Transformers

[SOC]

Stars Shia LaBoeuf, Megan Fox, John Turturro, Jon Voight, Peter Cullen, Hugo Weaving and some giant fucking robots
Directed by Michael Bay

Hurrah, hallelujah and break out the bubbly. For the first time in a long time indeed, we have a blockbuster that is truly worthy of the title. Transformers is big, loud and dumb — I mean, it’s a film based on a cartoon that was based on a toy, for crying out loud — but when it’s this much fun, who really cares? Director Michael Bay wastes no time getting straight into the action — character development doesn’t really matter a lot when you’ve got a bunch of giant fucking robots to play with. Less than five minutes in, a team of American soldiers in Qatar comes under attack from a rogue helicopter gunship, which turns into Blackout, one of the evil Decepticons. Blackout latches on to the military computer at the base, sucking out all the top secret data. Yup, there’s actually a plot. The Decepticons are searching for a piece of technology from their home world called the Allspark, which gives life to machines. It’s somewhere on Earth, having crashed into the Arctic wastes back in the late 1800s (so why are they only looking for it now?) And, of course, the good guys — the heroic Autobots (yay!) — also want to find the Allspark, to stop the Decepticons getting it and destroying the human race.

Into the mix comes American teen Sam Witwicky (LaBeouf), whose Dad helps him to buy his first car — a rather beat up 1976 Chevy Camaro. You guessed it, the car turns out to be Bumblebee, who’s a sort of forward scout for the Autobots (yay!). And by one of those wonderful Hollywood coincidences, Sam’s granddad was the explorer who led the expedition that found the Allspark. Wow, who woulda thunk it! The storyline has shades of Spielberg’s classic ET — boy befriends strange alien and tries to protect it from the nasty US government. But this time the strange alien is a giant yellow robot that can turn itself into a cool Camaro and can take care of itself. And he’s got a bunch of giant fucking robot mates to help him, led by Optimus Prime — played, in a nice touch, by original voice actor Peter Cullen. Throw in a sizzling hot schoolgirl (Fox), a slightly insane government agent (a standout performance from Turturro) and a bunch of giant fucking robots that beat the shit out of each other while throwing around some the odd knowing reference to eBay and the like, and you’ve got an action ride that barely lets up.

Michael Bay’s got a knack for turning out big, action-heavy flicks full of poorly-drawn characters, absurd plot and clunky dialogue. But you know what? This time it actually works in his favour. Rising star LaBeouf imbues Sam with enough energy and charisma that you’re carried along on his adventure, cheering for the little geeky guy to save the day and win the girl. There are a few dumb plot points and plenty of cheesy lines; but when the seamless CGI kicks in and you’ve got Optimus Prime (yay!) and Megatron (boo!) going at it mana a mano (robot a robot?) then all of that doesn’t matter and you just sit back and enjoy the biffo for what it is — big, loud, hardcore entertainment. With giant fucking robots. Need I say more?

[Xythan]

Hmmm...first off the bat, that is a terrible "review". It is more like a spoiler. Furthermore, the Grandpa finds Megatron in the Arctic Circle - who crashed there around ten thousand years ago whilst following the All-Spark. The All-Spark crashed in the continental US, and when found President Hoover had the famous dam (Hoover Dam) built over it to conceal it's radiation from the Soviets and any more N.B.E's (Non-Biological Extraterrestrials) that might show up. Megatron was later shipped labelled as N.B.E 1 there for study.

Damn man, between you, Bay and Spielberg this movie has almost been twisted into something else entirely.

No offence though SOC. :p

[jmoore]

I have to say that this is the BEST movie i have seen in a long time, and the only movie where i have seen the entire audience applaud at the end and leave with a smile on their faces. The end scene was a bit poor though :P

i loved the references to the original transformers, such as more than meets the eye etc.

[wOnko]

I was told I *had* to see this movie, it was soooo cool, the effects were only matched by the adherence to the original premise.

I would like to say I enjoyed it, but that would be stretching the truth. I endured it's banal plot, was annoyed by the wooden acting of the humans and still do not "get" the fascination with this. I know I must be missing something here because so many others have gotten all woody over this movie, and the lead-up to it's release seemed to spell "resurrection" for the film industry but I could not help thinking the money spent on this would have been much better left in the bank.

I felt the effects were corny, the voice acting was hilarious in it's awfulness and the soundscape (which my son decided I *had to hear in 5.1 surround*) was forgettable (but yes, did have some bangs, crashes, the odd machine noise to help explain the "transformations" and explosions which must have been on special at the local FX department).

I know I speak heresy, sorry. I was annoyed at the time I wasted watching it - yes, there was genuine anger at the end when I realised I had watched it when I could have been doing something else.

[Kommando]

one cannot fathom how others could find this not awesome. while the entire plot is out of transformers canon this is one movie where the visuals are everything. we've had gmaes and movies which try and rely on wow factor to cover up the totally absent plot, but transformers you simply dont care. its fuck h00j robots beating the shit out of each other, a city, some US army rangers, some poor kids backyard in high def and slow motion.

the directors listened to the fans online and produced a masterpiece only let down by some strange plot turns, inconsistancies and lack of canon. however what was left was consistant and entertaining enough to string together the fuck huge robot scenes and comedy points. the milporn was fucking awesome too and the CGI blows you away.

10/10 overall, mildly weak plot and room for a sequel aside, this is fuck awesome.

[joeTEK]

Freaking absolutely loved this movie!!! Came out simply going "FUCK YEAH!!! I WANT A TRANSFORMING CAR!!!" I can't remember the time before that I had that kind of reaction walking out of a movie.

Great mix of cheese / CGI / action / babes and just overall fun have got this bad-boy a place in my DVD collection and I will re-watch repeatedly!