Iraqi Jokes

[ToaDady]

10 Newest Cities in Iraq:
1. Wherz-Myroof

2. Mykamel-Izded

3. Oshit-Disisabad

4. Waddi-El-Izgowinon

5. Pleez-Ztopdishit

6. Kizz-Yerass-Goodbi

7. Ikantstan-Disnomore

8. Wha-Tafuk-Wazi-Tinkin

9. Myturbin-Izburnin

10. Imma-Dedduck

http://bulldogbulletin.lhhosting.com/images/InBaghdad-vi.gif


Fastest way to break up bingo game in baghdad?
Call out B-52!


Why does the iraqi navy have glass bottomed boats?
So they can see their airforce.

[Sambellina]

Saddam Hussein's son comes home from shopping with everything in a cardboard box...

His dad says: "Why have you brought the shopping home in a cardboard box,... son?"



To which his son replies:

"Because there's no Baghdad"

[svvampy]

I heard they called about 10 of the Iraqi Government Saddam impersonators into a special meeting. They were told there was good news and bad news. The good news was that their glorious president had survived the bombing of his bunker.

The bad news was that he had lost an arm...

[Quoka]

Q. What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
A. They both have Kurds in their Whey.

Q. What do Sadaam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
A. They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from!

Q: What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing...... YET.

[Quoka]

I couldn't resist just one more :D

Iraqi TV Guide

08:00 Husseinfeld
08:30 Mad About Everything
09:00 Suddenly Sanctions
09:30 Allah McBeal
10:00 Wheel of Fortune and Terror
10:30 The Price is Right if Saddam Says it's Right
11:00 Children are Forbidden to Say The Darndest Things
11:30 Iraq's Funniest Public Execution Bloopers
12:00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer
12:30 Diagnosis: Heresy
13:00 Just Shoot Me
13:30 Veilwatch
13:00 Mahatma Loves Chachi
13:30 M*U*S*T*A*S*H
14:00 Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses
14:30 My Two Baghdads
15:00 Judge Saddam
15:30 Captured Iranian Soldiers Say The Darndest Things
16:00 Achmed's Creek
16:30 No-witness News

[Quoka]

I may be new, but i suspect this one's for Pirate.....


President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"

The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III ".

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits."

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?"

Bush turns to Powell and says,
"See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

[TiNYTiM]

Q: What should Iraq get for its air defense system?

A: A refund.


Q: Who is an Iraqi Hero?

A: He's the one that waited thirty seconds before he surrendered.

[TiNYTiM]

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/graphics/saddam_weekend.jpg

Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
A: You only have to teach them to take off.

Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

Q: Why does the Iraqi navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see their air force.

[Movius]

OMGLORFLMAO comic gold!!!!!!!11111
France Surrenders LOLOLOLL!111111111111111

That was a sarcastic comment in case you failed to grasp that. :rolleyes:

[hazza]

If you dont like, *points to pirates motto*.



Woah! :cool:






:rolleyes:

[Bostonmess]

Free yet?

[ShadowNemesis]

Okay then, let's quit making jokes about the Irish, the Kiwis, the Scottish, the English, the Americans, the South Africans, the Italians, the Lebanese..................oh, and let's definitely stop making jokes about ourselves. I agree that is a sad sight boston, but if there is no room to laugh in this world, then we may as well just blow it to pieces.

[Bostonmess]

Hey I laugh. I laugh at loads of sick shit. I sometimes think there's also room to remember that some things aren't funny.

The Iraqi wakes up in bed and and the doctor says: "We've got some good news and some bad news"

"What's the bad news?" Says the Iraqi.

"The bad news is that we've had to remove your legs after you stepped on a landmine."

"Holy shit! What's the good news?"

"The guy in the next bed wants to buy your slippers."

It's adapted from an old one but I still find it funny.

That's a good picture. I even find it humorous. I find it humourous in it's power to make a point. If you look at it without emotion, it is a humourous picture/statement.

Don't ever stop laughing. But don't ever forget either. The price of liberation?

[vash]

$29.95?

[Bostonmess]

Buy one, get one half price.

[asskickergod]

Originally posted by Bostonmess
That's a good picture. I even find it humorous. I find it humourous in it's power to make a point. If you look at it without emotion, it is a humourous picture/statement.


It would have been funnier if the caption was, "You'll shoot your eye out."

[Asmodeus]

i thought it was "Now I know why dad always said "Shave with the grain, son"

[asskickergod]

or "Don't lick the beaters when they're plugged in."

[Bostonmess]

Originally posted by asskickergod
It would have been funnier if the caption was, "You'll shoot your eye out."

I was aiming for poignancy, fook knows what the military was aiming at.

[ToaDady]

three iraqi women were walking around there village when they came upon a dead body , he hadn't been dead long but he was inrecognisable, so the first women pulled his pants off and said"no it's not my husband" , the second one said"no it's not your husband" the third said" he's not from our village"

[TiNYTiM]

Yes kid, you are free. Now go knock on Bostonmess' door and tell him that you are free. By the way kid, you have a funny looking eye.

[Asmodeus]

Originally posted by Bostonmess
I was aiming for poignancy, fook knows what the military was aiming at.

most of the rest call it being a party pooper, and not being able to get over it.

[Asmodeus]

Originally posted by asskickergod
or "Don't lick the beaters when they're plugged in."

zit popping gone horribly wrong.. aka
Stop picking that, or it'll never heal.

[Bostonmess]

Originally posted by Asmodeus
most of the rest call it being a party pooper, and not being able to get over it.

I apologise for spoiling everyone's fun then. It is true I do find it hard to get over. Fuck it, it's just a little Iraqi girl, she'll be able to get a well paid job scaring rats when she grows up lucky little bitch.

A leper walks into a restaurant in Baghdad, he say's to the manager "Is it ok if I eat here. I sometimes have a bad effect on customers though"

The manager says "Yes, sure, don't worry about it."

So the leper pulls up a chair, orders his meal and promptly begins to eat it when it arrives.

During his meal one of the customers barfs all over and legs it out of the restaurant. The leper apologises profusely but the manager isn't bothered and tells him to carry on enjoying his meal.

Every so often people get up, throw up and make a hasty exit out of the restaurant. The leper apologises each time but the manager only assures him it's not his fault, and to carry on enjoying his meal.

Finally there is only one customer left in the restaurant and the leper apologises for ruining the managers business.

"Look" the manager says "I've told you it's not your fault, don't worry about it. I blame it on that bastard behind you, he's dipping his bread in your back."

[asskickergod]

Originally posted by Asmodeus
zit popping gone horribly wrong.. aka
Stop picking that, or it'll never heal.

"Don't run with scissors."

[Asmodeus]

Originally posted by Bostonmess
I apologise for spoiling everyone's fun then. It is true I do find it hard to get over. Fuck it, it's just a little Iraqi girl, she'll be able to get a well paid job scaring rats when she grows up lucky little bitch.

tis ok, if i want pictures of kids to attempt to pull on my heart strings and sway some fact based opinions ver to feelings, i'll just look at the pictures of saddam's he gassed and used chemical munitions on.. dead everyone, not just sad looking little girls.. no, we're talking men women and children barely recognisable becuase their faces had all but been melted off from the chemicals.

as for jokes.. i dunno, i don't have many.. so, i'm taking a betting pool to see ho wlong it will be from may 1st 2003 when teh following companies will make bids to open large franchises in the country, if they havent already.. bonus points for the first ones to open..

McDonalds, starbucks, quiznos, burger king, subway, taco bell, wendys, KFC, piggly wiggly, walmart, sams club, 7-11, and white hen.

[Bostonmess]

May I ask your opinion on the Wests use of depleted uranium or is it too off topic?

[svvampy]

What the hell is piggly wiggly?

[Quoka]

According to an American friend of mine Piggly Wiggly is a cross between Safeway and Target.

The question I'd like to pose is WHY it's called Piggly Wiggly??

[kré]

and what in the fuck is safeway? :)

[ToaDady]

piggley wiggley and safeway are both grocery store chains . we have town-country's , and walmart has there supercenters with half there usal imported shit and the other half groceries.
puts the small timers with the good butcher shops in them out on the streets in a flash.

[Asmodeus]

Originally posted by Bostonmess
May I ask your opinion on the Wests use of depleted uranium or is it too off topic?

i think we need to find a better more environmentally friendly way of punching holes in armor..

we were at one point thinking of launching aussies wearing helmets head first into the tanks , but we didnt want to waste the helmets <g>

[Bostonmess]

Lol! Why do they need helmets?

[ToaDady]

Now that Uday & Qusay have been eliminated, a lot of the lesser-known family
members are coming to the attention of American authorities.

Among the brothers:

Sooflay ............ the restaurateur
Guday............... the half-Australian brother
Huray............... the sports fanatic
Sashay.............. the gay brother
Kuntay & Kintay..... the twins from the African mother
Sayhay.............. the baseball player
Ojay................ the stalker/murderer
Gulay............... the singer/entertainer
Ebay................ the Internet czar
Biliray............. the country music star
Ecksray............. the radiologist
Puray............... the blender factory owner
Regay............... the half-Jamaican brother
Tupay............... the one with bad hair

Among the sisters:

Lattay.............. the coffee shop owner
Bufay............... the 300 pound sister
Phayray............. the zoo worker in the gorilla house
Sapheway............ the grocery store owner
Ollay............... the half-mexican sister

Finally, there is Oyvey, but the family doesn't like to talk about
him.