LivingDeath
29-01-2008, 02:26 PM
LivingDeath says:
Email or IM me at Bianca__WHAT@hotmail.com
(NOTE: There are 2 underscores between Bianca and WHAT, not one).
You want to hear my story?
Ok, I'll give you my fucking story.
The story of my fucking life.
My Dad left when I was three. Just walked out one morning while I was standing under the clothesline seeing how the wind whipped through the shirts. Like sails, they were. And it was a normal sort of day, I can remember that. A normal sort of day in a normal sort of house with a normal sort of family. In Australia. The Lucky Country, they call it. Yeah. REAL lucky. So anyway, I was watching the sail-shirts and then the back door opened and my Dad comes marching out carrying a shitload of things with him. Now, get this straight: I loved my Dad. I cant remember loving him, but I must of, because every little kid loves their Dad. They dont know any better. And so he walks straight past me to the car and gets in, and I knew something was wrong because of the way he swore when the car wouldnt start first go; I couldnt HEAR him swear, but his mouth formed the word FUCK, and he used to say that a lot so by the time I was three I knew that word. I think I cried. I was a pretty quiet little kid, curious, and I didnt cry often, but that day I think I did. And yeah, so my Dad left, moved to Western Australia actually, all the way to Western fucking Australia. And he didnt write, didnt call, didnt even send money until Child Support got on his back and hounded him until he agreed to send $14 a fortnight.
$14 A FUCKING FORTNIGHT!
And even that didnt happen until I was 11 years old or so.
It was after that time of my life (time of my life, fucking good time, oh yeah), when I started getting sick of my Mum talking non-stop about my Dad. Telling me what a useless bastard he was. How she regretted ever meeting him. And I got thinking, well, this shit just gets worse, doesnt it? Yes it did. But I was 11 years old, I didnt think that I could do anything to change it. And you know what? I was damn fucking right, I was. I COULDNT do anything.
I began isolating myself. Didnt leave my room unless I was in desperate need of the toilet, food or water. I began to hate everybody, Hated the way they talked to me as if I was so stupid I didnt understand English. This went on until just recently.
Now I am 15 years old. I live in a different house in a different street, but in the same fucking town. Fuck, I hate this town. I even went to Ultralux and bought a badge that said I hate this town. And I wear it with pride as well. Pride and spite.
And then, just recently, my all time Best Friend decided to hate me. Meh, I dont care now, but I cared up until 10 minutes ago before I resumed writing and posting this. She hates me because I set her up with this guy, and they're still together, but now I think he's using her and a heap of other people have told me without knowing my opinion beforehand. Then she started becoming really distant with me; she didnt even look at me, and we were really close. We worked in the same place for the same company, and I didnt talk to her for weeks and weeks. So, I go up to her and I say to her, I say, "Why dont you ever talk to me anymore?" And she doesnt say anything for a moment, just stands there looking vague, and then she says, "Have you been saying shit about me behind my back?" Fuck, that was a surprise, I couldnt believe she was asking me that because she knows how much I hate everyone in this town and I never even TALK to them , much less bitch with them. So I told her no, no of course not. this conversation went on for a few minutes, she wouldnt tell me who told her I had being saying shit about her, but I was honestly like, Meh. That night I lay in bed thinking about it, and I remembered what everybody was saying. She never saw anybody else except Him, she never talked to her friends, she was pushing everybody away. And so I go up to her the next day at work , right, and I say, "Hey, look, I know you love Him, but he's using you, and i'm not the only one who thinks so." And then I walked away.
That night, I get a text message from her boyfriend saying how I've gone "Way too far", and some other things, and I just smiled to myself and didnt reply. I smiled because I knew that she would go and tell him what I said. He tried to turn the whole world against me after that. Meh, he can try. I dont really care anymore.
And now Im an Emo. Im Emo because I chose to ignore what society says to me, and how they feel, and the pathetic fucking things they say to everybody else to try and bring me down. I DO NOT cut myself, I dont have depression, i dont enjoy watching people suffer or feel pain. I like being alone, purely because I dont like anybody. I have no reason to, and I also have no reason to pretend. Delete this if you want, I know its not anything like the other things on this site, but it has the most meaning and the most background. I just had to say the things i said and I needed to say them where other people can hear them. If you have anything you want to say to me, you can email me at Bianca__WHAT@hotmail,.com (Note: There are 2 underscores between Bianca and WHAT), or IM me on MSN, at the same address.
Thankyou for your time.
Email or IM me at Bianca__WHAT@hotmail.com
(NOTE: There are 2 underscores between Bianca and WHAT, not one).
You want to hear my story?
Ok, I'll give you my fucking story.
The story of my fucking life.
My Dad left when I was three. Just walked out one morning while I was standing under the clothesline seeing how the wind whipped through the shirts. Like sails, they were. And it was a normal sort of day, I can remember that. A normal sort of day in a normal sort of house with a normal sort of family. In Australia. The Lucky Country, they call it. Yeah. REAL lucky. So anyway, I was watching the sail-shirts and then the back door opened and my Dad comes marching out carrying a shitload of things with him. Now, get this straight: I loved my Dad. I cant remember loving him, but I must of, because every little kid loves their Dad. They dont know any better. And so he walks straight past me to the car and gets in, and I knew something was wrong because of the way he swore when the car wouldnt start first go; I couldnt HEAR him swear, but his mouth formed the word FUCK, and he used to say that a lot so by the time I was three I knew that word. I think I cried. I was a pretty quiet little kid, curious, and I didnt cry often, but that day I think I did. And yeah, so my Dad left, moved to Western Australia actually, all the way to Western fucking Australia. And he didnt write, didnt call, didnt even send money until Child Support got on his back and hounded him until he agreed to send $14 a fortnight.
$14 A FUCKING FORTNIGHT!
And even that didnt happen until I was 11 years old or so.
It was after that time of my life (time of my life, fucking good time, oh yeah), when I started getting sick of my Mum talking non-stop about my Dad. Telling me what a useless bastard he was. How she regretted ever meeting him. And I got thinking, well, this shit just gets worse, doesnt it? Yes it did. But I was 11 years old, I didnt think that I could do anything to change it. And you know what? I was damn fucking right, I was. I COULDNT do anything.
I began isolating myself. Didnt leave my room unless I was in desperate need of the toilet, food or water. I began to hate everybody, Hated the way they talked to me as if I was so stupid I didnt understand English. This went on until just recently.
Now I am 15 years old. I live in a different house in a different street, but in the same fucking town. Fuck, I hate this town. I even went to Ultralux and bought a badge that said I hate this town. And I wear it with pride as well. Pride and spite.
And then, just recently, my all time Best Friend decided to hate me. Meh, I dont care now, but I cared up until 10 minutes ago before I resumed writing and posting this. She hates me because I set her up with this guy, and they're still together, but now I think he's using her and a heap of other people have told me without knowing my opinion beforehand. Then she started becoming really distant with me; she didnt even look at me, and we were really close. We worked in the same place for the same company, and I didnt talk to her for weeks and weeks. So, I go up to her and I say to her, I say, "Why dont you ever talk to me anymore?" And she doesnt say anything for a moment, just stands there looking vague, and then she says, "Have you been saying shit about me behind my back?" Fuck, that was a surprise, I couldnt believe she was asking me that because she knows how much I hate everyone in this town and I never even TALK to them , much less bitch with them. So I told her no, no of course not. this conversation went on for a few minutes, she wouldnt tell me who told her I had being saying shit about her, but I was honestly like, Meh. That night I lay in bed thinking about it, and I remembered what everybody was saying. She never saw anybody else except Him, she never talked to her friends, she was pushing everybody away. And so I go up to her the next day at work , right, and I say, "Hey, look, I know you love Him, but he's using you, and i'm not the only one who thinks so." And then I walked away.
That night, I get a text message from her boyfriend saying how I've gone "Way too far", and some other things, and I just smiled to myself and didnt reply. I smiled because I knew that she would go and tell him what I said. He tried to turn the whole world against me after that. Meh, he can try. I dont really care anymore.
And now Im an Emo. Im Emo because I chose to ignore what society says to me, and how they feel, and the pathetic fucking things they say to everybody else to try and bring me down. I DO NOT cut myself, I dont have depression, i dont enjoy watching people suffer or feel pain. I like being alone, purely because I dont like anybody. I have no reason to, and I also have no reason to pretend. Delete this if you want, I know its not anything like the other things on this site, but it has the most meaning and the most background. I just had to say the things i said and I needed to say them where other people can hear them. If you have anything you want to say to me, you can email me at Bianca__WHAT@hotmail,.com (Note: There are 2 underscores between Bianca and WHAT), or IM me on MSN, at the same address.
Thankyou for your time.