gimpieman
24-02-2006, 09:55 AM
Serious Sam, Serious Sam, does whatever a...serious man...can? Ok, I admit I really didn’t know where I was going with that dreadfully reworded rip-off of the Spiderman theme. For the benefit of those of you without autistic tendencies that make you obsessively count everything, I usually try to write about a thousand to fifteen hundred original words on any given game...and this is where my problem lies with Serious Sam II.
Thing is, I could sum this game up with a reasonable level of accuracy in just two words: shoot everything. That leaves at least 998 words to fill, and there’s only so far you can stretch out and rephrase “shoot everything” before you start to sound like a demented autocue. I could write about what I did at the weekend, or use the classic essay padding technique of writing about some random other stuff instead (like, say, bees. Or shoelaces.), but I suspect that wouldn’t be very interesting for you all. So consequently, you’ll doubtless be relieved to hear I’m going to struggle on regardless – but hopefully these last two paragraphs have helped pad things out a wee bit at least, so now as I’m marginally ahead of the game let’s crack on with the review proper!
Serious Sam II is a first-person shooter with its tongue so firmly lodged in its cheek; if it were a man it would make Popeye look as flat-featured as an Easter Island head statue in comparison. You, playing as the titular Sam ‘Serious’ Stone, have to defeat the mutant alien armies of Mental (yes, that really is the bad guy’s name), retrieve some bits of a special medallion that can help hasten his downfall and generally be a hero and save the universe. End of story. Unlikely to be winning the Nobel prize for literature you may be thinking, but then this game was never intended to be about plot – it’s all about being an unashamed, old-school kill everything or be killed frag fest. Think Doom (as in the original Doom, not the slightly feeble recent revamp passed off as Doom III) updated for today but somehow retaining the cheesiness of a 10+ year old game, and you’d not be far off.
As killing and plenty of it is the name of the game here, to help you help your foes on the way to an early grave you can get tooled up with an absolutely vast array of increasingly over the top weapons. To give you some idea of how ludicrous these are, within the first few stages alone you get kitted out with an eight-barrelled shotgun and a bomb-delivering homing parrot and you even start the game equipped by default with a rotary saw and two magnums (the revolvers, not the popular ice cream) – and these are some of the more conservative guns in your arsenal! Sam can also use vehicles, creatures and gun emplacements left lying about the place to inflict even further carnage and can also pick up health, armour and extra lives along the way to help attempt to stave off his own demise. He’ll need all of that stuff and more too, because this game is absolutely and utterly relentless. Wave after wave after wave of bad guys come at you, and even on the easier difficulty levels SSII is not a challenge for the easily put-off. Thankfully, the level design, inventive varieties of enemies (two-legged bulldogs to shotgun-wielding zombie stockbrokers) and general vein of knowing humour running throughout the game should be enough to keep you coming back for another go even when you’ve just been fragged for the tenth time on the same level, but all the same it can be tough going at times because it is such an onslaught.
Graphically, Sam holds up well with cartoony characters, bright, colourful and varied scenery and no noticeable slowdown even when the screen is bursting with enemies and flak (as it more often than not is). Sonically there’s good use of effects and the odd burst of background music, but it’s more aural wallpaper than anything else – lets just say it’s by no means awful, but no-one will be scouring the rare and obscure sections in CD shops for the soundtrack. The setup options are fairly comprehensive but other than that there isn’t really much to say. Like the game itself, everything is neat and functional but not exactly polished and refined.
And that last sentence basically sums up the problem with Serious Sam II. While it cannot be faulted for being exactly what it sets out to be – namely a fun, frantic, back to basics shooter – it’s by the same token not anything more than that either. Enemy AI is simple at best and the challenge is always more can you survive the incoming hordes rather than having to worry about them outfoxing you with smarts – Halo it ain’t. But having said that, unlike the po-faced seriousness of Halo it’s also manages to be a very, very good laugh while still giving it a run for its money in the carnage stakes. It’s almost like the FPS game equivalent of the Scream movies – still of the genre but at the same time knowingly mocking it openly.
Serious Sam II is a tough game to grade because it is limited and minimalist – but unashamedly so. It’s not failing to reach dizzying heights of sophistication or refinement; it’s just going straight for the jugular and makes no excuses for doing that – so it can’t really be criticized for not being sophisticated or refined as a result. Think of it like a really catchy summer pop song. It’ll never be a Beatles or Stones classic, but it’s bright, breezy, good fun and it cheers you up. And that makes it a pretty good game in my book.
Thing is, I could sum this game up with a reasonable level of accuracy in just two words: shoot everything. That leaves at least 998 words to fill, and there’s only so far you can stretch out and rephrase “shoot everything” before you start to sound like a demented autocue. I could write about what I did at the weekend, or use the classic essay padding technique of writing about some random other stuff instead (like, say, bees. Or shoelaces.), but I suspect that wouldn’t be very interesting for you all. So consequently, you’ll doubtless be relieved to hear I’m going to struggle on regardless – but hopefully these last two paragraphs have helped pad things out a wee bit at least, so now as I’m marginally ahead of the game let’s crack on with the review proper!
Serious Sam II is a first-person shooter with its tongue so firmly lodged in its cheek; if it were a man it would make Popeye look as flat-featured as an Easter Island head statue in comparison. You, playing as the titular Sam ‘Serious’ Stone, have to defeat the mutant alien armies of Mental (yes, that really is the bad guy’s name), retrieve some bits of a special medallion that can help hasten his downfall and generally be a hero and save the universe. End of story. Unlikely to be winning the Nobel prize for literature you may be thinking, but then this game was never intended to be about plot – it’s all about being an unashamed, old-school kill everything or be killed frag fest. Think Doom (as in the original Doom, not the slightly feeble recent revamp passed off as Doom III) updated for today but somehow retaining the cheesiness of a 10+ year old game, and you’d not be far off.
As killing and plenty of it is the name of the game here, to help you help your foes on the way to an early grave you can get tooled up with an absolutely vast array of increasingly over the top weapons. To give you some idea of how ludicrous these are, within the first few stages alone you get kitted out with an eight-barrelled shotgun and a bomb-delivering homing parrot and you even start the game equipped by default with a rotary saw and two magnums (the revolvers, not the popular ice cream) – and these are some of the more conservative guns in your arsenal! Sam can also use vehicles, creatures and gun emplacements left lying about the place to inflict even further carnage and can also pick up health, armour and extra lives along the way to help attempt to stave off his own demise. He’ll need all of that stuff and more too, because this game is absolutely and utterly relentless. Wave after wave after wave of bad guys come at you, and even on the easier difficulty levels SSII is not a challenge for the easily put-off. Thankfully, the level design, inventive varieties of enemies (two-legged bulldogs to shotgun-wielding zombie stockbrokers) and general vein of knowing humour running throughout the game should be enough to keep you coming back for another go even when you’ve just been fragged for the tenth time on the same level, but all the same it can be tough going at times because it is such an onslaught.
Graphically, Sam holds up well with cartoony characters, bright, colourful and varied scenery and no noticeable slowdown even when the screen is bursting with enemies and flak (as it more often than not is). Sonically there’s good use of effects and the odd burst of background music, but it’s more aural wallpaper than anything else – lets just say it’s by no means awful, but no-one will be scouring the rare and obscure sections in CD shops for the soundtrack. The setup options are fairly comprehensive but other than that there isn’t really much to say. Like the game itself, everything is neat and functional but not exactly polished and refined.
And that last sentence basically sums up the problem with Serious Sam II. While it cannot be faulted for being exactly what it sets out to be – namely a fun, frantic, back to basics shooter – it’s by the same token not anything more than that either. Enemy AI is simple at best and the challenge is always more can you survive the incoming hordes rather than having to worry about them outfoxing you with smarts – Halo it ain’t. But having said that, unlike the po-faced seriousness of Halo it’s also manages to be a very, very good laugh while still giving it a run for its money in the carnage stakes. It’s almost like the FPS game equivalent of the Scream movies – still of the genre but at the same time knowingly mocking it openly.
Serious Sam II is a tough game to grade because it is limited and minimalist – but unashamedly so. It’s not failing to reach dizzying heights of sophistication or refinement; it’s just going straight for the jugular and makes no excuses for doing that – so it can’t really be criticized for not being sophisticated or refined as a result. Think of it like a really catchy summer pop song. It’ll never be a Beatles or Stones classic, but it’s bright, breezy, good fun and it cheers you up. And that makes it a pretty good game in my book.