Build Your Own Religion

[Nuisance Value]

Let's face it Christianity, Islam, Buddism, Hinduism and Judaism all suck (and make about as much sense as a Rumsfeld speech), so why not invent your own twisted laws to live by?

Here are the Commandments of my new religion:


Thou shalt not be a Cunt*
Thou shalt not watch "Reality" TV
If thou art driving in the right hand lane and the traffic in the left hand lane is going as fast or faster than thou art, then movest thou thy arse to the left hand lane+


* Apart from on intardnet forums, of course.
+ Punishment for breaking this Commandment is to be disemboweled slowly with a wooden spoon.

[Dundasbro]

Buddhism's ok...

[SpyderHunter]

[QUOTE=Nuisance Value;1059404]

Thou shalt not be a Cunt*
Thou shalt not watch "Reality" TV
If thou art driving in the left hand lane and the traffic in the right hand lane is going as fast or faster than thou art, then movest thou thy arse to the right hand lane+


Fixed for American'ts.

Oh and I'd just like to start Scientology. Cause you know, then I'd be rich.

[cranky]

Everyone come join my chucrch of Bongology.

We praise the baby jebers for making the wonderful hemp plant and cellebrate his grouseness by burning offerings and exchanging tokens of appreciation.

Basically we play poker on friday nights and smoke a fuckload of weed.

Who's in?

[Furball]

Everyone come join my chucrch of Bongology.

We praise the baby jebers for making the wonderful hemp plant and cellebrate his grouseness by burning offerings and exchanging tokens of appreciation.

Basically we play poker on friday nights and smoke a fuckload of weed.

Who's in?

I am intrigued and wish to subscribe to your newsletter...

:hail:

[Something Fast]

4. Thou shalt have underage cult groupies (let's face it, all the cool cult leaders do).
5. Thou shalt make blowjobs holy.
6. FNORD
7. If a man doth insult thine sensibilities, inform him that thou hast known his mother in the Biblical sense.
8. You are the dishonoured.

[kleph]

personally i'm looking for something where i can stand in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at me.

[Something Fast]

Oh, and

9. No flamethrowers or tanks near the cult compound, kthxbye.

[jeebuscrowstan]

1. Be nice
2. To everyone

[Enos]

Thou shalt not take moochers into thine hut

[muppet]

personally i'm looking for something where i can stand in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at me.
Sounds like McHappy day in the playground playing king of the mountain.

[Aardvark]

Come and join hands in worship of the one, the Almighty Potato. He is all wise, all knowing and can render you incapable of pleasing a woman. Also, instilling into you the desire to please women, then making you incapable of pleasing them.

It's the standard church fare, you give us money, we restrict your life in the following 10 ways:

1. I am the Lord Potato, Thou Shalt Not Have Other Gods Before Me
2. Thou Shalt Take The Name Of Other Gods In Vain As Frequently As Possible
3. Remember The Sabbath Day, Sunday, Ramadan And Any Other Holy Timeperiods You Can And Be Sure To Desecrate Them All As Frequently As Possible
4. Honour Thine Lord Potato, Even Though He Is Currently Dishonouring Your Mother In The Anus
5. Thou Shalt Not Bare False Witness, As Lord Potato Knows Full Well You're All Lying Cunts And Is Prepared To Deliver Starchy Retribution For All Infractors
6. Thou Shalt Not Kill. Unless He Really Had It Coming.
7. Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery. Unless She's Hot.
8. Thou Shalt Not Steal. Or Defraud. Or Take Bribes. Or Embezzle, Rip Off, Con, Sheist, Scam, Shaft, Abscond, Pilfer, Nick, Pinch Or Otherwise Procure Without The Express Permission Of The Owner/s. Seriously, Don't Do It. No Matter What You Tell Yourself To Get To Sleep At Night, Potato Knows You're A Worthless Criminal Fucksack And Will Fucking Destroy Your Soul, You Fucking Wanker.
9. Thou Shalt Leave Thy Neighbour The Fuck Alone
10. Unless His Wife/Stuff Is Really Worth Covetting.

Baptism is either by fire or vodka. Excommunication is just by fire