Tag Archives: Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris: Neanderthal

Chuck Norris: Neanderthal

Anthropologists in the UK have constructed a remarkably life-like model of a Neanderthal man from a 70,000 year-old skeleton that was discovered in France over a century ago.

In 1909, scientists discovered the remains of a group of Neanderthals at La Ferrassie cave in the Dordogne region. One of the Neanderthals, which they named La Ferrassie 1, had a skeleton that was particularly well preserved — and it was this skeleton that served as the template for the reconstruction. The missing parts — the thorax, ribs, pelvis and some spinal pieces — were replaced by the bones of a Neanderthal discovered at Kebara Cave in Israel in 1982.

Whoa. This is uncanny. I’m fairly certain that some missing scenes from Delta Force may have included some mammoth hunting and cave painting.

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Chuck Norris is no longer awesome

Chuck Norris is no longer awesome

A lot of Chuck Norris fans have come to the sad realisation that he’s not as kickass-awesome as they all thought now that he’s launched a campaign to keep gay people out of the US Boy Scouts.

The 72-year-old action star has written an article for AmmoLand.com (yes, that’s a website about ammunition) titled, “Is Obama Creating a Pro-Gay Boy Scouts of America?”

Chuck, a staunch Republican, is opposing a movement to overturn the century-old rule that bans gay scouts and scout leaders from joining the Boy Scouts of America (BSA).

Sorry I keep harping on about this stuff. But I just find it mindbogglingly stupid that people discriminate against gay people. It’s just plain retarded and I love pointing out stupid people. It takes the attention away from me.

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Chuck Norris is a pussy

Chuck Norris is a man credited with many special abilities. Now it appears he also has the power to convince producers that all-action sequels to R-Rated movies boasting lots of ‘80s action stars should be PG-13 and avoid naughty language. Because that’s what he’s managed with The Expendables 2.

It all started more as a rumour flung around the ‘net at the speed of gossip thanks to fan website Expendables Premiere picking up comments Norris made in a Polish magazine interview. “In Expendables 2, there was a lot of vulgar dialogue in the screenplay,” he explains. “For this reason, many young people wouldn’t be able to watch this. But I don’t play in movies like this. Due to that I said I won’t be a part of that if the hardcore language is not erased. Producers accepted my conditions and the movie will be classified in the category of PG-13.

Thanks Chuck. Thanks.

*sits and waits for death*

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Where is Chuck Norris when you need him? The Seagull wants you

This Saturday night Quinton “Rampage” Jackson will face Lyoto “The Dragon” Machida during the main event of UFC 123 in Detroit.

Machida is currently the favorite to win, especially now that he has enlisted the help of a man who is known for destroying his enemies with a single punch and even once taking down an entire battleship. That man is Steven Seagal.

A four minute video appeared online showing the overweight Seagal training Machida. Watch it below and then immediately go bet everything you have on Machida. He can’t lose.

Rampage’s only chance in winning now would be to enlist the likes of Chuck Norris for his corner. (Honestly I like Rampage in this one…. bringing back the Pride style he used to do so well.)

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