what the hell is happening.

It just hurts so much to be treated like this by someone you once loved more than anything. Infact, I still love her, but we have just drifted apart too much and for some reason we have been focusing on what's wrong with the relationship, instead of what's right about it. So now it's off.
We're supposed to keep in contact and maybe one day we will get back together, but if she continues to treat me like this it wont happen.

Sorry to spill my guts but I am just really unhappy right now. :(

[Bostonmess]

Sometimes people need that break. They say all the nicest things to make it easier, but then they avoid contact because that's easier too. Get your self to the pub with some mates (I know you probably don't feel like it). Just get back on the social circle as soon as possible. Heal your wounds. Try not to wallow, this can have a snowball effect. When it starts happening, slap a game on or go round to a mates, occupy your mind otherwise.

She probably does want to be friends (and who knows maybe with time?). It's probably that at the moment it hurts too much to be in contact.

[SamBo]

I understand that she may not want to talk, but if that's the case she could at least send an email saying "I don't want to talk". I mean, just ignoring my emails is not only hurtful, but it's rude

[Bostonmess]

It would probably be hurtful to the both of you if she did reply saying she didn't want anything to do with you anymore, because it only causes pain. Some people are like this. They like to avoid confrontation, they like things to just blow over with as little efffort and heartache as possible.

Send her an email saying something like "I get the message" but don't elaborate on it. If she wants to know what you're on about she'll contact you. If she doesn't, just drop it. Course, this advice is a bit useless if she reads Zgeek.

She might be thinking, ultimately it's easier for you (if you still have feelings for her) to just drop contact. Thereby it doesn't keep you hanging on and hoping.

Like I said, maybe in the future, when wounds have healed, you will be able to be friends. Best cure for a broken heart is to find someone to fix it. Good luck.

[Enares]

Dood,

I'm real sorry to hear the news.

Give us a call if you want/need anything.

[Spingo]

I am also sorry to hear about your breakup with sycophant (gee.. I still remember her ZGeek nick! :p). I actually heard about it before, but pretended I didn't know because I had never heard it from the horses mouth, so to speak...

But anyway, I can sympathise with how you are feeling. The last girl I had a chance of having a relationship with me said that we shouldn't try a relationship now because she did not want to make things uncomfortable for us at work. Now, she doesn't seem to even be willing to give me the time of day...

Although, it would certainly suck much more for you. You had a relationship with her for as long as I have known you....

[SamBo]

yeah, it happened a while ago, but I didn't want to post anything here until I'd moved out and things had been finalised *sigh* :(
Anyway... perhaps I should start a thread in Blokes Seeking Wimmin now? :p

[gIrLgEeK]

*Big hugs for Sambo :( :( *

It might not be that she's ignoring you, Sambo. It's pretty awkward and heartbreaking for the other party as well, no matter what ...

When I broke up with the guy I'd had my first big relationship with, I just couldn't face him for months. I'd broken it off myself, not because there was anything really terrible about the relationship, but just that I knew it was not going to work, and to prolong it any longer would just make it worse. He didn't deserve it, he was in no way to blame ... I just felt awful. If he *had* done something nice for me as you did for her, it would make me feel even worse, and less able to face him.

He called me out of the blue while I was in America to say he was moving house, but he didn't leave his new number ... he probably thinks I'm still deliberately trying to avoid him after all these years ... I'm so upset that I've fallen out of touch with him, because it's likely that he now believes he's `got the message', and I'll never see him again. Just because we broke up doesn't mean the time we spent together wasn't special.

It's possible that your ex is feeling the same way. Give her a while to cool off, then maybe give her a call a little way down the line.

[Nandragon]

Get your VCR back.

[JessicaDV8]

That sucks, Sambo. I'm sorry to hear about that. :(

Girlgeek's post is probably the best explanation for why sycophant won't contact you. Giving her the benefit of the doubt sounds like a good idea.

[SamBo]

Well, she's still confusing me
She sent me an SMS message on my phone late Sunday. I didn't realise it was there until Monday morning (it must have arrived after I went to bed). My phone's been acting weirdly lately, so I wasn't able to message her back, so I went to work with the intent to ring or email her when I got home. I got home and had dinner, so by the time I got to use my computer is was about 7:30. There was an email from her saying that she messaged me and I didn't reply, am I ignoring her?
I mean, I don't hear from her for over a week, then, when I don't respond to a message from her within a day she immediatly accuses me of ignoring her. I replied to her email saying that I wasn't ignoring her and it was her who hasn't said anything to me in ages. She hasn't replied. :(
I am so fricken hurt right now and this has made it worse.
I am so miserable at the moment, I just wish I could have a genuine reason to smile for once.
Life sux at the moment :(

[sagit]

do you know where she lives now or works? although it might seem like stalking, a face-to-face meeting would at least allow some form of contact. just don't visit with all guns blazing. calm manner, explain the situation with the phone, don't expect instant results.

perhaps some of the zfemales can rework my response into something that might actually work without causing ww3.

[gIrLgEeK]

I think sagit's right. A face-to-face might be a good idea. You could play phone and email tag for weeks and just get more and more confused and hurt.

Just go and explain, and ask her to explain. We play these silly games with one another, and sometimes it's time to go `Look, just stop all this, cut through the bullshit ... what's going on here?'

Going back to my experience ... I actually think it would have been good for both of us if we had done that. He got hurt more than he deserved and I still feel bad about it, because all I needed to do was go over to his house and tell him where I was coming from.

[Bostonmess]

Originally posted by SamBo
There was an email from her saying that she messaged me and I didn't reply, am I ignoring her?
I mean, I don't hear from her for over a week, then, when I don't respond to a message from her within a day she immediatly accuses me of ignoring her. (

This sounds like reverse psychology? Either that or she's totally winding you up. Whether this is a positive thing or a negative thing I don't know.

Reverse psychology (I think) is where she complains that you've been ignoring her to take away the fact that your bothered that she's been ignoring you. Does that make sense? Why she would do that I don't know. Maybe she wants you back? Maybe she wants you as a friend? Maybe she wants something else from you? Don't let this make you paranoid. It's just an idea.

The face to face suggestion seems like a good one.

[SamBo]

face to face meeting isnt possible right now because she is 3 hours drive away
that means i have to drive 3 hours there, get upset, and drive 3 hours back all weird in the head
will have to wait until she's on uni holidays

[gIrLgEeK]

Originally posted by Charley Dancey
This sounds like reverse psychology? Either that or she's totally winding you up. Whether this is a positive thing or a negative thing I don't know.

Us women are geniuses at that ;)

http://www.zgeek.com/girlgeek/womencomplicated.gif

I have to admit it. I don't know what it is - maybe men have to prove themselves to us by unravelling our complex intentions. Sisters, I freely admit it.

Seriously, if you can't make it face to face, just ring her up and ask what the hell's going on. Quite honestly, it's probably what she really wants.

[sagit]

Originally posted by SamBo
face to face meeting isnt possible right now because she is 3 hours drive away
that means i have to drive 3 hours there, get upset, and drive 3 hours back all weird in the head
will have to wait until she's on uni holidays

d'oh.

did you SMS her back?

[SamBo]

no, my phone is fucked up and sending sms's from it is almost impossible. She knows this... I emailed her though, twice
got no reply

[sagit]

fek. my next suggestion was smoke signals, but the firey's would knock that on its head.....

[Bostonmess]

Phone her from a land line?

[angel_b]

Originally posted by Charley Dancey
Phone her from a land line?
Land line? What is this thing of which you speak? :p

[Bostonmess]

Originally posted by angel_b
Land line? What is this thing of which you speak? :p

You know jungle jams. Morse code. -----.......-----..--.. (that doesn't say anything, so don't check. At least I'll be surprised if it says anything) Dom da dom dom, dom da dom dom, dom da dom dom, dom. Owoo! Owoo! Crackaw!

[Spingo]

Sagit :: Can't use smoke signals. Total fire ban :p

[sagit]

Originally posted by Spingo
Sagit :: Can't use smoke signals. Total fire ban :p

do you think the naval method (with the lights) would work at night over a 3km distance?

oh, i know. get roddez to fly past her place with a banner at the back of the plane! :D

[SamBo]

Originally posted by Charley Dancey
Phone her from a land line?
not gonna ring someone who doesn't want to talk to me

[gIrLgEeK]

Well, then you're stuck either way. It's like having four cars at a roundabout, each giving way to their left. If she's also going `I'm not going to call someone who doesn't want to talk to me' and neither of you are willing to break the standoff, then you're at a stalemate.

The receiver may feel like a chunk of lead in your hand ... but call her.

[angel_b]

I tend to agree with gIrLgEeK (this is becoming a habit :))

If you don't call and settle things once and for all, it's going to be difficult to put it behind you and move ahead.

[SamBo]

See sent me an email today saying not to contact her
she was quite nasty actually. Almost brought me to tears at work (i am a sensitive guy, shut up!)

[Grumblefish]

Originally posted by SamBo
She sent me an email today saying not to contact her
she was quite nasty actually.

Can I write the reply?

[gIrLgEeK]

I agree, let GF write the reply !!!

Seriously ... it's difficult to know what to say without knowing the exact nature of the email ... but perhaps it's just time to leave it and walk away, at least for a while.

*big hug for Sambo* :( Only REAL men admit to crying at work.

[SamBo]

i find it impossible to reply to the email nicely, so i wont be replying at all
and no, Grumblefish shall not do the reply for me!

[Grumblefish]

For a sook you are pretty rude, Sambo. :(

[gIrLgEeK]

It was a joke, GF. It was a joke.

Sambo, put it out of your mind for a while. Go have some fun, get pissed, flirt ... you need some fun, buddy.

[Nandragon]

I'd let grumbly write it for me!

[MisterBishi]

I saw somebody in Who's Online reading this.

[nosedog]

omg lol Misterbishi resurrected an old thread!





loser :fag:

[utopian]

This thread is classic SamBo :cool:

[Foxfire]

*grins*

Soooooooooooo

Anyone wanna tell me what the thread's about? I considered reading it... but then y'know... the whole effort thing put me off.

[Princess]

Wow! theres too much good stuff here to quote....

having recently been through a breakup myself, I guess I didnt really think that the other party hurt.. which was very self righteous of me and i can see that now......

unfortunately at the time i was hurt and i was in the wrong... and the great thing about hindsight is that i can see that now...... the bad thing about it is that i cant change it.. .. but i can apologise for it....

and if he reads this.. i just want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making you hurt as much as I did. I want to be friends with you, but if you dont then i accept that. Just please let me know. I'm sorry