My little thing

[Talken]

This is not quite a poem but not quite a short story. I was just wondering what anyone thought and if anyone had any suggestions.

THe Mind - By Talken

I saw a man today.
Just sitting there.
Writing
Just like me
As i sat there and watched i wondered.
What he wrote of
Or to who he wrote
Sudenly he reeled back
Smiling and laughing as he did
Getting up he grabbed his head and ran off
Leaving his notepad sitting there
Wondering what he wrote i picked it up
Finding only x's

[metalhed00]

My true opinion…

Who cares what anyone thinks? If this is what you feel that you need/want to write about, then your self-expression is more important that anything else. :)

[meg]

Is that it?

[Talken]

yes thats it
i don't know
it even confuses me
:nonono:

[dwarfthrower]

I quite liked it. Two things though... I'm not sure that "riled" is quite the word you're reaching for... maybe "reeled" might work better... and "x's" shouldn't have an apostrophe, although without it people might be left wondering what "xs" is supposed to mean - excess? Maybe there's something else he could have been writing that would make just as much sense to the context yet be unambiguous in writing.

[Talken]

thanks dwarfthrower

[Sinergy]

I like it....simple and fairly smooth. You might try removing "notepad" from one of the remaing last two lines and changing the word to "it" or something else.

[tehGoslar]

I'm an aspiring writer... specifically screen-writing, but I've been doing my fair share of poetry, so if everyone would be so kind.. check out my stuff, critique, and comment...

http://goslar.blogspot.com

let me know.

[tehGoslar]

2 suggestions.. do a little more showing rather than telling... and change "who" to "whom"